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|Photography and bees - Elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities.
4 - Is this better ? I love photography like a bee loves honey. Photography has always been a part...
UndergraduateJulieRose - Nov 16, 2012 / JulieRose - Nov 16, 2012
|I can still hear the applause; Leadership in MUN 
2 - ------- Impressive :D --------- but in them ------------ this is about your leadership skills....
Undergraduateellisdee - Nov 14, 2012 / dumi - Nov 16, 2012
|'boys versus girls' - Texas A- Person who has made an impact on your life
3 - I'm still confused of those sentences "Hardly did I know that she'd turn out to be so jealous of...
Undergraduatesidney007 - Nov 14, 2012 / duongnh0602 - Nov 16, 2012
|Common App - Roommate letter; corny jokes, philosophical debates and indie music
3 - I think ending it where your parents suggested is better. It's more straight and to the point. It's also...
Undergraduatedmoney - Nov 7, 2012 / britttt4 - Nov 16, 2012
|Business and Economics / Football Match - Lehigh 2 Supplements
Undergraduateduongnh0602 - Nov 16, 2012 / duongnh0602 - Nov 16, 2012
|'learned a lot from bob and his father' - important person common app essay
2 - ... this last word confuses the reader. ''what to expect? ''' ...it is because we do not have...
Undergraduatejaysue - Nov 16, 2012 / dumi - Nov 16, 2012
|'Parodying Musics' - Caltech: Describing an Unusual way in which you have fun
Undergraduatelinting2012 - Nov 6, 2012 / linting2012 - Nov 16, 2012
|'Singleton' - Common App: How a way out turned into an outlook
3 - Thanks Cezyou. I'm actually only applying to one university: NYU as I am an international applicant. I mention...
Undergraduatechrissilai - Nov 10, 2012 / chrissilai - Nov 16, 2012
|'Indian rural family' - someone who has had an impact on me (texas)
6 - You could make the essay like a conversation between you and your grandpa. He is not beside you...
Undergraduatesrbsingh - Nov 15, 2012 / ah_zafari - Nov 16, 2012
|University of California Application essay prompt 2 - "Perseverance"
UndergraduateWH123 - Nov 16, 2012 / synz - Nov 16, 2012
|Turning Points Essay! Needs better grammatical and sentence structure
2 - Dance is your pulse, your heartbeat, your breathing. It's the rhythm of your life. It's the expression in time...
UndergraduatePredator Enzo - Oct 28, 2012 / rdepree - Nov 16, 2012
|Essay describing factors and events that have changed my academic goals.
2 - Poverty made me look life from different perspectives. -> I wonder whether this sentence is right... And also I...
UndergraduateBNeziraj - Nov 16, 2012 / anar_ - Nov 16, 2012
|"Obstacles" - Uf Admission essay
2 - "Moving in with my mom to another state my junior year of high school was an experience in my...
Undergraduateemanisilvera - Oct 31, 2012 / duongnh0602 - Nov 16, 2012
|'Doing things to impress others?' - Common App Personal
UndergraduateBongAndBond - Nov 4, 2012 / duongnh0602 - Nov 16, 2012
|Essay on being from Lebanon and how that has shaped my dreams and aspirations
2 - gud job...
Undergraduatesarawatar - Nov 2, 2012 / manjit809 - Nov 16, 2012
|I need to take combined 36 words off these two essay's; script from a Hollywood
2 - hey!! please first add punctuation marks in first para properly to make it understand easily...!!!!...
UndergraduateJstuff36 - Oct 27, 2012 / manjit809 - Nov 16, 2012
|'When Kim Jong Il passed away' - UWashington topic 1
UndergraduateSongkong - Nov 15, 2012 / Songkong - Nov 16, 2012
|'into a natural high' - UC Prompt 1
UndergraduateSongkong - Nov 15, 2012 / rockingthesea - Nov 16, 2012
|Common App Short Answer about Animal Shelter
3 - For 40 hours in the summer, I volunteered at the Animal Control Center near my home. Helping in many...
UndergraduateMario8a - Nov 16, 2012 / Mario8a - Nov 16, 2012
|'a future CIA Agent' - St.John's University Essay
Undergraduateadrianarob - Nov 7, 2012 / nounouboo - Nov 16, 2012
|'A Paper American' - CU Essay: Background, your educational goals and aspirations
3 - Ahhh now you've just hit a hard topic there. I've been arguing with my mom because she said I...
Undergraduateakharper2868 - Nov 15, 2012 / akharper2868 - Nov 15, 2012
|'get out of this car right now!' - UF narrative application
Undergraduatetmg0114 - Oct 31, 2012 / EF_Susan - Nov 15, 2012
|Pulsating Diversity to Enhance Experience- Rutgers University Admissions Essay
2 - I was raised in a unique family, having a culture different from that of my peers. ...have given...
Undergraduatedpatel95 - Oct 30, 2012 / EF_Susan - Nov 15, 2012
|We often place unrealistic expectations on celebrities or politicians.
2 - In our minds, if they have made it that far, have achieved "success", then they must have everything figured...
Undergraduatetictok - Oct 30, 2012 / EF_Susan - Nov 15, 2012
|'Helen Keller'; Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you,
UndergraduateCNE002 - Nov 15, 2012 / CNE002 - Nov 15, 2012
|My mom/ Indispensable -U Texas / Impact Person
UndergraduateHintOfBlu - Nov 15, 2012 / britttt4 - Nov 15, 2012
|'everyone has their strengths' - admissions topic is diversity
Undergraduatechristynicole - Oct 29, 2012 / EF_Susan - Nov 15, 2012
|Common application essay computer hacking and ary
2 - After a couple of days of programming, I found that my computer had the ability to access not only...
Undergraduatealecblumenfeld - Oct 29, 2012 / EF_Susan - Nov 15, 2012
|'Los Angeles culture' - UC prompt#1; My parents are both from Egypt
UndergraduateOVODiana - Nov 1, 2012 / OVODiana - Nov 15, 2012
|'The District Attorney's office internship' - TFA Letter of Intent (<500 words)
2 - Their high schools had taught them so little, I find that my sixth grade students often know more than...
UndergraduateMontevillian - Oct 22, 2012 / EF_Susan - Nov 15, 2012
|'Death of my grandmother changed me for better' - UF Freshman essay
2 - I wouldn't suggest it that you refer to God as a terrorist. Someone whose looking over your essay may...
UndergraduateLimitless_World - Nov 15, 2012 / aliciadc - Nov 15, 2012
|'when we got lost' - Why Swarthmore? Supplement Essay
2 - However, Swarthmore is far and away my favorite school, Reword this Also, you need to make this more...
Undergraduatecezyou - Nov 15, 2012 / esther364 - Nov 15, 2012
|UPENN Essay - Someday, I want to things and go places
3 - I imagine myself in my native country of South Korea and eating real authentic food made and grown in...
Undergraduateesther364 - Nov 15, 2012 / Debbycorner - Nov 15, 2012
|My Future and Why Carnegie Mellon Fits into this Plan
2 - You never compare a college to other colleges. I do not deserve anything unless I work hard for a...
Undergraduateesther364 - Nov 15, 2012 / Debbycorner - Nov 15, 2012
|My father has impacted me to become a hard working person
Undergraduategomez19341 - Nov 15, 2012 / esther364 - Nov 15, 2012
|'I was born in Dubai but now I live in the pearl of Indian Ocean' Essay about Myself
6 - Myself (re-edited by our lecturer) My name is Anthanis Shan Perera. I was born in Dubai but now...
UndergraduateAnthanis93 - Oct 3, 2012 / Anthanis93 - Nov 15, 2012
|'progression into the real world' - Rutgers Admission
3 - Brilliant essay! Very hard to find anything wrong with it, but here's my 2cents worth: 1. You give...
Undergraduateuyaq23 - Nov 3, 2012 / Phoebe Africa - Nov 15, 2012
|Speeches, oh the dread of which you bring to me! [Significant Challenge - 200 words]
6 - I also think there should be a smoother transition to when you became more confident. However, I think the...
Undergraduateellisdee - Oct 11, 2012 / metalstriker - Nov 15, 2012
|'Malaysia and Taekwondo' - Personal Statement - For UCAS (UK universities)
3 - Well, I'm planning to study mechanical engineering. Do you think I should mention that in the statement? Also, my...
Undergraduatemetalstriker - Oct 28, 2012 / metalstriker - Nov 15, 2012
|Living or travel experience essay - 'my grandfather told'
UndergraduateBernard1 - Nov 12, 2012 / karthik - Nov 15, 2012
|Personal statement for review: emergence of a confident and adventurous personality
Undergraduatekylebog - Oct 31, 2012 / dumi - Nov 14, 2012
|english essay for college apps personal statement; my passion for photography
Undergraduateblueeyes816 - Oct 24, 2012 / blueeyes816 - Nov 14, 2012
|Drinking and Driving - 'Andrew Chet Hamm died in an automobile accident'
2 - Chet's death, ---I think this sounds better.--- being the most recent loss, really had a tremendous effect on me....
Undergraduatemistywmson - Oct 28, 2012 / EF_Susan - Nov 14, 2012
|Texas A&M entrance essay - my grandfather is one of the most interesting people
2 - Your grandfather seems like a strong man and I believe you made a good choice in the significant figure....
Undergraduateericramon - Oct 29, 2012 / ellisdee - Nov 14, 2012
|UC essay prompt- "Making a Comeback"
Undergraduate4m4jordan4m4 - Oct 24, 2012 / 4m4jordan4m4 - Nov 14, 2012
|'Rotary Exchange Program' - Experience Common App Essay
UndergraduatePhoebe Africa - Nov 4, 2012 / Phoebe Africa - Nov 14, 2012
|"Can film inspire social change?" - Cornell A&S Supplement Essay
2 - The art of cinema and its influence on me as a child were similar to the obsessions every kid...
Undergraduateprincecomedy - Oct 27, 2012 / EF_Susan - Nov 14, 2012
|Being Black in Suburbia -- Common App Essay
2 - Looking back now, I was right in some ways, and completely wrong in others. This was definitely a...
Undergraduatetaytaynyc - Oct 27, 2012 / EF_Susan - Nov 14, 2012
|'the children of New Orleans' - My meaningful experience/event - UF Essay
2 - While on my two-week mission trip, my youth group was able to contribute to the rebuilding of our "adopted...
Undergraduatelaurenn2013 - Oct 25, 2012 / EF_Susan - Nov 14, 2012
|'Career in finance and motivational speaking' - Rutgers Transfer Essay Critique
2 - I plan to pursue not just a career in finance, but a career in motivational speaking as well as...
Undergraduatebinkim - Oct 24, 2012 / EF_Susan - Nov 14, 2012
|Essay on academic interests - Kimchi, Kiwi, and Made in China :)
7 - I love your exciting adventure. And I'm a Chocopie fanatic. :D:D. Good luck to you and thank you for...
Undergraduateqasderwdw - Nov 13, 2012 / princedynasty - Nov 14, 2012
|UBC 2012 app, Lifeguarding and Life changing Experience
3 - Last summer, I applied for a j ob ---Don't capitalize 'job'.---as a lifeguard at a local lake, where I...
Undergraduaterahuljoban - Oct 22, 2012 / EF_Susan - Nov 14, 2012
|'Serving as a PCV / Trust, confidence, integration' - Peace Corps application essays
Undergraduatepferraro - Oct 31, 2012 / dumi - Nov 14, 2012
|'My family and my interest in computers' - UC 1 - world you come from
4 - Well.... the rest don't stand up to the level that you show in presenting your first para. I'd suggest...
UndergraduateAdi_1996 - Nov 14, 2012 / dumi - Nov 14, 2012
|'Making up the lost time' - UC prompt 1
7 - ^That would be a great approach. If you can make that connection clear, it'll make your essay both anecdotal...
Undergraduaterockingthesea - Nov 12, 2012 / josephuong - Nov 14, 2012
|'Not the best start in high-school' / 'Moved to Florida' - UCF Essays- advice
Undergraduatexcislife2020 - Oct 28, 2012 / dumi - Nov 14, 2012
|'Greater than normal: demand and expectations' - quality, talent personal statement
Undergraduatebenedoe - Nov 13, 2012 / benedoe - Nov 14, 2012
|ORDER UP!- COMMON APP WORK EXPERIENCE ESSAY
NEW - All commentary and criticism accepted. If you can shorten things, please do. Work experience common app essay. ...
Undergraduateaskelliott - Nov 14, 2012 / — -
|'the heap of garbage' - University of Washington Essay ~ Cultural Difference
Undergraduateblquandt - Nov 12, 2012 / blquandt - Nov 13, 2012
|Apply Texas Essay: Person who has made an influence in your life; Drinking Water
2 - Wow! You are a phenomenal writer! I really love that quote and how you interpret it into a story....
Undergraduatemihsa2712 - Oct 29, 2012 / nyunai - Nov 13, 2012
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