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|My passion for animals would lead me to become a veterinarian - intended major
2 - "Throughout my life, my family has had a variety of pets from a toucan to a boa constrictor to...
Undergraduategiovannile07 - Nov 30, 2012 / CarolineMoore - Dec 4, 2012
|Why I chose Public Health and Biology - Johns Hopkins SUpplement
2 - "Public health is a major that allows one to understand the diseases that plague humans everyday on this earth...
Undergraduatemystictiger - Nov 23, 2012 / CarolineMoore - Dec 4, 2012
|Common Application-EC Short Answer; American regions math league competition
UndergraduateLarryHoover - Dec 4, 2012 / ah_zafari - Dec 4, 2012
|"Ignorance is Not Bliss" UT at Austin Topic B
2 - Here's my advice to you: Use sensory detail (sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch). Show don't tell. It adds...
Undergraduate503dannyk - Nov 26, 2012 / LarryHoover - Dec 4, 2012
|"Get me some water!" - Yale supplement (own topic)
8 - Hey, thanx for the comment, it was quite insightful. I'll implement the recommended corrections. As for the body,...
UndergraduatePhoebe Africa - Nov 2, 2012 / Phoebe Africa - Dec 4, 2012
|What about the less fortunate ones? SOP - Admission to SCAD
Undergraduateniakeith - Dec 2, 2012 / niakeith - Dec 4, 2012
|'going out to eat' - Common App essay about my job at a restaurant
Undergraduatepetemess95 - Nov 27, 2012 / petemess95 - Dec 4, 2012
|Piano by my Lonesome --Personal Essay
5 - Mm... I don't really know, since I am not a musician, just how important your message is. But I...
Undergraduateuhsikahtap - Dec 3, 2012 / linting2012 - Dec 4, 2012
|'The Editing Instinct' - Letter of Intent, USC Annenberg School of Communication
Undergraduatepurplepuma13 - Nov 25, 2012 / dumi - Dec 4, 2012
|Bilbo Baggins and Mr Frodo from the Lord of the Rings - UNC PROMPT
2 - Hi, I think you have some issues with this answer.... First, it does not answer the prompt well...
Undergraduatecheerdiva12 - Nov 26, 2012 / dumi - Dec 4, 2012
|Growing up with four overachieving siblings; UC Essay Prompt #1
2 - Hi, Mac) Your essay is nice, though the topic is quite common, so regarding your question whether you should...
Undergraduatempham94 - Nov 28, 2012 / KhanhZ - Dec 4, 2012
|Common App; The summer of a lifetime: 'the title flashed at me as I read the newspaper'
3 - Overall, your response really shows enthusiasm for your field. Just change these errors and you'll be fine....
Undergraduatejohnsonjazism - Dec 3, 2012 / icanfly1 - Dec 4, 2012
|I was never the best Wordsmith ;University of Richmond Supplement Essay
Undergraduatehssenior - Dec 1, 2012 / icanfly1 - Dec 4, 2012
|Williams College Supplement about Looking through a window - ideas needed
5 - Getting started with Williams supplement essay I just have one question. Does the environment you are looking out...
Undergraduateincognito_leo - Dec 19, 2008 / eagle134 - Dec 3, 2012
|"Choose an issue of importance to you" - UT Essay
2 - whoaa...
UndergraduateMputont - Nov 29, 2012 / mikiibee - Dec 3, 2012
|Why do you want to pursue an MS-MIS degree at Mays Business School? - Texas A & M:
2 - enoyed...
Undergraduatetina90 - Nov 21, 2012 / mikiibee - Dec 3, 2012
|I was confused about my own knowledge !
Undergraduatestiffbutt - Nov 29, 2012 / bimongol - Dec 3, 2012
|Various Short Essays, 'Growing Up Military' 'Fighting the Wheel' - Brown University
5 - Even though everyone say your first essay need to answer the question I believe that you are already answered...
Undergraduatebimzy - Nov 30, 2012 / linting2012 - Dec 3, 2012
|Playing Hockey in a different country - Common App
UndergraduateNewRo914 - Dec 3, 2012 / NewRo914 - Dec 3, 2012
|Swimming, the discipline that inspires me - PERSONAL STATEMENT
2 - I think the content itself is quite ok but there are some some sentences that are not clear enough....
Undergraduateveronikapilip - Nov 28, 2012 / Edna - Dec 3, 2012
|The challenges I faced being Hispanic; I fall under the most popular stereotypes
2 - This sentence is too long, therefore its clarity is greatly affected... Break it to few sentences so that...
Undergraduatenatalyt94 - Dec 1, 2012 / dumi - Dec 3, 2012
|I am one of the twin sisters; making friends is merely sociable with others superficially
3 - you have some grammatical errors : "each other become his or her main partner" should be "they become others...
UndergraduateReefs - Dec 3, 2012 / sarthakjain - Dec 3, 2012
|Elaborate on one extracurricular (Sound engineer)
3 - i think what you presented in the short answer is perfect. it really brings out your passion about sound...
UndergraduateAetos132 - Dec 3, 2012 / sarthakjain - Dec 3, 2012
|Dear Roommate - Hope you learned something about me!
5 - rewrote the first paragraph, I can see how it was confusing. Hopefully the second draft is easier to understand....
Undergraduateareallybadninja - Dec 2, 2012 / areallybadninja - Dec 3, 2012
|'first forced practice' - Deficient -- Common App Prompt #1
7 - Hello bimzy, It is much better! Your edition is really effective! 1) I am still not sure about when...
Undergraduatebimzy - Nov 26, 2012 / luying9682 - Dec 3, 2012
|I am a critical thinker pursuing a bioscience Major
2 - Applying this strategy, I narrowed down my diverse interests with more focus on science courses. Consequently, I...
Undergraduatetheariesc - Nov 30, 2012 / dumi - Dec 3, 2012
|Born in America with a Filipino heritage and culture!
Undergraduateenigma_girl - Nov 30, 2012 / dumi - Dec 3, 2012
|'Building is permanent' - UW Undergrad Essay - My Character-Defining Moment
Undergraduaterachellouisek - Nov 25, 2012 / Pahan - Dec 3, 2012
|Don't scream! Don't go to the playground! Don't play with toys! No! No! No!
Undergraduatekarengaytan - Nov 29, 2012 / dumi - Dec 3, 2012
|Dream Big and leave the Beach; Success
3 - Thanks a lot Dumi , I liked how ou re-phrase the fisrt sentence the third correction you made i...
UndergraduateMartinxo15 - Nov 29, 2012 / Martinxo15 - Dec 2, 2012
|Stop fearing the future; surrounded by doctors, lawyers and businessmen
4 - strong writing I think . perfect for a place like Stanford. but you should check the structure of sentences...
Undergraduatecarlosdave - Nov 29, 2012 / sarthakjain - Dec 2, 2012
|Why Swarthmore? Quirks. - Swarthmore College
3 - no way u'll fit that into 2000 characters. There's no way I can critique an essay that is going...
Undergraduatebimzy - Dec 2, 2012 / dwangus - Dec 2, 2012
|Life is like a Soccer Game - Common App; "They have worked harder than we did"
Undergraduaterezwan3 - Dec 2, 2012 / Jareer1979 - Dec 2, 2012
|Started off as an American, but ended as a British!
Undergraduatemdots - Nov 24, 2012 / mdots - Dec 2, 2012
|"Speech and Debate" - I don't fear audience anymore!
2 - Break the first line into two or more parts. "Needless to say, I struggled through most of the...
UndergraduatePremed0 - Dec 2, 2012 / pinkfloyd - Dec 2, 2012
|Story from your life - University of Washington Essay; "myopic"
4 - AllenPalin When we finally sold our house, my dad took us to California. His goal was to mend our...
Undergraduateaskelliott - Dec 1, 2012 / askelliott - Dec 2, 2012
|Florida Gulf Coast University Essay Question; 'The feeling of winning'
2 - The feeling of winning can only be described as complete satisfaction, pure and simple. I stood in my retreat...
UndergraduateFabricer - Dec 2, 2012 / ah_zafari - Dec 2, 2012
|Patriots pen - 'The sun has risen all over America, lighting both my world and my heart'
Undergraduatelucky 2 - Oct 25, 2012 / Dawn22 - Dec 2, 2012
|Purdue helps achieve my dream of becoming a successful Entrepreneur! Purdue App
2 - i think you're deviating from the topic a little bit here. you're focussing a lot on the university as...
Undergraduateava556 - Dec 2, 2012 / zdv - Dec 2, 2012
|UC Application- Overcoming OCD and Depression
5 - So then I started, reluctantly. I could feel every word drowning in my throat, clawing to breath<<<breach>>> out. ...
Undergraduateblahh09 - Nov 29, 2012 / MariettaA - Dec 2, 2012
|Best Advice received? complaining about something you can control - ROUGH DRAFT
6 - Absolutely brilliant! Its readable and the story not only, hooks ones attention, but maintains it throughout. There's just one...
Undergraduatebhos - Nov 29, 2012 / Phoebe Africa - Dec 2, 2012
|'deforestation in Irvine' - Essay on Issue of Importance - College App
NEW - I rushed this one- wrote it in 20 minutes, so please tell me everything that needs fixing, THANK YOU!!...
Undergraduatekkevinparkk - Dec 2, 2012 / — -
|Albion College Prompt: Tell us something unique about you; Music is beautiful to me
3 - The content is good but it doesn't really show who YOU are. You have something good going on there...
UndergraduateCCRMA - Dec 1, 2012 / exo101 - Dec 2, 2012
|'Mission trips and the church' - Someone who has made an impact - App Essay
3 - You have understood the topic of the essay correctly. This is a topic that is very common and sometimes...
Undergraduatekkevinparkk - Dec 1, 2012 / Pahan - Dec 2, 2012
|I wanted to become a performer; benefit from/ contribute to Rutgers?
Undergraduateohnay - Nov 29, 2012 / dumi - Dec 1, 2012
|'The art of my dancing' - SAIC statement of purpose
2 - .... a very good and strong argument.... originality is an asset for an artist; you have presented it...
Undergraduatethatgirl2 - Dec 1, 2012 / dumi - Dec 1, 2012
|Peace corps motivation essay draft. I registered into a Geopolitics class...
4 - Thank you!...
Undergraduatecvwinford - Nov 30, 2012 / cvwinford - Dec 1, 2012
|Hispanic heritage influence; determined to follow the dreams, even if the odds are against
2 - "After long hours of practice, I tell them, "Bend one leg". "Move your hips naturally", I say as they...
Undergraduatetinkerbellcutie - Nov 24, 2012 / natalyt94 - Dec 1, 2012
|'World around my little brother' - Stanford-what matters to you, and why?
17 - just a small note: you might want to change tenses a bit... it might look like as your brother...
Undergraduatemashal - Nov 6, 2012 / dwangus - Dec 1, 2012
|'Everything interests me' - Cornell College of Arts and Sciences Supplement
3 - your essay is really good. I like how you started, but what EXACTLY does the Cornell prompt ask?...
Undergraduateailujg - Nov 23, 2012 / mideayyy - Dec 1, 2012
|'Siblings in Mexico' - Someone that has impacted my life
2 - a lot of grammatical errors. would suggest proofreading it a few times. the essay is mostly about your father...
Undergraduatewhs5204 - Dec 1, 2012 / zdv - Dec 1, 2012
|NYU Personal Essay -Person with significant influence; Mother -she is stronger than anyone
Undergraduatecourtknee - Nov 30, 2012 / courtknee - Dec 1, 2012
|Common App Essay on the importance of diversity; It was hard to recall any of their names
UndergraduateJamal5678 - Dec 1, 2012 / Jamal5678 - Dec 1, 2012
|How buildings influenced my thinking - UT architecture application
2 - I can tell you truly have a passion for architecture, however, I think your essay would sound more developed...
Undergraduatenatpradere - Dec 1, 2012 / appstudent1 - Dec 1, 2012
|'different Hispanic cultures' - Discuss your short and long-term goals.
UndergraduateBryangg - Nov 20, 2012 / Bryangg - Dec 1, 2012
|Common App - Signifant Influence of a person - Lost Child
UndergraduateEustace - Nov 30, 2012 / Pahan - Dec 1, 2012
|"Your Future Roommate is Minnesotan"-Sanford Roommate Essay
Undergraduateama101 - Nov 25, 2012 / exo101 - Dec 1, 2012
|'finding people like her' - Why Tufts?
6 - You should definitely talk about specific programs at Tufts to show why you really want to go there because...
Undergraduatebellem1 - Nov 25, 2012 / exo101 - Dec 1, 2012
|UC Prompt one- My grandfather; Describe the world you come from
4 - Hello Keroro! I think you did pretty well!! To make the essay better, you may add more things to...
Undergraduatekeroro - Nov 29, 2012 / luying9682 - Dec 1, 2012
|Common Application - significant experience, Chance
8 - I do have a very clear reason (and probably stronger than many other's) for wanting to do medicine...
Undergraduatekasi_mana - Nov 30, 2012 / kasi_mana - Dec 1, 2012
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