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|Diligent is the one word that describes me; PENN STATE / Personal statement
Undergraduatepqahpikachu - Dec 29, 2012 / pqahpikachu - Dec 29, 2012
|Sister was diagonozed with leukemia: Significant life experience; NYU, USC, UMIAMI
Undergraduatepinkflowers - Dec 28, 2012 / pinkflowers - Dec 29, 2012
|"Wake up, son; daddy's brought you a present." /University of Colorado Boulder
3 - I agree 100% with bzn456 on the changes he/she made. I really liked the essay you wrote. Very...
Undergraduated125q - Dec 28, 2012 / br2pi5 - Dec 29, 2012
|My grandfather came to Surat at age of 19 / MIT - Family
UndergraduateMillin Gabani - Dec 29, 2012 / Millin Gabani - Dec 29, 2012
|Academic opportunities;Yale Symphony Orchestra; Why Yale?
4 - Try to mention specific professors or performances to show you have done the research and keep the focus off...
UndergraduateQWERTY1995 - Dec 29, 2012 / bzn456 - Dec 29, 2012
|I like physics very much.; Colombia App; why engineering ?
2 - Disregarding grammatical errors, The essay does not flow. Some parts don't make sense and/or are very weak sentences. (ex....
Undergraduatemahmoudjendy - Dec 29, 2012 / QWERTY1995 - Dec 29, 2012
|Dream of becoming a CMU Tartan; Carnegie Mellon Application: Why Carnegie Mellon
4 - ^ yes if it can bring clarity to your "interest" in economics. Just answer the prompt. I would take...
Undergraduatealicederp - Dec 29, 2012 / QWERTY1995 - Dec 29, 2012
|Moral and ethics/ Endless patience; Yale "About me" /Influential Person, or Morals
3 - Thank you @admissions2012, but I realized that both of these essays are not very interesting and not really up...
Undergraduate12345tyuiop - Dec 27, 2012 / 12345tyuiop - Dec 29, 2012
|"dream big"; YALE Supp _ Why Yale ?
8 - Ditto to everything LillyCullen mentioned. I think it should be very specific. Argg..I'm having trouble with the why yale...
UndergraduateMiaB - Dec 26, 2012 / QWERTY1995 - Dec 29, 2012
|My cousin; Cornell University Sup - college of engineering
UndergraduatexXWittyGalXx - Dec 28, 2012 / xXWittyGalXx - Dec 29, 2012
|Brazilian girls in Norway; Common App/ How my presence enrich student community?
Undergraduatemshaheen95 - Dec 25, 2012 / imbue - Dec 29, 2012
|I would be satisfied beyond my desires; University of Chicago
6 - There is a lot in the first paragraph that makes your essay as a whole sound very generic and...
UndergraduateCamila - Dec 8, 2012 / imbue - Dec 29, 2012
|Belongingness, Parents, Super ego; TUFTS - Why Tufts, Let your life speak, Nerdy side
4 - For the New Tufts essay, I like your ideas for this topic. However, I don't think you should say...
Undergraduateaqualad - Dec 28, 2012 / sillybandz - Dec 29, 2012
|Reflection; This course work helped me improve my drawbacks and enhance my knowledge
8 - oh im sorry, this is my inattention) Despite all advantages of this work I had some difficulties as well...
UndergraduateKnyazKnyazev - Dec 12, 2012 / Hell Yeah - Dec 29, 2012
|Choosing intellectual engagement; Bowdoin supplement
Undergraduatekatev - Dec 27, 2012 / EmeeShie7 - Dec 29, 2012
|My role model is my father; University of Michigan / Unique qualities
Undergraduatewolverineboy - Dec 28, 2012 / rosieish - Dec 29, 2012
|Empowerment/Independence/Healthy environment; Barnard Supplement - "Why Barnard?"
Undergraduatesunnybunny - Dec 27, 2012 / sunnybunny - Dec 29, 2012
|My mother has been a role model ; Williams SE- looking through the window?
6 - Talking about some special/ memorable instances of your mother that has influenced you very much is more effective than...
Undergraduaterew2402 - Dec 27, 2012 / Mohaiminul - Dec 29, 2012
|Forrest Gump/Biology/new environment; NYU Sup /Intrigues/Academic interest/Why NYUAD?
3 - Thanks a lot for your suggestions!! The essay seemed to be much better and correct!! Good luck...
Undergraduatehanksze - Dec 27, 2012 / hanksze - Dec 29, 2012
|Understanding the universe/ Columbia Sup; Area of interest
2 - I think it is a decent essay. But it would be more impressive to add some academic achievements....
Undergraduatesaubau95 - Dec 28, 2012 / Bighall - Dec 29, 2012
|"Only inside a cocoon does the caterpillar grow wings"; SOP
2 - Dear Shreya Sahu, This is in undergraduate filed you are writing . This is inappropriate in Undergraduate Essays field....
Undergraduatesreya87 - Dec 28, 2012 / Millin Gabani - Dec 29, 2012
|Psychology and Economics are my favorites; Rice supplement / Why Social Sciences?
2 - This is a really good essay. You answer the prompt well and don't diverge. You might want to talk...
Undergraduatesogoldman - Dec 27, 2012 / enigma33 - Dec 29, 2012
|academic rigor and competitiveness/ best students; Columbia SUPP/ Why Columbia?
7 - Personal opinion: If I substitute any other school for Columbia, I find that this essay could also be sent...
UndergraduateSabahat - Dec 28, 2012 / headshot0313 - Dec 29, 2012
|Mohammed Ali; Someone that influenced your thinking?
NEW - Someone that influenced your thinking? To me Mohammed Ali will be remembered as one of the greatest boxers that...
Undergraduatecathy2595 - Dec 29, 2012 / — -
|My qualities; UIUC App/ Something more
3 - I think it's a really good essay considering you have a low max. word limit. In many ways you're...
Undergraduateshailendra redd - Dec 27, 2012 / TheTrooper - Dec 29, 2012
|Doctor? Yeah i always wanted to be a Doctor.
2 - Hello, Blah Blah Blah. Take a look at the thousands of past examples on this forum. This essay...
Undergraduatecathy2595 - Dec 29, 2012 / admission2012 - Dec 29, 2012
|Superwoman, Silenced/ Common App : Person who had significant influence
2 - The title is very provocative, which is good since it grabs the reader's attention. I liked your essay a...
Undergraduatesrusakow - Dec 29, 2012 / Ace1995 - Dec 29, 2012
|"Cultural Interaction Community Project"; Common App: Extracurricular Activity
Undergraduatealicederp - Dec 29, 2012 / cathy2595 - Dec 29, 2012
|Let your life speak/ Swim team community; WHY Tufts?
Undergraduatechillyp - Dec 26, 2012 / chillyp - Dec 29, 2012
|I loveStar Trek ;The Holodeck Essay
UndergraduateDoom - Dec 28, 2012 / Millin Gabani - Dec 29, 2012
|It wasn't until I read "Wicked" ; Columbia/ "meaningful" supplement
Undergraduatexamanda - Dec 27, 2012 / xamanda - Dec 29, 2012
|Cultivate my insights and skills ; BOSTON U/ Why BU?
Undergraduateayu0006 - Dec 26, 2012 / hellogoodbye - Dec 29, 2012
|As I spoke, I felt my heart tightening up like a fist/ U Penn; "Ben Franklin's Quote"
3 - Beads of sweat streamed down my face as I forced the last word of my ninth grade English presentation...
Undergraduatejaegoogle - Dec 28, 2012 / hellogoodbye - Dec 29, 2012
|I am a Jain ; Common App/ Significant Experience
3 - As a Jain, I was raised to follow _______________________. without taste doesn't need a comma before it. ...
Undergraduateshadow_master - Dec 28, 2012 / hellogoodbye - Dec 29, 2012
|Math and science/ Parents' nursing career; Cornell Sup; Interests/ experience
5 - Take out the contractions. Like It's "Shining at the end of the tunnel" is a cliche try another...
Undergraduatexcrunner095 - Dec 26, 2012 / Karla281995 - Dec 29, 2012
|"Get in the car!"; BOSTON COLLEGE SUP:CHANGING PERCEPTION OF A MOMENT
3 - Good essay; you have some good ideas about your routines vs those of others, and being a bicultural person....
Undergraduatetchang530 - Dec 28, 2012 / esimpnoxin - Dec 29, 2012
|I belong to all 3 classes depending on circumstances; UPenn ;"All mankind.."
9 - Rosekareen, This is great!! Compared to the first one, it has good personal examples and the first paragraph...
UndergraduateRosekareen - Dec 22, 2012 / risnag1995 - Dec 29, 2012
|Sitting in Washington Square Park, surrounded by radiant students, I immediately felt at home
Undergraduatebsabrine - Dec 28, 2012 / yisha - Dec 29, 2012
|College of Human Ecology (HBHS Major) - CORNELL SUPPLEMENT
4 - wonderful essay, no spelling or grammar mistake that I could figure out. Please help me with mine....
Undergraduatejaegoogle - Dec 28, 2012 / black and white - Dec 28, 2012
|To walk; Common App personal essay
3 - Thanks for your comment, koliva223. :))) I will pay more attention on those details that you give me....
UndergraduateFortuitousMW - Dec 28, 2012 / FortuitousMW - Dec 28, 2012
|Molly Moon's Incredible Book on Hypnotism/ Cornell Supplement
8 - Pingupinga, ....'I obsessed over new books'- it should be ' obsessed WITH books' I think you should also tell...
Undergraduatepingupinga - Dec 26, 2012 / black and white - Dec 28, 2012
|Medical field; NYU Supp - Academic interests?
4 - I love your essay!! I'm working on the NYU supplementsïźtoo. Since there is a why essay already, personally I...
UndergraduateJoannaM - Dec 27, 2012 / VVCepheiA - Dec 28, 2012
|"Choose your weapon"; JOHNS HOPKINS ESSAY/ UNDECIDED MAJOR
Undergraduatehenajane - Dec 28, 2012 / henajane - Dec 28, 2012
|Soccer is my life/ Common App/ Extracurricular activities
2 - Sounds great overall. I really enjoyed your essay! Would you mind reviewing mine? Good luck with the rest of...
UndergraduateAndross5 - Dec 28, 2012 / ding377 - Dec 28, 2012
|X-box; Uchicago essay- The power of silence
UndergraduateJohann3000 - Dec 28, 2012 / kabal - Dec 28, 2012
|Leadership is an art, not a quality; North Carolina / Leadership
7 - Thanks to everyone who has posted their valuable comments. Below is my second draft. Please critique it. I am...
Undergraduateblack and white - Dec 28, 2012 / black and white - Dec 28, 2012
|Want to help children become confident; BOSTON COLLEGE SUPP: Service to Others
5 - xphyllisx While volunteering, I have seen that with proper guidance and encouragement can drive children to achieve beyond one's...
Undergraduatexphyllisx - Dec 26, 2012 / a608863a - Dec 28, 2012
|Effect of my Tricultural Background - HKU Personal Statement
7 - awesome, thank you very much. I had the same thought that listing so much stuff might be boring. I...
Undergraduatelinting2012 - Dec 27, 2012 / linting2012 - Dec 28, 2012
|Living alone has taught me to become more independent; Gap Year
2 - I was enrolled in to King Abdullah University The KGSP scholarship was established to assure a source of...
UndergraduateDabbagh - Dec 27, 2012 / Karla281995 - Dec 28, 2012
|change is good; William and Mary /type of person
4 - I liked everything except the beginning. It was almost a bit TOO honest, yknow. Apart from being a...
Undergraduatevaleriadavila01 - Dec 28, 2012 / mzontario - Dec 28, 2012
|Near train accident; University of Illinois/something more
Undergraduatepainglintun - Dec 27, 2012 / painglintun - Dec 28, 2012
|I would be a neurosurgeon; JHU; Why did you choose the way you did?
Undergraduatesmashbro - Dec 28, 2012 / smashbro - Dec 28, 2012
|Course 2-A of mechanical engineering department of MIT is an ideal program for me
4 - rew2402 To fulfill my dream of achieving a profound kowledge in mech engr, i need to be graduated...
UndergraduateMillin Gabani - Dec 28, 2012 / Millin Gabani - Dec 28, 2012
|Internship at the University of Technology PETRONAS; Cornell's Engineering
Undergraduatedavinia - Dec 28, 2012 / davinia - Dec 28, 2012
|Think of 'free' ; UNI OF MICHIGAN/COMMUNITY
2 - "Free software is a matter of liberty, not price. Think of 'free' as in 'free speech', not as in...
Undergraduateharryrohan - Dec 28, 2012 / joah5454 - Dec 28, 2012
|Shadowed a young Dermatologist; Boston University Accelerated Programs
2 - Awesome essay! It flows very well and answers all parts of the prompt. I cannot think of any suggestions....
Undergraduateimbue - Dec 28, 2012 / mela3 - Dec 28, 2012
|"I am a Cupcake" - Stanford Application "Letter to Your Future Roommate" Essay
3 - Carnegie Mellon Supp Essay --- Please critisize From a very young age I had a knack for Physics and...
UndergraduateTsprinkles - Dec 24, 2012 / Billo - Dec 28, 2012
|Biology Project : Stanford Intellectual Vitality
3 - Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual...
Undergraduatemannam - Dec 28, 2012 / joah5454 - Dec 28, 2012
|NYU is the perfect institution / Why NYU?
3 - No, the prompt is, ' NYU's global network provides students with hundreds of academic areas of interest for students...
UndergraduateAnaury - Dec 28, 2012 / Anaury - Dec 28, 2012
|"Presidential Scandal" - Common App Essay
2 - This is a good essay and I really enjoyed reading it! Just wondering, but isn't the limit for the...
UndergraduateJessDoIt - Dec 28, 2012 / mannam - Dec 28, 2012
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