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|UC prompt 1: My grandmother, my rock
Undergraduateshirley127 - Nov 25, 2012 / shirley127 - Nov 25, 2012
|"Fall seven times, stand up eight" - UC application prompt #1
Undergraduatepinkpolkadot15 - Nov 21, 2012 / uscuscusc - Nov 25, 2012
|'Building a computer instead of playing video games' - UC #1 -the world you come from
2 - oh what i put in green is what you are supposed to make your personal statement all about, because...
Undergraduatekoreanincambo - Nov 25, 2012 / uscuscusc - Nov 25, 2012
|immigration to america (shaping my dreams and aspirations)
Undergraduatesevbrown - Nov 25, 2012 / uscuscusc - Nov 25, 2012
|'Breathe in. Breathe out.' - Western Reserve University Pre-Professionals Scholars
3 - Wow I found this essay Impeccable . You really nailed the prompt. I also loved the sensory details in...
Undergraduatelklklk124 - Nov 4, 2012 / 3psilon - Nov 25, 2012
|'The simple life in Vietnam' - UC Essay Prompt 1 Describe the world you come from
4 - Since the prompt asks to 'tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.', i think you...
UndergraduateHamsilious - Nov 24, 2012 / koreanincambo - Nov 25, 2012
|UC my world - The trip to Ecuador
2 - just a couple things- in the second paragraph,"I thought it only rained in winter, its July" should be changed...
Undergraduateamandaisabel - Nov 25, 2012 / ricejillian5 - Nov 25, 2012
|'Solomon / UNKNOWN and ANONYMOUS' - UT Essays Topic A
4 - I think I will stick with my first essay since the 2nd one might sound more cliche' (follow your...
UndergraduateJunmae - Nov 23, 2012 / Junmae - Nov 25, 2012
|Common App - "juggling is a form of communication"
2 - I like bits and pieces from each of your versions. If you could include how you teach juggling along...
UndergraduateNRessay - Nov 25, 2012 / Yoyomo - Nov 25, 2012
|'mother's pessimism' - UT Austin
3 - "I noticed the relationship I have between my mother and I is a love hate relationship like every other...
Undergraduatemissymissyval - Nov 25, 2012 / lulwut - Nov 25, 2012
|'Cinema, photography, and my phases' - Ithaca College Supplement
UndergraduateAlecSalisbury - Nov 25, 2012 / moon05 - Nov 25, 2012
|'The Black Swan' - NYU supplement- what intrigues you?
3 - Great essay, I really enjoyed reading it. When I say elaborate, I wish that you could connect the themes/ideas...
Undergraduateallms - Nov 25, 2012 / lilica12 - Nov 25, 2012
|'applying to jobs during college' -UC (why my accomplishment makes me proud)
Undergraduatejenn89 - Nov 25, 2012 / lulwut - Nov 25, 2012
|'medium of appearance and content' - SYRACUSE SUPPLEMENT
3 - marr34 You should use more sophisticated vocabulary. That is about it. If you could look at my essay,...
Undergraduatemarr34 - Nov 25, 2012 / chow95 - Nov 25, 2012
|'molecular and computational biology - academic interests USC short response
8 - It is evident that being admitted to USC will help me pursue my academic interests and achieve my goals....
Undergraduateuscuscusc - Nov 24, 2012 / chow95 - Nov 25, 2012
|'a career in dentistry' - UC Prompt #1
3 - Growing up, the rules that are upheld in our household by my parents can be very strict at many...
UndergraduateTheJackal2013 - Nov 25, 2012 / CubiksRuber - Nov 25, 2012
|UC #2 - From Script to Screen / Back When I Was A Movie Star
UndergraduateYoyomo - Nov 25, 2012 / keroro - Nov 25, 2012
|'an upper level athlete' - PT graduate school application essay
3 - Unfortunately, this enjoyable endeavor came to stop I think you should use a stronger word besides endeavor. If...
Undergraduateaetucker - Nov 8, 2012 / chow95 - Nov 25, 2012
|'Designing systems and structures' - UC essay "your world"
4 - This is a powerful essay that truly captures your dreams and aspirations. If you focus more on the topic...
Undergraduategrateful1 - Nov 23, 2012 / shirley127 - Nov 25, 2012
|'The trauma of my parents splitting up' - admission challenge essay help
7 - kcast I'm almost thankful that my parents divorced because it has forced me to form much better connections...
Undergraduatekcast - Nov 20, 2012 / chow95 - Nov 25, 2012
|'I used to live in the International Baccalaureate bubble' - UC Prompt #1
Undergraduateemilyc28 - Nov 24, 2012 / emilyc28 - Nov 25, 2012
|'my intrinsic motivation is driving me' - Personal Statement UC 2
3 - The ending didn't really fit with the rest of the sentence. (by ending, i mean the last three words)....
Undergraduatejohn115 - Nov 25, 2012 / iamnicholas1 - Nov 25, 2012
|'the home alone community' - Michigan University Personal Statement.
UndergraduateSLEE30 - Nov 13, 2012 / alana327 - Nov 25, 2012
|'My Mother, the Woman Who Forgets' - UT Austin Essay "A"
10 - for sleep to be a forgotten ability of the past, of no longer fathoming how to communicate should be...
UndergraduateTranLePhu - Nov 25, 2012 / chow95 - Nov 25, 2012
|'Learning to move forward in life' - UT Person of great importance to you
2 - Your vocabulary is good, but you could benefit from using more of it. You could also write more about...
Undergraduatejohnpereira - Nov 25, 2012 / chow95 - Nov 25, 2012
|'Track & Field in middle school' - COMMON APP SHORT ANSWER
3 - i agree with everyone else, but also try to make your sentences choppier. youre using a lot of commas...
UndergraduateStephR - Nov 23, 2012 / sevbrown - Nov 25, 2012
|'diagnosed with scoliosis' - Essay about overcoming obstacles
Undergraduatetierajr - Nov 25, 2012 / chow95 - Nov 25, 2012
|Dream the impossible dream; "Low Income family"
6 - Have you ever dared to dream the impossible dream, to try and reach the unreachable stars? Should be, Have...
Undergraduatemelina - Nov 25, 2012 / chow95 - Nov 25, 2012
|'An Austrian-American living in Vienna' - UWC-application Essay: Personal background
2 - Being in a country, whose language you do not speak, can be frightening. If you realize that you don't...
UndergraduateWalkingSeasons - Nov 13, 2012 / allms - Nov 25, 2012
|'minute actions can have impact' - Macaulay Honors: Extracurricular Pursuits Essay
4 - Be careful with starting setences with "not". you seem to have lots of fragments. but overall, very well written....
UndergraduateZKhan1227 - Nov 4, 2012 / allms - Nov 25, 2012
|'Strength, Confidence and Dedication' - UCLA Personal Statement for Biology major
NEW - What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have...
UndergraduateTriciaasimon - Nov 25, 2012 / — -
|'celiac disease awareness' - Common Application Essay #1
NEW - Sometimes the hardest battles in life are the ones no one can see. Celiac disease is one battle that...
UndergraduateSparkle5506 - Nov 25, 2012 / — -
|TEXAS B: - CHINA AS A GLOBAL SUPERPOWER
Undergraduateablumfield - Nov 25, 2012 / bellem1 - Nov 25, 2012
|'Reading masterpieces' - umich supplement essey communities
2 - Nicely written, but I think you need to elaborate more on your place in that community. You do a...
Undergraduatenalatieer - Nov 25, 2012 / Birdiee - Nov 25, 2012
|'Afghanistan used to be fun and carefree' - UC Personal Statement #1
2 - I think this is very compelling and well-written. The only suggestion I would make is to put in...
Undergraduatemostamand2013 - Nov 25, 2012 / DonnaJm - Nov 25, 2012
|'College is a very important part of life' - CU-BOULDER -- Evaluation and Comments
2 - Use a semicolon here instead of a comma, in between Napal and we. Otherwise, you have a comma...
Undergraduateproximaankit - Nov 25, 2012 / suzeroonie - Nov 25, 2012
|'why not go into accounting' - UT Austin person
Undergraduateacroyal - Nov 20, 2012 / acroyal - Nov 25, 2012
|'Mirroring him in my life, World Cup' about others rather telling his influence on me
2 - i guess it is a good essay but you need to concentrate writing about you rather than the player.......
Undergraduatemilan28 - Nov 23, 2012 / pawan457 - Nov 25, 2012
|Snowboarding and Photography: UC Prompts #1 & #2
2 - Hey adam! Your essays are great! I like the way you discribe your love for snowboard, very humorous:-) But...
Undergraduateadamak28 - Nov 25, 2012 / nalatieer - Nov 25, 2012
|'I did Bachelor in Arts in Pakistan' - admission in fashion design course
4 - Good advice from jazihzahir... Also, your personal statement is the first impression you are forming about yourself to the...
Undergraduateashhjan - Oct 28, 2012 / dumi - Nov 25, 2012
|'Now we have more than we ever had in India' - College Admission's Essay
2 - given me support, given me courage, and given me strength ------------ repetition of the word ''given'' sounds a...
Undergraduatesaloanim - Nov 24, 2012 / dumi - Nov 25, 2012
|'Torrance and Korean friends / Unexpected grades' - UC Essays.
Undergraduateyoonjoo95 - Nov 25, 2012 / adamak28 - Nov 25, 2012
|'The sky was clear' - CU Boulder Flagship Essay
3 - awesome thanks for the feedback. Do you think I should directly tie my faith into it? or would that...
Undergraduateadamak28 - Nov 24, 2012 / adamak28 - Nov 25, 2012
|How do you expect to grow in Alma College; 'I come from Iran'
3 - sure, "how do you expect to grow in college?" thanks for your time! you're soo helpful! i'm rewriting my...
Undergraduateprogrammer - Nov 24, 2012 / programmer - Nov 25, 2012
|'daily newspapers' - academic interests USC Supplement
7 - Okay, thanks!...
Undergraduateemilyc28 - Nov 24, 2012 / emilyc28 - Nov 25, 2012
|'Molecular biology / Japanese Culture Club' - UC PERSONAL STATEMENTS
3 - Prompt 1: In 2002, my grandfather passed way from cancer, leaving my grandmother alone in the house. As a...
Undergraduatekimichan108 - Nov 25, 2012 / uscuscusc - Nov 25, 2012
|'My parents are both artists' - Stanford Roommate Essay
4 - If this is to future roommate RELAXXXX! you are trying to be to formal, honestly would you write to...
Undergraduate4m4jordan4m4 - Nov 23, 2012 / mish1493 - Nov 25, 2012
|'the cancer survivor' - How my grandmother has influenced me: Essay B
2 - Thanks for your help with my short answer for Brown! As for yours, I have a few nitpicky things...
Undergraduateginnyqoa - Nov 24, 2012 / kealasophia - Nov 24, 2012
|'Poverty and luxuries of America' - community essay issue
UndergraduateAzizZ - Nov 22, 2012 / suzeroonie - Nov 24, 2012
|'The smell of metal gates' - My trip to the Philippines, 2nd UC prompt
UndergraduateJRSeitz - Nov 24, 2012 / clemy - Nov 24, 2012
|'exposure to my parents agony' - UC PROMPT # 1 response
3 - okay thanks!!...
UndergraduateYoh - Nov 24, 2012 / Yoh - Nov 24, 2012
|'the Seattle Children's Hospital Nursing Camp' - Washington personal statement
2 - "Changing IV tubes and dressings was hard work, but the two women made their job seem so affable, as...
Undergraduatetiscmad13 - Nov 24, 2012 / JRSeitz - Nov 24, 2012
|'involvement with high school events' - Personal Statement #2 - Giving Back
NEW - Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this...
Undergraduatesdelicana - Nov 24, 2012 / — -
|'the gift of the Catholic church' - UC someone who has made an impact on your life
3 - You write very well and your ideas are presented relatively clearly. However, I'm confused as to whether you are...
Undergraduatedimps95 - Nov 23, 2012 / JRSeitz - Nov 24, 2012
|I am a hard working person and never take rest until my work is done
5 - Right, I like this advice, try not to over think the questions. No ones know you better than you!...
UndergraduateAmyH - Nov 23, 2012 / MariettaA - Nov 24, 2012
|Describe a recent academic challenge you have faced. (3 Hospitalizations)- HSF
NEW - Three times. Three times of hearing the same devastating news. Three times of seeing my family suffer. Three times...
Undergraduatetinkerbellcutie - Nov 24, 2012 / — -
|'Time to go visit your dad' - UC #1 parents divorce influence
Undergraduatefighton - Nov 24, 2012 / fighton - Nov 24, 2012
|UC Personal Statement essays on Cross Country and discrimination.
Undergraduatediebysenioritis - Nov 24, 2012 / diebysenioritis - Nov 24, 2012
|common app essay- Saint Thomas vs Penn Relays
2 - It's a great obstacle that you faced and you clearly showed how you overcame the challenge! Try not to...
Undergraduateart4bg - Nov 24, 2012 / amandaisabel - Nov 24, 2012
|'cold weather and historical background' - Boston University Supplement
Undergraduateamandaisabel - Nov 24, 2012 / amandaisabel - Nov 24, 2012
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