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|NYU Tisch Dramatic Essay - "Hear My Notes"
6 - @Kiera9473, I see that you are working hard to make your story flow better, but I still think it's...
UndergraduateKiera9473 - Jul 27, 2017 / Hiddengrace - Aug 8, 2017
|"The Significant BANG" - Common Application Essay (Significant Experience)
3 - I have to agree with @Holt here. Also, I think you are skirting around the answer instead of answering...
Undergraduatedomsxcela - Aug 5, 2017 / Hiddengrace - Aug 8, 2017
|UFC Application Question on activities and Essay on my interest in UCF
Undergraduatejenalvarez - Aug 2, 2017 / jenalvarez - Aug 3, 2017
|UWC application - about an activity and its effect on own development
3 - Van, I know that this essay has a maximum character or word requirement, which is why you are worried....
UndergraduateScarlett1310 - Aug 1, 2017 / Holt - Aug 1, 2017
|How to call out my identity? Common Application prompt 1 - Personal Statement
6 - @Hiddengrace Katheryn, thank you so much for your suggestion! That's so helpful. I will try to think about...
UndergraduateJangGemini - Jul 29, 2017 / JangGemini - Aug 1, 2017
|'The laboratory is my second home' - University of Waterloo Engineering AIF
4 - @Holt Thankyou very much for all the suggestions. I will surely take them into consideration while editing...
UndergraduateSaadkhan124 - Aug 1, 2017 / Saadkhan124 - Aug 1, 2017
|Personal Statement; Tell us more about you and why you are considering VCU/ International Transfer
6 - Merged: Edited Personal statement Prompt "Tell us more about you and why you are considering vcu" I...
UndergraduateBabbie419 - Jul 2, 2017 / Babbie419 - Jul 30, 2017
|'My parents had the biggest impact on me'; How I was shaped into the person I am today
3 - Mars, this is a college application essay. So there is no need for such a formal restatement of the...
Undergraduatemarsbb22 - Jul 29, 2017 / Holt - Jul 29, 2017
|A person's success is defined by how he handles failures. ADMISSION ESSAY RECCOMENDATIONS!
Undergraduatenandoboi - Jul 26, 2017 / nandoboi - Jul 26, 2017
|Narrative essay help about my audition for Kpop
3 - Lavonna, unfortunately the topic that you chose, the one that you highlighted in black is not really a belief...
Undergraduatelavonnamark - Jul 17, 2017 / Holt - Jul 17, 2017
|USC - Describe your academic interests with first and second choice majors.
4 - @mark_o Make sure you answer the question. It asks you "how", not "what do you think about USC"? Also,...
Undergraduatemark_o - Jul 9, 2017 / d2ny - Jul 13, 2017
|UChicago: choose from one of our old prompts or create your own. Harvard: a topic of your choice.
2 - Ada, when you write this essay, it is best for you to develop your prompt statement first. What is...
Undergraduatedace - Jul 10, 2017 / Holt - Jul 11, 2017
|MIT Essay - Tell us about something you do simply for the pleasure of it. (100 words)
Undergraduateramanujam1729 - Jul 10, 2017 / ramanujam1729 - Jul 11, 2017
|Summer Research Opportunity at Johns Hopkins University
2 - Brayan, I like the background that you wrote regarding your interest and pursuit of Neuroscience training. It is clear...
Undergraduatebrayan1996 - Jul 10, 2017 / Holt - Jul 11, 2017
|Rubik's Cube similarities to the world - Common App Essay.
3 - Thank you for the observation@Holt, what if I use this essay to answer the new prompt 7 (topic of...
Undergraduatedace - Jul 10, 2017 / dace - Jul 10, 2017
|Why I Bake - Common App Prompt 1 (background, identity, interest, talent) Essay.
7 - I feel like the starting sentence of the third paragraph which is the "Most of the life-changing lessons are....beyond...
UndergraduateSlumar206 - Jul 7, 2017 / xhang24 - Jul 9, 2017
|UChicago and Harvard Topic of your choice essay.
2 - Mari, unfortunately, this essay will not work. It just a rehash of your baking essay. In fact, you redirected...
UndergraduateSlumar206 - Jul 8, 2017 / Holt - Jul 8, 2017
|30 year old returning to college, what broad perspective do I bring to the engineering classroom
4 - RSGOERTZ, I really admire your writing skills and I hope your essay hits the jackpot at the end of...
UndergraduateRSG335 - Jun 28, 2017 / okorobiadimma14 - Jun 29, 2017
|Phage Genomics Course Entrance Essay; discovery-based science interest - course participating
2 - Cassie, while this is a very interesting essay, it does not actually represent the required information to prove your...
Undergraduatecb8156 - Jun 27, 2017 / Holt - Jun 28, 2017
|"Why I have chosen invasive cardiovascular technology"
4 - Gina, the essay has improved a little. However, it is still scattered in the manner that it discusses the...
Undergraduateggarcia18 - Jun 24, 2017 / Holt - Jun 26, 2017
|Interest in a Summer Research Program at Duke University
2 - Brayan, please note that contributors are limited to only one free advice per thread now. The advice that I...
Undergraduatebrayan1996 - Jun 22, 2017 / Holt - Jun 23, 2017
|Ideas presented in the topic: Career goals and how to accomplish them
Undergraduatebrayan1996 - Jun 19, 2017 / brayan1996 - Jun 20, 2017
|SCAD Statement of Purpose for B.F.A. Visual Effects
4 - Hi Christina, I agree with Holt. You are gonna have to start all over again. This is a statement...
UndergraduateAspiringArtist88 - Jun 17, 2017 / chizy7 - Jun 20, 2017
|"The Chemistry of Baking" -Common App Prompt #5
4 - @srubin18 Your work is quite interesting and very captivating. Great job. However, as @Holt rightly pointed out, you might...
Undergraduatesrubin18 - Jun 18, 2017 / Hidy - Jun 18, 2017
|"I've never had a home" Transfer student's NYU supplement
3 - @Holt Thanks for your reply. I definitely get what you are saying and I'll be sure to try and...
Undergraduatejp97 - Jun 16, 2017 / jp97 - Jun 16, 2017
|Giving back to society and making a difference. Personal statement for university scholarship!
5 - it's better not to use contraction for academic writing, the contraction shows that this is an informal writing. ...
UndergraduateJasmine855 - Jun 14, 2017 / klarashati - Jun 15, 2017
|A convert to Mormonism interested in autism research at Caltech? That's me. (undergrad app essays)
UndergraduateStudyAndFaith - Jun 14, 2017 / Holt - Jun 15, 2017
|Immigrated to United States
3 - @felixb6 many of them became become heavily built while the others ... this sentence is hard to understand, but...
Undergraduatefelixb6 - Jun 2, 2017 / maruko chan - Jun 6, 2017
|"Tell us about an achievement or ability not reflected in this application."
2 - Patrick, this essay covers more of the requirements for an obstacle you had to overcome instead of an achievement...
Undergraduatepoody11 - May 17, 2017 / Holt - May 18, 2017
|UC Davis Waitlist Essay - my mendeavors to study the Social Sciences
2 - Syrah, though this essay is well thought out, it doesn't fully represent the method by which your past and...
Undergraduatesyrahnavid - May 13, 2017 / Holt - May 14, 2017
|Different-an "other" which revealed to you your sense of self and your relationship to humanity
2 - Claudia, you have too many things going on in this essay. I realize that this trip left an impact...
Undergraduateclauqmanso - May 12, 2017 / Holt - May 12, 2017
|Letter of Motivation for Bachelor's degree Mechanical Engineering
2 - Moataz, I don't really see a career motive for your interest in pursuing a masters degree in Mechanical Engineering....
UndergraduateArnosyn - May 1, 2017 / Holt - May 2, 2017
|Self Introduction Essay for Exchange Program in Ajou University
3 - REVISED PAPER My friends always described me as a person with high curiosity of anything. I always wanted...
Undergraduateurufaru - Apr 29, 2017 / urufaru - Apr 30, 2017
|Including mental and autoimmune illnesses, stress, and psychological abuse, etc in Common App essay?
3 - @Holt Thank you. I want to use the QuestBridge application this fall to re-apply to many of them and...
UndergraduateRobinsonFaithA - Apr 23, 2017 / RobinsonFaithA - Apr 23, 2017
|UT Transfer Essay "A": How can I improve the quality of my personal statement?
3 - Thank you Holt. You answered the burning question most decisively. The cited material is actually from my Recon platoon...
Undergraduatereconjitsu - Apr 18, 2017 / reconjitsu - Apr 19, 2017
|Why do you want to attend one of the military service academies?
2 - Isabel, I have a tip for you. Try to relate your desire to help amputees with the experience on...
UndergraduateIzRivera - Apr 18, 2017 / Holt - Apr 19, 2017
|I choose to further my education in Canada high quality education and security
4 - Nguyen, just summarize your educational background and experience in one paragraph. This essay will be presented to the visa...
Undergraduatethanhhien271 - Apr 18, 2017 / Holt - Apr 19, 2017
|My reasons of choosing master of health management.
6 - Thanks you all indeep for your comments and suggestion. I will rewrite my essay with all of your suggestions....
UndergraduateMyo Cho - Apr 14, 2017 / Myo Cho - Apr 16, 2017
|The community in which I live, of which I am a member.
2 - Hann, you took a research approach to responding to the essay rather than the personal, contemplative approach which is...
Undergraduatedefne - Apr 13, 2017 / Holt - Apr 14, 2017
|AFRICAN LIFE STORY/JOURNEY - SMU PROMPT
4 - Try to change your approach to the prompt question Adrian. The current essay has too much unnecessary information such...
Undergraduateaocharo10 - Apr 12, 2017 / Holt - Apr 13, 2017
|Post Study Plan for Bachelor Degree in International Hotel Management (Switzerland school)
2 - Bao, your post study plan should cover the first 5 years of your post tertiary educational career. So your...
UndergraduateBao Vo - Apr 10, 2017 / Holt - Apr 10, 2017
|"A plethora of opportunities"- Waitlist Essay for UC Davis
3 - Amanda, since you were wait-listed the last time, it is understood that you continued your education at some college...
Undergraduateamrenworth - Apr 10, 2017 / Holt - Apr 10, 2017
|The reason why I keep running
3 - @Holt thank you so much for your adivce and encouragement.English written is always the biggest problem in my language...
Undergraduatespringblossoms - Apr 3, 2017 / springblossoms - Apr 7, 2017
|Doctor of Pharmacy Application
3 - Sara, skip the part about being a 5 year old. That takes focus away from the relevant parts of...
Undergraduatesakimminji1004 - Mar 30, 2017 / Holt - Mar 31, 2017
|College Choice - quality and necessary improvements of my study permit essay for Canada
4 - First of all thank you Holt and frenchfries for your advice. I understand your concerns Holt that i...
UndergraduateDoel Hasan - Mar 28, 2017 / Doel Hasan - Mar 29, 2017
|"Applying for an exchange to CTU.. - Czech Technical University SOP
3 - @Holt Thanks for your reply. I am not applying for masters... I am an 3rd year undergrad applying...
Undergraduateabbukanithi09 - Mar 26, 2017 / abbukanithi09 - Mar 27, 2017
|State Drill Competition; Testing leadership abilities/ COMMON APP
3 - Lizzbetthe, going rogue and disobeying a higher authority is not a leadership skill that is to be admired. Even...
Undergraduatesogeily - Jun 12, 2013 / Holt - Mar 27, 2017
|Pitzer Transfer - music & academics
2 - Moira, rather than presenting that situation as the opening moment of your essay, it would be best if you...
Undergraduatecocomocha - Mar 27, 2017 / Holt - Mar 27, 2017
|Trips to London ;Johns Hopkins Supp/ Interests
3 - Will, there is a disconnect between the opening story and the rest of the essay. You never did explain...
Undergraduatewillyfree - Dec 26, 2012 / Holt - Mar 27, 2017
|Physics major/ fitting with my interests/ my contribution; Why Columbia?
3 - Samuel, while the Ivy League colleges and universities in the United States are competitors, it is never a good...
UndergraduateBlackWaltzIV - Dec 29, 2012 / Holt - Mar 27, 2017
|'I have been an average student'; SOP - Good, Bad or Ugly
3 - I think it needs little bit of work.... try to include some instances some instances and examples from your...
UndergraduateVin23 - May 26, 2014 / only1shubham - Mar 25, 2017
|The Transition - 500 word college application essay
2 - Zade, the essay accurately responds to the second prompt requirement. It is highly informative and shows how your original...
Undergraduatezadea - Mar 23, 2017 / Holt - Mar 24, 2017
|Defining Death - Write an essay on a significant challenge that you've overcome
2 - Tapi, here is the thing, the focus of the essay and the challenge has to be related directly to...
Undergraduatetapsjax - Mar 21, 2017 / Holt - Mar 23, 2017
|Manager at youth travel org/ MATURING FROM THE IMMATURE/Extracuricular activity
2 - Sebastian, working as facility manager does not qualify as an extra curricular activity. An extra curricular activity is something...
Undergraduatexxxbluefrogxxx - Dec 29, 2012 / Holt - Mar 20, 2017
|PERFORMING ARTS- CAPP ACTIVITY
2 - Lara, did you write this as a college application essay? Or did you write this just in general as...
Undergraduatehellom - Dec 30, 2012 / Holt - Mar 20, 2017
|BITS cricket team - Write about an incident that had the most profound influence on you
5 - Thanks for the review. Even I wasn't getting the feel of the essay. You have rightly said "That is...
Undergraduateavj21 - Mar 18, 2017 / avj21 - Mar 19, 2017
|Personal statement for a BSW Program - reasons for BSW degree
3 - Tanner, the first thing that you have to correct in the essay is the information that you are a...
Undergraduatetapegunhero - Mar 17, 2017 / Holt - Mar 18, 2017
|Teaching children math with Bingo Games-Boston College Supplemental
11 - @Holt Holt its me Mualla. How are you? How's everything on essayforum? So yesterday I got an...
Undergraduatemualla - Dec 1, 2016 / mualla - Mar 17, 2017
|Achievement Essay (Mall Management) - Application to SMU
2 - Samantha, since the indication in the prompt is "achievements or contributions", you should be presenting more than one scenario...
Undergraduatesampai - Mar 17, 2017 / Holt - Mar 17, 2017
|AIF - Honours Arts at the University of Waterloo
2 - Julie, try to avoid general comments in your response which show that you just read the website and decided...
Undergraduatejkimm9 - Mar 17, 2017 / Holt - Mar 17, 2017
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