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|'exposure to domestic violence' - MIT short essay: Your World
3 - Jennyflower81: Thanks so much! it was really helpful! I tried to edit it so would you mind taking a...
UndergraduateLina101 - Oct 29, 2012 / Lina101 - Oct 29, 2012
|'playing with Hot Wheels cars' - Essay for Common App: Most influential person
4 - Hey, I really liked your essay. It fit the prompt nicely and kept the reader's attention. Though, since you...
Undergraduateasiantigeryoon - Oct 29, 2012 / Evan - Oct 29, 2012
|Quick Essay about volunteering! 'member of the Villanova community'
NEW - Prompt: One of the principles of Villanova, as an Augustinian university founded on the teachings of St. Augustine, is...
Undergraduatemaggiemay - Oct 29, 2012 / — -
|Barnard Supplement Essays: Why Barnard?; Unafraid; Perspective; Woman
3 - just comments here, your opening statement is strong it diferentes the school, but i dont really care for the...
Undergraduatebullmoose - Oct 2, 2012 / alecblumenfeld - Oct 29, 2012
|SOP for MS in computer science - All critisms are welcomed
Undergraduatefall2013 - Oct 2, 2012 / charmoula - Oct 29, 2012
|"Let your life speak." - environment I was raised in
2 - I do like your essay a lot, it captures many aspects of your personality in relation to your environment....
UndergraduateGuest - Oct 29, 2012 / Enabledowner - Oct 29, 2012
|'Keep waiting' - Stanford Essay to my room mate.... Charley te t33.
Undergraduateriskatun - Oct 3, 2012 / KhanhZ - Oct 29, 2012
|1000 Character Common App Question--Piano
2 - and sheriffs , and I'd say find a way to maybe make the last two sentences flow together better....
Undergraduateyehitsjonathan - Oct 28, 2012 / cgivens6 - Oct 28, 2012
|'Chemistry and Mathematics' - UChicago supplement
2 - I love the concept behind your essay! Very interesting. I do think, though, that a lot of your commentary...
Undergraduatehistoryfreak13 - Oct 28, 2012 / cgivens6 - Oct 28, 2012
|'The sheer amount of complications' - CORNELL School of Engineering Supplement
4 - instead: Cornell University will not only prepare me for the path of being an engineer, but also ...
Undergraduatenilycul - Oct 28, 2012 / yehitsjonathan - Oct 28, 2012
|University of Chicago Supplement essay; Goethe quote
NEW - Question 1. How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular...
UndergraduateNew Baldwin2134 - Oct 28, 2012 / — -
|Common Application Essay! Irish dance class at the age of four
5 - You go into a loooooot of specifics without tying them all together with some underlying theme. In your essay,...
Undergraduatemaggiemay - Oct 28, 2012 / lklklk124 - Oct 28, 2012
|Advances in computer technology have made the classroom unnecessary
2 - Usually you can maintain a reader's interest if you use transitions that more suitably set up the mood or...
UndergraduatePPST Writing 1 - Oct 3, 2012 / Evan - Oct 28, 2012
|Essay on Personal Impact of Athletic Events
2 - Hey, What is this essay for? (Common app, supplement, etc.) Well I really like everything you have...
Undergraduateahoogland - Oct 28, 2012 / kashmoney - Oct 28, 2012
|UC "Describe a Quality" Short Essay. 300~ words. Any advice?
6 - This essay is really nice. It's nice that I can feel that you're really passionate about brains and things....
Undergraduatelklklk124 - Sep 15, 2012 / janiceli - Oct 28, 2012
|UF Essay- "Citizen of the World"
UndergraduateFutureScholar - Oct 27, 2012 / nilycul - Oct 28, 2012
|'all of my failures centered around one thing, learning' FSU Admissions Essay
4 - Here are your options: I have always been told "If you try your hardest you're still a winner"...
Undergraduateannahpyra - Sep 28, 2012 / ahoogland - Oct 28, 2012
|essay on cell phone dependance.what else could i add?
2 - Hello, This essay is nice because it gives a lot of concrete evidence. But what are you writing...
Undergraduatethejunior - Oct 28, 2012 / glady91 - Oct 28, 2012
|PU Influential Person Essay HELP
3 - well early on, I think it is about me (constantly being told not to play but having the willpower...
Undergraduatekashmoney - Oct 28, 2012 / kashmoney - Oct 28, 2012
|MIT: the key to many of my successes has been my sense of humor
6 - I really like the idea behind your essay! However, I agree it can sound a little redundant within your...
Undergraduateaarkebauer - Oct 28, 2012 / ahoogland - Oct 28, 2012
|'Big change in my life, My Voice' - Common App Essay
7 - Sometimes I told him what I was doing outside of class, like discovering my passion for non-fiction books or...
Undergraduatejaniceli - Oct 27, 2012 / lklklk124 - Oct 28, 2012
|'Key role to grow up' - FSU Essay - Learning
2 - Hello Erin, You have good substance in your essay. But you could add more concrete examples, especially in the...
UndergraduateErinEmott - Oct 11, 2012 / glady91 - Oct 28, 2012
|UChicago "Tell us about your favorite.." Essay
5 - Okay I appreciate all of the suggestiions so I tweaked it a bit. Im thinking about deleting the sentence...
Undergraduatehobak135 - Oct 28, 2012 / hobak135 - Oct 28, 2012
|"Waldo is Nowhere" - UChicago Supplement Essay
2 - This is a very interesting look at the topic. I had actually heard about this dreaded question, and I...
Undergraduatesqrcke - Oct 28, 2012 / aarkebauer - Oct 28, 2012
|'Chinese common sense and education' - Columbia Supplement, meaningful about books
Undergraduaterefreshing - Oct 26, 2012 / refreshing - Oct 28, 2012
|Help with Psychology Essay!
3 - Your amazing! Thank you so much! Lool you must think I'm so boring though! What I meant about uninteresting...
Undergraduateamertaban - Oct 28, 2012 / amertaban - Oct 28, 2012
|University of Michigan Supplement - What attracts you to attend UM?
2 - This sounds a little forced to me: The University of Michigan encompasses so many traits that would challenge me...
UndergraduateMegsNT - Oct 28, 2012 / aarkebauer - Oct 28, 2012
|The top priority and the activity in my life which help me to achieve my life theme
4 - Your welcome, would you mind taking a look at mine? I would like to submit them tonight! Thanks...
Undergraduatena123456 - Oct 27, 2012 / shmegg - Oct 28, 2012
|Princeton: Influential Person essay
UndergraduateMrFed - Oct 26, 2012 / MrFed - Oct 28, 2012
|'I took and passed the gifted test' - UF admissions
Undergraduateniky - Oct 26, 2012 / niky - Oct 28, 2012
|'studying the origins of the universe' - Boston University Supplement
Undergraduateshmegg - Oct 28, 2012 / shmegg - Oct 28, 2012
|University of Florida Essay - Proofread and advice?
2 - saying I cried very little Recalled that I cried very little* "As my freshman year..." put this sentence before...
Undergraduatewontaco - Oct 28, 2012 / nilycul - Oct 28, 2012
|FSU What characteristics appeal to you?
Undergraduaterkane94 - Oct 6, 2012 / hobak135 - Oct 28, 2012
|Common App Essay - Piano
15 - This is a really good essay! I honestly think you don't need much else criticism besides the points above!...
Undergraduatechristineg711 - Dec 28, 2008 / maggiemay - Oct 28, 2012
|'top-notch liberal arts education' - Vassar Supplement Essay
3 - I agree with alexh983's comment as well. In the part where you talk about your unconformity at a young...
UndergraduateAriel421 - Oct 27, 2012 / hobak135 - Oct 28, 2012
|Thesis for a research paper on "breaking up the big banks"
Undergraduatelia6276 - Sep 30, 2012 / hobak135 - Oct 28, 2012
|amherst supplement- rigorous reasoning essay--- need revision
Undergraduatechiragjain - Oct 20, 2012 / himanshusahay - Oct 28, 2012
|'mathematical thirs' - Common App Early Application to Yale
9 - Thanks guys. I have put the link in the additional info section of the common app. Your pointers are...
Undergraduatehimanshusahay - Oct 23, 2012 / himanshusahay - Oct 28, 2012
|My home has been interminably full of music; topic of your choice
2 - First off, this is a lovely and well-written essay. Nice work! I especially like the analogies you make in...
Undergraduateaustenj - Oct 12, 2012 / sogoldman - Oct 28, 2012
|Extracurricular -"This field is a canvas. Let's paint something beautiful today"
3 - I love how you talk about the shin guards and their strength. I love the imagery too. For the...
UndergraduateKristenK - Oct 27, 2012 / OptimistPRIM3 - Oct 28, 2012
|'Get it done if it doesn't kill you' - Stanford Letter to Roommate
UndergraduateSyntaxVoid - Oct 26, 2012 / OptimistPRIM3 - Oct 28, 2012
|'PIANO and Universal Language of Music' - COMMON APP NEED HELP
Undergraduatendngurl - Oct 21, 2012 / ndngurl - Oct 28, 2012
|'Research and Shepherd School of Music' - Why Rice University?
2 - I would talk more about how you would fit into the student body, or how the SPECIFIC qualities of...
Undergraduatesogoldman - Oct 28, 2012 / ndngurl - Oct 28, 2012
|'Going through high school' - UF Admissions Event Essay
5 - "but it's certainly the busiest." I would not use conjunctions and change this to: but it certainly is the...
Undergraduateannahpyra - Oct 26, 2012 / maggiemay - Oct 28, 2012
|"Keep the conversation flowing" - Dartmouth Extracurricular
2 - "Things changed on that Sunday morning" Things is a really generic word. I suggest something like: Everything changed... or...
Undergraduatememercedes - Oct 28, 2012 / maggiemay - Oct 28, 2012
|Education Interruption (common app, NOT an essay) feedback?
2 - I think you should focus more on you, your studies, and how moving affected you and your studies. Colleges...
Undergraduateminnie481 - Oct 28, 2012 / maggiemay - Oct 28, 2012
|Unique Qualities of U of Michigan. Can anyone revise it and tell me if it answer the question?
UndergraduateCli - Oct 28, 2012 / Cli - Oct 28, 2012
|'loving the lower class' - UMich Essay- Community you belong
Undergraduatetimobxsci - Oct 27, 2012 / timobxsci - Oct 28, 2012
|'Cancer can be defeated' - Stanford Intellect Essay
6 - I think your re-write sounds great! I like the way it shows your personality- dedicated, concentrating on details, hard-working....
Undergraduateavatarmage - Oct 26, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 28, 2012
|'I had to stay strong for my family' VCU PG87 autobiography essay
2 - alexusmln "The last couple of days of his life I spent with my precious uncle. He was speechless, emotional...
Undergraduatealexusmln - Oct 2, 2012 / redskinsman95 - Oct 28, 2012
|'USA - China: you can control your life' - Personal Statement
2 - Your essay is very well-done, I like your style of writing and your story is touching and interesting. However,...
Undergraduatelucy123 - Oct 27, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 28, 2012
|'The transferring experience' - Michigan supplement! (community): TRANSFER
NEW - hi, i'm apply to Umich and writing its community essay. The topic is : Everyone belongs to many...
Undergraduatezhdevilla - Oct 28, 2012 / — -
|Common App Essay - Sounds of My Life
Undergraduatevoteforandy1 - Oct 14, 2012 / zhdevilla - Oct 28, 2012
|Essay on LEAVING HOME - DISCUSSION ESSAY.
Undergraduateyeongjia - Oct 27, 2012 / yeongjia - Oct 28, 2012
|Dartmouth Extracurricular Essay; keeping the conversation going
Undergraduatememercedes - Oct 28, 2012 / yeongjia - Oct 28, 2012
|Not math, literature, chemistry, physics, and history - just art, music, and drama for kids
2 - Your sentences are not varied at all. And your vocabulary as well. The essay overall sounds very flat and...
Undergraduateboston9 - Oct 24, 2012 / esthershin - Oct 28, 2012
|'He Spoke' - Common App Essay, symbolism with the hair?
3 - I really like this! You definitely hit homerun on hair symbolism (love it), "out-going" and "respecting". Yet in my...
UndergraduateKristenK - Oct 27, 2012 / memercedes - Oct 28, 2012
|"Casa Hogar Orphanage" (CommonApp extracurricular essay)
NEW - There was a silver plated bracelet clasped around his wrist, inscribed on it his name and nothing else. I...
Undergraduateesthershin - Oct 27, 2012 / — -
|'bullying minority students and cheating' University of Pennsylvania supplement essay
UndergraduateBlahxmr - Oct 23, 2012 / alexh983 - Oct 27, 2012
|'60 Chinese students summoned' - Dartmouth Main Essay
5 - I like how you analyze personal struggle and the way you go from embarrassment to pride. But one thing...
Undergraduatememercedes - Oct 20, 2012 / secreteyes0 - Oct 27, 2012
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