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|New experiences are what matter to me; Stanford
3 - In fact, my decision to study political science is influenced strongly by Model United Nations conferences, a concept I...
Undergraduatethespoonguy - Dec 17, 2012 / Doom - Dec 22, 2012
|UPenn ; "All mankind is divided into three classes......" Which are you?
Undergraduateserendipity57 - Dec 22, 2012 / serendipity57 - Dec 22, 2012
|I was a DJ in the school broadcasting station/ Common App; Extracurricular Activity
Undergraduateyisha - Dec 6, 2012 / weeyizhi - Dec 22, 2012
|What is my career? - Math - NYU App/ Academic plans/ Interests
2 - I think this transition is a little bit too sudden. The school wants to know how your interests...
UndergraduateMacrusa - Dec 21, 2012 / hshsteven - Dec 22, 2012
|"Focus to see the Light" ; Interior Design/ College Essay
2 - but would calm myself as well. I think the top part is very well-written, especially the part when...
Undergraduatereenbean - Dec 18, 2012 / hshsteven - Dec 22, 2012
|With no electricity, I had been sentenced to forced idleness; Common App/ PS
3 - Yes Katev, thank you I get the point. I must admit that at times I did overuse the thesaurus....
Undergraduatehashmnahz94 - Dec 19, 2012 / hashmnahz94 - Dec 22, 2012
|Academic & Cultural exposure/ Benefit & Contribute/ Rutgers Common App
2 - I like your introduction. It's well presented :) The long planeflights and car rides were annoying and the...
Undergraduateimanali14 - Dec 20, 2012 / dumi - Dec 21, 2012
|CommonApp Essay on Evaluation of an Experience Creating an MMORPG
3 - Thanks for your great suggestions! I will do my best to revise the essay. However, I have another...
Undergraduatecoollog - Dec 15, 2012 / coollog - Dec 21, 2012
|Smithie at heart;song- "When You Believe" :Smith Common App/ Why Smith?/ Song & You
3 - thank you very much for the suggestions weeyizhi, I will try to make it better bearing in mind of...
Undergraduatemichelle95 - Dec 21, 2012 / michelle95 - Dec 21, 2012
|Art & Science ; FIT ADMISSION/ perfect candidate/ major
Undergraduateloth - Dec 20, 2012 / loth - Dec 21, 2012
|I volunteered at a hospital; Common App /Significant Accomplishment
2 - I would consider deleting this sentence I earned a hundred hour certificate and an honorary pin for my...
Undergraduateshuky55 - Dec 18, 2012 / SAChedal - Dec 21, 2012
|I am truly blessed ; Drexel BS/MD Supp
3 - You wrote real well. You might want to reconsider this sentence though , My life has not been easy...
Undergraduatetutu51595 - Dec 21, 2012 / SAChedal - Dec 21, 2012
|She collapsed on the chair ; most significant challenge / (MIT)
2 - "not prepared for such an occasion" "she could barely stand"- its best to take out the word up. it...
Undergraduateyara - Dec 18, 2012 / tutu51595 - Dec 21, 2012
|Johns Hopkins Supplement #1 Chemistry or Biology?.... Wait, Biochemistry!
9 - Near the end, the word "Finally" would cause confusion since it would continue an idea but in your essay,...
Undergraduatewillyfree - Dec 19, 2012 / pinkmonkey - Dec 21, 2012
|Fright of the unknown took over me; Admission Essay
5 - It sounds really good overall but there's a few minor things that could be improved. Your second sentence is...
Undergraduatedpmg94 - Dec 14, 2012 / andrethedrumme1 - Dec 21, 2012
|Kick, dodge; CommonApp/ Topic of your choice
UndergraduateNashinro - Dec 20, 2012 / Nashinro - Dec 21, 2012
|I come from a diverse background; U Colorado/ How you enrich Colorado community?
UndergraduateQuinchonez - Dec 21, 2012 / Quinchonez - Dec 21, 2012
|CommonApp Extracurricular Activity writing. - Singing
UndergraduateDDDDISSSSSCO - Dec 20, 2012 / DDDDISSSSSCO - Dec 21, 2012
|A Risky Phone call; Common App/ extracurricular activities
5 - Thank you all so much for your meaningful feedback! I've rearranged some words so I can include the fact...
Undergraduatekatev - Dec 20, 2012 / katev - Dec 21, 2012
|Standing up to a bully ; My Common Application 500 word essay
Undergraduatezephyr4813 - Dec 18, 2012 / zephyr4813 - Dec 21, 2012
|I'm excited to be living with you/ Stanford / letter to roommate!
3 - looks great! but maybe put in some interaction with your roommate? like..ask the other person some questions?...
Undergraduatebriannalawson3 - Dec 21, 2012 / fasaran - Dec 21, 2012
|CORNELL/ Eng Idea,Interest &Cornell Education;"Mech Eng is the mother of Engineering"
2 - apple123 Whenever there is a malfunction of any gadgets at home, I usually watch my dad, a Mechanical Engineer,...
Undergraduateapple123 - Dec 21, 2012 / ash5005 - Dec 21, 2012
|Reading - Common App; extracurricular activity
4 - School Editorial Board, which gave a chance to explore through the writings of great many students and in addition,...
Undergraduatesarthakjain - Dec 21, 2012 / serdarovez - Dec 21, 2012
|One of things in my life that have developed my leadership is soccer.
13 - Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that...
Undergraduatesarangnerkar - Dec 6, 2012 / sarangnerkar - Dec 21, 2012
|'Interest and love for business' - Field of intended study - Columbia
6 - Hi. Instead of listing everything you've done, I think it's better to show us what you did in a...
Undergraduatemzontario - Dec 17, 2012 / weeyizhi - Dec 21, 2012
|outline and thesis statement about facebook harmfull and most clicked
2 - If you're writing about Facebooks harmfulness maybe have a thesis more along the lines of "Although Facebook may be...
Undergraduateessaymatic - Dec 21, 2012 / briannalawson3 - Dec 21, 2012
|University of illinois/ Impact of past experiences
Undergraduateprogrammer - Dec 21, 2012 / dumi - Dec 21, 2012
|H.G. Wells, in The Time Machine; Princeton Supp/ favorite quotation
Undergraduatenairbear68 - Dec 19, 2012 / mzontario - Dec 21, 2012
|Security condition; Common App: Discuss a local issue and your importance to you.
6 - I think you need to bring life into your essay. Make us feel the things you're talking about. Use...
Undergraduateraskolnikov59 - Dec 19, 2012 / weeyizhi - Dec 21, 2012
|See more of the WORLD; Why Yale?- Diversity and Opportunity
4 - You should really focus more on Yale to answer the prompt. Explain your longing for diversity concisely. Then, say...
UndergraduateElizabeth_A2013 - Dec 19, 2012 / weeyizhi - Dec 21, 2012
|My fascination with foreign dramas/ language ;Common App/ Why diversity important?
3 - Thank you so much for the advice! I was having trouble with that third paragraph and getting my points...
Undergraduatetprincesst - Dec 20, 2012 / tprincesst - Dec 21, 2012
|Lehigh University Supp/ Common App/ Unique aspect of Lehigh?
3 - This sounds very abrupt :( You need to explain how Lehigh would allow students to use their full...
Undergraduateneisha - Dec 19, 2012 / dumi - Dec 21, 2012
|I waged war against myself / Amherst Supplement: Overcoming Difficulties
Undergraduatedi10di - Dec 20, 2012 / WilliamWambua - Dec 21, 2012
|Moving on; Stanford Supp/ Intellectual Vitality
NEW - Does this essay answer the prompt? What did you learn about me after reading the piece. Do any parts...
Undergraduatediebysenioritis - Dec 21, 2012 / — -
|These trend words would be in our minds; NYU/What intrigues you?
3 - As long as you emphasize that trending slang is a method of communication and describe what those words mean...
Undergraduatedusun28 - Dec 20, 2012 / Didgeridoo - Dec 20, 2012
|Surrounded by spices - Looking through the window ;Williams College
12 - collegehopeful9 HI! i think its a great essay with vivid writing. i mostly agree with the other people, but...
Undergraduatecollegehopeful9 - Dec 10, 2012 / tak_jpn - Dec 20, 2012
|USC Engineering suppliment essay. degrees Benefit to society, and am I a nerd?
3 - Thank you this is exactly what I needed. Thank you for sorting through all that word vomit, that was...
Undergraduatecreepernaut - Dec 20, 2012 / creepernaut - Dec 20, 2012
|I was always engrossed in electronic machines; The essay of U of Pitt
Undergraduate54lbz987 - Dec 15, 2012 / 54lbz987 - Dec 20, 2012
|KPOP; Struggle with Culture/ (College app essay)
7 - It has a really strong and abrupt turning point for your views which I think is what you were...
Undergraduatenairbear68 - Dec 19, 2012 / WilliamWambua - Dec 20, 2012
|Common App/ Why Colby? the one place that most spoke to my interests
2 - In the manner of grammar, you're doing quite fine. Here's a few things that I would consider changing: ...
Undergraduateserdarovez - Dec 20, 2012 / dimoffd - Dec 20, 2012
|Path to find what really matters; U Delaware Honors Program/ What matters most?
3 - The build up to what matters to you i.e. the first two paragraphs is really nice :) nice flow...
UndergraduateStephR - Dec 20, 2012 / ahashmi6 - Dec 20, 2012
|Carnegie Mellon University Essay - My Reason for Choosing this School
Undergraduatedimoffd - Dec 19, 2012 / dimoffd - Dec 20, 2012
|What do I wish for!/ What's inside the package and how do you spend your day ?
3 - The prompt was very vague and asked what do we want in a package. This never really happened XD...
UndergraduateMacrusa - Dec 19, 2012 / Macrusa - Dec 20, 2012
|Salvadoran's Resourcefulness MIT World Essay
4 - Explain where the wisdom and resourcefulness comes from comes from. I know that this essay needs to be...
Undergraduatelinting2012 - Dec 20, 2012 / MHKHRY - Dec 20, 2012
|College of Arts and Sciences; Cornell Supp/ intellectual interests, evolution
Undergraduateraskolnikov59 - Dec 19, 2012 / katev - Dec 20, 2012
|Language Courses/ PennSID ; UPENN SUPP (How you engage academically at Penn?)
Undergraduatebrazilian01 - Dec 19, 2012 / nairbear68 - Dec 20, 2012
|Volunteer teaching job ; Common App - work experiences
UndergraduateWilliamWambua - Dec 20, 2012 / nairbear68 - Dec 20, 2012
|Barnard College/ what influenced your decision to apply? Simple delightful!
5 - Thank you! :)...
UndergraduateMHKHRY - Dec 20, 2012 / MHKHRY - Dec 20, 2012
|Curiosity; Stanford Supp/ Intellectual vitality
Undergraduatediebysenioritis - Dec 16, 2012 / nairbear68 - Dec 20, 2012
|UPENN/NURSING TEAR ME TO SHREDS. NO MERCY
Undergraduatealecblumenfeld - Dec 20, 2012 / alecblumenfeld - Dec 20, 2012
|Family/ Shool ; MIT essay-My world shaping my aspirations;
Undergraduatessaxena - Dec 19, 2012 / chiragjain - Dec 20, 2012
|I was born a warrior/ CALTECH's opportunities & resources
2 - very good... covers all the aspect! you may experiment a bit with sentence structure.. otherwise, it's good !...
Undergraduatechiragjain - Dec 20, 2012 / ssaxena - Dec 20, 2012
|''Kaley'' , being dark in complexion - Personal Statement for Bucknell
Undergraduaterocky432 - Dec 19, 2012 / MHKHRY - Dec 20, 2012
|Producing props for drama! Common App- Extracurricular activities
UndergraduateShoko0229 - Dec 19, 2012 / Shoko0229 - Dec 20, 2012
|'Ever Better'--Rochester/ "Meliora "experience from your life
UndergraduateCynthia2200 - Dec 17, 2012 / Cynthia2200 - Dec 20, 2012
|Ranked 8th in the world...: UMich Supp/ Why UMich?
4 - Hi. I think your essay is good. You clearly show that you have made some research about the university....
Undergraduatedavidjaychoi - Dec 19, 2012 / weeyizhi - Dec 20, 2012
|Passion for travel; Yale Supp/ Something you'd like to say more
15 - At fourteen, I decided to do an exchange year in Germany. I didn't speak any German, but I went...
Undergraduatebrazilian01 - Dec 19, 2012 / weeyizhi - Dec 20, 2012
|That was the day of the grand Egyptian revolution / Common App: National Concern
9 - The previous two comments really said what I wanted to say. Especially with an event like this I can...
UndergraduateJoey191 - Dec 18, 2012 / enigma33 - Dec 20, 2012
|UNC Supplement-Design your own course prompt. "journey into mystery"
NEW - If you could design and teach your own course, what topic would you cover? What texts, assignments, projects, field...
Undergraduatelehrling12 - Dec 19, 2012 / — -
|Common app essay about influential fictional character. "Don't forget the hyphen"
Undergraduatelehrling12 - Dec 19, 2012 / lehrling12 - Dec 19, 2012
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