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|univ. of maryland supplements; 'The whole is greater than the sum of its parts'
NEW - 4. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.' - Aristotle. The intellectual, social and cultural differences...
Undergraduatechrisgoodhue - Oct 17, 2012 / — -
|'Growing and maturing without a father' - Commonapp PS-feedback
2 - This is a very touching essay. Make sure that it concentrates on how she has changed YOU. I know...
Undergraduatejissica - Oct 16, 2012 / wjbaw - Oct 17, 2012
|Out of these topics I came up with which has potential for an admissions essay?
Undergraduatemattno - Oct 17, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 17, 2012
|'they can be giants one day' - common app essay
Undergraduateangela0407 - Oct 11, 2012 / angela0407 - Oct 17, 2012
|COMMON APP ESSAY - performing and musical theatre is my passion
3 - Your writing skills are very good :) May I ask how do you practice writing essays. If you could...
Undergraduatecayleyc - Sep 22, 2012 / ademcelik - Oct 17, 2012
|Statement of Purpose- Astronomy: A humbling experience
Undergraduatewesleysuhler - Sep 24, 2012 / raiyan - Oct 17, 2012
|'Successful dancer's performance' - NYU supplement "what intrigues you"
2 - Your essay isn't silly at all It shows passion for your culture and something that you have interest in....
UndergraduateJane123 - Oct 16, 2012 / enfren - Oct 16, 2012
|'Obtaining a background in the computing industry' - Cornell Supplmentary
3 - add a short story. what contributes to your huge interest in engineering? just one or two sentence is enough,...
Undergraduatekoreanincambo - Oct 15, 2012 / Jane123 - Oct 16, 2012
|'Evolving through failures into a success' - Common Application Personal Statement
2 - I really like the direction you are going!! I like how you correlate each negative experience with a positive...
Undergraduatetigerlily6 - Oct 2, 2012 / tommyboy614 - Oct 16, 2012
|'An average Mexican restaurant' - COMMON APP- WORK EXPERIENCE
2 - College admin officers always say to "show" what you mean instead of telling. I would recommend telling a story...
Undergraduateaskelliott - Oct 16, 2012 / ldirkx - Oct 16, 2012
|VCU: Pg. 87 Autobiography - 'I have changed immensely'
2 - What kind of challenges? You could say something like "Whether ______ or ________, I have come across some obstacles,...
UndergraduateSunshineCLe - Sep 30, 2012 / mcgreeky - Oct 16, 2012
|'The consequences of being premature' - college influence essay
Undergraduateianthecat - Oct 10, 2012 / ianthecat - Oct 16, 2012
|'Jerry Maguire' - What intrigues you?-NYU essay prompt
Undergraduates_choi - Oct 15, 2012 / admission2012 - Oct 16, 2012
|The Little Things - Harvard Prompt
UndergraduateCIEL - Oct 15, 2012 / CIEL - Oct 16, 2012
|'Drill team try-out' - EXTRACURRICULAR essay
3 - I agree with rxa0789, I would like to see more details about your experience, maybe even a short anecdote?...
Undergraduatekarinaestrada16 - Oct 14, 2012 / jjdeyuyu - Oct 16, 2012
|All About Me Essay
5 - Assalam O Allekum, I am ishtiaque ali student of commerce, my residence town khairpur mir's where I had...
UndergraduateCarolina12510 - Sep 25, 2012 / ishtiaqali - Oct 16, 2012
|Tufts - It's Not Easy Being Green! (Or Is It?) - Optional Essay
UndergraduateIvy_Equestrian - Jan 4, 2010 / Sweaty123 - Oct 16, 2012
|Common App short answer; "the only girl in a soccer team"
4 - I think that the emphasis should be on the fact that you stepped outside of a cultural norm, so...
Undergraduatewinifred - Oct 15, 2012 / hmtatem - Oct 15, 2012
|College Essay A: Adam Savage impacted my life
Undergraduatezkinx6 - Oct 14, 2012 / hmtatem - Oct 15, 2012
|'Yearbook staff and dancing' - COMMON APP
6 - In the first paragraph, you'd better indicate the topic you are gonna talk about. When I read your first...
Undergraduatemdas1313 - Oct 15, 2012 / winifred - Oct 15, 2012
|'I hated her' Indicate a person who has had significance on you and describe
2 - I think that you should change the introduction. It is confusing and I do not know if Marybeth is...
Undergraduatedancer1995 - Oct 15, 2012 / hmtatem - Oct 15, 2012
|'My mom sacrifices for me' A person who has had a significant influence on you essay
4 - the last few sentences are the most important when you talk about the effect she has had on you,...
Undergraduatekelseyy613 - Oct 15, 2012 / MITHopeful - Oct 15, 2012
|'My Pink Partner' Narration and Description for My auto pencil
4 - I did what I could. There still may be errors. Much of this writing is confusing about who/what you...
UndergraduateAlyssa - Oct 15, 2012 / Delxysic - Oct 15, 2012
|Common App Essay - Leadership and Cake
NEW - I whizzed up the staircase, dodging the sea of students descending towards me. Caught up in my thoughts, I...
UndergraduateAanya - Oct 15, 2012 / — -
|UF Essay-Contributing to the campus-unemployment issues
Undergraduateheymishel - Oct 15, 2012 / heymishel - Oct 15, 2012
|'State Track Meet in Triple Jump' - Common App Extracurricular
2 - Five years had passed from when I first stepped onto the runway; since then, I'd grown to love the...
Undergraduatellin - Oct 15, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 15, 2012
|Article on in-kind donation; research on TOMS and similar organizations
Undergraduatechocolatte - Oct 15, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 15, 2012
|I was given a writing prompt on 5 senses...
3 - I would write it as an opinion piece with some description, but it's probably better to ask a classmate...
UndergraduateColey1120 - Oct 14, 2012 / chocolatte - Oct 15, 2012
|'my grandmother' - The Power of Nature vs Nurture/Common App
5 - Like the others, I like your topic:nature vs. nurture. That would be unique and attractive. I think you should...
Undergraduateroot - Sep 25, 2012 / winifred - Oct 15, 2012
|'student council experience extracirricular activity ways I can make it sound better?
3 - Well the activity you have mentioned above is quite a great case for short anwer. You've got enough details...
Undergraduatekoreanincambo - Oct 15, 2012 / CIEL - Oct 15, 2012
|my best friend Bronson - Most influential person
2 - Great essay! I really enjoyed it and it conveyed growth and change. Just a few minor things I would...
Undergraduatejennalyn220 - Oct 15, 2012 / jjdeyuyu - Oct 15, 2012
|Best of Both Worlds - College Essay
Undergraduatejjdeyuyu - Oct 15, 2012 / karinaestrada16 - Oct 15, 2012
|UC Topic 1 - Independent Girl; Describe the world you come from
2 - Work on the beginning of this paper, make it clear what your topic is right away. The part about...
Undergraduatekathytheson - Oct 14, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 15, 2012
|"All Ye Faithful" - UT - Topic B
5 - Hey, thanks for revising my essay.! I have read yours, and here is something that I could think...
UndergraduateAPD - Oct 13, 2012 / ellecc - Oct 15, 2012
|'Asian among the white community' - PERSONAL STATEMENT
3 - Thanks for the feedback! So would you recommend trying to incorporate another anecdote to begin the third paragraph?...
Undergraduatellin - Oct 14, 2012 / llin - Oct 14, 2012
|'I am my own student' - app essay (Georgetown)
3 - Thanks so much for your feedback! I will definitely change the pirate thing, I hadn't thought of that and...
Undergraduateselenaschav - Oct 14, 2012 / selenaschav - Oct 14, 2012
|'Born in America to Indian parents' - UT Austin- Optional Essay (respect)
Undergraduaterxa0789 - Oct 14, 2012 / bryantjet - Oct 14, 2012
|'Engineering and Ping Pong' - Georgia Tech Short Essay
3 - I have to agree with rxa0789; there is a somewhat garrulous aspect of your essay. You just seem to...
Undergraduatesrivatsavt - Oct 1, 2012 / caseySchooling - Oct 14, 2012
|'Swimming is integral' - Common App Extracurricular Short Answer
4 - Thanks, I fixed it up and adding a more concrete example. Can you guys see if this improved? ...
Undergraduatebryantjet - Oct 14, 2012 / bryantjet - Oct 14, 2012
|'write your future roommate a letter' Can someone give comments on my essay?
4 - I don't think this essay answers the question very well. You should just focus on one thing about you...
Undergraduatechristies - Oct 11, 2012 / karinaestrada16 - Oct 14, 2012
|'Hard-working and kind-hearted father' - UT A-Someone who has impacted your life.
Undergraduatekjb8401 - Sep 29, 2012 / rxa0789 - Oct 14, 2012
|Duke Supplement- Arts and Sciences
3 - Duke was not only the first college I visited, but it was the last. There were college tours in...
Undergraduatecollegebound16 - Oct 14, 2012 / Ownpudi - Oct 14, 2012
|Military Academy Nomination Essay; Service. Structure. Ethics. Challenge.
Undergraduatehpdwnsn95 - Oct 14, 2012 / princess_molly - Oct 14, 2012
|'Terrible things in this world' - FSU application essay
2 - I like your personal connection to this essay, I feel like it can be really moving but it's not...
Undergraduatekrovaxx80 - Oct 14, 2012 / hpdwnsn95 - Oct 14, 2012
|Common App Essay - Real Trophies
2 - I absolutely loathed getting trophies every year in recreational league baseball or basketball just for participating. That plastic trophy...
Undergraduatenathancbritt - Oct 14, 2012 / abbieflis - Oct 14, 2012
|FSU - characteristics of mine - "leader"
Undergraduateprincess_molly - Oct 14, 2012 / princess_molly - Oct 14, 2012
|"Claire de Lune"; University of Illinois Personal Statement
2 - harperk0328 I like the theme of your essay, and I get the idea that you're trying to convey but...
Undergraduateharperk0328 - Oct 14, 2012 / hpdwnsn95 - Oct 14, 2012
|'Your interests / Individuality' - Stanford - Roommate letter & What Matters
UndergraduateBirdiee - Sep 25, 2012 / Birdiee - Oct 14, 2012
|'Dear Future Roommate' - GA Tech Application Long Essay
NEW - I need help with grammar, punctuation, and generally anything that can help me make my essay better. Thank you...
Undergraduateanshpatel - Oct 14, 2012 / — -
|'moved to Fukuoka, Japan' - personal statement
2 - This is very good. It really showcases your individuality. However, in the first sentence of the second paragraph you...
Undergraduateellecc - Sep 16, 2012 / collegebound16 - Oct 14, 2012
|Personal Statement - moving to Maryland from Puerto Rico
Undergraduategabrielagrant - Oct 14, 2012 / Ownpudi - Oct 14, 2012
|Common App transfer to Binghamton: Research Assistant
NEW - I'm applying as a transfer student Spring 2013, and I'm hoping anyone could revise my short essay! Any advices...
Undergraduatenailafarhana - Oct 14, 2012 / — -
|why FSU; 'learning is the only way i can better myself and grow as a person'
2 - You need to work on your grammar, capitalization, and punctuation. The reference to Tom the MySpace created is a...
Undergraduatedegenica - Oct 13, 2012 / princess_molly - Oct 14, 2012
|Hanbok - Someone who impacted you
4 - It is answering the prompt, but they want to learn about you and how you think. Your observations of...
Undergraduatekathytheson - Oct 14, 2012 / voteforandy1 - Oct 14, 2012
|'Ambitious goals' - Hofstra University! Educational, professional and personal goals.
NEW - Please help me check this essay with any strict criticism whether grammatically, or just on the essay in general!...
UndergraduateOwnpudi - Oct 14, 2012 / — -
|How do I make this essay special? MIT Attribute Essay
Undergraduateyungmoni - Oct 9, 2012 / yungmoni - Oct 14, 2012
|Fsu Essay learning the importance of learning
2 - I really like the vivid details to brings a nice picture into my head. This is really good. Best...
Undergraduatedaftk - Oct 14, 2012 / princess_molly - Oct 14, 2012
|'Service and relection' - FSU ESSAY
Undergraduatebrookerachelle - Oct 14, 2012 / degenica - Oct 14, 2012
|'Handling one group at a time' - Common App - Evaluate a significant experience
3 - Thank's for the help! Here's my edit: It seemed fairly simple - especially when I only needed...
Undergraduatenanoflame - Oct 14, 2012 / nanoflame - Oct 14, 2012
|Common App/ I have always been a generous person
Undergraduateroot - Oct 13, 2012 / nikapika - Oct 13, 2012
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