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|'An inexperienced pony' - Common app essay - topic of your choice
Undergraduatechanty318 - Nov 26, 2012 / lulwut - Nov 26, 2012
|(cacophony) - UVa What is your favorite word?
3 - I'm not 100% sure of this, but I think admissions would prefer that you excise those contractions (e.g. I'll)....
Undergraduateamh - Nov 26, 2012 / Premed0 - Nov 26, 2012
|'making it in the city of LA' - UC Prompt
Undergraduateedulgn - Nov 26, 2012 / edulgn - Nov 26, 2012
|'relationship with my violin' - UC
3 - Thank you for your feedback luying! I'm actually not planning to major in music, but it's an important extracurricular...
Undergraduatekeroro - Nov 25, 2012 / keroro - Nov 26, 2012
|'An adventure of a year abroad in Italy' - UC Application: an acomplishment relate
UndergraduateWambat - Nov 20, 2012 / amh - Nov 26, 2012
|'It made me suffer, but..' - COLLEGE ESSAY, schizophrenic brother
2 - My brother's symptoms were ambiguous at first, but as time went on they slowly escalated. After weeks of...
Undergraduatenaruto123 - Nov 25, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 26, 2012
|Texas C- MINNGGLING!!
2 - I was determinedto somehow stop this whole "alienate the Indian" thing.had to stop. It took me time to...
Undergraduatesidney007 - Nov 25, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 26, 2012
|Emory Supplement - "Reminiscent and Adventurous"
2 - the first sentence is a little redundant. I would either put: "I stared in awe as my mentor quickly...
UndergraduatePremed0 - Nov 24, 2012 / amh - Nov 26, 2012
|'have been born in America' - about myself Penn State Essay
2 - Looks good to me. I think you should work on the conclusion a bit. Maybe you should mention that...
UndergraduateStephR - Nov 25, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 26, 2012
|Recently, I found a little "Introducing Myself" card that I made in first grade. Bill Gates II
8 - There are some mistakes in your writing just cuz you are careless... 1. the computer technology had hit...
Undergraduateokhabin - Nov 24, 2012 / Simon0228 - Nov 26, 2012
|Why choosing Web Development major: Drexel App Essay
3 - Looking back at my childhood, two common interests seemed to always be prevalent: art and computers. As one...
Undergraduatejcblank - Oct 29, 2012 / Malik Achakzai - Nov 26, 2012
|'How to be a teacher?' - Essay for Washington university
4 - Azizz, I am not a native english speaker and I do not find myself qualified enough to judge a...
Undergraduateprogrammer - Nov 25, 2012 / programmer - Nov 26, 2012
|'goals that aren't yours' - UC prompt: where you come from
Undergraduatethebigdudex - Nov 26, 2012 / dumi - Nov 26, 2012
|"What about spaghetti?" Is this a good start? USC personal statement
7 - Hello, I think your PS starts out great. I agree with luying9682 when he says you should quote...
Undergraduatelilac1 - Nov 13, 2012 / scosc - Nov 26, 2012
|Essay on SPECIAL MOMENT WITH FAMILY. How to write?
3 - thanks dumi for the compliment. actually i can speak in English a little but when writing an essay i...
UndergraduateNajihah - Nov 26, 2012 / Najihah - Nov 26, 2012
|Texas A&M App. Essay; 'A Dad is a man who is there for his children'
2 - I like your introduction, it frames the essay well. One suggestion for clarification. "It's a shame that I haven't...
Undergraduatemexicanbwoy - Nov 20, 2012 / zkinx6 - Nov 26, 2012
|personal statement of sarah: 'college is one of the scariest dreams'
4 - blueeyes816 Growing up my mother has always told me, "Not going to college is not an option," but for...
Undergraduateblueeyes816 - Nov 14, 2012 / rahullmantri - Nov 26, 2012
|'The impact of Santa'; My forethought victory, turned out to be my friends' agony
NEW - This is the first draft for my common-app essay. Prompt: "Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or...
Undergraduatehughj - Nov 26, 2012 / — -
|'Meant more than a clearer face' - UC Personal Statement on running Cross Country
3 - Hi, You display excellent writing skills and a lovely flow of ideas. Just pay attention to the...
Undergraduatediebysenioritis - Nov 26, 2012 / dumi - Nov 26, 2012
|'A valiant role model and being optimistic' -UC App Prompt 2
2 - Wow, I applaude you for your honesty. This essay needs more elaboration, I would expand on your story. It...
Undergraduateuscuscusc - Nov 26, 2012 / Abby5 - Nov 26, 2012
|UC Application Essay #1- 'A drive through the desert'
3 - This is pretty good, but I think you could do better by making it more from your perspective instead...
UndergraduateDSakson - Nov 26, 2012 / 503dannyk - Nov 26, 2012
|How did you adapt to one cross-cultural situation? What specific challenges...
UndergraduateAbby5 - Nov 12, 2012 / dumi - Nov 26, 2012
|USC Viterbi School of Engineering supplements - fashion and makeup; don't have nerd look
UndergraduateEunhae126 - Nov 26, 2012 / DSakson - Nov 26, 2012
|FSU Essay on Learning! The brain:No wealth like knowledge, no poverty like ignorance!
2 - I love this opening sentences.... Awesome! Very meaningful and creatively presented!!!!!!!!!!!!! : ) Here, you better...
Undergraduatea_uu - Nov 10, 2012 / dumi - Nov 26, 2012
|Passport To The World - USC Personal Statement
Undergraduatellin - Nov 25, 2012 / dumi - Nov 26, 2012
|'decided to join the orchestra' - UC applying essay prompt
2 - Grammar isn't an issue for you so I won't discuss it. Your writing is very prosy evokes plenty of...
Undergraduateediezoe - Nov 21, 2012 / diebysenioritis - Nov 26, 2012
|Personal Statement: Weight Loss!
Undergraduatepilt - Nov 25, 2012 / pilt - Nov 26, 2012
|'Filipina and a booming laugh' - UC on overcoming cancer
Undergraduatediebysenioritis - Nov 25, 2012 / diebysenioritis - Nov 26, 2012
|UC prompt 1: My grandmother, my rock
Undergraduateshirley127 - Nov 25, 2012 / shirley127 - Nov 25, 2012
|"Fall seven times, stand up eight" - UC application prompt #1
Undergraduatepinkpolkadot15 - Nov 21, 2012 / uscuscusc - Nov 25, 2012
|'Building a computer instead of playing video games' - UC #1 -the world you come from
2 - oh what i put in green is what you are supposed to make your personal statement all about, because...
Undergraduatekoreanincambo - Nov 25, 2012 / uscuscusc - Nov 25, 2012
|immigration to america (shaping my dreams and aspirations)
Undergraduatesevbrown - Nov 25, 2012 / uscuscusc - Nov 25, 2012
|'Breathe in. Breathe out.' - Western Reserve University Pre-Professionals Scholars
3 - Wow I found this essay Impeccable . You really nailed the prompt. I also loved the sensory details in...
Undergraduatelklklk124 - Nov 4, 2012 / 3psilon - Nov 25, 2012
|'The simple life in Vietnam' - UC Essay Prompt 1 Describe the world you come from
4 - Since the prompt asks to 'tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.', i think you...
UndergraduateHamsilious - Nov 24, 2012 / koreanincambo - Nov 25, 2012
|UC my world - The trip to Ecuador
2 - just a couple things- in the second paragraph,"I thought it only rained in winter, its July" should be changed...
Undergraduateamandaisabel - Nov 25, 2012 / ricejillian5 - Nov 25, 2012
|'Solomon / UNKNOWN and ANONYMOUS' - UT Essays Topic A
4 - I think I will stick with my first essay since the 2nd one might sound more cliche' (follow your...
UndergraduateJunmae - Nov 23, 2012 / Junmae - Nov 25, 2012
|Common App - "juggling is a form of communication"
2 - I like bits and pieces from each of your versions. If you could include how you teach juggling along...
UndergraduateNRessay - Nov 25, 2012 / Yoyomo - Nov 25, 2012
|'mother's pessimism' - UT Austin
3 - "I noticed the relationship I have between my mother and I is a love hate relationship like every other...
Undergraduatemissymissyval - Nov 25, 2012 / lulwut - Nov 25, 2012
|'Cinema, photography, and my phases' - Ithaca College Supplement
UndergraduateAlecSalisbury - Nov 25, 2012 / moon05 - Nov 25, 2012
|'The Black Swan' - NYU supplement- what intrigues you?
3 - Great essay, I really enjoyed reading it. When I say elaborate, I wish that you could connect the themes/ideas...
Undergraduateallms - Nov 25, 2012 / lilica12 - Nov 25, 2012
|'applying to jobs during college' -UC (why my accomplishment makes me proud)
Undergraduatejenn89 - Nov 25, 2012 / lulwut - Nov 25, 2012
|'medium of appearance and content' - SYRACUSE SUPPLEMENT
3 - marr34 You should use more sophisticated vocabulary. That is about it. If you could look at my essay,...
Undergraduatemarr34 - Nov 25, 2012 / chow95 - Nov 25, 2012
|'molecular and computational biology - academic interests USC short response
8 - It is evident that being admitted to USC will help me pursue my academic interests and achieve my goals....
Undergraduateuscuscusc - Nov 24, 2012 / chow95 - Nov 25, 2012
|'a career in dentistry' - UC Prompt #1
3 - Growing up, the rules that are upheld in our household by my parents can be very strict at many...
UndergraduateTheJackal2013 - Nov 25, 2012 / CubiksRuber - Nov 25, 2012
|UC #2 - From Script to Screen / Back When I Was A Movie Star
UndergraduateYoyomo - Nov 25, 2012 / keroro - Nov 25, 2012
|'an upper level athlete' - PT graduate school application essay
3 - Unfortunately, this enjoyable endeavor came to stop I think you should use a stronger word besides endeavor. If...
Undergraduateaetucker - Nov 8, 2012 / chow95 - Nov 25, 2012
|'Designing systems and structures' - UC essay "your world"
4 - This is a powerful essay that truly captures your dreams and aspirations. If you focus more on the topic...
Undergraduategrateful1 - Nov 23, 2012 / shirley127 - Nov 25, 2012
|'The trauma of my parents splitting up' - admission challenge essay help
7 - kcast I'm almost thankful that my parents divorced because it has forced me to form much better connections...
Undergraduatekcast - Nov 20, 2012 / chow95 - Nov 25, 2012
|'I used to live in the International Baccalaureate bubble' - UC Prompt #1
Undergraduateemilyc28 - Nov 24, 2012 / emilyc28 - Nov 25, 2012
|'my intrinsic motivation is driving me' - Personal Statement UC 2
3 - The ending didn't really fit with the rest of the sentence. (by ending, i mean the last three words)....
Undergraduatejohn115 - Nov 25, 2012 / iamnicholas1 - Nov 25, 2012
|'Donna Noble, Doctor Who' - Common App: a character in fiction that influences you.
8 - suzeroonie I don't think I'll ever get the chance to stop the world from ending, but nevertheless Donna...
Undergraduatesuzeroonie - Nov 23, 2012 / chow95 - Nov 25, 2012
|'the home alone community' - Michigan University Personal Statement.
UndergraduateSLEE30 - Nov 13, 2012 / alana327 - Nov 25, 2012
|'My Mother, the Woman Who Forgets' - UT Austin Essay "A"
10 - for sleep to be a forgotten ability of the past, of no longer fathoming how to communicate should be...
UndergraduateTranLePhu - Nov 25, 2012 / chow95 - Nov 25, 2012
|'Learning to move forward in life' - UT Person of great importance to you
2 - Your vocabulary is good, but you could benefit from using more of it. You could also write more about...
Undergraduatejohnpereira - Nov 25, 2012 / chow95 - Nov 25, 2012
|'Track & Field in middle school' - COMMON APP SHORT ANSWER
3 - i agree with everyone else, but also try to make your sentences choppier. youre using a lot of commas...
UndergraduateStephR - Nov 23, 2012 / sevbrown - Nov 25, 2012
|'diagnosed with scoliosis' - Essay about overcoming obstacles
Undergraduatetierajr - Nov 25, 2012 / chow95 - Nov 25, 2012
|Dream the impossible dream; "Low Income family"
6 - Have you ever dared to dream the impossible dream, to try and reach the unreachable stars? Should be, Have...
Undergraduatemelina - Nov 25, 2012 / chow95 - Nov 25, 2012
|'An Austrian-American living in Vienna' - UWC-application Essay: Personal background
2 - Being in a country, whose language you do not speak, can be frightening. If you realize that you don't...
UndergraduateWalkingSeasons - Nov 13, 2012 / allms - Nov 25, 2012
|'minute actions can have impact' - Macaulay Honors: Extracurricular Pursuits Essay
4 - Be careful with starting setences with "not". you seem to have lots of fragments. but overall, very well written....
UndergraduateZKhan1227 - Nov 4, 2012 / allms - Nov 25, 2012
|'something more precious than money' - UC application prompt 1...world
3 - For eighteen years, I'veI have been living in a seemingly insipid world. Besides studying at school, I spend most...
UndergraduateSimon0228 - Nov 25, 2012 / okhabin - Nov 25, 2012
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