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|'Engineers can craft and create' - UC essay "your world" prompt
6 - To make it easier on you, actually, you should probably use this essay for prompt #2: "Tell us about...
Undergraduategrateful1 - Nov 20, 2012 / sushiwrap - Nov 21, 2012
|Stanford: I am extremely excited to meet you - roommate letter
2 - I see the world and people I encounter areas a fertile ground for gathering information to satisfy my...
Undergraduateria95 - Nov 21, 2012 / suzeroonie - Nov 21, 2012
|USC Short Answer Essay: Describe your Academic Interests
Undergraduatesuzeroonie - Nov 21, 2012 / suzeroonie - Nov 21, 2012
|I am currently living in America, but I haven't lived here all my life
NEW - Even though I am currently living in America, I haven't lived here all my life. About half of my...
Undergraduateflashman260 - Nov 21, 2012 / — -
|Did my own coach had just invited me to cheat? ; Caltech / Ethical Dilemma
14 - I absolutely love how you said can anybody help me out here, it will be very appreciated after people...
UndergraduateHoney Johri - Nov 19, 2012 / memm - Nov 21, 2012
|UC essay; 'My beginnings were humble' - Describe the world you come from
4 - This is a fantastically-written essay--it is evident that you are a good writer. However, if it is one thing...
Undergraduatevidxyz - Nov 19, 2012 / sushiwrap - Nov 21, 2012
|UC Essay Prompt #1: Toastmasters Experience
Undergraduate3coolnys - Nov 18, 2012 / 3coolnys - Nov 21, 2012
|"You can do it" - constructive criticism for my UC personal statement
Undergraduatekristinesg - Nov 20, 2012 / dumi - Nov 21, 2012
|'the gravity of challenges' - Bentley University Supplement Essay
UndergraduateAlbert - Nov 20, 2012 / Albert - Nov 21, 2012
|'video game addiction' - Overcoming this obstacle in life has been my great achievement
2 - Before going straight into your essay, start off with a sentence that really intrigues the reader to continue reading...
Undergraduatemightyboosh01 - Nov 18, 2012 / M_Squared - Nov 20, 2012
|"Restaurants in Egypt" - Classification essay.
2 - Most people in Egypt prefer restaurants food more than home food.("prefer" has the same meaning as "more than" ,...
Undergraduatelike11 - Nov 20, 2012 / Shirley0426007 - Nov 20, 2012
|'hardcore gamer' - Statement of Purpose for Game Design @USC
3 - I finished two researches .("research" is an uncountable noun and you cannot use it in plural form)...
UndergraduateAkito - Nov 19, 2012 / Shirley0426007 - Nov 20, 2012
|founding fathers essey; 'Walking down the street I met a man'
Undergraduatemagoc_conch - Nov 1, 2012 / magoc_conch - Nov 20, 2012
|'The Filipino paintings' - My UC application prompt #1
UndergraduateJRSeitz - Nov 19, 2012 / JRSeitz - Nov 20, 2012
|the scariest house ever - escaping the ghosts
2 - This is very well written and very descriptive. Good work! :) Just one correction : The door did not...
Undergraduatephuoc huynh - Nov 20, 2012 / ZarahMehrin - Nov 20, 2012
|'Surgery on me helped me reinvent myself' - Prompt #2 of Personal Statement
4 - I don't really understand what you're trying to say with this sentence. The way I'm reading it, it...
Undergraduateel_moises1 - Nov 17, 2012 / madison333 - Nov 20, 2012
|Un. students attending classes; they are adult and know how to manage their time
2 - - you need to re paraphrase this sentence some thing like - These days universities are equipped with...
Undergraduatemohamad shahidi - Nov 4, 2012 / kurianjoseph1 - Nov 20, 2012
|'Red track and white lines simplify my world. I love running'. Admission Essay
4 - Thanks Dumi... You are a very nice person.. I saw you help a lot of people with their essays.....
Undergraduatezhanglunke - Nov 17, 2012 / zhanglunke - Nov 20, 2012
|Five Themes of Geography essay on Thomas Edison? - Suggestions?
2 - This sounds like an interesting theme. Unfortunately, I've never written anything quite like this but I will give it...
Undergraduatecesar402 - Nov 3, 2012 / Kirk G - Nov 20, 2012
|Trying to create a strong, unique FIT application essay!?
Undergraduatex0simplyshelby - Nov 14, 2012 / Albert - Nov 20, 2012
|Greetings fellow Stanfor Admit; Stanford roommate essay
Undergraduategrateful1 - Nov 20, 2012 / grateful1 - Nov 20, 2012
|three reasons I feel fortunate to be the person I am.
2 - I suggest the following for this opening sentence; I call myself a fortunate person because I was...
Undergraduateshuha2005 - Nov 4, 2012 / dumi - Nov 20, 2012
|'4x4 pickup truck'; Peace Corps Essays: Motivation and Cross-Culture
2 - This is again very impressive and you write so convincingly! Honestly... I just could not find anything to...
Undergraduatedboyd - Nov 17, 2012 / dumi - Nov 20, 2012
|UC Application Prompt #1: How am I supposed to know what I want to do with my life?
2 - All this sounds true. However, if you need to have your application look more attractive, present these facts...
UndergraduateWambat - Nov 20, 2012 / dumi - Nov 20, 2012
|Stanford Supplement; "Write a note to your future roommate"; four facts about me
8 - I would recommend that you cut down the intro because it doesn't really say anything about you and instead...
Undergraduatewowsers10101 - Oct 30, 2012 / Wambat - Nov 20, 2012
|'not a very good singer' - Stanford Roommate Essay
UndergraduateSpencedawg - Nov 5, 2012 / Wambat - Nov 20, 2012
|"I love Jar Jar Binks and Lebanese Food" - Stanford's Roommate Essay
6 - It is good overall but is very random and chaotic, with some smoothing out, and as mentioned above grouping,...
Undergraduateleahdaoud - Nov 9, 2012 / Wambat - Nov 20, 2012
|UC; "Never say Never," really is more than just a title of a James Bond movie
UndergraduateSongkong - Nov 20, 2012 / Wambat - Nov 20, 2012
|my Master's Degree in Science - Emory RE: why are you applying
NEW - Please be brutal. Thank you(: Prompt: What are the unique qualities of Emory University, and the specific school(s)...
Undergraduatenolifer - Nov 20, 2012 / — -
|'My forbidden biological father' - Common App Essay - Topic of your choice.
12 - This is a very powerful essay. However, I would take out the irrelevant sections (as pointed other) to fit...
Undergraduateemilyc28 - Oct 31, 2012 / nolifer - Nov 20, 2012
|'financial abilities' - a summer research program. this is a short answer.
2 - -------------- I think ''constraint'' is a better fit here rather than using ''influence'' --------- sounds...
Undergraduatesummeradams - Nov 14, 2012 / dumi - Nov 20, 2012
|'A Filipino-German from a traditional village' - Transfer Essay for UC Personal
6 - Wow, you are great writer! Your word choices fit the context greatly. I think the "damn" can act...
Undergraduatecback - Nov 18, 2012 / adebayor123 - Nov 20, 2012
|"Never Enough" - Profile Essay for my English 101 class
Undergraduategeebs5 - Nov 20, 2012 / dumi - Nov 20, 2012
|applying Ohio state university, why do you considering OSU?
Undergraduateyuluoziqian - Nov 13, 2012 / dumi - Nov 20, 2012
|How to draw on the right side of your brain? Essay
Undergraduateborbala - Nov 20, 2012 / dumi - Nov 20, 2012
|I've lived in a box my whole life. UC Undergraduate Essay
Undergraduatealiciadc - Nov 15, 2012 / Honey Johri - Nov 20, 2012
|Dribble, pass, shoot -Simple Concepts, yet Complex in Execution; EXTRACURRICULAR ACT
6 - thanks!...
Undergraduaterahullmantri - Nov 14, 2012 / rahullmantri - Nov 20, 2012
|'Homelessness, a social problem' - Issues in community essay
9 - I can't help you much without knowing the essay's prompt. So please post the question. Though, there were...
UndergraduateAzizZ - Nov 17, 2012 / Phoebe Africa - Nov 20, 2012
|UC Application Essay - "The sound of music"
4 - "Despite the fact that I eventually grew a liking towards playing the piano on my leisure time," This...
Undergraduatepanda2828 - Nov 19, 2012 / grateful1 - Nov 20, 2012
|Moving accross United States, from Pennsylvania to California- Common App Essay Critique
3 - Solid essay. That being said I feel you should focus mor on your own growth/development. Second essay is unecesarry...
Undergraduateavs140 - Nov 19, 2012 / grateful1 - Nov 19, 2012
|'two diligent parents' - UC Application Prompt #1
UndergraduateM_Squared - Nov 19, 2012 / Staniel - Nov 19, 2012
|Requesting Critiques for Essays to University of California, Berkeley
UndergraduateStaniel - Nov 19, 2012 / Staniel - Nov 19, 2012
|'Sailing and the Queen's Cup' - UC application's second
5 - Great essay. Throughout the essay, there is a lot of descibing and explaining, but you steered clear from boring...
Undergraduatechaleys - Nov 18, 2012 / M_Squared - Nov 19, 2012
|Drexel essay for Architecture; it cannot be simply defined as a building
UndergraduateFluffycatv - Nov 18, 2012 / Fluffycatv - Nov 19, 2012
|Prompt #1 for UC schools; 'Some people say to not overdue it'
5 - I always recommend to at least paste the prompt with your essay instead of putting Prompt #1, if you...
Undergraduateel_moises1 - Nov 19, 2012 / cback - Nov 19, 2012
|Essay Topic A for UT Austin; 'my third grade teacher, Mrs. Ward'
3 - I agree with Christies, it sounds like the GT had the biggest impact. Maybe an elaboration of that specific...
Undergraduatesh4nn0n - Nov 5, 2012 / Songkong - Nov 19, 2012
|'Sharing Ukrainian culture' - what do you find most appealing about columbia
5 - you've done a good yet okay to bad job. elaborate more on your chemical engineering part- that's more unique....
Undergraduaterachel94 - Nov 19, 2012 / chessman567 - Nov 19, 2012
|'Into a less shy and determined person' - UC Personal Statement: Prompt #1
2 - "My experiences with my families culture has helped developed me into the person I am today"- should be changed...
Undergraduateari567 - Nov 4, 2012 / mystictiger - Nov 19, 2012
|'My mother' - My challenging obstacle essay.
2 - "...care and that she is not alone in this."- what does "this" refer to? "I barley"- changed to barely...
Undergraduatekarki60 - Nov 19, 2012 / mystictiger - Nov 19, 2012
|Common App Activities Essay -- First time joining debate team
3 - The opening sentence is a bit awkward. Try to rephrase it. Also, most importantly, make sure you make it...
Undergraduatepoplitealfossa - Nov 19, 2012 / iamnicholas1 - Nov 19, 2012
|Stanford essey "what matters to you"; Music - my avid obsession
8 - inter-connectedness Overall, it's a pretty good essay. I'd just listen to the above posters, and make sure that...
Undergraduategrateful1 - Nov 18, 2012 / iamnicholas1 - Nov 19, 2012
|'the captivating world of journalism' - SHORT ESSAY: COMMON APP
UndergraduateDebbycorner - Nov 15, 2012 / Debbycorner - Nov 19, 2012
|graphic design Massart essay; graphic designers are as skilled as other artist
3 - For example, if I were hired by a business to design an advertisement, logo, etc., I could create an...
UndergraduateeinahpetSssiM - Oct 17, 2012 / asuther - Nov 19, 2012
|NYU Supplement Question 2013: why NYU/ programs/ what intrigues
2 - I think it sounds cliche. I recommend you to write about the book "Football Against the Enemy"...
Undergraduatemffang - Nov 19, 2012 / ah_zafari - Nov 19, 2012
|conveniency and education / psychology / novels - NYU
3 - In my opinion this is better than the previous version. I have no new comment on this work, but...
Undergraduatesongleeryang - Nov 18, 2012 / ah_zafari - Nov 19, 2012
|Grammar corrections on exchange student statements
4 - Then change your last line accordingly All the best to you and you'll be fine.... Have confidence and go...
Undergraduatemegswift13 - Nov 14, 2012 / dumi - Nov 19, 2012
|Here are some things I want you to know; Stanford Supplement--roommate
UndergraduateBelinda - Nov 18, 2012 / Belinda - Nov 19, 2012
|Temple University Transfer Essay- Back in Philly after 10 years
Undergraduateemmaeve - Nov 11, 2012 / dumi - Nov 19, 2012
|PennState Personal Statement - ALICE IN WONDERLAND; My life is very similar
6 - I think this is a good introduction, but remember the body and introduction are linked and you should organize...
Undergraduatemarr34 - Nov 18, 2012 / ah_zafari - Nov 19, 2012
|'life goals'; my goal of becoming a cardiac surgeon became a must
2 - Well.... your first line doesn't seem to compliment the second one a lot. You have to tell how...
Undergraduatelac - Nov 12, 2012 / dumi - Nov 19, 2012
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