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|Dribble, pass, shoot -Simple Concepts, yet Complex in Execution; EXTRACURRICULAR ACT
6 - thanks!...
Undergraduaterahullmantri - Nov 14, 2012 / rahullmantri - Nov 20, 2012
|'Homelessness, a social problem' - Issues in community essay
9 - I can't help you much without knowing the essay's prompt. So please post the question. Though, there were...
UndergraduateAzizZ - Nov 17, 2012 / Phoebe Africa - Nov 20, 2012
|UC Application Essay - "The sound of music"
4 - "Despite the fact that I eventually grew a liking towards playing the piano on my leisure time," This...
Undergraduatepanda2828 - Nov 19, 2012 / grateful1 - Nov 20, 2012
|Moving accross United States, from Pennsylvania to California- Common App Essay Critique
3 - Solid essay. That being said I feel you should focus mor on your own growth/development. Second essay is unecesarry...
Undergraduateavs140 - Nov 19, 2012 / grateful1 - Nov 19, 2012
|'two diligent parents' - UC Application Prompt #1
UndergraduateM_Squared - Nov 19, 2012 / Staniel - Nov 19, 2012
|Requesting Critiques for Essays to University of California, Berkeley
UndergraduateStaniel - Nov 19, 2012 / Staniel - Nov 19, 2012
|'Sailing and the Queen's Cup' - UC application's second
5 - Great essay. Throughout the essay, there is a lot of descibing and explaining, but you steered clear from boring...
Undergraduatechaleys - Nov 18, 2012 / M_Squared - Nov 19, 2012
|Drexel essay for Architecture; it cannot be simply defined as a building
UndergraduateFluffycatv - Nov 18, 2012 / Fluffycatv - Nov 19, 2012
|Prompt #1 for UC schools; 'Some people say to not overdue it'
5 - I always recommend to at least paste the prompt with your essay instead of putting Prompt #1, if you...
Undergraduateel_moises1 - Nov 19, 2012 / cback - Nov 19, 2012
|Essay Topic A for UT Austin; 'my third grade teacher, Mrs. Ward'
3 - I agree with Christies, it sounds like the GT had the biggest impact. Maybe an elaboration of that specific...
Undergraduatesh4nn0n - Nov 5, 2012 / Songkong - Nov 19, 2012
|'Sharing Ukrainian culture' - what do you find most appealing about columbia
5 - you've done a good yet okay to bad job. elaborate more on your chemical engineering part- that's more unique....
Undergraduaterachel94 - Nov 19, 2012 / chessman567 - Nov 19, 2012
|'Into a less shy and determined person' - UC Personal Statement: Prompt #1
2 - "My experiences with my families culture has helped developed me into the person I am today"- should be changed...
Undergraduateari567 - Nov 4, 2012 / mystictiger - Nov 19, 2012
|'My mother' - My challenging obstacle essay.
2 - "...care and that she is not alone in this."- what does "this" refer to? "I barley"- changed to barely...
Undergraduatekarki60 - Nov 19, 2012 / mystictiger - Nov 19, 2012
|Common App Activities Essay -- First time joining debate team
3 - The opening sentence is a bit awkward. Try to rephrase it. Also, most importantly, make sure you make it...
Undergraduatepoplitealfossa - Nov 19, 2012 / iamnicholas1 - Nov 19, 2012
|Stanford essey "what matters to you"; Music - my avid obsession
8 - inter-connectedness Overall, it's a pretty good essay. I'd just listen to the above posters, and make sure that...
Undergraduategrateful1 - Nov 18, 2012 / iamnicholas1 - Nov 19, 2012
|'the captivating world of journalism' - SHORT ESSAY: COMMON APP
UndergraduateDebbycorner - Nov 15, 2012 / Debbycorner - Nov 19, 2012
|graphic design Massart essay; graphic designers are as skilled as other artist
3 - For example, if I were hired by a business to design an advertisement, logo, etc., I could create an...
UndergraduateeinahpetSssiM - Oct 17, 2012 / asuther - Nov 19, 2012
|NYU Supplement Question 2013: why NYU/ programs/ what intrigues
2 - I think it sounds cliche. I recommend you to write about the book "Football Against the Enemy"...
Undergraduatemffang - Nov 19, 2012 / ah_zafari - Nov 19, 2012
|conveniency and education / psychology / novels - NYU
3 - In my opinion this is better than the previous version. I have no new comment on this work, but...
Undergraduatesongleeryang - Nov 18, 2012 / ah_zafari - Nov 19, 2012
|Grammar corrections on exchange student statements
4 - Then change your last line accordingly All the best to you and you'll be fine.... Have confidence and go...
Undergraduatemegswift13 - Nov 14, 2012 / dumi - Nov 19, 2012
|Here are some things I want you to know; Stanford Supplement--roommate
UndergraduateBelinda - Nov 18, 2012 / Belinda - Nov 19, 2012
|Temple University Transfer Essay- Back in Philly after 10 years
Undergraduateemmaeve - Nov 11, 2012 / dumi - Nov 19, 2012
|PennState Personal Statement - ALICE IN WONDERLAND; My life is very similar
6 - I think this is a good introduction, but remember the body and introduction are linked and you should organize...
Undergraduatemarr34 - Nov 18, 2012 / ah_zafari - Nov 19, 2012
|'life goals'; my goal of becoming a cardiac surgeon became a must
2 - Well.... your first line doesn't seem to compliment the second one a lot. You have to tell how...
Undergraduatelac - Nov 12, 2012 / dumi - Nov 19, 2012
|Struggling to Pursue my Passion-USF Appeal
UndergraduateJuanesha - Nov 12, 2012 / dumi - Nov 19, 2012
|Government P.H Pilot High School Dadu
Undergraduateishtiaqueahmed - Nov 1, 2012 / dumi - Nov 19, 2012
|'It's 114 degrees outside, flies are everywhere'; How Animals Made Me Human
Undergraduateginnyann95 - Nov 12, 2012 / dumi - Nov 19, 2012
|SoP for MS in Offshore Technology; National University of Singapore
2 - Too many commas, i would break up alot of sentences into individuals...good thoughts and facts though!...
Undergraduaterotarykrishna - Oct 31, 2012 / helloitsjoi - Nov 19, 2012
|UC Prompt #1- "Superheroes"
2 - While I LOVE this essay, I'm just not sure it fully responds to the prompt. Maybe you could write...
Undergraduate4m4jordan4m4 - Nov 18, 2012 / leahdaoud - Nov 19, 2012
|Commonapp "Pick one activity and elaborate..." Fort Wayne Children's Choir
Undergraduategpoudrie - Nov 19, 2012 / emilyc28 - Nov 19, 2012
|World Class researchers; Study Plan -Remote Sensing Technology
UndergraduateShirley0426007 - Nov 17, 2012 / Shirley0426007 - Nov 19, 2012
|'esteemed professors in music' - NYU Short Answer Essay
3 - You truly do an excellent job of avoiding the death trap this is kissing the college's butt. Your association...
Undergraduatecorinak - Nov 4, 2012 / gpoudrie - Nov 19, 2012
|'my first day in China Open' - Common App Essay---extracurricular activity
2 - Wow! Awesome story!...Remember though, the essay cannot run over 1000 CHARACTERS. Not 1000 words. Think of a way to...
UndergraduateLauyiker - Nov 18, 2012 / gpoudrie - Nov 19, 2012
|I was in different kind of environment; UC - De Anza High
2 - this essay does fit the prompt but i strongly urge you to re-read it and fix some sentences. Example:...
Undergraduatejinwonton - Nov 18, 2012 / el_moises1 - Nov 19, 2012
|'The multiplication test ' - UC #1 the world you come from
2 - The second essay is definitely stronger than the first one. It shows more aspects of you that are created...
Undergraduatebooboo101 - Nov 17, 2012 / emilyc28 - Nov 18, 2012
|'The catalyst for higher education' - UC Personal Statement #1
4 - I agree with rockingthesea. You restate "I" many times to place emphasis but at times it may seem redundant....
UndergraduateMartin Duong - Nov 17, 2012 / emilyc28 - Nov 18, 2012
|'club's advertisement / golf instruction' - UC transfer essays
Undergraduatetashiasoen - Nov 17, 2012 / cback - Nov 18, 2012
|'I am from Geneva, Switzerland'; Three essays in one thread-MIT application
2 - ijiboom Question #2 sounds great. I would suggest these minor changes. I want to major in Physics. I...
Undergraduateijiboom - Nov 3, 2012 / Keegan - Nov 18, 2012
|'First performance in front of the parents' - My University of Washington essay
3 - i loved your essay!! not only because i understood everything you said because i also play the guzheng, and...
Undergraduatekirsty861122 - Nov 1, 2012 / rockingthesea - Nov 18, 2012
|"Is there a volunteer to go next?"; Exchange student experience in my PS for UC
9 - Thanks:)...
Undergraduatezhanglunke - Nov 17, 2012 / zhanglunke - Nov 18, 2012
|'the planetarium shows' - intended major UC Transfer Personal
UndergraduateKeegan - Nov 15, 2012 / Keegan - Nov 18, 2012
|"Collective benefit over personal want" - UC prompt #2
3 - I really like how you converted a tennis defeat to something positive. You displayed toward how you kept thinking...
Undergraduatenivanov23 - Nov 18, 2012 / 3coolnys - Nov 18, 2012
|(Global Environmental Change and Sustainability) Johns Hopkins major
2 - "I shake my head to clear my mind of those irrelevant hippie environmentalists, messily scrawl my response onto the...
Undergraduatemichelleexuu - Oct 28, 2012 / akharper2868 - Nov 18, 2012
|Too much Diversity to describe in 500 words- CU boulder essay
Undergraduateakharper2868 - Nov 16, 2012 / akharper2868 - Nov 18, 2012
|'Farsi and Iranian-American citizens' - University of Washington Essay
Undergraduatemayce - Nov 18, 2012 / nivanov23 - Nov 18, 2012
|College essay for UC Schools-parental health problems
2 - I love it. Despite a few grammatical errors such as missing commas which you can solve with a...
Undergraduatet0r0sebud1 - Nov 4, 2012 / cback - Nov 18, 2012
|Essay on how the asian youth culture impact on their fashion designers.
2 - You might want to check out Yell-Oh Girls by Vickie Nam. It's perfect for this essay if you can...
UndergraduateMgcy - Oct 30, 2012 / cback - Nov 18, 2012
|USF essay; having some trouble with the jesuit catholic tradition
Undergraduatemel_sto - Oct 29, 2012 / cback - Nov 18, 2012
|Living in a cramped house- Commonapp Prompt 1
UndergraduateJMR112 - Nov 18, 2012 / emilyc28 - Nov 18, 2012
|Common App Essay 200-500 Words
Undergraduateaerial30 - Nov 18, 2012 / aerial30 - Nov 18, 2012
|'family of accountants / Not knowing my dreams' - UCs#1 - My dreams and aspirations
6 - An issue I see with both of your essays are that you start to write a biography about yourself,...
Undergraduatenyunai - Nov 13, 2012 / cback - Nov 18, 2012
|'a positive Latino role model' - UC Personal Statement Prompt #1
6 - anyone want to help me with my Penn State personal statement about Alice in wonderland?? I have to finish...
Undergraduatekrivera2013 - Nov 18, 2012 / marr34 - Nov 18, 2012
|'Poor people and the latest government action' - Common App Short Answer First Go
3 - Jennyflower81 Yes, there is a 1000 character limit for this. And also, I love the ending you gave...
Undergraduatepetemess95 - Nov 16, 2012 / petemess95 - Nov 18, 2012
|'Big Day and A Memory of Time' - commonapp essay
Undergraduatekre314 - Nov 18, 2012 / t0r0sebud1 - Nov 18, 2012
|UCSC Prompts 'The game of baseball has been the one continued thread in my life'
2 - Unless you are applying only to UC Santa Cruz, do not state: would make me an outstanding undergraduate at...
Undergraduatet0r0sebud1 - Nov 18, 2012 / uscuscusc - Nov 18, 2012
|common app: "development of my taste for politics"
2 - I attended a private secondary school. wheen? At the age of 11, when I started the seventh grade,...
Undergraduateijiboom - Nov 3, 2012 / uscuscusc - Nov 18, 2012
|'My moving to America from Africa' - APLLICANT ESSAY TO LIBERAL ART COLLEGE
UndergraduateG Robert - Nov 15, 2012 / G Robert - Nov 18, 2012
|'real life business situations' - Lehigh University Supplement
5 - The 'aspect,' if you wanted to talk about the programs, is the programs themselves, not each individual program. Talking...
Undergraduateduongnh0602 - Nov 15, 2012 / cezyou - Nov 18, 2012
|My Study Plan Essay to Apply for Hospitality Management - Glion
2 - This is all good. However, I feel you better start with one of your experiences that would describe why...
UndergraduateLaurence27 - Oct 29, 2012 / dumi - Nov 18, 2012
|WHAT ARE YOUR CAREER GOALS AND HOW DO YOU EXPECT YOUR EDUCATION AT THE ART INSTITUTE
2 - This is my suggestion: Since my childhood I dreamed of becoming a great fashion designer and now I'm...
Undergraduatemafeoliva - Nov 12, 2012 / dumi - Nov 18, 2012
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