|Undergraduate [25,607] - page 155 of 427|
|'My mom sacrifices for me' A person who has had a significant influence on you essay
4 - the last few sentences are the most important when you talk about the effect she has had on you,...
Undergraduatekelseyy613 - Oct 15, 2012 / MITHopeful - Oct 15, 2012
|'My Pink Partner' Narration and Description for My auto pencil
4 - I did what I could. There still may be errors. Much of this writing is confusing about who/what you...
UndergraduateAlyssa - Oct 15, 2012 / Delxysic - Oct 15, 2012
|Common App Essay - Leadership and Cake
NEW - I whizzed up the staircase, dodging the sea of students descending towards me. Caught up in my thoughts, I...
UndergraduateAanya - Oct 15, 2012 / — -
|UF Essay-Contributing to the campus-unemployment issues
Undergraduateheymishel - Oct 15, 2012 / heymishel - Oct 15, 2012
|'State Track Meet in Triple Jump' - Common App Extracurricular
2 - Five years had passed from when I first stepped onto the runway; since then, I'd grown to love the...
Undergraduatellin - Oct 15, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 15, 2012
|Article on in-kind donation; research on TOMS and similar organizations
Undergraduatechocolatte - Oct 15, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 15, 2012
|I was given a writing prompt on 5 senses...
3 - I would write it as an opinion piece with some description, but it's probably better to ask a classmate...
UndergraduateColey1120 - Oct 14, 2012 / chocolatte - Oct 15, 2012
|'my grandmother' - The Power of Nature vs Nurture/Common App
5 - Like the others, I like your topic:nature vs. nurture. That would be unique and attractive. I think you should...
Undergraduateroot - Sep 25, 2012 / winifred - Oct 15, 2012
|my best friend Bronson - Most influential person
4 - Great job on this essay! I have a few suggestions to change your wording. This seemingly simple boy...
Undergraduatejennalyn220 - Oct 15, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 15, 2012
|'student council experience extracirricular activity ways I can make it sound better?
3 - Well the activity you have mentioned above is quite a great case for short anwer. You've got enough details...
Undergraduatekoreanincambo - Oct 15, 2012 / CIEL - Oct 15, 2012
|Best of Both Worlds - College Essay
Undergraduatejjdeyuyu - Oct 15, 2012 / karinaestrada16 - Oct 15, 2012
|UC Topic 1 - Independent Girl; Describe the world you come from
2 - Work on the beginning of this paper, make it clear what your topic is right away. The part about...
Undergraduatekathytheson - Oct 14, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 15, 2012
|"All Ye Faithful" - UT - Topic B
5 - Hey, thanks for revising my essay.! I have read yours, and here is something that I could think...
UndergraduateAPD - Oct 13, 2012 / ellecc - Oct 15, 2012
|'Asian among the white community' - PERSONAL STATEMENT
3 - Thanks for the feedback! So would you recommend trying to incorporate another anecdote to begin the third paragraph?...
Undergraduatellin - Oct 14, 2012 / llin - Oct 14, 2012
|'I am my own student' - app essay (Georgetown)
3 - Thanks so much for your feedback! I will definitely change the pirate thing, I hadn't thought of that and...
Undergraduateselenaschav - Oct 14, 2012 / selenaschav - Oct 14, 2012
|'Born in America to Indian parents' - UT Austin- Optional Essay (respect)
Undergraduaterxa0789 - Oct 14, 2012 / bryantjet - Oct 14, 2012
|'Engineering and Ping Pong' - Georgia Tech Short Essay
3 - I have to agree with rxa0789; there is a somewhat garrulous aspect of your essay. You just seem to...
Undergraduatesrivatsavt - Oct 1, 2012 / caseySchooling - Oct 14, 2012
|'Swimming is integral' - Common App Extracurricular Short Answer
4 - Thanks, I fixed it up and adding a more concrete example. Can you guys see if this improved? ...
Undergraduatebryantjet - Oct 14, 2012 / bryantjet - Oct 14, 2012
|'write your future roommate a letter' Can someone give comments on my essay?
4 - I don't think this essay answers the question very well. You should just focus on one thing about you...
Undergraduatechristies - Oct 11, 2012 / karinaestrada16 - Oct 14, 2012
|'Hard-working and kind-hearted father' - UT A-Someone who has impacted your life.
Undergraduatekjb8401 - Sep 29, 2012 / rxa0789 - Oct 14, 2012
|Duke Supplement- Arts and Sciences
3 - Duke was not only the first college I visited, but it was the last. There were college tours in...
Undergraduatecollegebound16 - Oct 14, 2012 / Ownpudi - Oct 14, 2012
|Military Academy Nomination Essay; Service. Structure. Ethics. Challenge.
Undergraduatehpdwnsn95 - Oct 14, 2012 / princess_molly - Oct 14, 2012
|'Terrible things in this world' - FSU application essay
2 - I like your personal connection to this essay, I feel like it can be really moving but it's not...
Undergraduatekrovaxx80 - Oct 14, 2012 / hpdwnsn95 - Oct 14, 2012
|Common App Essay - Real Trophies
2 - I absolutely loathed getting trophies every year in recreational league baseball or basketball just for participating. That plastic trophy...
Undergraduatenathancbritt - Oct 14, 2012 / abbieflis - Oct 14, 2012
|FSU - characteristics of mine - "leader"
Undergraduateprincess_molly - Oct 14, 2012 / princess_molly - Oct 14, 2012
|"Claire de Lune"; University of Illinois Personal Statement
2 - harperk0328 I like the theme of your essay, and I get the idea that you're trying to convey but...
Undergraduateharperk0328 - Oct 14, 2012 / hpdwnsn95 - Oct 14, 2012
|'Your interests / Individuality' - Stanford - Roommate letter & What Matters
UndergraduateBirdiee - Sep 25, 2012 / Birdiee - Oct 14, 2012
|'Dear Future Roommate' - GA Tech Application Long Essay
NEW - I need help with grammar, punctuation, and generally anything that can help me make my essay better. Thank you...
Undergraduateanshpatel - Oct 14, 2012 / — -
|'moved to Fukuoka, Japan' - personal statement
2 - This is very good. It really showcases your individuality. However, in the first sentence of the second paragraph you...
Undergraduateellecc - Sep 16, 2012 / collegebound16 - Oct 14, 2012
|Personal Statement - moving to Maryland from Puerto Rico
Undergraduategabrielagrant - Oct 14, 2012 / Ownpudi - Oct 14, 2012
|Common App transfer to Binghamton: Research Assistant
NEW - I'm applying as a transfer student Spring 2013, and I'm hoping anyone could revise my short essay! Any advices...
Undergraduatenailafarhana - Oct 14, 2012 / — -
|why FSU; 'learning is the only way i can better myself and grow as a person'
2 - You need to work on your grammar, capitalization, and punctuation. The reference to Tom the MySpace created is a...
Undergraduatedegenica - Oct 13, 2012 / princess_molly - Oct 14, 2012
|Hanbok - Someone who impacted you
4 - It is answering the prompt, but they want to learn about you and how you think. Your observations of...
Undergraduatekathytheson - Oct 14, 2012 / voteforandy1 - Oct 14, 2012
|'Ambitious goals' - Hofstra University! Educational, professional and personal goals.
NEW - Please help me check this essay with any strict criticism whether grammatically, or just on the essay in general!...
UndergraduateOwnpudi - Oct 14, 2012 / — -
|How do I make this essay special? MIT Attribute Essay
Undergraduateyungmoni - Oct 9, 2012 / yungmoni - Oct 14, 2012
|Fsu Essay learning the importance of learning
2 - I really like the vivid details to brings a nice picture into my head. This is really good. Best...
Undergraduatedaftk - Oct 14, 2012 / princess_molly - Oct 14, 2012
|'Service and relection' - FSU ESSAY
Undergraduatebrookerachelle - Oct 14, 2012 / degenica - Oct 14, 2012
|'Handling one group at a time' - Common App - Evaluate a significant experience
3 - Thank's for the help! Here's my edit: It seemed fairly simple - especially when I only needed...
Undergraduatenanoflame - Oct 14, 2012 / nanoflame - Oct 14, 2012
|Common App/ I have always been a generous person
Undergraduateroot - Oct 13, 2012 / nikapika - Oct 13, 2012
|'Slap slap' / 'Steep mountain' - NYU Undergraduate Short Answer
4 - This place is significant for me because this place symbolizes how far my dad has come in his journey...
UndergraduateJoannaM - Oct 13, 2012 / JoannaM - Oct 13, 2012
|'Prestigious institute with focus on research' - interested in attending Georgia Tech
NEW - Widely revered as a prestigious institute with exceptional focus on research, technology and, above all, innovation, Georgia Tech will...
UndergraduateApolloCreed - Oct 13, 2012 / — -
|'Lucky to be borned in the US in a rich home' - revising my NYU Supplemental
4 - My only worry about this essay is that it doesn't adequately respond to the prompt. The subject matter is...
Undergraduatewesrenxc - Oct 13, 2012 / hr5556 - Oct 13, 2012
|Why GeorgiaTech; I have been doing competitive sports for years; triathlete
UndergraduateLeonunes - Oct 13, 2012 / Leonunes - Oct 13, 2012
|'More about the world' / 'Fluent in Spanish' - exchange year essays
NEW - If you could proof read my essay that would be great. All input is much appreciated. Thanks! Life...
UndergraduateJstuff36 - Oct 13, 2012 / — -
|'Artist's growth' - graphic design essay
2 - The first sentence. One of my friends explained to me how art affected her life, she explained how she...
Undergraduatenikroez - Oct 13, 2012 / Jstuff36 - Oct 13, 2012
|I've caught this cold. MATH, MATH, OH MY GOD, THERE'S SO MUCH MATH.
3 - First of all, thanks for editing mine! Second...I love your essay! I love the "cold" metaphor and eveything that...
UndergraduatecaseySchooling - Oct 11, 2012 / angela0407 - Oct 13, 2012
|'slap' and 'pop' - Common App short answer (Extracurricars)
Undergraduatejineshwar1995 - Oct 12, 2012 / jineshwar1995 - Oct 13, 2012
|'My family's work' - *Extracurricular Activity* INTERNSHIP
2 - Hi, Samantha) You say you want to become a businesswoman, an entrepreneur, right? But in your essay you...
Undergraduateamansam5 - Sep 30, 2012 / KhanhZ - Oct 13, 2012
|'The only one that kept believing in me was my mother' QB Biography Essay.
Undergraduateruhama30 - Sep 28, 2012 / Sweaty123 - Oct 13, 2012
|'my English teacher' - Texas A&M - who has made an impact on your life
Undergraduatechris9 - Oct 12, 2012 / Saintlarrys - Oct 12, 2012
|'an erhu' - Extracrricular activity essay for Common App
3 - Thank you so much for the detailed comments!!! I didn't notice the excess of jargon.And about the begining, I'm...
UndergraduateVeronica9510 - Oct 11, 2012 / Veronica9510 - Oct 12, 2012
|'hard work can pay off and be so rewarding' semester at sea entrance essay
4 - I know you are no longer using this essay, but if you are having trouble starting another, I always...
Undergraduatehjkulik12 - Oct 9, 2012 / caseySchooling - Oct 12, 2012
|'Strenght of cheerleading' - Extracurricular Activity short answer Common App
Undergraduategraby95 - Oct 10, 2012 / jineshwar1995 - Oct 12, 2012
|UT Undergraduate Admissions Essay- Topic B - "An Everlasting Scar"
UndergraduateAPD - Sep 2, 2012 / Dawn22 - Oct 12, 2012
|'society beyond the vegetation' - UVA essay suggestions
2 - like your essay.It's beautifully-written. Good luck with UVA! My suggestions are: 1. Elaborate your opening. Bring the reader in!!...
Undergraduatenix545 - Oct 11, 2012 / angela0407 - Oct 11, 2012
|'Surrounding darkness' - NYU Common App Supplement Question #2
2 - Honestly i think that it is very creative but I feel that it keeps the reader in suspense for...
Undergraduatetnterror - Oct 11, 2012 / karinaestrada16 - Oct 11, 2012
|How debating changed me - Commonapp Extracurricular short essay
4 - Thanks for the feedback. You're right that the passivity of the sentences make them sound weird, but I didn't...
Undergraduatepsam - Oct 10, 2012 / psam - Oct 11, 2012
|"To be a Meteorologist' Common App Essay help? Need an opinion/edit
2 - Your essay Does a lot more telling than showing. You should rewrite it to show instead of tell. For...
Undergraduatejptashenchuk - Oct 11, 2012 / Xmsamurai - Oct 11, 2012
|College admission essay for UIC on the Word "why"
2 - Essay: Why? Is a question that we ask ourselves when we want to discover the world around us....
Undergraduaterougeandroid - Oct 11, 2012 / Perry - Oct 11, 2012
|Unlikely Role Model common app influential person
3 - I agree with root; you need to tell more about how Brock inspired you; be more specific than just...
Undergraduateredmond2929 - Oct 1, 2012 / caseySchooling - Oct 11, 2012
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