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|I won four rounds; UCHICAGO SUPP_ARCH NENEMIS
6 - There are a lot of grammatical errors and the essay isn't very focused. This exams would decide if...
Undergraduatekabal - Dec 27, 2012 / hellogoodbye - Dec 29, 2012
|When I was young, I wanted to be an Egyptologist / Johns Hopkins; Pursue what & why?
Undergraduatemela3 - Dec 29, 2012 / karatekid666 - Dec 29, 2012
|My love for science; Harvard Common App
Undergraduateiaawicsdmwm - Dec 24, 2012 / iaawicsdmwm - Dec 29, 2012
|'eyes, ears, mouth, and nose' - Diversity Common App essay
7 - Loved the visual effects. You did a lot more showing rather than telling here and that is highly important....
UndergraduateBirdiee - Oct 9, 2012 / Range Rover - Dec 29, 2012
|I hadn't been weak; I had been strong; Common App/ Experience
5 - Thank you all for your critiques! When I chose this topic, I was worrying about being too generic......
Undergraduatehiguise - Dec 28, 2012 / higuise - Dec 29, 2012
|"Pop!"; What is your favorite word and why?
Undergraduatevaleriadavila01 - Dec 29, 2012 / hannahdowdy - Dec 29, 2012
|I found myself in the USA; Stanford Sup : A phone call that changed my life
3 - thanks guys for the response... good points made.... definiteley helps do you have any suggestions what i could leave...
Undergraduatexxxbluefrogxxx - Dec 29, 2012 / xxxbluefrogxxx - Dec 29, 2012
|Open curriculum; Rochester supp; Why Rochester?
Undergraduatenayelojello - Dec 27, 2012 / nayelojello - Dec 29, 2012
|The power of Creativity common app essay
4 - Hi there! "The taste of just "barely getting by" was of salt." <- Something little but instead of...
UndergraduateLeynorboard - Dec 27, 2012 / alicederp - Dec 29, 2012
|MIT essay // Most significant challenge // Father's alcoholism
14 - d'awwwwwwwwww the ending maybe it is just me (i am far from the most competent writer here) but...
UndergraduateProran - Dec 20, 2012 / ayu0006 - Dec 29, 2012
|I had a passion and intention to study business;Cornell Supp/ Intellectual interests
4 - Oh wow this is an amazing essay! "As an immigrant, I am particularly drawn to international economics, specifically...
Undergraduatehellogoodbye - Dec 29, 2012 / alicederp - Dec 29, 2012
|I am a "Cameron Crazy" at heart.; Duke Trinity College of A&S/ Good match?
Undergraduatekaratekid666 - Dec 29, 2012 / karatekid666 - Dec 29, 2012
|The sport began for myself; Common App- Short Answer on Lacrosse
Undergraduategymnast9195 - Dec 29, 2012 / gymnast9195 - Dec 29, 2012
|Born in LA and moved to China; Common App
2 - Its a well written and descriptive essay :) I think it really helps the reader get to know you!...
UndergraduateJasonVL - Dec 29, 2012 / sunny_joy - Dec 29, 2012
|My compulsive need to finish everything I started; William & Mary/Unique & Colorful?
Undergraduatevaleriadavila01 - Dec 29, 2012 / vallh6018 - Dec 29, 2012
|Interest in Bio; Cornell Sup - College of Art and Sciences
8 - I think you do alot of showing metophorically speaking, I think you should be a little more decriptive and...
Undergraduaterew2402 - Dec 28, 2012 / nayelojello - Dec 29, 2012
|The best of both worlds; Columbia Sup/ Why Columbia?
3 - Thank you hellogoodbye, I'll make it more specific Also, are the first two sentences in the second para...
Undergraduateauro - Dec 29, 2012 / auro - Dec 29, 2012
|"Peru! Welcome to Anseong, South Korea!" ;Common App/ TOPIC OF YOUR CHOICE
2 - preferred - try to replace it with favourite. To be able to see that much quantity and quality...
Undergraduatemajofi - Dec 29, 2012 / hellogoodbye - Dec 29, 2012
|Boredom is not an option ; NYU Supp : Why NYU?
Undergraduatealicederp - Dec 29, 2012 / hellogoodbye - Dec 29, 2012
|Our new Art Club President!; Stony Brook Honors; Experience
Undergraduate0livegreen - Dec 29, 2012 / alicederp - Dec 29, 2012
|I am the elected President of PBC; Common App - Youth can make a difference
4 - First off, thank you for reading my essay! If you don't mind, I posted a new one that answers...
Undergraduatemzontario - Dec 29, 2012 / valeriadavila01 - Dec 29, 2012
|Diligent is the one word that describes me; PENN STATE / Personal statement
Undergraduatepqahpikachu - Dec 29, 2012 / pqahpikachu - Dec 29, 2012
|Sister was diagonozed with leukemia: Significant life experience; NYU, USC, UMIAMI
Undergraduatepinkflowers - Dec 28, 2012 / pinkflowers - Dec 29, 2012
|"Wake up, son; daddy's brought you a present." /University of Colorado Boulder
3 - I agree 100% with bzn456 on the changes he/she made. I really liked the essay you wrote. Very...
Undergraduated125q - Dec 28, 2012 / br2pi5 - Dec 29, 2012
|My grandfather came to Surat at age of 19 / MIT - Family
UndergraduateMillin Gabani - Dec 29, 2012 / Millin Gabani - Dec 29, 2012
|Academic opportunities;Yale Symphony Orchestra; Why Yale?
4 - Try to mention specific professors or performances to show you have done the research and keep the focus off...
UndergraduateQWERTY1995 - Dec 29, 2012 / bzn456 - Dec 29, 2012
|I like physics very much.; Colombia App; why engineering ?
2 - Disregarding grammatical errors, The essay does not flow. Some parts don't make sense and/or are very weak sentences. (ex....
Undergraduatemahmoudjendy - Dec 29, 2012 / QWERTY1995 - Dec 29, 2012
|Dream of becoming a CMU Tartan; Carnegie Mellon Application: Why Carnegie Mellon
4 - ^ yes if it can bring clarity to your "interest" in economics. Just answer the prompt. I would take...
Undergraduatealicederp - Dec 29, 2012 / QWERTY1995 - Dec 29, 2012
|Moral and ethics/ Endless patience; Yale "About me" /Influential Person, or Morals
3 - Thank you @admissions2012, but I realized that both of these essays are not very interesting and not really up...
Undergraduate12345tyuiop - Dec 27, 2012 / 12345tyuiop - Dec 29, 2012
|"dream big"; YALE Supp _ Why Yale ?
8 - Ditto to everything LillyCullen mentioned. I think it should be very specific. Argg..I'm having trouble with the why yale...
UndergraduateMiaB - Dec 26, 2012 / QWERTY1995 - Dec 29, 2012
|My cousin; Cornell University Sup - college of engineering
UndergraduatexXWittyGalXx - Dec 28, 2012 / xXWittyGalXx - Dec 29, 2012
|Brazilian girls in Norway; Common App/ How my presence enrich student community?
Undergraduatemshaheen95 - Dec 25, 2012 / imbue - Dec 29, 2012
|I would be satisfied beyond my desires; University of Chicago
6 - There is a lot in the first paragraph that makes your essay as a whole sound very generic and...
UndergraduateCamila - Dec 8, 2012 / imbue - Dec 29, 2012
|Belongingness, Parents, Super ego; TUFTS - Why Tufts, Let your life speak, Nerdy side
4 - For the New Tufts essay, I like your ideas for this topic. However, I don't think you should say...
Undergraduateaqualad - Dec 28, 2012 / sillybandz - Dec 29, 2012
|Reflection; This course work helped me improve my drawbacks and enhance my knowledge
8 - oh im sorry, this is my inattention) Despite all advantages of this work I had some difficulties as well...
UndergraduateKnyazKnyazev - Dec 12, 2012 / Hell Yeah - Dec 29, 2012
|Choosing intellectual engagement; Bowdoin supplement
Undergraduatekatev - Dec 27, 2012 / EmeeShie7 - Dec 29, 2012
|My role model is my father; University of Michigan / Unique qualities
Undergraduatewolverineboy - Dec 28, 2012 / rosieish - Dec 29, 2012
|Empowerment/Independence/Healthy environment; Barnard Supplement - "Why Barnard?"
Undergraduatesunnybunny - Dec 27, 2012 / sunnybunny - Dec 29, 2012
|My mother has been a role model ; Williams SE- looking through the window?
6 - Talking about some special/ memorable instances of your mother that has influenced you very much is more effective than...
Undergraduaterew2402 - Dec 27, 2012 / Mohaiminul - Dec 29, 2012
|Forrest Gump/Biology/new environment; NYU Sup /Intrigues/Academic interest/Why NYUAD?
3 - Thanks a lot for your suggestions!! The essay seemed to be much better and correct!! Good luck...
Undergraduatehanksze - Dec 27, 2012 / hanksze - Dec 29, 2012
|Understanding the universe/ Columbia Sup; Area of interest
2 - I think it is a decent essay. But it would be more impressive to add some academic achievements....
Undergraduatesaubau95 - Dec 28, 2012 / Bighall - Dec 29, 2012
|"Only inside a cocoon does the caterpillar grow wings"; SOP
2 - Dear Shreya Sahu, This is in undergraduate filed you are writing . This is inappropriate in Undergraduate Essays field....
Undergraduatesreya87 - Dec 28, 2012 / Millin Gabani - Dec 29, 2012
|Psychology and Economics are my favorites; Rice supplement / Why Social Sciences?
2 - This is a really good essay. You answer the prompt well and don't diverge. You might want to talk...
Undergraduatesogoldman - Dec 27, 2012 / enigma33 - Dec 29, 2012
|academic rigor and competitiveness/ best students; Columbia SUPP/ Why Columbia?
7 - Personal opinion: If I substitute any other school for Columbia, I find that this essay could also be sent...
UndergraduateSabahat - Dec 28, 2012 / headshot0313 - Dec 29, 2012
|Mohammed Ali; Someone that influenced your thinking?
NEW - Someone that influenced your thinking? To me Mohammed Ali will be remembered as one of the greatest boxers that...
Undergraduatecathy2595 - Dec 29, 2012 / — -
|My qualities; UIUC App/ Something more
3 - I think it's a really good essay considering you have a low max. word limit. In many ways you're...
Undergraduateshailendra redd - Dec 27, 2012 / TheTrooper - Dec 29, 2012
|Doctor? Yeah i always wanted to be a Doctor.
2 - Hello, Blah Blah Blah. Take a look at the thousands of past examples on this forum. This essay...
Undergraduatecathy2595 - Dec 29, 2012 / admission2012 - Dec 29, 2012
|Superwoman, Silenced/ Common App : Person who had significant influence
2 - The title is very provocative, which is good since it grabs the reader's attention. I liked your essay a...
Undergraduatesrusakow - Dec 29, 2012 / Ace1995 - Dec 29, 2012
|"Cultural Interaction Community Project"; Common App: Extracurricular Activity
Undergraduatealicederp - Dec 29, 2012 / cathy2595 - Dec 29, 2012
|Let your life speak/ Swim team community; WHY Tufts?
Undergraduatechillyp - Dec 26, 2012 / chillyp - Dec 29, 2012
|I loveStar Trek ;The Holodeck Essay
UndergraduateDoom - Dec 28, 2012 / Millin Gabani - Dec 29, 2012
|It wasn't until I read "Wicked" ; Columbia/ "meaningful" supplement
Undergraduatexamanda - Dec 27, 2012 / xamanda - Dec 29, 2012
|Cultivate my insights and skills ; BOSTON U/ Why BU?
Undergraduateayu0006 - Dec 26, 2012 / hellogoodbye - Dec 29, 2012
|As I spoke, I felt my heart tightening up like a fist/ U Penn; "Ben Franklin's Quote"
3 - Beads of sweat streamed down my face as I forced the last word of my ninth grade English presentation...
Undergraduatejaegoogle - Dec 28, 2012 / hellogoodbye - Dec 29, 2012
|I am a Jain ; Common App/ Significant Experience
3 - As a Jain, I was raised to follow _______________________. without taste doesn't need a comma before it. ...
Undergraduateshadow_master - Dec 28, 2012 / hellogoodbye - Dec 29, 2012
|Math and science/ Parents' nursing career; Cornell Sup; Interests/ experience
5 - Take out the contractions. Like It's "Shining at the end of the tunnel" is a cliche try another...
Undergraduatexcrunner095 - Dec 26, 2012 / Karla281995 - Dec 29, 2012
|"Get in the car!"; BOSTON COLLEGE SUP:CHANGING PERCEPTION OF A MOMENT
3 - Good essay; you have some good ideas about your routines vs those of others, and being a bicultural person....
Undergraduatetchang530 - Dec 28, 2012 / esimpnoxin - Dec 29, 2012
|I belong to all 3 classes depending on circumstances; UPenn ;"All mankind.."
9 - Rosekareen, This is great!! Compared to the first one, it has good personal examples and the first paragraph...
UndergraduateRosekareen - Dec 22, 2012 / risnag1995 - Dec 29, 2012
|Sitting in Washington Square Park, surrounded by radiant students, I immediately felt at home
Undergraduatebsabrine - Dec 28, 2012 / yisha - Dec 29, 2012
|College of Human Ecology (HBHS Major) - CORNELL SUPPLEMENT
4 - wonderful essay, no spelling or grammar mistake that I could figure out. Please help me with mine....
Undergraduatejaegoogle - Dec 28, 2012 / black and white - Dec 28, 2012
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