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|I choose to further my education in Canada high quality education and security
4 - Nguyen, just summarize your educational background and experience in one paragraph. This essay will be presented to the visa...
Undergraduatethanhhien271 - Apr 18, 2017 / Holt - Apr 19, 2017
|My reasons of choosing master of health management.
6 - Thanks you all indeep for your comments and suggestion. I will rewrite my essay with all of your suggestions....
UndergraduateMyo Cho - Apr 14, 2017 / Myo Cho - Apr 16, 2017
|The community in which I live, of which I am a member.
2 - Hann, you took a research approach to responding to the essay rather than the personal, contemplative approach which is...
Undergraduatedefne - Apr 13, 2017 / Holt - Apr 14, 2017
|AFRICAN LIFE STORY/JOURNEY - SMU PROMPT
4 - Try to change your approach to the prompt question Adrian. The current essay has too much unnecessary information such...
Undergraduateaocharo10 - Apr 12, 2017 / Holt - Apr 13, 2017
|Post Study Plan for Bachelor Degree in International Hotel Management (Switzerland school)
2 - Bao, your post study plan should cover the first 5 years of your post tertiary educational career. So your...
UndergraduateBao Vo - Apr 10, 2017 / Holt - Apr 10, 2017
|"A plethora of opportunities"- Waitlist Essay for UC Davis
3 - Amanda, since you were wait-listed the last time, it is understood that you continued your education at some college...
Undergraduateamrenworth - Apr 10, 2017 / Holt - Apr 10, 2017
|The reason why I keep running
3 - @Holt thank you so much for your adivce and encouragement.English written is always the biggest problem in my language...
Undergraduatespringblossoms - Apr 3, 2017 / springblossoms - Apr 7, 2017
|Doctor of Pharmacy Application
3 - Sara, skip the part about being a 5 year old. That takes focus away from the relevant parts of...
Undergraduatesakimminji1004 - Mar 30, 2017 / Holt - Mar 31, 2017
|College Choice - quality and necessary improvements of my study permit essay for Canada
4 - First of all thank you Holt and frenchfries for your advice. I understand your concerns Holt that i...
UndergraduateDoel Hasan - Mar 28, 2017 / Doel Hasan - Mar 29, 2017
|"Applying for an exchange to CTU.. - Czech Technical University SOP
3 - @Holt Thanks for your reply. I am not applying for masters... I am an 3rd year undergrad applying...
Undergraduateabbukanithi09 - Mar 26, 2017 / abbukanithi09 - Mar 27, 2017
|State Drill Competition; Testing leadership abilities/ COMMON APP
3 - Lizzbetthe, going rogue and disobeying a higher authority is not a leadership skill that is to be admired. Even...
Undergraduatesogeily - Jun 12, 2013 / Holt - Mar 27, 2017
|Pitzer Transfer - music & academics
2 - Moira, rather than presenting that situation as the opening moment of your essay, it would be best if you...
Undergraduatecocomocha - Mar 27, 2017 / Holt - Mar 27, 2017
|Trips to London ;Johns Hopkins Supp/ Interests
3 - Will, there is a disconnect between the opening story and the rest of the essay. You never did explain...
Undergraduatewillyfree - Dec 26, 2012 / Holt - Mar 27, 2017
|Physics major/ fitting with my interests/ my contribution; Why Columbia?
3 - Samuel, while the Ivy League colleges and universities in the United States are competitors, it is never a good...
UndergraduateBlackWaltzIV - Dec 29, 2012 / Holt - Mar 27, 2017
|'I have been an average student'; SOP - Good, Bad or Ugly
3 - I think it needs little bit of work.... try to include some instances some instances and examples from your...
UndergraduateVin23 - May 26, 2014 / only1shubham - Mar 25, 2017
|The Transition - 500 word college application essay
2 - Zade, the essay accurately responds to the second prompt requirement. It is highly informative and shows how your original...
Undergraduatezadea - Mar 23, 2017 / Holt - Mar 24, 2017
|Defining Death - Write an essay on a significant challenge that you've overcome
2 - Tapi, here is the thing, the focus of the essay and the challenge has to be related directly to...
Undergraduatetapsjax - Mar 21, 2017 / Holt - Mar 23, 2017
|Manager at youth travel org/ MATURING FROM THE IMMATURE/Extracuricular activity
2 - Sebastian, working as facility manager does not qualify as an extra curricular activity. An extra curricular activity is something...
Undergraduatexxxbluefrogxxx - Dec 29, 2012 / Holt - Mar 20, 2017
|PERFORMING ARTS- CAPP ACTIVITY
2 - Lara, did you write this as a college application essay? Or did you write this just in general as...
Undergraduatehellom - Dec 30, 2012 / Holt - Mar 20, 2017
|BITS cricket team - Write about an incident that had the most profound influence on you
5 - Thanks for the review. Even I wasn't getting the feel of the essay. You have rightly said "That is...
Undergraduateavj21 - Mar 18, 2017 / avj21 - Mar 19, 2017
|Personal statement for a BSW Program - reasons for BSW degree
3 - Tanner, the first thing that you have to correct in the essay is the information that you are a...
Undergraduatetapegunhero - Mar 17, 2017 / Holt - Mar 18, 2017
|Teaching children math with Bingo Games-Boston College Supplemental
11 - @Holt Holt its me Mualla. How are you? How's everything on essayforum? So yesterday I got an...
Undergraduatemualla - Dec 1, 2016 / mualla - Mar 17, 2017
|Achievement Essay (Mall Management) - Application to SMU
2 - Samantha, since the indication in the prompt is "achievements or contributions", you should be presenting more than one scenario...
Undergraduatesampai - Mar 17, 2017 / Holt - Mar 17, 2017
|AIF - Honours Arts at the University of Waterloo
2 - Julie, try to avoid general comments in your response which show that you just read the website and decided...
Undergraduatejkimm9 - Mar 17, 2017 / Holt - Mar 17, 2017
|How will participating Honors Program help you reach your academic and professional aims?
2 - Zack, the last paragraph in the essay should be kept intact and used to close the revised version of...
Undergraduatezackmartinez - Mar 15, 2017 / Holt - Mar 15, 2017
|"Wanting to transfer because of location" ESSAY statement
Undergraduatebontonsoup1 - Mar 13, 2017 / bontonsoup1 - Mar 14, 2017
|I come from an irrelevant field to the course.. - SG Institute of Technology Statement
3 - Russel, when you are asked to use professional experience, you have to do exactly that. You cannot change the...
Undergraduatesonnawabit - Mar 13, 2017 / Holt - Mar 14, 2017
|It started with an asthma attack. Personal statement for medicine course.
8 - @Holt Thanks for your suggestion. I tried to edit my anecdote, is it okay? >< I am not really...
UndergraduateJasmine855 - Mar 9, 2017 / Jasmine855 - Mar 13, 2017
|I have always wanted to do something for our country; Air Force Academy Nomination
Undergraduatejvberg - Mar 13, 2017 / jvberg - Mar 13, 2017
|Specify your reasons for transferring and goals you hope to reach; Common App Statement
3 - @Holt I don't know if you know but I am required to transfer from a community college regardless of...
Undergraduatepey94 - Mar 11, 2017 / pey94 - Mar 11, 2017
|YALE YOUNG AFRICANS essay - how my goals developed over time
2 - Mostafa, you need to heighten the representation of certain elements in your essay in order to create a more...
Undergraduateheaba - Mar 11, 2017 / Holt - Mar 11, 2017
|Opportunity to nurture my passion for Engineering and Philosophy; Why Lafayette? Supplement essay
2 - Charles, the second paragraph isn't really helpful. The information that it contains feels too generic and doesn't inform the...
Undergraduatenutellalover - Mar 10, 2017 / Holt - Mar 10, 2017
|Describe a character on a TV show or a book that you most identify with and why
UndergraduateShinabu - Feb 27, 2017 / Shinabu - Mar 9, 2017
|Essay for NTU SCHOLARSHIP - A value that I hold strongly to.
3 - Jasmine, while dedication is a value, justice and integrity are belief systems. The essay is asking you to discuss...
UndergraduateJasmine855 - Mar 8, 2017 / Holt - Mar 8, 2017
|Help on Common App - My Life Background and Business
2 - Jason, this essay really needs to be toned down from the arrogant and self serving tone that it currently...
Undergraduatejasonwonton - Mar 8, 2017 / Holt - Mar 8, 2017
|The world needs engineers that can and will change it for the better. Chemical engineering statement
3 - Mezna, only the first 2 paragraphs of your essay are worth including in this "Why" essay. The rest of...
Undergraduatemzani - Feb 28, 2017 / Holt - Mar 1, 2017
|Brainstorming session with you to help me direct essay of 250 words for college LAC
6 - @esfo2017 hi, few thoughts on brainstorming process. jot down all ideas you have based on one key theme....
Undergraduateesfo2017 - Feb 14, 2017 / bumblebee - Feb 28, 2017
|A very compelling choice for me. George Washington University Supplemental Essay (Transfer)
6 - I see. With your advice I will change it to be a more personalized essay that conveys many different...
Undergraduatechrisli75 - Feb 28, 2017 / chrisli75 - Feb 28, 2017
|UT Austin Transfer/Statement of Purpose Essay - extra elements which complete my applicarion
Undergraduatecaccy46 - Feb 27, 2017 / caccy46 - Feb 28, 2017
|Depression - 5.125 million college students diagnosed. Issue of Importance Essay for UT Austin
3 - Hi, First off all, in any essay or application you have to include the title, about what your are...
Undergraduatebluebonnet97 - Feb 28, 2017 / mariana13 - Feb 28, 2017
|Columbia Science Honors Program | Math and Science Entrance Essay
UndergraduateVinne - Feb 27, 2017 / Vinne - Feb 28, 2017
|Sustainable Building Systems Program - max. word limit of a personal statement (education studies)
Undergraduateqwang46 - Feb 27, 2017 / Holt - Feb 27, 2017
|University of Connecticut transfer essay - Storrs campus
2 - Eshan, the direction of your essay should take on a comparative look as to why you believe that Broward...
UndergraduateKoenigseggseggse - Feb 25, 2017 / Holt - Feb 25, 2017
|Everything starts from its core - Georgia Tech Short Answers
4 - If you would just remove the reference to the "living species" and the humor will be well placed. I...
Undergraduatesalsabluer - Feb 24, 2017 / Holt - Feb 24, 2017
|For the majority of my life, I underestimated the importance of physical health. Issue of Importance
3 - Morgan, the essay is really very prompt responsive on a personal level. The only problem is that it tends...
UndergraduateMorgannh - Feb 23, 2017 / Holt - Feb 24, 2017
|What really blew my mind was electricity. Waterloo "Engineering" essay
4 - Eiad, here are 564 words to help you get started on better directing your response. Fill in the spaces...
UndergraduateEiad21 - Feb 23, 2017 / Holt - Feb 23, 2017
|We want to read about what makes you special. Tell us something about yourself
5 - Hi @vcerpasalas! In my opinion, there we some errors with the use of comma. Also, please observe proper...
Undergraduatevcerpasalas - Feb 15, 2017 / gcki - Feb 22, 2017
|Define the highlights of your most crucial accomplishments or tasks inputs.
4 - As I mentioned in my previous response, your contribution should be something that has a personal meaning to you....
UndergraduateTrouvaille 05 - Feb 22, 2017 / Holt - Feb 22, 2017
|Waterloo "reasons for choosing" essay - two portions answer
UndergraduateEiad21 - Feb 19, 2017 / Eiad21 - Feb 21, 2017
|My career path is not straight. College Transfer Essay - Statement of Purpose
2 - Morgan, try to focus on the actual purpose behind the reason for your transfer. If you are transferring based...
UndergraduateMorgannh - Feb 19, 2017 / Holt - Feb 20, 2017
|Selected program of study and the aim to make durable, easy to fix, and upgradable electronics
5 - @greyhamster I just came here to cheer you up! I'm a writing learner too. Let's keep it up and...
Undergraduategreyhamster - Feb 16, 2017 / goo9dan - Feb 19, 2017
|I plan to get a doctorate in Clinical Neuropsychology - UNIV. OF TEXAS SOP (PSYCHOLOGY/NEUROSCIENCE)
6 - Tana, I see where you are coming from now. The essay that you wrote includes the important elements I...
UndergraduateNervera - Feb 18, 2017 / Holt - Feb 19, 2017
|Mesmerizing world of Chemistry - Personal Statement on my activities and plans for next years
Undergraduatepamveerapen - Feb 17, 2017 / Holt - Feb 18, 2017
|Something went out not like I expected
4 - It is not something that irrelevant mate, it is just you add more information that is unnecessary. Also, you...
UndergraduateAABMOSALAM1998 - Feb 15, 2017 / ichanpants89 - Feb 16, 2017
|Queen's Commerce: Describe the most important constructive criticism you have received
2 - @jlee99 Hi, jessica. I rewrite your essay. Of course, I am not good at writing a essay, I just...
Undergraduatejlee99 - Feb 15, 2017 / ilskyilsky - Feb 16, 2017
|Personal insight questions for applying schools.
4 - Please find few grammatical errors. Every students here have sad stories punish them probably because she feels her...
Undergraduatejohnny165234 - Feb 14, 2017 / sinchana2017 - Feb 15, 2017
|How helping others helps you? MIT essay
5 - I would not have finished it earlier than I did in my previous essays without your help, thank you...
UndergraduateAABMOSALAM1998 - Feb 15, 2017 / AABMOSALAM1998 - Feb 15, 2017
|Tell us about your experience learning English. How often do you use English in your daily life?
4 - Valeria, at the point where the essay asks you "How often do you use English in your daily life?",...
Undergraduatevcerpasalas - Feb 15, 2017 / Holt - Feb 15, 2017
|Queen's University Commerce Application Essay
2 - Jessica, try to expand a bit more on the athletic sponsorship aspect as something that you hope to enter...
Undergraduatejlee99 - Feb 14, 2017 / Holt - Feb 14, 2017
|My dream school. The spirits of MIT's community is unlike anywhere else
5 - Atia, your response really shows that you did not understand the prompt and, of course, it is impossible to...
UndergraduateAABMOSALAM1998 - Feb 14, 2017 / okorobiadimma14 - Feb 14, 2017
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