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|FSU - great model for universities all over the country; "Leadership"
2 - Hello! Remember, the point of this essay is for the admissions committee to get to know you, so I...
Undergraduatecwarner2013 - Oct 13, 2012 / Leah_Writer - Nov 5, 2012
|Since my early teens, I have had a fascination with understanding how certain things work - A&M
UndergraduateThink_Maroon - Oct 9, 2012 / Leah_Writer - Nov 5, 2012
|UCF-Unique Qualities Essay for my Application
2 - Hello! I think you have some great ideas here, but the college essay needs to be less formal! The...
Undergraduatedollasb - Oct 11, 2012 / Leah_Writer - Nov 5, 2012
|'doctor at evaluations, treatments and training' - Physical Therapy Application Essay
2 - I love the story at the beginning! It really provides a personal connection. However, I'm not sure about "ripe...
Undergraduatenodeal - Oct 10, 2012 / Leah_Writer - Nov 5, 2012
|'I close one eye' - Case Western Reserve University Pre-Professionals Scholars
2 - "I relived this feeling of mind-blowing -This is awkward. Reword the mind-blowing part. when I set a piece of...
Undergraduatelklklk124 - Nov 4, 2012 / Premed0 - Nov 5, 2012
|'Virtual DJ Home' Rules that apply to the community Intro
2 - I like this a lot, and find it very evocative. However, I don't think "dutiful" is the best word...
Undergraduatedd9679 - Oct 10, 2012 / Leah_Writer - Nov 5, 2012
|Physical Therapy: teach others how to support themselves
3 - Hello! Since your profile mentions Queens, I would recommend using Google Maps to find physical therapy centers nearby. One...
Undergraduatebeltramok - Aug 6, 2011 / Leah_Writer - Nov 5, 2012
|Best For Me As A Lourdesian
Undergraduatedelrosariocarl - Oct 8, 2012 / Leah_Writer - Nov 5, 2012
|"My Other Half" Personal Statement on cultural identity
2 - Hi :) This essay is fantastic, you write very well. I cannot find any errors or problems with this...
Undergraduateawolfatthedoor - Nov 1, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 5, 2012
|James A. Michener quote - The introduction of Texas A&M university in Qatar's essay
Undergraduateteskyeh - Nov 1, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 5, 2012
|What is your opinion about condemnation? (very short essay)
2 - Personally speaking, condemnation doesn't make any accomplishment. From my point of view, condemnation does not accomplish anything. For...
Undergraduatesomemela - Nov 5, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 5, 2012
|Yale Supplemental Essay - On Media and Social Impressions
2 - This is a very interesting topic. On the subject of pop culture, you have chosen a very broad spectrum...
Undergraduatehumoresques - Nov 5, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 5, 2012
|'Earth Service Corps' - Common App ~ Activity Essay
2 - I got involved in the composting program in my high school during my sophomore year when I discovered that...
Undergraduateblquandt - Nov 5, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 5, 2012
|Common App Essay (Fight or Flight) Topic of choice
4 - It seems as if this essay is abou fight or flight, not about you. You don't begin talking about...
UndergraduateHC2013 - Oct 31, 2012 / Spencedawg - Nov 5, 2012
|Common App. Personal Essay: 'Brookline Academy of Dance' - meaningful challenge
2 - Good description of your teaching dance! Are you applying to a dance college or what other subject? You can...
Undergraduateglady91 - Oct 28, 2012 / linmark - Nov 5, 2012
|Moving Troubles (commonapp personal essay)
Undergraduateesthershin - Oct 28, 2012 / HC2013 - Nov 5, 2012
|People Who Have Left a Mark in My Life. My teachers.
3 - I totally agree with linmark. You would probably want to chose a fictional or historical character, a teacher and...
Undergraduatemmham1 - Oct 31, 2012 / montysire - Nov 5, 2012
|Essay on Historical Fiction and Implications of Historical Knowledge
2 - Hey humoresques! I tought your essay was very interesting, but I'm concerned with how much you talked about yourself....
Undergraduatehumoresques - Nov 5, 2012 / montysire - Nov 5, 2012
|'Obstacles and new beginnings' meaningful event in my life for University of Florida
2 - My childhood years felt short once I had accumulated a handful of friends. This sentence is out of...
Undergraduatemadhavpatel6 - Oct 26, 2012 / linmark - Nov 5, 2012
|'Building of human society' - Common App, topic of your own choice
2 - I didn't get at all what your Project Potato was - prototype for what? You mention fied potato at...
Undergraduatefbimonkey - Oct 27, 2012 / linmark - Nov 5, 2012
|Why UChicago essay. is it good? is it bad? should I not bother applying?
2 - Clean up your typos and grammaticos and you have a solid essay! I assume you are applying for financial...
Undergraduatejackrabbit420 - Oct 26, 2012 / linmark - Nov 5, 2012
|'Building confindence' - How to become a good roommate
UndergraduateNisha loyal - Oct 22, 2012 / linmark - Nov 5, 2012
|"Time to Hit the Shower" - general question to common assay application
2 - Well, this essay shows that you are a well-rounded goal-oriented person - who strives and achieves what you set...
Undergraduatepsarno - Oct 26, 2012 / linmark - Nov 5, 2012
|Feline Fatality - Stanford Roommate Essay
Undergraduatenshak - Oct 23, 2012 / New Baldwin2134 - Nov 5, 2012
|Comparison of the sculpture love and the kiss.
2 - The first comparison of the kiss sculpture is more substantial than the second of letters only. You need to...
Undergraduateashleymanoff - Oct 22, 2012 / linmark - Nov 5, 2012
|'journey on the wrong foot' - Common App topic 1 - major achievement
2 - I did not get a clear sense of what exactly was your significant experience? You write on the leadup...
Undergraduatedija95 - Oct 22, 2012 / linmark - Nov 5, 2012
|Parsons Admission Essay - Why do I lust for design
2 - Your essay is not sloppy! The opening is intriguing, the middle is challenging and the last paragraph, quite poetic....
UndergraduateEitanGold - Oct 25, 2012 / linmark - Nov 5, 2012
|'The Hard Times will begin to fade' - Essay of Your Choice
2 - hI RATHANA! Your english writing is good! Very little to correct! Just a Q and suggestions (in CAPS) 3...
Undergraduaterathana978 - Oct 24, 2012 / linmark - Nov 5, 2012
|Personal statement for College application (UK); I am going to finish my IGCSE's
2 - Hi Jerome, your answers are pretty acceptable, nothing controversial or out of the ordinary. Some suggestions on these 2...
UndergraduateJimmy75 - Oct 25, 2012 / linmark - Nov 5, 2012
|UChicago Essay - 'Following my ACT test in the spring of 2012'
2 - As the first part of your essay was about James Nondorf and his speech, it would help that you...
Undergraduatelsimpson - Oct 24, 2012 / linmark - Nov 5, 2012
|my experience of an extracurricular activity - Teaching Christine
2 - Love jazz theory and learned something new from you. Now I want to hear it in gospel performance! ...
Undergraduateisaac02 - Oct 24, 2012 / linmark - Nov 5, 2012
|UVa supplement essay - Where would you want to get lost?
Undergraduatestacyli - Oct 23, 2012 / linmark - Nov 5, 2012
|'The smell of the fresh new built houses'; Describe your academic interests
3 - If I were an admissions officer, I'd want to know what your motivation/inspiration for engineering is, and go into...
Undergraduategege - Oct 9, 2012 / humoresques - Nov 5, 2012
|'Suitable friends with familiar interests' - Why Duke Essay supplement
Undergraduateinjectmagic - Oct 23, 2012 / linmark - Nov 5, 2012
|'I believe I can become the best graphic designer in the world' - SAIC Essay
2 - Hey yeanacho! Wow, clicking since your were 12!! How cool is that! You definitely convinced me that you know...
Undergraduateyeanacho - Oct 18, 2012 / linmark - Nov 5, 2012
|swimming with a Russian swim coach- common app diversity essay
2 - Hello allms, The example works overall for the prompt. What would improve it IMHO are the following: - what...
Undergraduateallms - Oct 19, 2012 / linmark - Nov 5, 2012
|'Grew up running' - Short Answer for Common App - Running
4 - Cut the "a" out of "a very serious business" and change "I remember when I was six, challenging my...
Undergraduatewellesleygirl - Nov 4, 2012 / blquandt - Nov 5, 2012
|'the way I have been raised' - Personal statement for UC admissions
9 - Okkkkk... .... Why repost your final version... then I can have a look at it having the infor you...
Undergraduatejoyciiyang - Nov 3, 2012 / dumi - Nov 5, 2012
|My Father - A person who have important influence on my life.
3 - ...
Undergraduatesirlong93 - Nov 4, 2012 / dumi - Nov 5, 2012
|Mrs. Kemp still encourages me. She had an impact on my life.
2 - "So when a high school teacher can influence you, can impact your life so deeply, that it changes the...
UndergraduateCJanieSunshine - Nov 4, 2012 / orthodoxyordeat - Nov 4, 2012
|"Exploring common life experiences" - Rutgers Essay
2 - "homogeneous culture" I feel like this whole essay would be better served if you spent less time talking about...
UndergraduateDoctaLove - Nov 4, 2012 / orthodoxyordeat - Nov 4, 2012
|"My God, it's full of stars!" - Interest and Thinkings in Astronomy_ CommonApp
Undergraduatesimonepoole - Nov 4, 2012 / simonepoole - Nov 4, 2012
|'I love my mom' - UC Essay on how my mother influences my life
Undergraduateletsgosharks - Nov 4, 2012 / janiceli - Nov 4, 2012
|'quirky, thought provoking essays' - University of Chicago Supplement
UndergraduateJayashree95 - Oct 31, 2012 / malcolmsoreal - Nov 4, 2012
|'intellectual stimulation' - Bowdoin College Supplement
4 - " gave me access to deeper thought" - That sounds awkward. You might want to reword it because "access"...
Undergraduatecharlcd - Nov 4, 2012 / Premed0 - Nov 4, 2012
|Reading,Practicing,Listening.Which way do you prefer as a learning method?
3 - Hi Jue, Here are my suggestions: (1) Do not use contradiction if you write academic essay. "can't" should be...
UndergraduateJue - Oct 8, 2012 / Alyssa - Nov 4, 2012
|'The Strength My Mother Gave Me' - Common App (Topic of Choice)
3 - Wow. Great piece. Your voice conveys a lot of schemes and tropes complimenting the strong message. In the...
UndergraduateHC2013 - Nov 4, 2012 / uyaq23 - Nov 4, 2012
|Common App : Short Answer: Swimming as an analogy
3 - Should I omit the idea of hardwork, and work towards developing the idea of leadership and teamwork?...
Undergraduateadityab - Nov 4, 2012 / adityab - Nov 4, 2012
|(Math, science, and art) UMICH SUPPLEMENT-what attracts me
3 - I agree that you should work on your intro. Take out almost in your second sentence, and tell more...
Undergraduatesgupta654 - Oct 24, 2012 / HC2013 - Nov 4, 2012
|Review? Common App Short Essay- "Silk" (Color Guard)
4 - I think it would be more powerful if you broke up some of your sentences. Listing your ideas makes...
Undergraduatehisui - Nov 3, 2012 / HC2013 - Nov 4, 2012
|'Moving into a new country' - CUNY HONORS ESSAY
Undergraduaterezwan3 - Nov 2, 2012 / Phoebe Africa - Nov 4, 2012
|'neighbors and schoolmates' - UC Prompt #1
4 - "While some point to the argument that school was just not for them or the lack of support and...
Undergraduatejdem1901 - Oct 29, 2012 / uyaq23 - Nov 4, 2012
|'I see confidence in you' - common app essay
4 - All my appreciation towards your comment. Yes, I kind of mix quantum mechanic into the essay.( affected by my...
Undergraduateafan - Oct 22, 2012 / afan - Nov 4, 2012
|'The same, yet different' - Common App Essay topic of choice
3 - It had some really good thoughts and humor (the "Also my best friends like to move" part among other...
Undergraduatetaylordemon - Oct 28, 2012 / wr336830 - Nov 4, 2012
|Personal Statement - Reduction and Improvements
2 - A little more detail about how you coped upon reentry into the US would be great!!! Change is adversity...
Undergraduateshashanksoma - Oct 14, 2012 / linmark - Nov 4, 2012
|Common App (Rice Supplement Short Answers) Critique
3 - With the understanding that the choice of academic school you indicated is not binding, explain why you are applying...
UndergraduateSoAm17 - Oct 31, 2012 / karlacnavas721 - Nov 4, 2012
|UC Prompt #1
UndergraduateWarpedMonk - Nov 3, 2012 / WarpedMonk - Nov 4, 2012
|Stanford Roommate App - EXPLODING EGG
2 - I think your essay reads fine. I liked the first version already. If there's anything I would add, its...
Undergraduatellin - Oct 18, 2012 / linmark - Nov 4, 2012
|I need help with a paper on persuasive advertisment
2 - Not enough in second paragraph about product claims - proof or performance, substantiation. Just the ingredient of green coffee...
Undergraduatelmchle01 - Oct 16, 2012 / linmark - Nov 4, 2012
|"What I Thought Would Kill Me Made Me Stronger" - Fordham U. Personal Statement
Undergraduatekarlacnavas721 - Nov 1, 2012 / karlacnavas721 - Nov 4, 2012
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