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|The Connection of Learning - FSU Essay
2 - Judging by the first sentence, I can already tell you're a good writer:) I'll do as much correcting/criticing as...
Undergraduatenlman0 - Oct 4, 2012 / KristenK - Oct 27, 2012
|Circuses, resorts. Boycott Animal Performances
Undergraduatezhihanchew1234 - Sep 30, 2012 / KristenK - Oct 27, 2012
|'nothing is guaranteed' - Villanova Supplement
Undergraduateshmegg - Oct 27, 2012 / alexh983 - Oct 27, 2012
|'Beijing is an amazing city' - Common App - Personal Experience and Its Impact
Undergraduatethatotherguy - Oct 27, 2012 / Ariel421 - Oct 27, 2012
|Common App short anser "Founding a club"
Undergraduatezhdevilla - Oct 27, 2012 / zhdevilla - Oct 27, 2012
|'Research Opportunity Program and my parents' - Florida State admission essay
2 - Nice just try to avoid small choppy sentences. Maybe combine them with a semicolon. Could you please read mine?...
Undergraduateyamiirocks - Oct 27, 2012 / spoiledgemini16 - Oct 27, 2012
|Stanford - Fusors and Particle Acccelerators
3 - Okay so I removed the section starting from "Ever since .... " on down and replaced it so that...
UndergraduateSyntaxVoid - Oct 27, 2012 / SyntaxVoid - Oct 27, 2012
|How to write a compare contrast essay on 2 political issues
UndergraduateAamochoa - Oct 27, 2012 / Aamochoa - Oct 27, 2012
|"So where is Waldo, really?" UCHICAGO Supplemental Essay
3 - Thank you edenh 18 I appreciate it. I will make the necessary changes to the dialogue and get rid...
Undergraduatejjj111 - Oct 27, 2012 / jjj111 - Oct 27, 2012
|'Do not forget your origin when you succeed' - Michigan Supplement 2012-2013
5 - I agree with all the previous comments, & I also think you should include an example of how exactly...
Undergraduatetimobxsci - Oct 19, 2012 / edenh18 - Oct 27, 2012
|"Planet Earth" - National Merit Essay, Common App
2 - This essay is really cutely sentimental. I like the way I can feel that you're passionate about science, but...
Undergraduatelklklk124 - Oct 6, 2012 / janiceli - Oct 27, 2012
|CommonApp Short Answer- Korea in Ecuador
2 - Devote more than that one sentence to this cultural dissemination class you ended with. I think it's better to...
Undergraduatecorniuni - Oct 27, 2012 / edenh18 - Oct 27, 2012
|'Model United Nations' - Common App-Discuss personal issue of concern
4 - I think you did a great job of conveying personal concern. However, I don't see the point of the...
Undergraduateedenh18 - Oct 27, 2012 / timobxsci - Oct 27, 2012
|'My heroes, engineers' - Why engineering - yale supplement
3 - I actually disagree with ah_zafari, you craft the experience quite well, as some sort of elementary, rough form of...
UndergraduateI like Cookies - Oct 27, 2012 / Guest - Oct 27, 2012
|'Chemistry major is my goal' - Common App Suplement
Undergraduatecollegewoman - Oct 10, 2012 / I like Cookies - Oct 27, 2012
|Your hopes and plans for your development' Rough Draft for Oberlin Conservatory Essay
Undergraduatesambr378 - Sep 30, 2012 / ekroyakin - Oct 27, 2012
|'Involved into the best program in America' - Application for FIT transfer.
Undergraduatericlow1213 - Oct 27, 2012 / riclow1213 - Oct 27, 2012
|'Passion for debate and joy of winning' - extracurricular Short Essay
5 - Try and avoid conjunctions (won't=will not) Also..I feel you should see if you can think of a first sentence...
Undergraduatealladin06 - Oct 25, 2012 / shmegg - Oct 27, 2012
|'Not black and white' - Common App Short Answer - Piano
Undergraduateshmegg - Oct 25, 2012 / shmegg - Oct 27, 2012
|'Not a golf prodigy' -Common App Essay-- Free choice topic about Golf
Undergraduatedayglow111 - Oct 17, 2012 / dayglow111 - Oct 27, 2012
|Without a Father - Meaningful Event
NEW - The UF application deadline is coming up and i really need some help critiquing my essay before submitting. I...
Undergraduatedesaraeh - Oct 27, 2012 / — -
|Journalism is my Ambrosia -- Extracurricular Activities Essay for Common App
2 - I like the overall sincerity of the piece. The first sentences, "I always thought that I would become...
Undergraduatetaytaynyc - Oct 27, 2012 / IamEmma - Oct 27, 2012
|'Dancing with people from Kenya' - UMICHIGAN SUPPLEMENT
3 - Hi! I think you have a good essay there. A few suggestions: Your description of the dance community...
Undergraduateramenbowl95 - Oct 26, 2012 / rohitsp - Oct 27, 2012
|UF essay - "My Italian Blood"
3 - All right. Your essay is nice, but needs some revising. What to do: Change the sentences with the (BLUE)...
UndergraduateSocceract22 - Oct 26, 2012 / FutureScholar - Oct 27, 2012
|PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR IVIES ABOUT BELONGING-- FROM SWEDEN
UndergraduateIamEmma - Oct 27, 2012 / taytaynyc - Oct 27, 2012
|What is your favorite word and why? Limit to half a page or 250 words. (UVa)
Undergraduatemasonseaman - Oct 27, 2012 / dealaus - Oct 27, 2012
|"zigzag" - UVA Essay :What's your favorite word and why
UndergraduateYiran Hu - Oct 25, 2012 / Yiran Hu - Oct 27, 2012
|My experience on March of the Living and the yellow butterfly
Undergraduategotmilk121 - Oct 26, 2012 / lucy123 - Oct 27, 2012
|'African-American girl into science and technology' - Rutgers "Diversity"
2 - It sounds amazing, just try to watch out for run-ons and saying "in which" too much within a sentence....
Undergraduatefrancine5487 - Oct 27, 2012 / spoiledgemini16 - Oct 27, 2012
|'Reading - bright and dark sides' - Common App Short Answer
5 - Thank you for your advice Lestat! What a nice coincidence! Plus I love vampires. The only thing is that...
UndergraduateCIEL - Oct 23, 2012 / CIEL - Oct 27, 2012
|Career pathway report into becoming a medical practitioner
2 - Career opportunities within the field of science are very demanding and increasingly opening many optionsthere are increasingly more options...
Undergraduateyasmine_01 - Sep 30, 2012 / francine5487 - Oct 27, 2012
|'life's conundrums and complications' - So where is Waldo, really? UChicago
UndergraduateJayashree95 - Oct 24, 2012 / xzzx - Oct 27, 2012
|'life philosophy of my mother' - Chicago supp, WHERE'S WALDO?
4 - thanks guys, i also think that there't too little about Waldo, but i also feel that add waldo in...
Undergraduatexzzx - Oct 23, 2012 / xzzx - Oct 27, 2012
|'The Compass' - Common App - University of Michigan SUPPLEMENT
2 - I like it. It tells a story while showing things about you! However, i think you should further explain...
Undergraduatetenorzero - Oct 24, 2012 / dealaus - Oct 26, 2012
|Academic school choice. Need help for final critiques
4 - This was great! You structured it well aligning it with your life (from child to present) and the clarity...
Undergraduatealladin06 - Oct 25, 2012 / ramenbowl95 - Oct 26, 2012
|'Playing Running Back' - Common App Short Answer "Football"
4 - Our football team can't win, but given the situation that there are no coaches, it would be quite difficult...
Undergraduatetak_jpn - Oct 16, 2012 / ramenbowl95 - Oct 26, 2012
|"How can love change a person?" -SUNY application essay-
UndergraduateMcjokey - Oct 26, 2012 / Mcjokey - Oct 26, 2012
|How have Computers affected the way we work now compared to 100 years ago Clep Essay
2 - Hello. Luckily this essay has a very relative topic that many people are effected by now-a-days. Your examples for...
UndergraduateArttillygirl - Oct 1, 2012 / Socceract22 - Oct 26, 2012
|'Digital media, creation, and my soul' - College App
8 - Very Good essay with a very interesting topic. It is great how you encompass personal anecdotes into your essay,...
UndergraduateLemonsnout - Oct 21, 2012 / Socceract22 - Oct 26, 2012
|Books/Singapore/Mind - Stanford (intellectual vitality, roommate, matters)
2 - Very nice! As a fellow stanford hopeful, I would say your essays are solid. I know you were trying...
Undergraduatenanoflame - Oct 18, 2012 / dealaus - Oct 26, 2012
|'Carmen Sandiego' - UChicago supplement, Waldo- topic query
5 - No problem, I understand completely that you weren't trying to be rude! I think I might write another and...
UndergraduateEnabledowner - Oct 24, 2012 / Enabledowner - Oct 26, 2012
|'58 men who look just like Waldo' - UChicago Essay #2
Undergraduatelsimpson - Oct 24, 2012 / dealaus - Oct 26, 2012
|'Law and perspectives on learning' - UPenn Essay No. 1
Undergraduatetonehouse185 - Oct 26, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 26, 2012
|'Experience in speech, soccer, tennis, hockey, FCA..' - Common App
2 - How is a middle class white kid living in a city that is 96% white, diverse? I know everybody...
Undergraduategbeck - Oct 25, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 26, 2012
|(Apollo 11, Scientific Achievements) - NYY
2 - The opportunities that are available is such a city as (is should be in) setting where i would...
Undergraduatealecblumenfeld - Oct 26, 2012 / wootsie143 - Oct 26, 2012
|'A new generation makeing great scientific discoveries' - Carnegie Mellon
4 - bumppleaseee...
Undergraduatetimobxsci - Sep 26, 2012 / timobxsci - Oct 26, 2012
|'Receiving help from others' - University of Michigan essay, the qualities attract me
UndergraduateZombAA - Oct 22, 2012 / Namel - Oct 26, 2012
|'Salvador Dali' - MICA Art School Essay-
UndergraduateAustinArtist - Oct 7, 2012 / EitanGold - Oct 26, 2012
|'MRI training at Holmes Regional Hospital' - extracurricular activities
2 - perhaps for the last sentence you should explain more why you fell in love with the machines and the...
Undergraduatenumel - Oct 26, 2012 / MITHopeful - Oct 26, 2012
|'Waldo cannot hide forever' - UChicago Supplement: Where's Waldo
Undergraduatevmw95 - Oct 26, 2012 / chiragjain - Oct 26, 2012
|Narration for a theme : Look before you leap (Revision)
NEW - Shopping with my mother in traditional market has become a nightmare for me recently. For a long time, traditional...
UndergraduateAlyssa - Oct 26, 2012 / — -
|Mental Endurance - Short Essay for Common App
6 - To me, I think something is repeated of the two first paragraph. How about sum them in 1 paragraph?...
Undergraduatejakejellings201 - Oct 24, 2012 / Heina - Oct 25, 2012
|'Describe a moment when your perspective changed' - Brown University Supplement
5 - You do not need to use quotations around a lot of the words..such as "special", "Filipino Pride", "fellow Asian",...
UndergraduateXmsamurai - Oct 4, 2012 / shmegg - Oct 25, 2012
|Google, myself, photo company, abroad - Syracuse University Supplement
2 - 1.Maybe instead of saying Google..you can say that you researched tirelessly online, through books, and asked councelors(or whomever) and...
Undergraduategiaaahhh28 - Oct 4, 2012 / shmegg - Oct 25, 2012
|'Prayer is all that you need' - college essay or my supplement
4 - I'm not a huge fan of the intro.. the quotes confused me at the beginning but that could just...
UndergraduateStevenSabu - Oct 25, 2012 / shmegg - Oct 25, 2012
|UNC Business School. Provide example of leadership challenge you faced...
2 - Although you need to show leadership, don't talk yourself up. "Being apart from both my customers and workers required...
Undergraduatedannyocean - Sep 29, 2012 / alladin06 - Oct 25, 2012
|'Founding Fathers'; G.Washington, J.Adams, T.Jefferson - Essay With Limitations.
2 - My english teacher is making us do one on what would i tell america's founding fathers and we have...
UndergraduateMusicObsessed - Oct 2, 2012 / Prissybubbles99 - Oct 25, 2012
|Temple University Undergradute Admission Application Essay - Undecided Major
Undergraduatewootsie143 - Oct 25, 2012 / EitanGold - Oct 25, 2012
|'Biology and chemistry random facts' - Commonapp, influence of a scientific work
7 - Enabledowner Today, biology is by far my favorite academic subject. Expanding upon what I learned as a child has...
UndergraduateEnabledowner - Oct 23, 2012 / Enabledowner - Oct 25, 2012
|'I'm proud of my city, Jinan, in China' - national concern, Common app essay
4 - "How dare they build the subways! How dare they hate springs! How dare they blame springs for all that!"...
UndergraduateTAT12 - Oct 23, 2012 / Enabledowner - Oct 25, 2012
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