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|'CNN and Mexican military' - UT Austin essays B
Undergraduateejimenez1864 - Nov 25, 2012 / EF_Susan - Nov 27, 2012
|'Because of the USSR collapse..' - UC Promt 1. Majoring in Business
3 - My friend told me my essay was to harsh, so here is the second version: Snowfall, the holiday atmosphere...
Undergraduatejustlerik - Nov 27, 2012 / justlerik - Nov 27, 2012
|Raising Scores at What Cost: UT essay B - Review
4 - Using raising twice seems a little repetitive to me... maybe change the wording of one of the instances...
Undergraduatezkinx6 - Nov 26, 2012 / bimzy - Nov 27, 2012
|'Providing me with my needs' - Rochester 1st Prompt Supplement
12 - Okay I like everything related to astronomy and astrophysics which is greatly available at Rochester. Generally there's Physics, so...
Undergraduatemoon05 - Nov 25, 2012 / moon05 - Nov 27, 2012
|'the book Lost Horizon' - application essay about something you have read
3 - luying9682 Hi, I'm curious as to what exactly the prompt was for your essay, because I think it would...
Undergraduateluying9682 - Nov 26, 2012 / bimzy - Nov 27, 2012
|Significant setback/challenge/opportunity - "Male Cheerleader"
2 - Hello Ablumfield, Nice to meet you again! This time I am deeply impressed!! This is a really great...
Undergraduateablumfield - Nov 27, 2012 / luying9682 - Nov 27, 2012
|'A bursar of the school's student council' - UC Essay #2. Major in Business
2 - justlerik you are having pretty good ideas and cohesive sentences. That makes your piece awesome. I will suggest you...
Undergraduatejustlerik - Nov 27, 2012 / Malik Achakzai - Nov 27, 2012
|UT Austin Essay A- My Autistic Brother's Lesson
2 - I remember the night vividly. To this day, a warm sweaty feeling still suffocates me when I even...
Undergraduatealana327 - Nov 25, 2012 / EF_Susan - Nov 27, 2012
|'College journey / Dream catcher / AFJROTC / Scholarship Action' -Syracuse University
3 - I graduated from Maxwell School of Citizenship and Public Affairs. Your answers here sound very general and do not...
Undergraduatebintadiallo - Nov 26, 2012 / havu - Nov 27, 2012
|'From my parent's land to California' - UW freshmen essay/ Personal statement
2 - This is my suggestion; This was nothing surprising for me because I was quite accustomed to this situation;...
UndergraduateRajdeep95 - Nov 25, 2012 / dumi - Nov 27, 2012
|Stockton Application Essay - 'my main priority'
UndergraduateCaitlynB - Nov 25, 2012 / dumi - Nov 27, 2012
|Cornell Essay - evolution of intellectual interests - "Success!"
5 - It's really a great essay!! And i don't think a layman in CS can't understand your "jargons". It's very...
UndergraduateI like Cookies - Nov 7, 2012 / anally - Nov 27, 2012
|'Balut. I refused to try it.' - UW Short Essay on Culture
2 - The third sentence is in present, change it to past tense so it's consistent. I would change the intro...
Undergraduatehazel12 - Nov 27, 2012 / aleckdanielle - Nov 27, 2012
|'Not a fine artist yet' - Short Answer on GRAPHIC DESIGN
7 - Here's a third revision. Its a lot different from my other two drafts. Please critique! I always knew...
Undergraduatemhanna - Nov 25, 2012 / mhanna - Nov 27, 2012
|'out of my shell' - My passion for biology-UC APP Prompt 1
2 - I like this introduction.... I think it's well presented. So in your case it is the REVS-UP that...
Undergraduateuscuscusc - Nov 26, 2012 / dumi - Nov 26, 2012
|'My mom is important and supportive' - someone who made an impact on my life and why
Undergraduatedevin101 - Nov 26, 2012 / dumi - Nov 26, 2012
|"Bad Investments?" Common App Short Answer
Undergraduatelulwut - Nov 25, 2012 / chow95 - Nov 26, 2012
|'least developed areas of Pakistan' sop of 250 words. its for semester exchange prog
2 - My outlook on life, ---no comma here--- can be determined by how I feel about people and diversity, which...
Undergraduatehasan shah - Nov 25, 2012 / EF_Susan - Nov 26, 2012
|'My nutrition, sleep, and mind transformation' - my UC personal statement prompt #2
NEW - Prompt: "Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about...
UndergraduateMoreno18 - Nov 26, 2012 / — -
|The world that I come from is very peaceful and I am thankful for that - statement for UC
4 - The world that I come from is very peaceful and I am thankful for that. Try something different like...
Undergraduatemachine392 - Nov 26, 2012 / humnaafzel - Nov 26, 2012
|'writing, design and photography...' - UC Personal Statement about Yearbook
5 - I think this is a great essay that truly showcases your love for yearbook. Well done. Yes, you should...
Undergraduatealeckdanielle - Nov 26, 2012 / shirley127 - Nov 26, 2012
|I AM GOD Common App Essay Ideas/Comments/Too risky? Grammar Corrections welcomed!
Undergraduateah27 - Nov 26, 2012 / ah27 - Nov 26, 2012
|UCF Personal Statement. / "Bump in the road" / Why I want to attend
3 - If there has been some obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, please explain...
UndergraduateGiannaRose - Nov 26, 2012 / GiannaRose - Nov 26, 2012
|'my community, family, and school' UC Personal Statement, Dreams and aspirations
2 - I would get rid of the first paragraph because I don't think that you should have the wording of...
Undergraduatejess_22 - Nov 26, 2012 / aleckdanielle - Nov 26, 2012
|common app relation career and courses
4 - Hi duminda, Thanks for the suggestion! If there isn't specific job matches my major, how can i write the...
Undergraduatebzbbz - Nov 26, 2012 / bzbbz - Nov 26, 2012
|"A New Beginning"- Texas A&M Topic C
NEW - There may be personal information that you want considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing...
Undergraduateegarza102 - Nov 26, 2012 / — -
|'Family like water' - the world I come from, personal statement
7 - Thank y'all for the advice. I made some changes Mother and father was like oil and water mixed...
Undergraduatepeanut1789 - Nov 20, 2012 / peanut1789 - Nov 26, 2012
|'Becoming a doctor to help community' - personal statement 2 for UC fashion addiction
2 - Personally, I wouldn't go right out and say "this is my accomplishment...". I think you should reword it or...
Undergraduateboy561 - Nov 26, 2012 / aleckdanielle - Nov 26, 2012
|'Cabana Banana nail polish' - Common Application: Topic of my choice
3 - Hey I love that you choose that. However try to elaborate more on how that college can help you...
UndergraduateTLD13 - Nov 25, 2012 / sharey125 - Nov 26, 2012
|'Not just the atomic theory to the world' - UC personal 1
5 - Great essay it first leads the reader to believe you are going to be chemist but you surprised us...
Undergraduatericejillian5 - Nov 25, 2012 / amandaisabel - Nov 26, 2012
|'my able body for the good of other people' - UC Statement #1
2 - However, the beginning of my junior year of high school WAS the turning point in my mentality-for the first...
Undergraduateprincessdebs - Nov 26, 2012 / Eunhae126 - Nov 26, 2012
|'An inexperienced pony' - Common app essay - topic of your choice
Undergraduatechanty318 - Nov 26, 2012 / lulwut - Nov 26, 2012
|(cacophony) - UVa What is your favorite word?
3 - I'm not 100% sure of this, but I think admissions would prefer that you excise those contractions (e.g. I'll)....
Undergraduateamh - Nov 26, 2012 / Premed0 - Nov 26, 2012
|'making it in the city of LA' - UC Prompt
Undergraduateedulgn - Nov 26, 2012 / edulgn - Nov 26, 2012
|'relationship with my violin' - UC
3 - Thank you for your feedback luying! I'm actually not planning to major in music, but it's an important extracurricular...
Undergraduatekeroro - Nov 25, 2012 / keroro - Nov 26, 2012
|'An adventure of a year abroad in Italy' - UC Application: an acomplishment relate
UndergraduateWambat - Nov 20, 2012 / amh - Nov 26, 2012
|'It made me suffer, but..' - COLLEGE ESSAY, schizophrenic brother
2 - My brother's symptoms were ambiguous at first, but as time went on they slowly escalated. After weeks of...
Undergraduatenaruto123 - Nov 25, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 26, 2012
|Texas C- MINNGGLING!!
2 - I was determinedto somehow stop this whole "alienate the Indian" thing.had to stop. It took me time to...
Undergraduatesidney007 - Nov 25, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 26, 2012
|Emory Supplement - "Reminiscent and Adventurous"
2 - the first sentence is a little redundant. I would either put: "I stared in awe as my mentor quickly...
UndergraduatePremed0 - Nov 24, 2012 / amh - Nov 26, 2012
|'have been born in America' - about myself Penn State Essay
2 - Looks good to me. I think you should work on the conclusion a bit. Maybe you should mention that...
UndergraduateStephR - Nov 25, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 26, 2012
|'something more precious than money' - UC application prompt 1...world
UndergraduateSimon0228 - Nov 25, 2012 / Simon0228 - Nov 26, 2012
|Recently, I found a little "Introducing Myself" card that I made in first grade. Bill Gates II
8 - There are some mistakes in your writing just cuz you are careless... 1. the computer technology had hit...
Undergraduateokhabin - Nov 24, 2012 / Simon0228 - Nov 26, 2012
|Why choosing Web Development major: Drexel App Essay
3 - Looking back at my childhood, two common interests seemed to always be prevalent: art and computers. As one...
Undergraduatejcblank - Oct 29, 2012 / Malik Achakzai - Nov 26, 2012
|'How to be a teacher?' - Essay for Washington university
4 - Azizz, I am not a native english speaker and I do not find myself qualified enough to judge a...
Undergraduateprogrammer - Nov 25, 2012 / programmer - Nov 26, 2012
|'goals that aren't yours' - UC prompt: where you come from
Undergraduatethebigdudex - Nov 26, 2012 / dumi - Nov 26, 2012
|"What about spaghetti?" Is this a good start? USC personal statement
7 - Hello, I think your PS starts out great. I agree with luying9682 when he says you should quote...
Undergraduatelilac1 - Nov 13, 2012 / scosc - Nov 26, 2012
|Essay on SPECIAL MOMENT WITH FAMILY. How to write?
3 - thanks dumi for the compliment. actually i can speak in English a little but when writing an essay i...
UndergraduateNajihah - Nov 26, 2012 / Najihah - Nov 26, 2012
|Texas A&M App. Essay; 'A Dad is a man who is there for his children'
2 - I like your introduction, it frames the essay well. One suggestion for clarification. "It's a shame that I haven't...
Undergraduatemexicanbwoy - Nov 20, 2012 / zkinx6 - Nov 26, 2012
|personal statement of sarah: 'college is one of the scariest dreams'
4 - blueeyes816 Growing up my mother has always told me, "Not going to college is not an option," but for...
Undergraduateblueeyes816 - Nov 14, 2012 / rahullmantri - Nov 26, 2012
|'The impact of Santa'; My forethought victory, turned out to be my friends' agony
NEW - This is the first draft for my common-app essay. Prompt: "Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or...
Undergraduatehughj - Nov 26, 2012 / — -
|'Meant more than a clearer face' - UC Personal Statement on running Cross Country
3 - Hi, You display excellent writing skills and a lovely flow of ideas. Just pay attention to the...
Undergraduatediebysenioritis - Nov 26, 2012 / dumi - Nov 26, 2012
|'A valiant role model and being optimistic' -UC App Prompt 2
2 - Wow, I applaude you for your honesty. This essay needs more elaboration, I would expand on your story. It...
Undergraduateuscuscusc - Nov 26, 2012 / Abby5 - Nov 26, 2012
|UC Application Essay #1- 'A drive through the desert'
3 - This is pretty good, but I think you could do better by making it more from your perspective instead...
UndergraduateDSakson - Nov 26, 2012 / 503dannyk - Nov 26, 2012
|How did you adapt to one cross-cultural situation? What specific challenges...
UndergraduateAbby5 - Nov 12, 2012 / dumi - Nov 26, 2012
|USC Viterbi School of Engineering supplements - fashion and makeup; don't have nerd look
UndergraduateEunhae126 - Nov 26, 2012 / DSakson - Nov 26, 2012
|FSU Essay on Learning! The brain:No wealth like knowledge, no poverty like ignorance!
2 - I love this opening sentences.... Awesome! Very meaningful and creatively presented!!!!!!!!!!!!! : ) Here, you better...
Undergraduatea_uu - Nov 10, 2012 / dumi - Nov 26, 2012
|Passport To The World - USC Personal Statement
Undergraduatellin - Nov 25, 2012 / dumi - Nov 26, 2012
|'decided to join the orchestra' - UC applying essay prompt
2 - Grammar isn't an issue for you so I won't discuss it. Your writing is very prosy evokes plenty of...
Undergraduateediezoe - Nov 21, 2012 / diebysenioritis - Nov 26, 2012
|Personal Statement: Weight Loss!
Undergraduatepilt - Nov 25, 2012 / pilt - Nov 26, 2012
|'Filipina and a booming laugh' - UC on overcoming cancer
Undergraduatediebysenioritis - Nov 25, 2012 / diebysenioritis - Nov 26, 2012
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