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|'minute actions can have impact' - Macaulay Honors: Extracurricular Pursuits Essay
4 - Be careful with starting setences with "not". you seem to have lots of fragments. but overall, very well written....
UndergraduateZKhan1227 - Nov 4, 2012 / allms - Nov 25, 2012
|'something more precious than money' - UC application prompt 1...world
3 - For eighteen years, I'veI have been living in a seemingly insipid world. Besides studying at school, I spend most...
UndergraduateSimon0228 - Nov 25, 2012 / okhabin - Nov 25, 2012
|'Strength, Confidence and Dedication' - UCLA Personal Statement for Biology major
NEW - What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have...
UndergraduateTriciaasimon - Nov 25, 2012 / — -
|'celiac disease awareness' - Common Application Essay #1
NEW - Sometimes the hardest battles in life are the ones no one can see. Celiac disease is one battle that...
UndergraduateSparkle5506 - Nov 25, 2012 / — -
|TEXAS B: - CHINA AS A GLOBAL SUPERPOWER
Undergraduateablumfield - Nov 25, 2012 / bellem1 - Nov 25, 2012
|'Reading masterpieces' - umich supplement essey communities
2 - Nicely written, but I think you need to elaborate more on your place in that community. You do a...
Undergraduatenalatieer - Nov 25, 2012 / Birdiee - Nov 25, 2012
|'Afghanistan used to be fun and carefree' - UC Personal Statement #1
2 - I think this is very compelling and well-written. The only suggestion I would make is to put in...
Undergraduatemostamand2013 - Nov 25, 2012 / DonnaJm - Nov 25, 2012
|'College is a very important part of life' - CU-BOULDER -- Evaluation and Comments
2 - Use a semicolon here instead of a comma, in between Napal and we. Otherwise, you have a comma...
Undergraduateproximaankit - Nov 25, 2012 / suzeroonie - Nov 25, 2012
|'why not go into accounting' - UT Austin person
Undergraduateacroyal - Nov 20, 2012 / acroyal - Nov 25, 2012
|'Mirroring him in my life, World Cup' about others rather telling his influence on me
2 - i guess it is a good essay but you need to concentrate writing about you rather than the player.......
Undergraduatemilan28 - Nov 23, 2012 / pawan457 - Nov 25, 2012
|Snowboarding and Photography: UC Prompts #1 & #2
2 - Hey adam! Your essays are great! I like the way you discribe your love for snowboard, very humorous:-) But...
Undergraduateadamak28 - Nov 25, 2012 / nalatieer - Nov 25, 2012
|'I did Bachelor in Arts in Pakistan' - admission in fashion design course
4 - Good advice from jazihzahir... Also, your personal statement is the first impression you are forming about yourself to the...
Undergraduateashhjan - Oct 28, 2012 / dumi - Nov 25, 2012
|'Now we have more than we ever had in India' - College Admission's Essay
2 - given me support, given me courage, and given me strength ------------ repetition of the word ''given'' sounds a...
Undergraduatesaloanim - Nov 24, 2012 / dumi - Nov 25, 2012
|'Torrance and Korean friends / Unexpected grades' - UC Essays.
Undergraduateyoonjoo95 - Nov 25, 2012 / adamak28 - Nov 25, 2012
|'The sky was clear' - CU Boulder Flagship Essay
3 - awesome thanks for the feedback. Do you think I should directly tie my faith into it? or would that...
Undergraduateadamak28 - Nov 24, 2012 / adamak28 - Nov 25, 2012
|How do you expect to grow in Alma College; 'I come from Iran'
3 - sure, "how do you expect to grow in college?" thanks for your time! you're soo helpful! i'm rewriting my...
Undergraduateprogrammer - Nov 24, 2012 / programmer - Nov 25, 2012
|'daily newspapers' - academic interests USC Supplement
7 - Okay, thanks!...
Undergraduateemilyc28 - Nov 24, 2012 / emilyc28 - Nov 25, 2012
|'Molecular biology / Japanese Culture Club' - UC PERSONAL STATEMENTS
3 - Prompt 1: In 2002, my grandfather passed way from cancer, leaving my grandmother alone in the house. As a...
Undergraduatekimichan108 - Nov 25, 2012 / uscuscusc - Nov 25, 2012
|'My parents are both artists' - Stanford Roommate Essay
4 - If this is to future roommate RELAXXXX! you are trying to be to formal, honestly would you write to...
Undergraduate4m4jordan4m4 - Nov 23, 2012 / mish1493 - Nov 25, 2012
|'the cancer survivor' - How my grandmother has influenced me: Essay B
2 - Thanks for your help with my short answer for Brown! As for yours, I have a few nitpicky things...
Undergraduateginnyqoa - Nov 24, 2012 / kealasophia - Nov 24, 2012
|'Poverty and luxuries of America' - community essay issue
UndergraduateAzizZ - Nov 22, 2012 / suzeroonie - Nov 24, 2012
|'The smell of metal gates' - My trip to the Philippines, 2nd UC prompt
UndergraduateJRSeitz - Nov 24, 2012 / clemy - Nov 24, 2012
|'exposure to my parents agony' - UC PROMPT # 1 response
3 - okay thanks!!...
UndergraduateYoh - Nov 24, 2012 / Yoh - Nov 24, 2012
|'the Seattle Children's Hospital Nursing Camp' - Washington personal statement
2 - "Changing IV tubes and dressings was hard work, but the two women made their job seem so affable, as...
Undergraduatetiscmad13 - Nov 24, 2012 / JRSeitz - Nov 24, 2012
|'involvement with high school events' - Personal Statement #2 - Giving Back
NEW - Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this...
Undergraduatesdelicana - Nov 24, 2012 / — -
|'the gift of the Catholic church' - UC someone who has made an impact on your life
3 - You write very well and your ideas are presented relatively clearly. However, I'm confused as to whether you are...
Undergraduatedimps95 - Nov 23, 2012 / JRSeitz - Nov 24, 2012
|I am a hard working person and never take rest until my work is done
5 - Right, I like this advice, try not to over think the questions. No ones know you better than you!...
UndergraduateAmyH - Nov 23, 2012 / MariettaA - Nov 24, 2012
|Describe a recent academic challenge you have faced. (3 Hospitalizations)- HSF
NEW - Three times. Three times of hearing the same devastating news. Three times of seeing my family suffer. Three times...
Undergraduatetinkerbellcutie - Nov 24, 2012 / — -
|'Time to go visit your dad' - UC #1 parents divorce influence
Undergraduatefighton - Nov 24, 2012 / fighton - Nov 24, 2012
|UC Personal Statement essays on Cross Country and discrimination.
Undergraduatediebysenioritis - Nov 24, 2012 / diebysenioritis - Nov 24, 2012
|common app essay- Saint Thomas vs Penn Relays
2 - It's a great obstacle that you faced and you clearly showed how you overcame the challenge! Try not to...
Undergraduateart4bg - Nov 24, 2012 / amandaisabel - Nov 24, 2012
|'cold weather and historical background' - Boston University Supplement
Undergraduateamandaisabel - Nov 24, 2012 / amandaisabel - Nov 24, 2012
|'crumbling desire to be an engineer' - common app essay- my choice-why i do it
NEW - December 5, 2008 was the day I transitioned to a new environment, coming to the United States. I was...
Undergraduatemcbossman - Nov 24, 2012 / — -
|Cooper Union; In a brief paragraph, describe the elements of Engineering you want to study
Undergraduateluying9682 - Nov 21, 2012 / mcbossman - Nov 24, 2012
|USC- annenberg statment of intent for a Public Relations major
Undergraduatemeliilynn - Nov 24, 2012 / suzeroonie - Nov 24, 2012
|A Cower Straightened (Common App Essay!)
2 - I realized the significance ethnicity had on my identity at a young age like razorblades to my skin this...
UndergraduateKimiko9000 - Nov 24, 2012 / art4bg - Nov 24, 2012
|"Let's play doctor!" UC Personal Statement- The hospital
Undergraduatetip - Nov 24, 2012 / tip - Nov 24, 2012
|'promoting Chinese culture' - UC Prompt #2
UndergraduateLoveTotoro - Nov 18, 2012 / simibug13 - Nov 24, 2012
|'She taught me to speak up for myself' - Second UC Application Prompt Help
2 - I think this is a very well-written essay! However, I feel you should rewrite your last sentence (it feels...
Undergraduatejuliag - Nov 24, 2012 / adrianpzamora - Nov 24, 2012
|'makeing it to the world stage - strength' - Penn State Personal Statement
Undergraduatemcbossman - Nov 19, 2012 / mcbossman - Nov 24, 2012
|'The EducationUSA adviser' - answer to the Dickinson Supplement
7 - Thanks for the reply. You really think I don't need to give anymore detail? But I am surprised...
Undergraduatemoon05 - Nov 19, 2012 / moon05 - Nov 24, 2012
|'My musical performance' - UC Personal Statement #2 Critique
3 - Thanks for the input! I changed up the last paragraph. Do you think this makes it more my quality?...
UndergraduateRawrJjong - Nov 24, 2012 / RawrJjong - Nov 24, 2012
|'feet into my physics class' - important person College Admission Essay
4 - I was very touched by your essay because it shows your true emotions. But I feel like the beginning...
Undergraduatekaitlynecall - Nov 13, 2012 / saloanim - Nov 24, 2012
|'I visited Afghanistan' - College essay common app experience
2 - instead of saying that you went to Afghanistan ( "This past summer I visited the country of Afghanistan.") Describe...
Undergraduatesarahmohammz - Nov 24, 2012 / art4bg - Nov 24, 2012
|'Trip of a lifetime to Japan' - essay
Undergraduateericramon - Nov 3, 2012 / sarahmohammz - Nov 24, 2012
|'cutting off all support and help' - UTA ESSAY B
Undergraduateesther3095 - Nov 24, 2012 / moon05 - Nov 24, 2012
|'zero opportunity' - Issue of Importance, UT APPLICATION ESSAY
3 - Thank you...
Undergraduatewelc2774 - Nov 23, 2012 / welc2774 - Nov 24, 2012
|'My college search' - Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University
2 - Your essay is great, and the fact that you actually visited the campus gives you a lot of bonus...
Undergraduateart4bg - Nov 24, 2012 / esther3095 - Nov 24, 2012
|UC Prompt one "Coping with Life" "Describing my future dreams and past experiences
3 - I remember that my AP English teacher showed us one of her student's essays that was basically a rant...
UndergraduateTaylor8294 - Nov 24, 2012 / RawrJjong - Nov 24, 2012
|'The New Kid' - UC Personal Statement Prompt #2
Undergraduateadebayor123 - Nov 19, 2012 / RawrJjong - Nov 24, 2012
|(Meliora experience?) - meaning of Prompts
Undergraduatemoon05 - Nov 24, 2012 / — -
|"great ocean of truth" - Essay on Sherlock Holmes's influence
UndergraduateNRessay - Nov 22, 2012 / bellem1 - Nov 24, 2012
|'I have resided in an affluent community' - personal statement for UC app
2 - 1st Essay You are saying that you had no recollection of your parents, you never discussed with...
Undergraduateasd2013 - Nov 20, 2012 / moon05 - Nov 24, 2012
|A character defining moment. 'November 20th was a cold, cloudy day'
4 - thank you soooo much! you're right, i'll write about something else that is more like me, and less a...
Undergraduateprogrammer - Nov 24, 2012 / programmer - Nov 24, 2012
|"Do mi so mi do." I sang with the piano, not missing one note.
8 - could you read my essay as well? i really need serious help with that. and you're welcome i told...
Undergraduatepussypussy - Nov 23, 2012 / programmer - Nov 24, 2012
|'Grandma's forte' - UC 1: Family's Influence on Business
3 - Perhaps it should read 'the knowledge I will gain" I, too do not understand part about regretting no...
Undergraduatemadluck - Nov 23, 2012 / busybee - Nov 24, 2012
|"Exponential Growth" - Carnegie Mellon Supplement Essay
Undergraduatechrismanggg - Nov 23, 2012 / busybee - Nov 24, 2012
|'I call her Wonder woman' - someone who has made an impact on your life
4 - I love the first two sentences. I think it perfectly opens up an essay that gives you an oppurtunity...
Undergraduatekorib - Nov 22, 2012 / pguz - Nov 23, 2012
|'I'm not boring, I promise' - Babson Roomate College Supplement
2 - Impressive start! Good! : ) This is very interesting ...hahaha.... yep, you better make that promise,...
UndergraduateiMish - Nov 21, 2012 / dumi - Nov 23, 2012
|'School in pyjamas' - personal statement essay about home schooling - topic of choice
3 - "my wide group of friends could not derive from a single place" I think it should be changed to...
Undergraduateivyleague - Nov 23, 2012 / sonyab0627 - Nov 23, 2012
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