|Undergraduate [25,740] - page 137 of 430|
|Swimming, the discipline that inspires me - PERSONAL STATEMENT
2 - I think the content itself is quite ok but there are some some sentences that are not clear enough....
Undergraduateveronikapilip - Nov 28, 2012 / Edna - Dec 3, 2012
|The challenges I faced being Hispanic; I fall under the most popular stereotypes
2 - This sentence is too long, therefore its clarity is greatly affected... Break it to few sentences so that...
Undergraduatenatalyt94 - Dec 1, 2012 / dumi - Dec 3, 2012
|I am one of the twin sisters; making friends is merely sociable with others superficially
3 - you have some grammatical errors : "each other become his or her main partner" should be "they become others...
UndergraduateReefs - Dec 3, 2012 / sarthakjain - Dec 3, 2012
|Elaborate on one extracurricular (Sound engineer)
3 - i think what you presented in the short answer is perfect. it really brings out your passion about sound...
UndergraduateAetos132 - Dec 3, 2012 / sarthakjain - Dec 3, 2012
|Dear Roommate - Hope you learned something about me!
5 - rewrote the first paragraph, I can see how it was confusing. Hopefully the second draft is easier to understand....
Undergraduateareallybadninja - Dec 2, 2012 / areallybadninja - Dec 3, 2012
|'first forced practice' - Deficient -- Common App Prompt #1
7 - Hello bimzy, It is much better! Your edition is really effective! 1) I am still not sure about when...
Undergraduatebimzy - Nov 26, 2012 / luying9682 - Dec 3, 2012
|I am a critical thinker pursuing a bioscience Major
2 - Applying this strategy, I narrowed down my diverse interests with more focus on science courses. Consequently, I...
Undergraduatetheariesc - Nov 30, 2012 / dumi - Dec 3, 2012
|Born in America with a Filipino heritage and culture!
Undergraduateenigma_girl - Nov 30, 2012 / dumi - Dec 3, 2012
|'Building is permanent' - UW Undergrad Essay - My Character-Defining Moment
Undergraduaterachellouisek - Nov 25, 2012 / Pahan - Dec 3, 2012
|Don't scream! Don't go to the playground! Don't play with toys! No! No! No!
Undergraduatekarengaytan - Nov 29, 2012 / dumi - Dec 3, 2012
|Dream Big and leave the Beach; Success
3 - Thanks a lot Dumi , I liked how ou re-phrase the fisrt sentence the third correction you made i...
UndergraduateMartinxo15 - Nov 29, 2012 / Martinxo15 - Dec 2, 2012
|Stop fearing the future; surrounded by doctors, lawyers and businessmen
4 - strong writing I think . perfect for a place like Stanford. but you should check the structure of sentences...
Undergraduatecarlosdave - Nov 29, 2012 / sarthakjain - Dec 2, 2012
|Why Swarthmore? Quirks. - Swarthmore College
3 - no way u'll fit that into 2000 characters. There's no way I can critique an essay that is going...
Undergraduatebimzy - Dec 2, 2012 / dwangus - Dec 2, 2012
|Life is like a Soccer Game - Common App; "They have worked harder than we did"
Undergraduaterezwan3 - Dec 2, 2012 / Jareer1979 - Dec 2, 2012
|Started off as an American, but ended as a British!
Undergraduatemdots - Nov 24, 2012 / mdots - Dec 2, 2012
|"Speech and Debate" - I don't fear audience anymore!
2 - Break the first line into two or more parts. "Needless to say, I struggled through most of the...
UndergraduatePremed0 - Dec 2, 2012 / pinkfloyd - Dec 2, 2012
|Story from your life - University of Washington Essay; "myopic"
4 - AllenPalin When we finally sold our house, my dad took us to California. His goal was to mend our...
Undergraduateaskelliott - Dec 1, 2012 / askelliott - Dec 2, 2012
|Florida Gulf Coast University Essay Question; 'The feeling of winning'
2 - The feeling of winning can only be described as complete satisfaction, pure and simple. I stood in my retreat...
UndergraduateFabricer - Dec 2, 2012 / ah_zafari - Dec 2, 2012
|Patriots pen - 'The sun has risen all over America, lighting both my world and my heart'
Undergraduatelucky 2 - Oct 25, 2012 / Dawn22 - Dec 2, 2012
|Purdue helps achieve my dream of becoming a successful Entrepreneur! Purdue App
2 - i think you're deviating from the topic a little bit here. you're focussing a lot on the university as...
Undergraduateava556 - Dec 2, 2012 / zdv - Dec 2, 2012
|UC Application- Overcoming OCD and Depression
5 - So then I started, reluctantly. I could feel every word drowning in my throat, clawing to breath<<<breach>>> out. ...
Undergraduateblahh09 - Nov 29, 2012 / MariettaA - Dec 2, 2012
|Best Advice received? complaining about something you can control - ROUGH DRAFT
6 - Absolutely brilliant! Its readable and the story not only, hooks ones attention, but maintains it throughout. There's just one...
Undergraduatebhos - Nov 29, 2012 / Phoebe Africa - Dec 2, 2012
|'deforestation in Irvine' - Essay on Issue of Importance - College App
NEW - I rushed this one- wrote it in 20 minutes, so please tell me everything that needs fixing, THANK YOU!!...
Undergraduatekkevinparkk - Dec 2, 2012 / — -
|Albion College Prompt: Tell us something unique about you; Music is beautiful to me
3 - The content is good but it doesn't really show who YOU are. You have something good going on there...
UndergraduateCCRMA - Dec 1, 2012 / exo101 - Dec 2, 2012
|'Mission trips and the church' - Someone who has made an impact - App Essay
3 - You have understood the topic of the essay correctly. This is a topic that is very common and sometimes...
Undergraduatekkevinparkk - Dec 1, 2012 / Pahan - Dec 2, 2012
|I wanted to become a performer; benefit from/ contribute to Rutgers?
Undergraduateohnay - Nov 29, 2012 / dumi - Dec 1, 2012
|'The art of my dancing' - SAIC statement of purpose
2 - .... a very good and strong argument.... originality is an asset for an artist; you have presented it...
Undergraduatethatgirl2 - Dec 1, 2012 / dumi - Dec 1, 2012
|Peace corps motivation essay draft. I registered into a Geopolitics class...
4 - Thank you!...
Undergraduatecvwinford - Nov 30, 2012 / cvwinford - Dec 1, 2012
|Hispanic heritage influence; determined to follow the dreams, even if the odds are against
2 - "After long hours of practice, I tell them, "Bend one leg". "Move your hips naturally", I say as they...
Undergraduatetinkerbellcutie - Nov 24, 2012 / natalyt94 - Dec 1, 2012
|'World around my little brother' - Stanford-what matters to you, and why?
17 - just a small note: you might want to change tenses a bit... it might look like as your brother...
Undergraduatemashal - Nov 6, 2012 / dwangus - Dec 1, 2012
|'Siblings in Mexico' - Someone that has impacted my life
2 - a lot of grammatical errors. would suggest proofreading it a few times. the essay is mostly about your father...
Undergraduatewhs5204 - Dec 1, 2012 / zdv - Dec 1, 2012
|NYU Personal Essay -Person with significant influence; Mother -she is stronger than anyone
Undergraduatecourtknee - Nov 30, 2012 / courtknee - Dec 1, 2012
|Common App Essay on the importance of diversity; It was hard to recall any of their names
UndergraduateJamal5678 - Dec 1, 2012 / Jamal5678 - Dec 1, 2012
|How buildings influenced my thinking - UT architecture application
2 - I can tell you truly have a passion for architecture, however, I think your essay would sound more developed...
Undergraduatenatpradere - Dec 1, 2012 / appstudent1 - Dec 1, 2012
|'different Hispanic cultures' - Discuss your short and long-term goals.
UndergraduateBryangg - Nov 20, 2012 / Bryangg - Dec 1, 2012
|Personal Statement: Job That Changed Me; Italian restaurant, kitchen
5 - MUCH BETTER! that simple interaction clearly conveys how you were effected and the fact she was a music teacher...
Undergraduatekc2vwx - Nov 30, 2012 / askelliott - Dec 1, 2012
|Common App - Signifant Influence of a person - Lost Child
UndergraduateEustace - Nov 30, 2012 / Pahan - Dec 1, 2012
|"Your Future Roommate is Minnesotan"-Sanford Roommate Essay
Undergraduateama101 - Nov 25, 2012 / exo101 - Dec 1, 2012
|'finding people like her' - Why Tufts?
6 - You should definitely talk about specific programs at Tufts to show why you really want to go there because...
Undergraduatebellem1 - Nov 25, 2012 / exo101 - Dec 1, 2012
|UC Prompt one- My grandfather; Describe the world you come from
4 - Hello Keroro! I think you did pretty well!! To make the essay better, you may add more things to...
Undergraduatekeroro - Nov 29, 2012 / luying9682 - Dec 1, 2012
|Common Application - significant experience, Chance
8 - I do have a very clear reason (and probably stronger than many other's) for wanting to do medicine...
Undergraduatekasi_mana - Nov 30, 2012 / kasi_mana - Dec 1, 2012
|Honored on becoming a BU Terrier - BU supplement
Undergraduatevalfernandez94 - Nov 30, 2012 / dumi - Dec 1, 2012
|Ex Offender Admissions Essay
2 - Well... first you need to have a clear mind about why you need to get into school again. Think...
Undergraduatepamalaraya - Nov 29, 2012 / dumi - Dec 1, 2012
|Common App-Evaluate a significant experience; Your husband has been arrested by the police
Undergraduatehvnguyen1311 - Nov 29, 2012 / dumi - Dec 1, 2012
|Experience essey - U Wash Appl; my parents restaurant/ involvement with volunteering
Undergraduatecourtknee - Nov 30, 2012 / askelliott - Dec 1, 2012
|"Explain how you responded to a significant challenge" UBC Application; amount of EFFORT
UndergraduateNarutoUzu1 - Nov 30, 2012 / courtknee - Dec 1, 2012
|"The man on the portrait" Brave and chivalrous, he never missed an opportunity to pick a..
Undergraduatemarcelo55 - Nov 30, 2012 / bimzy - Nov 30, 2012
|My Friend, the most significant person in my life
UndergraduateAshley5789 - Nov 30, 2012 / dumi - Nov 30, 2012
|Colorado application essay; international student, both on paper and at heart
Undergraduateamahrlee - Nov 30, 2012 / Pahan - Nov 30, 2012
|Two words that describes my community is a bubble and exclusive: RU Supplement Essay
3 - I think you should find some synonyms or other ways to say 'realized' and use them to switch it...
Undergraduateeriicax3x3 - Nov 30, 2012 / appstudent1 - Nov 30, 2012
|UC prompt 2- "Relationship led to patience"
5 - OH. so youre in taiwan right now? the international school in taipei? I didn't know what those abbreviations stand...
Undergraduatekelly303022 - Nov 28, 2012 / kelly303022 - Nov 30, 2012
|UC APP: PROMPT 1 Describe the world you come from; "The Pearl of the East"
2 - You're done a great job! ^^ I enjoyed reading your writing. They kept my attention, very emotional and hightly...
Undergraduatebigchau - Nov 30, 2012 / Salikron - Nov 30, 2012
|My family's struggle with Immigration - A&M Essay Topic B
Undergraduatemikiibee - Nov 30, 2012 / dumi - Nov 30, 2012
|cross-cultural differences in pictorial metaphor in advertisements:Iran and western
Undergraduateshakiba - Nov 30, 2012 / ah_zafari - Nov 30, 2012
|The world you come from; opportunity to raise a child with an intellectual disability
4 - There are some issues with punctuation. The bolded part is makes the sentence sound a little awkward....
Undergraduatetstanyavg - Nov 30, 2012 / courtknee - Nov 30, 2012
|Following my role model; UC/ World I come from
2 - The prompt asked you to write about the world that you come from. it means that you should talk...
UndergraduateRyan_the_Lion67 - Nov 30, 2012 / ah_zafari - Nov 30, 2012
|UC essay "fitting in" - 'I was lost in the crowd'
Undergraduatetrennty_09 - Nov 26, 2012 / bigchau - Nov 30, 2012
|"Crossing the Boundry of Cutures" - Rutgers Prompt
3 - I really enjoyed reading your essay. However, would it be wise to use many questions in your essay? Maybe...
UndergraduateCynessie - Nov 18, 2012 / eriicax3x3 - Nov 30, 2012
|'A Nokia cell phone' - UC PROMPT 1
2 - My enthusiasm for technology with not always the most popular growing up. - I think this should be "was"...
Undergraduatemitters - Nov 30, 2012 / ellehcim - Nov 30, 2012
|Macy's Parade - UC Prompt
NEW - I'm looking for last-minute corrections on my second UC essay. Any help at all is greatly appreciated! Thank you....
Undergraduateellehcim - Nov 30, 2012 / — -
|Home / Undergraduate|