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|Personal statement for College application (UK); I am going to finish my IGCSE's
2 - Hi Jerome, your answers are pretty acceptable, nothing controversial or out of the ordinary. Some suggestions on these 2...
UndergraduateJimmy75 - Oct 25, 2012 / linmark - Nov 5, 2012
|UChicago Essay - 'Following my ACT test in the spring of 2012'
2 - As the first part of your essay was about James Nondorf and his speech, it would help that you...
Undergraduatelsimpson - Oct 24, 2012 / linmark - Nov 5, 2012
|my experience of an extracurricular activity - Teaching Christine
2 - Love jazz theory and learned something new from you. Now I want to hear it in gospel performance! ...
Undergraduateisaac02 - Oct 24, 2012 / linmark - Nov 5, 2012
|UVa supplement essay - Where would you want to get lost?
Undergraduatestacyli - Oct 23, 2012 / linmark - Nov 5, 2012
|'The smell of the fresh new built houses'; Describe your academic interests
3 - If I were an admissions officer, I'd want to know what your motivation/inspiration for engineering is, and go into...
Undergraduategege - Oct 9, 2012 / humoresques - Nov 5, 2012
|'Suitable friends with familiar interests' - Why Duke Essay supplement
Undergraduateinjectmagic - Oct 23, 2012 / linmark - Nov 5, 2012
|'I believe I can become the best graphic designer in the world' - SAIC Essay
2 - Hey yeanacho! Wow, clicking since your were 12!! How cool is that! You definitely convinced me that you know...
Undergraduateyeanacho - Oct 18, 2012 / linmark - Nov 5, 2012
|swimming with a Russian swim coach- common app diversity essay
2 - Hello allms, The example works overall for the prompt. What would improve it IMHO are the following: - what...
Undergraduateallms - Oct 19, 2012 / linmark - Nov 5, 2012
|'Grew up running' - Short Answer for Common App - Running
4 - Cut the "a" out of "a very serious business" and change "I remember when I was six, challenging my...
Undergraduatewellesleygirl - Nov 4, 2012 / blquandt - Nov 5, 2012
|'the way I have been raised' - Personal statement for UC admissions
9 - Okkkkk... .... Why repost your final version... then I can have a look at it having the infor you...
Undergraduatejoyciiyang - Nov 3, 2012 / dumi - Nov 5, 2012
|My Father - A person who have important influence on my life.
3 - ...
Undergraduatesirlong93 - Nov 4, 2012 / dumi - Nov 5, 2012
|Mrs. Kemp still encourages me. She had an impact on my life.
2 - "So when a high school teacher can influence you, can impact your life so deeply, that it changes the...
UndergraduateCJanieSunshine - Nov 4, 2012 / orthodoxyordeat - Nov 4, 2012
|"Exploring common life experiences" - Rutgers Essay
2 - "homogeneous culture" I feel like this whole essay would be better served if you spent less time talking about...
UndergraduateDoctaLove - Nov 4, 2012 / orthodoxyordeat - Nov 4, 2012
|"My God, it's full of stars!" - Interest and Thinkings in Astronomy_ CommonApp
Undergraduatesimonepoole - Nov 4, 2012 / simonepoole - Nov 4, 2012
|'I love my mom' - UC Essay on how my mother influences my life
Undergraduateletsgosharks - Nov 4, 2012 / janiceli - Nov 4, 2012
|'quirky, thought provoking essays' - University of Chicago Supplement
UndergraduateJayashree95 - Oct 31, 2012 / malcolmsoreal - Nov 4, 2012
|'intellectual stimulation' - Bowdoin College Supplement
4 - " gave me access to deeper thought" - That sounds awkward. You might want to reword it because "access"...
Undergraduatecharlcd - Nov 4, 2012 / Premed0 - Nov 4, 2012
|Reading,Practicing,Listening.Which way do you prefer as a learning method?
3 - Hi Jue, Here are my suggestions: (1) Do not use contradiction if you write academic essay. "can't" should be...
UndergraduateJue - Oct 8, 2012 / Alyssa - Nov 4, 2012
|'The Strength My Mother Gave Me' - Common App (Topic of Choice)
3 - Wow. Great piece. Your voice conveys a lot of schemes and tropes complimenting the strong message. In the...
UndergraduateHC2013 - Nov 4, 2012 / uyaq23 - Nov 4, 2012
|Common App : Short Answer: Swimming as an analogy
3 - Should I omit the idea of hardwork, and work towards developing the idea of leadership and teamwork?...
Undergraduateadityab - Nov 4, 2012 / adityab - Nov 4, 2012
|(Math, science, and art) UMICH SUPPLEMENT-what attracts me
3 - I agree that you should work on your intro. Take out almost in your second sentence, and tell more...
Undergraduatesgupta654 - Oct 24, 2012 / HC2013 - Nov 4, 2012
|Review? Common App Short Essay- "Silk" (Color Guard)
4 - I think it would be more powerful if you broke up some of your sentences. Listing your ideas makes...
Undergraduatehisui - Nov 3, 2012 / HC2013 - Nov 4, 2012
|'Moving into a new country' - CUNY HONORS ESSAY
Undergraduaterezwan3 - Nov 2, 2012 / Phoebe Africa - Nov 4, 2012
|'neighbors and schoolmates' - UC Prompt #1
4 - "While some point to the argument that school was just not for them or the lack of support and...
Undergraduatejdem1901 - Oct 29, 2012 / uyaq23 - Nov 4, 2012
|'I see confidence in you' - common app essay
4 - All my appreciation towards your comment. Yes, I kind of mix quantum mechanic into the essay.( affected by my...
Undergraduateafan - Oct 22, 2012 / afan - Nov 4, 2012
|'The same, yet different' - Common App Essay topic of choice
3 - It had some really good thoughts and humor (the "Also my best friends like to move" part among other...
Undergraduatetaylordemon - Oct 28, 2012 / wr336830 - Nov 4, 2012
|Personal Statement - Reduction and Improvements
2 - A little more detail about how you coped upon reentry into the US would be great!!! Change is adversity...
Undergraduateshashanksoma - Oct 14, 2012 / linmark - Nov 4, 2012
|Common App (Rice Supplement Short Answers) Critique
3 - With the understanding that the choice of academic school you indicated is not binding, explain why you are applying...
UndergraduateSoAm17 - Oct 31, 2012 / karlacnavas721 - Nov 4, 2012
|UC Prompt #1
UndergraduateWarpedMonk - Nov 3, 2012 / WarpedMonk - Nov 4, 2012
|Stanford Roommate App - EXPLODING EGG
2 - I think your essay reads fine. I liked the first version already. If there's anything I would add, its...
Undergraduatellin - Oct 18, 2012 / linmark - Nov 4, 2012
|I need help with a paper on persuasive advertisment
2 - Not enough in second paragraph about product claims - proof or performance, substantiation. Just the ingredient of green coffee...
Undergraduatelmchle01 - Oct 16, 2012 / linmark - Nov 4, 2012
|"What I Thought Would Kill Me Made Me Stronger" - Fordham U. Personal Statement
Undergraduatekarlacnavas721 - Nov 1, 2012 / karlacnavas721 - Nov 4, 2012
|Lennon' song told me to "imagine" peace and the prospect of "one" world, all I could feel was regret
3 - How cool is that??? your country I mean!! Typo in last sentence in first paragraph - the FIRST three...
UndergraduateNnorbu - Oct 18, 2012 / linmark - Nov 4, 2012
|Molecular Building Blocks - Princeton Common App Essay
3 - Aside from the damage caused and the expense you couldn't afford to incur again, what else did you learn...
Undergraduatevoteforandy1 - Oct 21, 2012 / linmark - Nov 4, 2012
|'an individual, or man, and a state' - Application EC short answer
2 - Here are some ideas for changing your wording a bit, nice work on this though, you have many good...
Undergraduatesw39ym - Nov 4, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 4, 2012
|Parallels in Cultural Diversity and Diversity of thought (Common App Essay #5)
2 - Yes, your essay stays "on prompt" - but you need to state what this is in your opening paragraph...
Undergraduateinurbanity - Oct 12, 2012 / linmark - Nov 4, 2012
|Common App Essay 1. Significant Risk and its impact. "Business adventure"
2 - Yes, it answers the prompt and yes, the second and third paraagraph is way to wordy. Get to the...
Undergraduatebryantjet - Oct 14, 2012 / linmark - Nov 4, 2012
|'My dad and fighting personality' - someone who has made and impact on you and why?
2 - Yep - your essay resonates with maturity. Its solid as a Comm app. You make forgiveness sound so easy...
Undergraduatej3elam - Oct 21, 2012 / linmark - Nov 4, 2012
|'National Hispanic Scholar' Essay about achieving goals (Apply Texas-Topic C)
2 - You have only listed all the things that you have done in high school year to get into National...
Undergraduatejpdominguez94 - Oct 10, 2012 / ljy9152 - Nov 4, 2012
|Common App Personal Essay-Laziness
UndergraduateMentleGentlemen - Oct 21, 2012 / linmark - Nov 4, 2012
|UC prompt 1 about working at a museum and daughter of teenage parents
2 - Really wonderful essay. I strongly encourage you to look into taking Curatorship as a major in Art. Look up...
Undergraduateazrei - Oct 13, 2012 / linmark - Nov 4, 2012
|The Dragon Within
3 - Very cool, very funny - some typos you need to correct, but ideas are all bang-on!! Suggest you start...
Undergraduatemunir ali - Oct 14, 2012 / linmark - Nov 4, 2012
|Select a local, regional, national or global prole and propose a feasible solution...
Undergraduateshailendra redd - Oct 12, 2012 / linmark - Nov 4, 2012
|UNC Essay - The Power of Positivity (Applying Early Action)
2 - I really liked your preferred course. To make the essay clearer, please consider adding in the content (first sentence...
Undergraduatesmminkin - Oct 10, 2012 / linmark - Nov 4, 2012
|(The Determined Businessman / High School Dilemmas) entrance A & B
2 - The first essay on your dad: -end sentence in first paragraph - how well he has copeD -third paragraph,...
Undergraduatebrian0419 - Oct 8, 2012 / linmark - Nov 4, 2012
|"All they wanted was a better life for you" ; The Dream, the Seed, and the Fruits.
7 - Hi :) I think your essay is written very well. I can't find any mistakes. You seem very mature...
Undergraduatehiiamyu13 - Nov 2, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 4, 2012
|University of Michigan Supplemental Short Answer
2 - Hello Grace, Nice food imagery - whets the appetite. But aside from variety (specifically history, science, literature in second...
UndergraduateGraceDL - Oct 17, 2012 / linmark - Nov 4, 2012
|'academic programs of biology and classics' - Cornell Supplement Essay
5 - I think its amazing and mentioning both bio ansd the classics show that you are a round person of...
Undergraduatebella2489 - Nov 2, 2012 / Phoebe Africa - Nov 4, 2012
|'25 years of hidden solitude' - UChicago Response - Where's Waldo?
Undergraduatecombo32 - Oct 30, 2012 / RubyChee - Nov 3, 2012
|Common App extracurricular essay - hospital volunteer
2 - I feel you should establish a link between these two sentences to arrange your flow of ideas. E.g....
Undergraduateshl348 - Nov 3, 2012 / dumi - Nov 3, 2012
|Music shapes me, makes me fearless; Topic of Your Choice (for Princeton App)
4 - Is there anyone experience or hardship related to music that you have had to overcome? Eg. Your first performance,your...
Undergraduatevoteforandy1 - Oct 31, 2012 / Phoebe Africa - Nov 3, 2012
|My mother is a woman of multifarious personalities; she has made an impact on me
2 - Hey,I hope I can help. Here's my opinion: 1. Your introduction! It is very typical and doesn't hook...
Undergraduatevali001 - Nov 3, 2012 / Phoebe Africa - Nov 3, 2012
|Teen Smoking - Extra-Curricular Common App Essay
UndergraduateLemonsnout - Oct 21, 2012 / Lemonsnout - Nov 3, 2012
|UC Application College Prompt #1
3 - I agree with Memona that you had some great experience listed. I am not clear what program you are...
Undergraduatelawldmswldms - Nov 3, 2012 / MPH2013 - Nov 3, 2012
|Personal Statement for MPH application
UndergraduateMPH2013 - Nov 3, 2012 / MPH2013 - Nov 3, 2012
|Is education is more important than experience to be success in the area work?
UndergraduateAHMED84 - Nov 2, 2012 / AHMED84 - Nov 3, 2012
|"Our motto is Ut Prosim" - Virginia Tech Application Essays
4 - The beginning of the sentence is slightly awkward. Also, you might want to think of your word choice...
Undergraduatelegonigel - Oct 12, 2012 / michellexphamm - Nov 3, 2012
|Common app essay on the topic of accent.
2 - The essay is well-written, despite a few small mistakes: "If I am conversing..." goes with "...my accent becomes..." not...
UndergraduateVvictor - Oct 14, 2012 / ijiboom - Nov 3, 2012
|'scholarly warriors' - Stanford - Intellectual vitality
3 - Lovely essay! 1. I think you should say just a little more about this intriguing community of intellects...
UndergraduateDelxysic - Oct 15, 2012 / Phoebe Africa - Nov 3, 2012
|Common App (Extracurriculars/ Activities) essay - comments & suggestions
2 - That's a really good and touching essay. But i guess you have exceeded the word limit. Try to sort...
Undergraduateksade16 - Nov 2, 2012 / jineshwar1995 - Nov 3, 2012
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