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|"Integrated Learning Major" ;Syracuse U Supp/ Who or what influenced applying?
Undergraduatekoliva223 - Dec 28, 2012 / koliva223 - Dec 30, 2012
|Daydreaming ; NYU Supplemental: What intrigues you?
3 - Very nice and descriptive. I see no real deficiencies except that one grammar error pointed out before. Best of...
Undergraduateayu0006 - Dec 29, 2012 / saubau95 - Dec 30, 2012
|Hailing from the most southern tip of Texas ; Why Yale?
8 - Yes, it is a cultural epicenter of connecticut, but the important part is that it is diverse in a...
Undergraduatemercedes1923 - Dec 8, 2012 / shmegg - Dec 29, 2012
|My Escape; Common App; Experience of failing
2 - Overall good mesage, but I get lost in the middle. Not a good enough transition. Try to make your...
Undergraduatekevinll - Dec 29, 2012 / hannahdowdy - Dec 29, 2012
|My grandmother attended high school/ COMMON APP
2 - Loved it. Here sre just some personal changes I would make. My grandmother attended high school. She did...
Undergraduatedreamer9 - Dec 29, 2012 / alexhoffy - Dec 29, 2012
|The undeniable tradition of widespread academic excellence ; Why Duke?
3 - In addition to Duke's elite academics, it is impossible to ignore the school's tradition of superior athletics. Although I...
Undergraduatesaubau95 - Dec 29, 2012 / ayu0006 - Dec 29, 2012
|Comanches and other nomadic Indian tribes; UPENN Supp(Ben Franklin's Quote)
4 - Ok I will create a concrete closing statement, I thought i was lacking that... and I was talking about...
UndergraduateDrachen - Dec 29, 2012 / Drachen - Dec 29, 2012
|Math/CS & Tumblr/ NYU supp - Why NYU?
Undergraduatexamanda - Dec 29, 2012 / nayelojello - Dec 29, 2012
|I can be a useful asset to you on the weekends; Stanford Room mate Essay
6 - I love it omg. This was creative, weird (in a good way of course) and welcoming. You elaborate on...
Undergraduategarmeth06 - Dec 29, 2012 / ayu0006 - Dec 29, 2012
|Indigenous Ghanaian people; University of Michigan Sup/ Community?
3 - This one is great. Your essay fully elaborates your unique identity and the community you from. I think this...
Undergraduatewolverineboy - Dec 28, 2012 / Bighall - Dec 29, 2012
|From a shy freshman to an extroverted & curious person; Significant Experience
3 - Also, you can also use a specific event that occurred on the bus that had significance to you and...
Undergraduateajuuyeee - Dec 29, 2012 / jokofatalis - Dec 29, 2012
|My teammates gave me rapid glances; Common App
NEW - Hello! I would like somebody to proof-read my essay. I think it may need context, but I'm not sure...
UndergraduateGanonvsLink5 - Dec 29, 2012 / — -
|Non-finction books; Common App- Topic of your choice
4 - Thank you for the insight! I definitely don't want to sound like I'm applying to something I think makes...
Undergraduatefoejeeney - Dec 29, 2012 / foejeeney - Dec 29, 2012
|A melting pot of personalities; Stanford Letter to Roommate Supplement
UndergraduateEmiEvi - Dec 29, 2012 / alexhoffy - Dec 29, 2012
|Granddad; Common App: Significant person and influence essay
UndergraduateBlackWaltzIV - Dec 29, 2012 / Mein - Dec 29, 2012
|Changing Schools; Stanford Supplement - Intellectual vitality
4 - @garmeth Dude you helped me out a lot. I'm under 2000 characters and incorporated most of what you said....
Undergraduate503dannyk - Dec 29, 2012 / 503dannyk - Dec 29, 2012
|High Self-esteem; UNC Chapel Hill "DESCRIBE YOURSELF"
2 - I think your beginning seems a little self-praising... try to avoid this I also don't understand how the spanish...
Undergraduate7qda - Dec 29, 2012 / xxxbluefrogxxx - Dec 29, 2012
|Chame-Lion; Common App Personal Statement
4 - Tweaked Version: Chame-Lion The thing about chameleons is that they aren't leaders. They just aren't. No...
Undergraduatecofls12 - Dec 28, 2012 / cofls12 - Dec 29, 2012
|Zeal for biology ; NYU Supplement; Academic interests?
3 - You probably want to include more about the programs you want to go into at NYU, they like to...
Undergraduatesillybandz - Dec 29, 2012 / Felicia1995 - Dec 29, 2012
|Yay, we are officially Stanford Cardinals! - Stanford Supp/ Roommate
10 - I liked the tidbit about Nigeria, I think you should elaborate more on your Nigerian upbringing and how it...
UndergraduateSmiley1 - Dec 26, 2012 / garmeth06 - Dec 29, 2012
|I have been persecuted all my life./ CommonApp - Confessions of a Carnivore
Undergraduatemattislhao - Dec 29, 2012 / mattislhao - Dec 29, 2012
|Me Vs My sister; Stanford Supp/ Intellectual vitality
7 - How did you go from precalculus as a Junior to somehow fitting in Calc I- III, Chaos Theory ,...
Undergraduatebriannalawson3 - Dec 20, 2012 / garmeth06 - Dec 29, 2012
|Soccer! - Comm. App - Elaborate an Extracurricular
2 - saying that it is a relaxing activity contradicts "it demands the most physically and mentally" not sure if it's...
Undergraduatethkid - Dec 29, 2012 / sjmzzz95 - Dec 29, 2012
|BOOKS!; ESSAY: Favorite word and why?
2 - Overall, I love this essay, as a fellow book-lover, it really shows your passion, and it's well-worded. Good job!...
Undergraduateschoudhry - Dec 29, 2012 / shiverrrrs - Dec 29, 2012
|Creativity is one of my personal traits ; MIT - Attribute - Proud
2 - Maybe you should say a little about how creativity is necessary to be able to come up with new...
UndergraduateMillin Gabani - Dec 29, 2012 / bonse - Dec 29, 2012
|"That is the ugliest work of art ; Brown/ Something you created
Undergraduateshiverrrrs - Dec 29, 2012 / shiverrrrs - Dec 29, 2012
|I secretly love Greek mythology ; Barnard Supp
4 - the prompt is How did you first learn about Barnard College and what factors have influenced your decision to...
Undergraduatejozzie121893 - Dec 26, 2012 / jozzie121893 - Dec 29, 2012
|i'M HOMESCHOOLED; Common App Supplement: World you come from ?
3 - The second dependent phrase sounds a little to passive maybe you could try "with the first world's restraints...
Undergraduatemylesd - Dec 29, 2012 / thkid - Dec 29, 2012
|"Zealous, Athletic, Cool..." ; Yale Supp
3 - Super awesome! Your essays are very original and creative. And you turned such a simple thing into...
UndergraduateRange Rover - Dec 24, 2012 / mayfl0wer - Dec 29, 2012
|"Ignorance is bliss"- I disagree; Stanford Sup/ What matters to you and why?
3 - Thanks for the advice! I changed what you said, and I think it did improve. Please look at my...
Undergraduate503dannyk - Dec 29, 2012 / 503dannyk - Dec 29, 2012
|"silence remains, inescapably, a form of speech" ; UCHICAGO SILENCE ESSAY
Undergraduatehenajane - Dec 29, 2012 / mayfl0wer - Dec 29, 2012
|Carmelo Anthony/ alumni & fans of SU/ Choice of Academic fields; Syracuse Supplement
Undergraduateabulkhair37 - Dec 29, 2012 / lkaradsheh - Dec 29, 2012
|Key to lion's den or to blessings; Common App - Topic Of My Choice
6 - mayfl0wer, "Our labors create not the mold of our own souls but the mold of a key." Some people...
Undergraduatej814wong - Dec 29, 2012 / j814wong - Dec 29, 2012
|EGO & SELF ESTEEM; "DESCRIBE YOURSELF" essay for UNC Chapel Hill application
2 - CAPITALIZE ALL YOUR I s!!! AVOID CONTRACTIONS! In order to adequately describe myself, i must highlight the...
Undergraduateajdv94 - Dec 29, 2012 / mayfl0wer - Dec 29, 2012
|Bike Rides and Life Lessons- Johns Hopkins/ Interests
8 - I think you should cut away some of the beginning and explain the impact on you as Didgeridoo mentioned....
Undergraduatemela3 - Dec 29, 2012 / sillybandz - Dec 29, 2012
|I'm a dork! [Stanford roommate supplement]
7 - The buffalo joke made me smile. I love puns with, like, a passion. However, while I can see the...
Undergraduatexamanda - Dec 27, 2012 / kellyjanemartin - Dec 29, 2012
|True Value; Stanford sup/ What Matters to you and why.
3 - I think your last paragraph was great but the beginning was not so great. I think that if you...
Undergraduaterisnag1995 - Dec 29, 2012 / snibberbit - Dec 29, 2012
|"Chemical engine"; NYU Sup: Academic interests?
Undergraduateayu0006 - Dec 29, 2012 / mercedes1923 - Dec 29, 2012
|Right crowd; The alarm clock can be bothersome indeed/ U Chicago; Why? & Arch-nemesis
Undergraduatemgabir - Dec 29, 2012 / mela3 - Dec 29, 2012
|Taking a // MIT essay // Attribute of Personality
UndergraduateProran - Dec 29, 2012 / mela3 - Dec 29, 2012
|'The law of attraction' NYU short essay 2012-2013- What intrigues you?
Undergraduate13williamsm - Dec 25, 2012 / katev - Dec 29, 2012
|"Ideas worth spreading"/ Columbia/ "Meaningful"
Undergraduatemacklemorebro - Dec 27, 2012 / abenelazar - Dec 29, 2012
|Economist and Businessman ; Uchicago essay- My greatest desire
3 - InOn the other hand, Never seen "In the other hand" freely express their ideas and believes ,...
UndergraduateJohann3000 - Dec 29, 2012 / sobegreentea972 - Dec 29, 2012
|My grandmother; Common application essay; I have learned many things.
3 - Andross5 Great essay! I agree with the changes suggested above, but the story is great. Your details are great...
UndergraduateAndross5 - Dec 29, 2012 / snibberbit - Dec 29, 2012
|Enhance intellectual maturity & explore other branches; Engage Academically AT UPENN
Undergraduatexphyllisx - Dec 29, 2012 / xphyllisx - Dec 29, 2012
|"Black and White Rainbow"; William and Mary sup- What makes you unique and colorful?
4 - thanks a lot! these really helped a lot. I should've made this clear in the essay. What I meant...
Undergraduatekarizma101 - Dec 26, 2012 / karizma101 - Dec 29, 2012
|'Congratulations! You Won! Play Again? (Y/N)'; Carnegie Mellon(Computer Science)
2 - I love your essay and how you showed your inspiration. Your attention to detail and how you described the...
Undergraduatewon9409 - Dec 29, 2012 / Range Rover - Dec 29, 2012
|I & my grandfather; Johns Hopkins Sup/ more about me
4 - Thanks to you both for the comments! I knew that the sentence was awkwardly structured and I really like...
Undergraduatekaratekid666 - Dec 29, 2012 / karatekid666 - Dec 29, 2012
|Family- Strandford: What matters to you?
Undergraduatesofiadlo - Dec 28, 2012 / ding377 - Dec 29, 2012
|Don't be creeped out; STANFORD COMMON APP. ROOMIE ESSAY
9 - Well if you say "what's mine is yours" then you allow your roommate to take anything of yours and...
Undergraduatehenajane - Dec 13, 2012 / higuise - Dec 29, 2012
|Optimism, curiosity and inquisitiveness.; STANFORD/ intellectual vitality
UndergraduateEFalade06 - Dec 29, 2012 / kellyjanemartin - Dec 29, 2012
|I come from a small town in Oregon ; Stanford- Letter to Roommate
12 - I think the topic is better suited for what matters to you the most simply because it describes how...
Undergraduatehannahdowdy - Dec 29, 2012 / EmiEvi - Dec 29, 2012
|Breathtaking campus of medium size ; Columbia Sup/ Why Columbia?
Undergraduatemzontario - Dec 29, 2012 / auro - Dec 29, 2012
|The song "That Lucky Old Sun"/ Topic of your choice
Undergraduatesaubau95 - Dec 28, 2012 / c0smic - Dec 29, 2012
|I won four rounds; UCHICAGO SUPP_ARCH NENEMIS
6 - There are a lot of grammatical errors and the essay isn't very focused. This exams would decide if...
Undergraduatekabal - Dec 27, 2012 / hellogoodbye - Dec 29, 2012
|When I was young, I wanted to be an Egyptologist / Johns Hopkins; Pursue what & why?
Undergraduatemela3 - Dec 29, 2012 / karatekid666 - Dec 29, 2012
|"Engaging academically at Penn" - University of Pennsylvania (1st prompt)
8 - Bump!...
Undergraduatejaegoogle - Dec 26, 2012 / jaegoogle - Dec 29, 2012
|My love for science; Harvard Common App
Undergraduateiaawicsdmwm - Dec 24, 2012 / iaawicsdmwm - Dec 29, 2012
|'eyes, ears, mouth, and nose' - Diversity Common App essay
7 - Loved the visual effects. You did a lot more showing rather than telling here and that is highly important....
UndergraduateBirdiee - Oct 9, 2012 / Range Rover - Dec 29, 2012
|I hadn't been weak; I had been strong; Common App/ Experience
5 - Thank you all for your critiques! When I chose this topic, I was worrying about being too generic......
Undergraduatehiguise - Dec 28, 2012 / higuise - Dec 29, 2012
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