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|Chame-Lion; Common App Personal Statement
4 - Tweaked Version: Chame-Lion The thing about chameleons is that they aren't leaders. They just aren't. No...
Undergraduatecofls12 - Dec 28, 2012 / cofls12 - Dec 29, 2012
|Zeal for biology ; NYU Supplement; Academic interests?
3 - You probably want to include more about the programs you want to go into at NYU, they like to...
Undergraduatesillybandz - Dec 29, 2012 / Felicia1995 - Dec 29, 2012
|Yay, we are officially Stanford Cardinals! - Stanford Supp/ Roommate
10 - I liked the tidbit about Nigeria, I think you should elaborate more on your Nigerian upbringing and how it...
UndergraduateSmiley1 - Dec 26, 2012 / garmeth06 - Dec 29, 2012
|I have been persecuted all my life./ CommonApp - Confessions of a Carnivore
Undergraduatemattislhao - Dec 29, 2012 / mattislhao - Dec 29, 2012
|Me Vs My sister; Stanford Supp/ Intellectual vitality
7 - How did you go from precalculus as a Junior to somehow fitting in Calc I- III, Chaos Theory ,...
Undergraduatebriannalawson3 - Dec 20, 2012 / garmeth06 - Dec 29, 2012
|Soccer! - Comm. App - Elaborate an Extracurricular
2 - saying that it is a relaxing activity contradicts "it demands the most physically and mentally" not sure if it's...
Undergraduatethkid - Dec 29, 2012 / sjmzzz95 - Dec 29, 2012
|BOOKS!; ESSAY: Favorite word and why?
2 - Overall, I love this essay, as a fellow book-lover, it really shows your passion, and it's well-worded. Good job!...
Undergraduateschoudhry - Dec 29, 2012 / shiverrrrs - Dec 29, 2012
|Creativity is one of my personal traits ; MIT - Attribute - Proud
2 - Maybe you should say a little about how creativity is necessary to be able to come up with new...
UndergraduateMillin Gabani - Dec 29, 2012 / bonse - Dec 29, 2012
|"That is the ugliest work of art ; Brown/ Something you created
Undergraduateshiverrrrs - Dec 29, 2012 / shiverrrrs - Dec 29, 2012
|I secretly love Greek mythology ; Barnard Supp
4 - the prompt is How did you first learn about Barnard College and what factors have influenced your decision to...
Undergraduatejozzie121893 - Dec 26, 2012 / jozzie121893 - Dec 29, 2012
|i'M HOMESCHOOLED; Common App Supplement: World you come from ?
3 - The second dependent phrase sounds a little to passive maybe you could try "with the first world's restraints...
Undergraduatemylesd - Dec 29, 2012 / thkid - Dec 29, 2012
|"Zealous, Athletic, Cool..." ; Yale Supp
3 - Super awesome! Your essays are very original and creative. And you turned such a simple thing into...
UndergraduateRange Rover - Dec 24, 2012 / mayfl0wer - Dec 29, 2012
|"Ignorance is bliss"- I disagree; Stanford Sup/ What matters to you and why?
3 - Thanks for the advice! I changed what you said, and I think it did improve. Please look at my...
Undergraduate503dannyk - Dec 29, 2012 / 503dannyk - Dec 29, 2012
|"silence remains, inescapably, a form of speech" ; UCHICAGO SILENCE ESSAY
Undergraduatehenajane - Dec 29, 2012 / mayfl0wer - Dec 29, 2012
|Carmelo Anthony/ alumni & fans of SU/ Choice of Academic fields; Syracuse Supplement
Undergraduateabulkhair37 - Dec 29, 2012 / lkaradsheh - Dec 29, 2012
|Key to lion's den or to blessings; Common App - Topic Of My Choice
6 - mayfl0wer, "Our labors create not the mold of our own souls but the mold of a key." Some people...
Undergraduatej814wong - Dec 29, 2012 / j814wong - Dec 29, 2012
|EGO & SELF ESTEEM; "DESCRIBE YOURSELF" essay for UNC Chapel Hill application
2 - CAPITALIZE ALL YOUR I s!!! AVOID CONTRACTIONS! In order to adequately describe myself, i must highlight the...
Undergraduateajdv94 - Dec 29, 2012 / mayfl0wer - Dec 29, 2012
|Bike Rides and Life Lessons- Johns Hopkins/ Interests
8 - I think you should cut away some of the beginning and explain the impact on you as Didgeridoo mentioned....
Undergraduatemela3 - Dec 29, 2012 / sillybandz - Dec 29, 2012
|I'm a dork! [Stanford roommate supplement]
7 - The buffalo joke made me smile. I love puns with, like, a passion. However, while I can see the...
Undergraduatexamanda - Dec 27, 2012 / kellyjanemartin - Dec 29, 2012
|True Value; Stanford sup/ What Matters to you and why.
3 - I think your last paragraph was great but the beginning was not so great. I think that if you...
Undergraduaterisnag1995 - Dec 29, 2012 / snibberbit - Dec 29, 2012
|"Chemical engine"; NYU Sup: Academic interests?
Undergraduateayu0006 - Dec 29, 2012 / mercedes1923 - Dec 29, 2012
|Right crowd; The alarm clock can be bothersome indeed/ U Chicago; Why? & Arch-nemesis
Undergraduatemgabir - Dec 29, 2012 / mela3 - Dec 29, 2012
|Taking a // MIT essay // Attribute of Personality
UndergraduateProran - Dec 29, 2012 / mela3 - Dec 29, 2012
|'The law of attraction' NYU short essay 2012-2013- What intrigues you?
Undergraduate13williamsm - Dec 25, 2012 / katev - Dec 29, 2012
|"Ideas worth spreading"/ Columbia/ "Meaningful"
Undergraduatemacklemorebro - Dec 27, 2012 / abenelazar - Dec 29, 2012
|Economist and Businessman ; Uchicago essay- My greatest desire
3 - InOn the other hand, Never seen "In the other hand" freely express their ideas and believes ,...
UndergraduateJohann3000 - Dec 29, 2012 / sobegreentea972 - Dec 29, 2012
|My grandmother; Common application essay; I have learned many things.
3 - Andross5 Great essay! I agree with the changes suggested above, but the story is great. Your details are great...
UndergraduateAndross5 - Dec 29, 2012 / snibberbit - Dec 29, 2012
|Enhance intellectual maturity & explore other branches; Engage Academically AT UPENN
Undergraduatexphyllisx - Dec 29, 2012 / xphyllisx - Dec 29, 2012
|"Black and White Rainbow"; William and Mary sup- What makes you unique and colorful?
4 - thanks a lot! these really helped a lot. I should've made this clear in the essay. What I meant...
Undergraduatekarizma101 - Dec 26, 2012 / karizma101 - Dec 29, 2012
|'Congratulations! You Won! Play Again? (Y/N)'; Carnegie Mellon(Computer Science)
2 - I love your essay and how you showed your inspiration. Your attention to detail and how you described the...
Undergraduatewon9409 - Dec 29, 2012 / Range Rover - Dec 29, 2012
|I & my grandfather; Johns Hopkins Sup/ more about me
4 - Thanks to you both for the comments! I knew that the sentence was awkwardly structured and I really like...
Undergraduatekaratekid666 - Dec 29, 2012 / karatekid666 - Dec 29, 2012
|Family- Strandford: What matters to you?
Undergraduatesofiadlo - Dec 28, 2012 / ding377 - Dec 29, 2012
|Don't be creeped out; STANFORD COMMON APP. ROOMIE ESSAY
9 - Well if you say "what's mine is yours" then you allow your roommate to take anything of yours and...
Undergraduatehenajane - Dec 13, 2012 / higuise - Dec 29, 2012
|Optimism, curiosity and inquisitiveness.; STANFORD/ intellectual vitality
UndergraduateEFalade06 - Dec 29, 2012 / kellyjanemartin - Dec 29, 2012
|I come from a small town in Oregon ; Stanford- Letter to Roommate
12 - I think the topic is better suited for what matters to you the most simply because it describes how...
Undergraduatehannahdowdy - Dec 29, 2012 / EmiEvi - Dec 29, 2012
|Breathtaking campus of medium size ; Columbia Sup/ Why Columbia?
Undergraduatemzontario - Dec 29, 2012 / auro - Dec 29, 2012
|The song "That Lucky Old Sun"/ Topic of your choice
Undergraduatesaubau95 - Dec 28, 2012 / c0smic - Dec 29, 2012
|I won four rounds; UCHICAGO SUPP_ARCH NENEMIS
6 - There are a lot of grammatical errors and the essay isn't very focused. This exams would decide if...
Undergraduatekabal - Dec 27, 2012 / hellogoodbye - Dec 29, 2012
|When I was young, I wanted to be an Egyptologist / Johns Hopkins; Pursue what & why?
Undergraduatemela3 - Dec 29, 2012 / karatekid666 - Dec 29, 2012
|My love for science; Harvard Common App
Undergraduateiaawicsdmwm - Dec 24, 2012 / iaawicsdmwm - Dec 29, 2012
|'eyes, ears, mouth, and nose' - Diversity Common App essay
7 - Loved the visual effects. You did a lot more showing rather than telling here and that is highly important....
UndergraduateBirdiee - Oct 9, 2012 / Range Rover - Dec 29, 2012
|I hadn't been weak; I had been strong; Common App/ Experience
5 - Thank you all for your critiques! When I chose this topic, I was worrying about being too generic......
Undergraduatehiguise - Dec 28, 2012 / higuise - Dec 29, 2012
|"Pop!"; What is your favorite word and why?
Undergraduatevaleriadavila01 - Dec 29, 2012 / hannahdowdy - Dec 29, 2012
|I found myself in the USA; Stanford Sup : A phone call that changed my life
3 - thanks guys for the response... good points made.... definiteley helps do you have any suggestions what i could leave...
Undergraduatexxxbluefrogxxx - Dec 29, 2012 / xxxbluefrogxxx - Dec 29, 2012
|Open curriculum; Rochester supp; Why Rochester?
Undergraduatenayelojello - Dec 27, 2012 / nayelojello - Dec 29, 2012
|The power of Creativity common app essay
4 - Hi there! "The taste of just "barely getting by" was of salt." <- Something little but instead of...
UndergraduateLeynorboard - Dec 27, 2012 / alicederp - Dec 29, 2012
|MIT essay // Most significant challenge // Father's alcoholism
14 - d'awwwwwwwwww the ending maybe it is just me (i am far from the most competent writer here) but...
UndergraduateProran - Dec 20, 2012 / ayu0006 - Dec 29, 2012
|I had a passion and intention to study business;Cornell Supp/ Intellectual interests
4 - Oh wow this is an amazing essay! "As an immigrant, I am particularly drawn to international economics, specifically...
Undergraduatehellogoodbye - Dec 29, 2012 / alicederp - Dec 29, 2012
|I am a "Cameron Crazy" at heart.; Duke Trinity College of A&S/ Good match?
Undergraduatekaratekid666 - Dec 29, 2012 / karatekid666 - Dec 29, 2012
|The sport began for myself; Common App- Short Answer on Lacrosse
Undergraduategymnast9195 - Dec 29, 2012 / gymnast9195 - Dec 29, 2012
|Born in LA and moved to China; Common App
2 - Its a well written and descriptive essay :) I think it really helps the reader get to know you!...
UndergraduateJasonVL - Dec 29, 2012 / sunny_joy - Dec 29, 2012
|My compulsive need to finish everything I started; William & Mary/Unique & Colorful?
Undergraduatevaleriadavila01 - Dec 29, 2012 / vallh6018 - Dec 29, 2012
|Interest in Bio; Cornell Sup - College of Art and Sciences
8 - I think you do alot of showing metophorically speaking, I think you should be a little more decriptive and...
Undergraduaterew2402 - Dec 28, 2012 / nayelojello - Dec 29, 2012
|The best of both worlds; Columbia Sup/ Why Columbia?
3 - Thank you hellogoodbye, I'll make it more specific Also, are the first two sentences in the second para...
Undergraduateauro - Dec 29, 2012 / auro - Dec 29, 2012
|"Peru! Welcome to Anseong, South Korea!" ;Common App/ TOPIC OF YOUR CHOICE
2 - preferred - try to replace it with favourite. To be able to see that much quantity and quality...
Undergraduatemajofi - Dec 29, 2012 / hellogoodbye - Dec 29, 2012
|Boredom is not an option ; NYU Supp : Why NYU?
Undergraduatealicederp - Dec 29, 2012 / hellogoodbye - Dec 29, 2012
|Our new Art Club President!; Stony Brook Honors; Experience
Undergraduate0livegreen - Dec 29, 2012 / alicederp - Dec 29, 2012
|I am the elected President of PBC; Common App - Youth can make a difference
4 - First off, thank you for reading my essay! If you don't mind, I posted a new one that answers...
Undergraduatemzontario - Dec 29, 2012 / valeriadavila01 - Dec 29, 2012
|Diligent is the one word that describes me; PENN STATE / Personal statement
Undergraduatepqahpikachu - Dec 29, 2012 / pqahpikachu - Dec 29, 2012
|Sister was diagonozed with leukemia: Significant life experience; NYU, USC, UMIAMI
Undergraduatepinkflowers - Dec 28, 2012 / pinkflowers - Dec 29, 2012
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