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|First profit/ City & residents/ Chiangmai people; Academic interests/ Why NYU?/ Intrigues?
3 - shadow_master as I already have India covere d - Explain why you have India "covered" or change the "covered"...
Undergraduateshadow_master - Dec 29, 2012 / hellom - Dec 30, 2012
|hard work and dedication/ UVA Sup - World you come from
9 - Thanks a lot for the feedback! Any other opinions/? Please be harsh and blunt in your feedback!...
Undergraduateeddiemaini - Dec 30, 2012 / eddiemaini - Dec 30, 2012
|I'm from a family that attends church every SundaUnitarianism Scripps/environment
2 - "In ninth grade I chose Janet, my most trusted adult figure in the church, to be my adviser "...
Undergraduatebzn456 - Dec 29, 2012 / jakk1994 - Dec 30, 2012
|A swift breeze greets me ; Stanford/What matters to you, and why?(
NEW - please be strict and point anything that seems put of place! english learner here. :) What matters to...
Undergraduatesilly278 - Dec 30, 2012 / — -
|Is literature the best way to overcome death? - Amherst Supplement (q.2)
Undergraduatefwan17 - Nov 27, 2012 / chewbaccablack - Dec 30, 2012
|The Band Room; Williams College' Reflect on the scene
UndergraduateBirdiee - Dec 26, 2012 / Birdiee - Dec 30, 2012
|arts-and-science focused, medium-sized, highly residential etc. /Why ROCHESTER?
3 - Thanks for the comment! I did have a feeling the bio sentence was abrupt and was meaning to fix...
Undergraduatexphyllisx - Dec 30, 2012 / xphyllisx - Dec 30, 2012
|Google/ "Hands Out, Eyes Open"; Barnard Supp/ First learn? "majored in unafraid"
6 - Hurston, an author who wrote some of my favorite books... Not sure how you want to phrase this,...
UndergraduateMinted95 - Dec 27, 2012 / katev - Dec 30, 2012
|Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi; Common App/ A historical figure
2 - The only glaring problem with this is the clichĂŠd nature of Mohandas Gandhi. If it's at all possible, you...
UndergraduateUdeeptc - Dec 30, 2012 / AmoebaMan - Dec 30, 2012
|Art is both a great enjoyment & a powerful catalyst of change; SAIC/ More about me
3 - I love your essay! One thing I would encourage you to change is perhaps to create a stronger 'hook'...
Undergraduatejokofatalis - Dec 29, 2012 / imbue - Dec 30, 2012
|Chicago essay: So where's Waldo really?!
UndergraduateRosekareen - Dec 29, 2012 / imbue - Dec 30, 2012
|Voluntary Teaching; Princeton University/Summer
4 - Thank you both for the feedback; your grammatical corrections really helped. :) I'm sorry for this useless post (I...
UndergraduateTranLePhu - Dec 30, 2012 / TranLePhu - Dec 30, 2012
|Columbia's vision of mobility and the Core Curriculum ; Columbia supp- Why?
5 - Thank you! :)...
Undergraduatekeroro - Dec 30, 2012 / keroro - Dec 30, 2012
|"We don't inherit the Earth from our Ancestors we borrow it from our children"; motivation
2 - "We don't inherit the Earth from our Ancestors; we borrow it from our children." Do you know what I...
UndergraduateRocio2395 - Dec 29, 2012 / texo - Dec 30, 2012
|My interest in computers ; Duke Sup-Engineering/ Why Duke?
UndergraduateDarkAlex12 - Dec 30, 2012 / sillybandz - Dec 30, 2012
|Thriving in a competitive marching band; Stanford - Intellectual Essay
6 - I have learned, through my marching band experience, that defeat is something to embrace. It is a wall that...
Undergraduategarmeth06 - Dec 29, 2012 / 503dannyk - Dec 30, 2012
|Visual art and in business/ The cicada ; NYU App/ Program? What intrigues you?
8 - I love how you started this essay. It's really well developed. You showed how ambitious you are but you...
Undergraduatesunny_joy - Dec 27, 2012 / salehrama10 - Dec 30, 2012
|I must attend the right university; Carnegie Mellon Supp
4 - Here's my final verson: In the first semester of my 10th grade year in high school, I had taken...
UndergraduateLUlb0rd - Dec 29, 2012 / LUlb0rd - Dec 30, 2012
|How France Made Me Change Schools/ Common App
7 - Does anyone have any suggestions of a word or phrase I could replace the "Honey I shrunk the kids"...
Undergraduatepaigeevaa - Dec 30, 2012 / paigeevaa - Dec 30, 2012
|I co-founded & run my Sixth Form's debating society/ Extracurricular Activity
3 - be challenged on the both the latest and oldest standing questions concerning international and domestic politics, law, culture and...
UndergraduateBlackWaltzIV - Dec 29, 2012 / mayfl0wer - Dec 30, 2012
|I find myself surrounded by "model students"; Common App
UndergraduateAmoebaMan - Dec 29, 2012 / mannam - Dec 30, 2012
|Program to turn pages of music book automatically; UVA/ Engineering Sup
Undergraduaterubybuddha - Dec 27, 2012 / tannerscooter - Dec 30, 2012
|"I'm an engineer" - CMU CommonApp supplement
NEW - I'm an engineer, I always have been, and I always will be. Science and math have always impressed and...
UndergraduateAmoebaMan - Dec 30, 2012 / — -
|Career in medicine; Duke Pratt School of Engineering Sup
3 - "I was instantly engrossed in the work, taken by the mixture of problem-solving and medical sciences." I think...
Undergraduatesillybandz - Dec 28, 2012 / alicederp - Dec 30, 2012
|A well rounded student ; Stanford Roommate Letter
5 - Get ready to defend your faith buddy. At a school like Stanford, odds are you won't be paired with...
Undergraduatemannam - Dec 28, 2012 / AmoebaMan - Dec 30, 2012
|It is a pleasure to put others before me; Stanford Essay / What Matters & why?
Undergraduatemannam - Dec 30, 2012 / mannam - Dec 30, 2012
|I wrote about an alien named Zork; Cornell supplement
Undergraduateshmegg - Dec 29, 2012 / omergoktug - Dec 30, 2012
|Self-revelation, Self-amendment: Meaningful-Cultural event
2 - The idea is nice, but the grammar is not quite right. The "something" in "something done out of tradition"...
UndergraduateBlackWaltzIV - Dec 29, 2012 / sogoldman - Dec 30, 2012
|Do not eat meat, dairy, or by-products ;University of Delaware - Truth or Dare Essay
Undergraduateacostandy - Dec 30, 2012 / sunny_joy - Dec 30, 2012
|Science of psychology; NYU- Academic Interests
2 - Psychology is a science. It literally means "the scientific study of the human mind and its functions." You...
UndergraduateFelicia1995 - Dec 29, 2012 / sogoldman - Dec 30, 2012
|Strong engineering program ; Carnegie Mellon Strong engineering program
Undergraduatesjmzzz95 - Dec 30, 2012 / painglintun - Dec 30, 2012
|"Challenge" ; UVA Sup/ favorite word and why?
Undergraduaterosieish - Dec 30, 2012 / rosieish - Dec 30, 2012
|"If you dont go after...."- Nora Robert's quote; Favorite Quote and Why ?
2 - Hi! Love your quote and can see the motivation behind every word. I would avoid stating "Everyone...
Undergraduatejhaly710 - Dec 30, 2012 / bng16210 - Dec 30, 2012
|"Silence," said the co-ordinator ; Common app- Challenge essay
Undergraduategundala1 - Dec 30, 2012 / alicela - Dec 30, 2012
|I love to laugh/ Curiosity; Stanford Supplment- Roommate/ What matter & why?
2 - no matter how different these people might be from me they can be pretty similar to me reword so...
Undergraduateaceq - Dec 30, 2012 / ding377 - Dec 30, 2012
|'What Tuned Me In' -Common App-Personal Essay
Undergraduategymnast9195 - Dec 30, 2012 / gymnast9195 - Dec 30, 2012
|Public speaking, INTEREST in Le High - Supplement Essay
NEW - 1. What unique aspect of Lehigh most interests you? (As a guideline, your response should be between 150-250 words.)...
Undergraduatepainglintun - Dec 30, 2012 / — -
|My favorite word "Excellence" - essay help
7 - Some ideas to help you write about it: -Use the definition of the word and tear it apart piece...
Undergraduatetonydengcnu - Dec 20, 2008 / gymnast9195 - Dec 30, 2012
|My labor of love; UIUC essay/ Motivation to transfer
5 - Tirthak, Your essay is good but it doesn't convey the reason why you are shifting from one college to...
Undergraduatetirthak04 - Dec 29, 2012 / black and white - Dec 30, 2012
|"Jack Worthing's"; Columbia Sup; Meaningful book/ publication/ cultural event
Undergraduatecindygonzalez - Dec 30, 2012 / cindygonzalez - Dec 30, 2012
|I am an inquisitive person; Cornell sup/ Your intellectual interests, their evolution
Undergraduatebbbcnstafl - Dec 29, 2012 / bbbcnstafl - Dec 30, 2012
|I have always longed to build my own software; NYU/ Academic interests?
8 - Thanks for your suggestions! Um.. About the beginning, I am not sure how to clarify it. Is it the...
UndergraduateVVCepheiA - Dec 29, 2012 / VVCepheiA - Dec 30, 2012
|College man! I can't wait! It's going to be the best time of our life! - Letter to Stanford roommate
Undergraduatexxxbluefrogxxx - Dec 29, 2012 / xxxbluefrogxxx - Dec 30, 2012
|A lighthouse faintly visible in the distance: NYU Supp! What intrigues you ?
3 - Thank you. Is there any specific part in the first paragraph that I need to work on? Are there...
Undergraduatesillybandz - Dec 30, 2012 / sillybandz - Dec 30, 2012
|EducationUSA adviser advised me to apply to Gettysburg; Gettysburg Supp/ Interest?
Undergraduatemoon05 - Dec 25, 2012 / moon05 - Dec 30, 2012
|Canceling anger/ Personal essay/ Common App.
Undergraduategann - Dec 28, 2012 / gann - Dec 30, 2012
|I was amazed of Northeastern's qualities ; Something you created
3 - Help to help you hhahaha..your second essay is good but you did not mention Qatar ...do it and explain...
Undergraduateahiasat1 - Dec 30, 2012 / AryanK - Dec 30, 2012
|Self-sustainability; BC Sup
Undergraduatehellom - Dec 30, 2012 / moon05 - Dec 30, 2012
|Teaching and volunteering; Gettysburg Supp: "Make a difference"
5 - How about: Because even orphans have the right in access of education. It's kind of weird, but you get...
Undergraduatemoon05 - Dec 26, 2012 / Mein - Dec 30, 2012
|Rush, opportunities & experiences/ Communicator/ Brutus; NYU; Why?/ Interests?/ Intrigues?
4 - The first one: You write in a fluent and reasonable as well as passionate manner and I think it...
Undergraduatelkaradsheh - Dec 29, 2012 / VVCepheiA - Dec 30, 2012
|Warm and inviting community ; HMC Supp: Why Harvey-Mudd?
3 - Using the word "core" might confuse the readers into thinking you're referring to the Common Core, which consists...
Undergraduatecesaror123 - Dec 27, 2012 / turtlefence - Dec 30, 2012
|Electric vehicles / Concerned / 3 books / Homeless kids / Humor - Caltech
NEW - 1. Summer Activities (volunteer work, research, summer programs, personal projects, if not already listed on the Common Application) -...
Undergraduateelnino09 - Dec 30, 2012 / — -
|Business, the burning fire deep inside me ; NYU Sup/ academic interests?
2 - The sentence grabbed my attention just like that but when reached to the end and read "business" I...
Undergraduatehellom - Dec 30, 2012 / moon05 - Dec 30, 2012
|New environment,culture, tradition, education & a lifestyle; Brown U/Cubism question)
4 - Adding above, you should add the detail about the "hopeless community" and also the example when you go higher...
Undergraduateahiasat1 - Dec 30, 2012 / Mein - Dec 30, 2012
|I come from Jombang; Stanford:Roommate
3 - Thank you....
UndergraduateMein - Dec 29, 2012 / Mein - Dec 30, 2012
|My mom is a mathematician; Common App/ Person & influence
UndergraduateAryanK - Dec 30, 2012 / AryanK - Dec 30, 2012
|'The Power of Speech' ; Common App Essay - (Topic of your choice)
Undergraduatechai607 - Dec 27, 2012 / chai607 - Dec 30, 2012
|"do it the Islamic way" ; What matters to you and why?
2 - I actually love it! What a good way of explaining your thoughts on religions! can you please read my...
Undergraduateahiasat1 - Dec 30, 2012 / lkaradsheh - Dec 30, 2012
|Stereotyping is a common thought process ; Amherst sup
Undergraduatesj1912 - Dec 30, 2012 / gundala1 - Dec 30, 2012
|No other place like New York City; NYU Supplemental: Why NYU New York
Undergraduateayu0006 - Dec 29, 2012 / ahiasat1 - Dec 30, 2012
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