|Undergraduate [25,739] - page 125 of 429|
|I met Johnny/ A great coach; Common App
2 - (I don't quite follow the last sentence. I think the essay ends well without it.) I think your...
Undergraduatemfolkvord - Dec 27, 2012 / ago1209 - Dec 28, 2012
|I am drawn to international economics; UPenn App/ Engaging academically @ Upenn
2 - Your essay explains your academic engagement at Wharton strongly. However, it seems generic because there is less about how...
Undergraduatemzontario - Dec 27, 2012 / jaegoogle - Dec 28, 2012
|"Not everything is as it appears" ; Pomona College ; You have Five Minutes
2 - This is a very well written essay. I could not find any grammar mistakes except this very minor one:...
UndergraduateTidal Wave - Dec 27, 2012 / joah5454 - Dec 28, 2012
|I love being stubborn; MIT/ Characteristic
4 - The essay captures your emotion and passion, and most of all shows that you don't conform to what others...
Undergraduateluky0ne - Dec 26, 2012 / painglintun - Dec 27, 2012
|Prombles I see in Bussiness; NYU App
UndergraduateChloemoon - Dec 27, 2012 / gdiazdeleon - Dec 27, 2012
|Mr. Granary; Common App / personal essay
3 - Your essay is unique, it talks about the precious moment you had with Mr. Granary and the experience gained...
Undergraduatebymyside4948 - Dec 27, 2012 / painglintun - Dec 27, 2012
|My own reflection; UCHICAGO/ Relationship between me and "ARCH NEMESIS"
UndergraduateRimwar - Dec 16, 2012 / Rimwar - Dec 27, 2012
|Eighth grade; Common App: Diverse Education
2 - I however, had never stepped foot into any school before for the purpose of learning. "I was blessed with...
Undergraduatemylesd - Dec 27, 2012 / valeriadavila01 - Dec 27, 2012
|White lab coats; CORNELL SUP/ How your interests influenced your major?
Undergraduatebuttercup321 - Dec 27, 2012 / ayue7890 - Dec 27, 2012
|Coach P made tough girls cry; Common App Essay
10 - I am not a good editor , but I still have some suggestions for your essay. 1.Your introduction should...
Undergraduatenorman2013 - Dec 26, 2012 / a608863a - Dec 27, 2012
|I have always felt a vocation towards business; NYU SUP/ Academic Interests
6 - I love the second one. For the first one, I would remove the bit about your successful business....
Undergraduategdiazdeleon - Dec 26, 2012 / Proran - Dec 27, 2012
|Opens opportunities; NORTHWESTERN SUPP. - WHY NU?
Undergraduateykang001 - Dec 27, 2012 / gdiazdeleon - Dec 27, 2012
|Best ranked liberal arts college/Swarthmore needs me; Why Swarthmore?
5 - thanks everybody! after applying to literally 6 other colleges, i just didn't give a F about writing this one,...
UndergraduateJessDoIt - Dec 27, 2012 / JessDoIt - Dec 27, 2012
|Ptolemy's Gate /bacteria/Martin Luther King ; Stanford Supp/ Short answers
2 - I advise just listing your favorite newspapers/magazines, etc. You don't by any means have to fill up the 300...
Undergraduatemgabir - Dec 27, 2012 / Birdiee - Dec 27, 2012
|Hunting the Hidden ; Columbia Supp- "what you found interesting..."
2 - Fractals: Hunting the Hidden Dimension, is a movie far from the works of Walt Disney. I'd first watched as...
Undergraduatemalaikaiyer - Dec 27, 2012 / mzontario - Dec 27, 2012
|I followed my dad/ Johns Hopkins Supp/ Something about you
3 - bump 10 char...
Undergraduateayue7890 - Dec 26, 2012 / ayue7890 - Dec 27, 2012
|OLPC in Egypt; Extracurricular activitie/Work experiences
3 - meljendy I notice many mistakes on punctuation and capitalization. Why don't you try to edit it on MS...
Undergraduatemeljendy - Dec 27, 2012 / yycho0426 - Dec 27, 2012
|I have always wondered why my sister was so hypocritical; UGA/ About yourself
3 - ending sentence is a little weak.. also, you repeat "I have always wondered why my sister" in the first...
Undergraduatealexjan95 - Dec 27, 2012 / norman2013 - Dec 27, 2012
|Love-Hate Relationship while playing piano; Common App/ Extracurricular
5 - I appreciate everyone's responses!! I definitely need to play with it a lot more. Thank you for all the...
Undergraduatecofls12 - Dec 27, 2012 / cofls12 - Dec 27, 2012
|"Fatty-Tatty" Common App Essay
3 - alright thanks! I had a mini heart-attack when you somehow knew my last name... =__= forgot I had it...
Undergraduatekrnkevinc - Dec 27, 2012 / krnkevinc - Dec 27, 2012
|Exploring the minds of Yalies; Why Yale?
6 - I agree with the previous posts: Instead of listing several reasons (Yale classes, teachers, residential system, liberal curriculum,...
Undergraduatekatev - Dec 26, 2012 / cofls12 - Dec 27, 2012
|I was raised by my mother after my father left us; HARVARD SUPP
Undergraduatecreepingdeath66 - Dec 27, 2012 / creepingdeath66 - Dec 27, 2012
|SA 50 on 50 in a history test!; TANFORD- learning to learn (intellectual vitality)
4 - oh god. it was supposed to read 'began dancing around'. garba is an indian dance form btw. i wrote...
Undergraduatethespoonguy - Dec 25, 2012 / thespoonguy - Dec 27, 2012
|Research opportunities and the campus nature; UW- Madison/ Why UW-Madison?
UndergraduateShoko0229 - Dec 27, 2012 / Shoko0229 - Dec 27, 2012
|Becoming a Chemical Engineer,my lifetime goal; University of Toronto/Why engineering?
NEW - What has inspired you to pursue an engineering degree and why would you like to study at the University...
UndergraduateJasmine Yan - Dec 27, 2012 / — -
|Ecology and Evolutionary Biology; Cornell CALS App / Your interests
4 - ylimewc Hi I am an entomologist and promote you to study a biology science instead of the fossils. ...
Undergraduateylimewc - Dec 27, 2012 / aqeel - Dec 27, 2012
|What part of us speaks to one genre, one beat, one sound? ; NYU supp- What intrigues?
4 - I really like your essay, but I'm a bit confused as to what intrigues you...at first it's music, but...
Undergraduatemalaikaiyer - Dec 27, 2012 / valeriadavila01 - Dec 27, 2012
|"Birthday"/ Joy it brought to my childhood; What is your favorite word and why?
5 - Thank you so much everyone! I really appreciate it! Haha, yes I am a pretty festive and cheerfule person..and...
Undergraduatevaleriadavila01 - Dec 27, 2012 / valeriadavila01 - Dec 27, 2012
|Serving others ; Stanford / What matters to you?
2 - "He was disappointed" takes away from the imagery of the second statement with its passive voice. ...
Undergraduatejessc8 - Dec 27, 2012 / sogoldman - Dec 27, 2012
|Neuroscience/ Helpful & Empathetic; Johns Hopkins Supp ; Pursue what?/ You
4 - (1) You should rephrase this sentence. "Once my teacher spoke to me and said, '...'" "My teacher once said...
Undergraduatemgabir - Dec 26, 2012 / diebysenioritis - Dec 27, 2012
|I am a teacher; University of Michigan-Ann Arbor
2 - Overall a solid essay! You just need to fix the little details. The word "teach" is a bit overused....
Undergraduatetannerscooter - Dec 27, 2012 / joah5454 - Dec 27, 2012
|Football team/ Chemical Engineering; University of Michigan/ Unique qualities
4 - to me, it seems so generic. they ask what specifically about the school of engineering interests you. maybe talk...
Undergraduatetannerscooter - Dec 27, 2012 / rubybuddha - Dec 27, 2012
|"I am an Albanian" ; Stanford: Writing a note to future roommate!
8 - thank you very much. i really appreciate this :) i will try to add smth more about my country...
Undergraduaterroni12345 - Dec 27, 2012 / rroni12345 - Dec 27, 2012
|Prepare me for success/NYU SUP; Why NYU? What intrigues you?
NEW - Tell us why you have chosen the above campus (using a maximum of 700 characters-spaces and punctuation included). ...
Undergraduatefinleyg - Dec 27, 2012 / — -
|I had grown onstage; Common app/Significant Event/Experience
2 - This is pretty good! This is obviously not something that every student would write about, as not everyone has...
Undergraduatejlford - Dec 27, 2012 / Chris1395 - Dec 27, 2012
|Potential Differences; LMU Supp/ Reality and recreating
3 - Ugh, I was worried about the semi-colons. I apologize for their misuse, it's just become a bad habit for...
UndergraduateDelention - Dec 26, 2012 / Delention - Dec 27, 2012
|Not a singular word - So where is Waldo, really? University of Chicago Extended Paper.
6 - Wow. this was really good! I like how you approached it from such a unique angle! And sometimes people...
UndergraduateChris1395 - Dec 26, 2012 / jlford - Dec 27, 2012
|Make a difference/ Kids/ Hospital; Stanford Supp: What matters/why?/ Volunteering
Undergraduatemoozikgurl95 - Dec 27, 2012 / Chris1395 - Dec 27, 2012
|My love for HG; "What excites you about architecture?" Supp
Undergraduatemylesd - Dec 27, 2012 / katev - Dec 27, 2012
|Biggest student volunteer groups; Emory Supplement_Why Emory?
2 - you make these sound connected, but they are not necessarily directly related spirit of giving and...
Undergraduatehaneom94 - Dec 27, 2012 / katev - Dec 27, 2012
|Computer Handbook ; Duke University Supp/ Why engineering?
2 - At the time, I didn't... Maybe don't mention monetary reasons. You certainly can, it just seems...
UndergraduateKdmBurrell95 - Dec 27, 2012 / katev - Dec 27, 2012
|Living 11 years as a competitive swimmer; Common app/ Extracurricular
3 - If your dad means listing ALL the extracurriculars you do, I disagree. Generally, people just focus in on one...
UndergraduateJessieph - Dec 27, 2012 / xamanda - Dec 27, 2012
|Singing and Dancing; Stanford Roommate Supplement
5 - Thank you so much! This was really, really helpful:) Sent off my Stanford application today, all I can do...
Undergraduategreenshoes02 - Dec 24, 2012 / greenshoes02 - Dec 27, 2012
|Prestige/ History/ Location/ Financial aid; UNIVERCITY OF CHICAGO/ Why?
4 - short and precise , good But like joah5454 said, what do you have that can benefit the college? a...
UndergraduateRosekareen - Dec 27, 2012 / kabal - Dec 27, 2012
|I had officially commissioned a merchandise graphic ; Common App
Undergraduatemhanna - Dec 26, 2012 / katev - Dec 27, 2012
|"Thailander" ; NYU sup/ What intrigues you?
3 - Thank you so much, I think I'm just going to discard this supplement. It was awkward and off topic....
Undergraduatemalaikaiyer - Dec 27, 2012 / malaikaiyer - Dec 27, 2012
|My personal statement for common app: Evaluating a significant experience /risk taken
2 - This is a really inspiring personal statement. It is well written and straight forward. Very Nice !!...
UndergraduateJhoanna22 - Dec 27, 2012 / lars - Dec 27, 2012
|I instantly fell in love with Columbia University: College Community" 1500 words
8 - This is a great answer to Columbia's question! I recently applied as well. I also wrote about some...
UndergraduateaLuckyStudent - Dec 16, 2012 / Chris1395 - Dec 27, 2012
|Neurosurgeon; Johns Hopkins Supp / What I intend to pursue
Undergraduatemorocco513 - Dec 27, 2012 / Hahahala - Dec 27, 2012
|Differences between American and Japanese culture; Yale Supp; More about me
2 - Your essay is great! Im not much of a grammar fanatic but it seems okay. To answer your worry...
UndergraduateTidal Wave - Dec 27, 2012 / qwerty_123 - Dec 27, 2012
|Wake Forest; God is not a loving God - argument for position you do not personally support
2 - The earthquake that hit Haiti is still affecting the people, who remain unable to function. Okay. You need...
Undergraduatehaneom94 - Dec 27, 2012 / sogoldman - Dec 27, 2012
|Humans at fault? / Cornell University Common App/Intrests &experiences on Major
Undergraduateqwerty_123 - Dec 27, 2012 / linting2012 - Dec 27, 2012
|Grandparents' house shaped my wild side; Stanford Supp_ What matters to me and why?
Undergraduateanaiscooler - Dec 26, 2012 / anaiscooler - Dec 27, 2012
|A Heartbeat Away/Liar Game /The Mentalist / Columbia Supp; short answers
4 - Anything you read in your class, like an story or like any passage from you text books would be...
UndergraduateHeavyMetal55 - Dec 23, 2012 / silly278 - Dec 27, 2012
|"We do not stay in one place": UPenn/All mankind is divided into three classes
Undergraduatenairbear68 - Dec 22, 2012 / meljendy - Dec 27, 2012
|She roared facts, defending her side; Stanford Supplement Intellectual Vitality!
Undergraduateanaiscooler - Dec 27, 2012 / anaiscooler - Dec 27, 2012
|Her name was Christel; Common APP-Person_significant influence
2 - One of my frequent days at Brookdale assistant living ended unexpectedly. Awkward, took me several readings to understand this...
UndergraduateKarla281995 - Dec 27, 2012 / alexzxz - Dec 27, 2012
|Diverse community/Financial benefits; BARNARD Supp; Influence by community/ HEOP Scol
2 - I reside in the diverse community of Brighton Beach where people know each other and greet each other daily...
Undergraduatekomalshaheen19 - Dec 27, 2012 / malaikaiyer - Dec 27, 2012
|I'm compassionate; UC Personal Statement for Common App
3 - I actually did the same thing, reusing my UC Personal Statement, but I just made a couple of tweaks...
Undergraduatelars - Dec 27, 2012 / cesaror123 - Dec 27, 2012
|Welcome a disable player as the captain; Columbia App; "ROYAL ROAD" & life experiences
3 - I think it's a good topic. It's easy to understand and I think it could reflect your growth as...
Undergraduatemirc_4 - Dec 27, 2012 / malaikaiyer - Dec 27, 2012
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