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|'A mentor for my sister' - A lonely world UC Prompt 1
2 - "Since college would be revenue for these properties, it is important for me to go college so that I...
Undergraduatetoeknee692 - Nov 27, 2012 / 503dannyk - Nov 27, 2012
|"The Yakuza Man"; UT at Austin App; Person who made an impact
4 - Thanks for the feedback both of you. Wow, I'm pretty sure he wasn't missing a pinky. That would be...
Undergraduate503dannyk - Nov 26, 2012 / 503dannyk - Nov 27, 2012
|UC Prompt: Describe the world you come from - Psychology and Law
2 - Hey thanks for reading my essay! any suggestions on how I should change my intro paragraph though? I was...
UndergraduateTmeregalli - Nov 27, 2012 / Eunhae126 - Nov 27, 2012
|'the perfect intermediate / school lunches' - My Two UC App Essays
Undergraduaterayray - Nov 23, 2012 / rayray - Nov 27, 2012
|'From Chinese to American high-school' UC the world you come from MY HIGH SCHOOL LIFE
4 - Hey thanks for looking at mine! - I enjoyed reading your essay, but your grammar here and there was...
Undergraduateyisha - Nov 27, 2012 / Eunhae126 - Nov 27, 2012
|My Catholic childhood and those weekly classes- UC Prompt #1
8 - I really enjoyed the idea and the way you wrote it. There a minor mistakes: - Change "boring" to...
Undergraduateadrianpzamora - Nov 15, 2012 / toeknee692 - Nov 27, 2012
|'Rose aided my growth' - write about a person who is important
2 - I thought this was really good. It kept me wanting to read more and more. It was really tight...
Undergraduatekorib - Nov 27, 2012 / aleckdanielle - Nov 27, 2012
|'computer hardware, or a computer repair service' - Topic C essay?
2 - The essay is simple and straightforward but in parts it got too wordy. Like here: To help me accomplish...
Undergraduatebren21095 - Nov 27, 2012 / aleckdanielle - Nov 27, 2012
|University of Washington Short Response Culture Learning
Undergraduatekmayer96 - Nov 26, 2012 / kmayer96 - Nov 27, 2012
|'Learning to accept the facts' - UC #2 - Stuttering
3 - This essay is terrific. The only things that bothered me were two sentences that felt a little repetitious. ...
Undergraduatexamanda - Nov 25, 2012 / diebysenioritis - Nov 27, 2012
|"True Parents" Admission Essay
2 - -" My maternal grandparents tried to persuade them out of it, but my mother had always been a rebellious...
Undergraduatekerencita95 - Nov 27, 2012 / sharey125 - Nov 27, 2012
|'Balancing everything' - LEADERSHIP AND HOW IT WILL AFFECT YOUR FUTURE
Undergraduatelivfaure - Nov 27, 2012 / aleckdanielle - Nov 27, 2012
|'Art, puzzles, and into the start of my life' - SAIC statement of purpose
3 - I like your essay it shows passion. However if you could vividly express where you drew something by experiencing...
Undergraduatekev533 - Nov 27, 2012 / sharey125 - Nov 27, 2012
|'About peanuts and returning from the hospital' - SUNY Oswego personal narrative
UndergraduateLemonsnout - Nov 19, 2012 / livfaure - Nov 27, 2012
|'Macau gambling / Arrogant and impatient' - UC majoring in Business and Economics.
Undergraduatepaul_1993517 - Nov 27, 2012 / paul_1993517 - Nov 27, 2012
|'environmental course' - Lehigh - If you founded your own college or university....
2 - Your essay shows completion, accuracy and well-developed structure. Moreover, you argued strongly in order to support you view which...
Undergraduate13cweisberg - Nov 20, 2012 / alexhirsu - Nov 27, 2012
|'Christian values and a keen eye for excellence' - my resume profile
2 - I like your profile. It is clear that you have worked hard and proved both initiative and involvement. If...
Undergraduatepeprah1 - Nov 17, 2012 / alexhirsu - Nov 27, 2012
|'the Logistics department coordinator' -Short Answer for Common Application
5 - Thank you for your feedback. I really appreciate your opinions. Do you think that I should emphasize the impact...
Undergraduatealexhirsu - Nov 27, 2012 / alexhirsu - Nov 27, 2012
|'I want to live and learn for myself' - UC ESSAY: PROMPT 1
3 - I actually purposely did it cause my prompt 2 is all about my community service experience but i'll add...
Undergraduatekimchiduck - Nov 27, 2012 / kimchiduck - Nov 27, 2012
|'experiences as an Administrative Coordinator' - MS Human Resource Managment Essay
UndergraduateACSHR - Nov 14, 2012 / ACSHR - Nov 27, 2012
|'accomplished and satisfied' - UC PERSONAL STATEMENT: Workcamp
Undergraduatecalisenior - Nov 26, 2012 / calisenior - Nov 27, 2012
|Jumping into the Ocean Without a Lifeline UC PROMPT #2
3 - Excellent essay! This is a very polished and strong essay. i really cant find anything to improve upon. Best...
Undergraduateiamnicholas1 - Nov 25, 2012 / Doom - Nov 27, 2012
|'CNN and Mexican military' - UT Austin essays B
Undergraduateejimenez1864 - Nov 25, 2012 / EF_Susan - Nov 27, 2012
|'Because of the USSR collapse..' - UC Promt 1. Majoring in Business
3 - My friend told me my essay was to harsh, so here is the second version: Snowfall, the holiday atmosphere...
Undergraduatejustlerik - Nov 27, 2012 / justlerik - Nov 27, 2012
|Raising Scores at What Cost: UT essay B - Review
4 - Using raising twice seems a little repetitive to me... maybe change the wording of one of the instances...
Undergraduatezkinx6 - Nov 26, 2012 / bimzy - Nov 27, 2012
|'Providing me with my needs' - Rochester 1st Prompt Supplement
12 - Okay I like everything related to astronomy and astrophysics which is greatly available at Rochester. Generally there's Physics, so...
Undergraduatemoon05 - Nov 25, 2012 / moon05 - Nov 27, 2012
|'the book Lost Horizon' - application essay about something you have read
3 - luying9682 Hi, I'm curious as to what exactly the prompt was for your essay, because I think it would...
Undergraduateluying9682 - Nov 26, 2012 / bimzy - Nov 27, 2012
|Significant setback/challenge/opportunity - "Male Cheerleader"
2 - Hello Ablumfield, Nice to meet you again! This time I am deeply impressed!! This is a really great...
Undergraduateablumfield - Nov 27, 2012 / luying9682 - Nov 27, 2012
|'A bursar of the school's student council' - UC Essay #2. Major in Business
2 - justlerik you are having pretty good ideas and cohesive sentences. That makes your piece awesome. I will suggest you...
Undergraduatejustlerik - Nov 27, 2012 / Malik Achakzai - Nov 27, 2012
|UT Austin Essay A- My Autistic Brother's Lesson
2 - I remember the night vividly. To this day, a warm sweaty feeling still suffocates me when I even...
Undergraduatealana327 - Nov 25, 2012 / EF_Susan - Nov 27, 2012
|'College journey / Dream catcher / AFJROTC / Scholarship Action' -Syracuse University
3 - I graduated from Maxwell School of Citizenship and Public Affairs. Your answers here sound very general and do not...
Undergraduatebintadiallo - Nov 26, 2012 / havu - Nov 27, 2012
|'From my parent's land to California' - UW freshmen essay/ Personal statement
2 - This is my suggestion; This was nothing surprising for me because I was quite accustomed to this situation;...
UndergraduateRajdeep95 - Nov 25, 2012 / dumi - Nov 27, 2012
|Stockton Application Essay - 'my main priority'
UndergraduateCaitlynB - Nov 25, 2012 / dumi - Nov 27, 2012
|Cornell Essay - evolution of intellectual interests - "Success!"
5 - It's really a great essay!! And i don't think a layman in CS can't understand your "jargons". It's very...
UndergraduateI like Cookies - Nov 7, 2012 / anally - Nov 27, 2012
|'Balut. I refused to try it.' - UW Short Essay on Culture
2 - The third sentence is in present, change it to past tense so it's consistent. I would change the intro...
Undergraduatehazel12 - Nov 27, 2012 / aleckdanielle - Nov 27, 2012
|'Not a fine artist yet' - Short Answer on GRAPHIC DESIGN
7 - Here's a third revision. Its a lot different from my other two drafts. Please critique! I always knew...
Undergraduatemhanna - Nov 25, 2012 / mhanna - Nov 27, 2012
|'out of my shell' - My passion for biology-UC APP Prompt 1
2 - I like this introduction.... I think it's well presented. So in your case it is the REVS-UP that...
Undergraduateuscuscusc - Nov 26, 2012 / dumi - Nov 26, 2012
|'My mom is important and supportive' - someone who made an impact on my life and why
Undergraduatedevin101 - Nov 26, 2012 / dumi - Nov 26, 2012
|"Bad Investments?" Common App Short Answer
Undergraduatelulwut - Nov 25, 2012 / chow95 - Nov 26, 2012
|'least developed areas of Pakistan' sop of 250 words. its for semester exchange prog
2 - My outlook on life, ---no comma here--- can be determined by how I feel about people and diversity, which...
Undergraduatehasan shah - Nov 25, 2012 / EF_Susan - Nov 26, 2012
|'My nutrition, sleep, and mind transformation' - my UC personal statement prompt #2
NEW - Prompt: "Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about...
UndergraduateMoreno18 - Nov 26, 2012 / — -
|The world that I come from is very peaceful and I am thankful for that - statement for UC
4 - The world that I come from is very peaceful and I am thankful for that. Try something different like...
Undergraduatemachine392 - Nov 26, 2012 / humnaafzel - Nov 26, 2012
|'writing, design and photography...' - UC Personal Statement about Yearbook
5 - I think this is a great essay that truly showcases your love for yearbook. Well done. Yes, you should...
Undergraduatealeckdanielle - Nov 26, 2012 / shirley127 - Nov 26, 2012
|I AM GOD Common App Essay Ideas/Comments/Too risky? Grammar Corrections welcomed!
Undergraduateah27 - Nov 26, 2012 / ah27 - Nov 26, 2012
|UCF Personal Statement. / "Bump in the road" / Why I want to attend
3 - If there has been some obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, please explain...
UndergraduateGiannaRose - Nov 26, 2012 / GiannaRose - Nov 26, 2012
|'my community, family, and school' UC Personal Statement, Dreams and aspirations
2 - I would get rid of the first paragraph because I don't think that you should have the wording of...
Undergraduatejess_22 - Nov 26, 2012 / aleckdanielle - Nov 26, 2012
|common app relation career and courses
4 - Hi duminda, Thanks for the suggestion! If there isn't specific job matches my major, how can i write the...
Undergraduatebzbbz - Nov 26, 2012 / bzbbz - Nov 26, 2012
|"A New Beginning"- Texas A&M Topic C
NEW - There may be personal information that you want considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing...
Undergraduateegarza102 - Nov 26, 2012 / — -
|'Family like water' - the world I come from, personal statement
7 - Thank y'all for the advice. I made some changes Mother and father was like oil and water mixed...
Undergraduatepeanut1789 - Nov 20, 2012 / peanut1789 - Nov 26, 2012
|'Becoming a doctor to help community' - personal statement 2 for UC fashion addiction
2 - Personally, I wouldn't go right out and say "this is my accomplishment...". I think you should reword it or...
Undergraduateboy561 - Nov 26, 2012 / aleckdanielle - Nov 26, 2012
|'Cabana Banana nail polish' - Common Application: Topic of my choice
3 - Hey I love that you choose that. However try to elaborate more on how that college can help you...
UndergraduateTLD13 - Nov 25, 2012 / sharey125 - Nov 26, 2012
|'Not just the atomic theory to the world' - UC personal 1
5 - Great essay it first leads the reader to believe you are going to be chemist but you surprised us...
Undergraduatericejillian5 - Nov 25, 2012 / amandaisabel - Nov 26, 2012
|'my able body for the good of other people' - UC Statement #1
2 - However, the beginning of my junior year of high school WAS the turning point in my mentality-for the first...
Undergraduateprincessdebs - Nov 26, 2012 / Eunhae126 - Nov 26, 2012
|'An inexperienced pony' - Common app essay - topic of your choice
Undergraduatechanty318 - Nov 26, 2012 / lulwut - Nov 26, 2012
|(cacophony) - UVa What is your favorite word?
3 - I'm not 100% sure of this, but I think admissions would prefer that you excise those contractions (e.g. I'll)....
Undergraduateamh - Nov 26, 2012 / Premed0 - Nov 26, 2012
|'making it in the city of LA' - UC Prompt
Undergraduateedulgn - Nov 26, 2012 / edulgn - Nov 26, 2012
|'relationship with my violin' - UC
3 - Thank you for your feedback luying! I'm actually not planning to major in music, but it's an important extracurricular...
Undergraduatekeroro - Nov 25, 2012 / keroro - Nov 26, 2012
|'An adventure of a year abroad in Italy' - UC Application: an acomplishment relate
UndergraduateWambat - Nov 20, 2012 / amh - Nov 26, 2012
|'It made me suffer, but..' - COLLEGE ESSAY, schizophrenic brother
2 - My brother's symptoms were ambiguous at first, but as time went on they slowly escalated. After weeks of...
Undergraduatenaruto123 - Nov 25, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 26, 2012
|Texas C- MINNGGLING!!
2 - I was determinedto somehow stop this whole "alienate the Indian" thing.had to stop. It took me time to...
Undergraduatesidney007 - Nov 25, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 26, 2012
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