|Undergraduate [25,740] - page 158 of 430|
|'moved to Fukuoka, Japan' - personal statement
2 - This is very good. It really showcases your individuality. However, in the first sentence of the second paragraph you...
Undergraduateellecc - Sep 16, 2012 / collegebound16 - Oct 14, 2012
|Personal Statement - moving to Maryland from Puerto Rico
Undergraduategabrielagrant - Oct 14, 2012 / Ownpudi - Oct 14, 2012
|Common App transfer to Binghamton: Research Assistant
NEW - I'm applying as a transfer student Spring 2013, and I'm hoping anyone could revise my short essay! Any advices...
Undergraduatenailafarhana - Oct 14, 2012 / — -
|why FSU; 'learning is the only way i can better myself and grow as a person'
2 - You need to work on your grammar, capitalization, and punctuation. The reference to Tom the MySpace created is a...
Undergraduatedegenica - Oct 13, 2012 / princess_molly - Oct 14, 2012
|Hanbok - Someone who impacted you
4 - It is answering the prompt, but they want to learn about you and how you think. Your observations of...
Undergraduatekathytheson - Oct 14, 2012 / voteforandy1 - Oct 14, 2012
|'Ambitious goals' - Hofstra University! Educational, professional and personal goals.
NEW - Please help me check this essay with any strict criticism whether grammatically, or just on the essay in general!...
UndergraduateOwnpudi - Oct 14, 2012 / — -
|How do I make this essay special? MIT Attribute Essay
Undergraduateyungmoni - Oct 9, 2012 / yungmoni - Oct 14, 2012
|Fsu Essay learning the importance of learning
2 - I really like the vivid details to brings a nice picture into my head. This is really good. Best...
Undergraduatedaftk - Oct 14, 2012 / princess_molly - Oct 14, 2012
|'Service and relection' - FSU ESSAY
Undergraduatebrookerachelle - Oct 14, 2012 / degenica - Oct 14, 2012
|'Handling one group at a time' - Common App - Evaluate a significant experience
3 - Thank's for the help! Here's my edit: It seemed fairly simple - especially when I only needed...
Undergraduatenanoflame - Oct 14, 2012 / nanoflame - Oct 14, 2012
|Common App/ I have always been a generous person
Undergraduateroot - Oct 13, 2012 / nikapika - Oct 13, 2012
|'Slap slap' / 'Steep mountain' - NYU Undergraduate Short Answer
4 - This place is significant for me because this place symbolizes how far my dad has come in his journey...
UndergraduateJoannaM - Oct 13, 2012 / JoannaM - Oct 13, 2012
|'Prestigious institute with focus on research' - interested in attending Georgia Tech
NEW - Widely revered as a prestigious institute with exceptional focus on research, technology and, above all, innovation, Georgia Tech will...
UndergraduateApolloCreed - Oct 13, 2012 / — -
|'Lucky to be borned in the US in a rich home' - revising my NYU Supplemental
4 - My only worry about this essay is that it doesn't adequately respond to the prompt. The subject matter is...
Undergraduatewesrenxc - Oct 13, 2012 / hr5556 - Oct 13, 2012
|Why GeorgiaTech; I have been doing competitive sports for years; triathlete
UndergraduateLeonunes - Oct 13, 2012 / Leonunes - Oct 13, 2012
|'More about the world' / 'Fluent in Spanish' - exchange year essays
NEW - If you could proof read my essay that would be great. All input is much appreciated. Thanks! Life...
UndergraduateJstuff36 - Oct 13, 2012 / — -
|'Artist's growth' - graphic design essay
2 - The first sentence. One of my friends explained to me how art affected her life, she explained how she...
Undergraduatenikroez - Oct 13, 2012 / Jstuff36 - Oct 13, 2012
|I've caught this cold. MATH, MATH, OH MY GOD, THERE'S SO MUCH MATH.
3 - First of all, thanks for editing mine! Second...I love your essay! I love the "cold" metaphor and eveything that...
UndergraduatecaseySchooling - Oct 11, 2012 / angela0407 - Oct 13, 2012
|'slap' and 'pop' - Common App short answer (Extracurricars)
Undergraduatejineshwar1995 - Oct 12, 2012 / jineshwar1995 - Oct 13, 2012
|'My family's work' - *Extracurricular Activity* INTERNSHIP
2 - Hi, Samantha) You say you want to become a businesswoman, an entrepreneur, right? But in your essay you...
Undergraduateamansam5 - Sep 30, 2012 / KhanhZ - Oct 13, 2012
|'The only one that kept believing in me was my mother' QB Biography Essay.
Undergraduateruhama30 - Sep 28, 2012 / Sweaty123 - Oct 13, 2012
|'my English teacher' - Texas A&M - who has made an impact on your life
Undergraduatechris9 - Oct 12, 2012 / Saintlarrys - Oct 12, 2012
|'an erhu' - Extracrricular activity essay for Common App
3 - Thank you so much for the detailed comments!!! I didn't notice the excess of jargon.And about the begining, I'm...
UndergraduateVeronica9510 - Oct 11, 2012 / Veronica9510 - Oct 12, 2012
|'hard work can pay off and be so rewarding' semester at sea entrance essay
4 - I know you are no longer using this essay, but if you are having trouble starting another, I always...
Undergraduatehjkulik12 - Oct 9, 2012 / caseySchooling - Oct 12, 2012
|'Strenght of cheerleading' - Extracurricular Activity short answer Common App
Undergraduategraby95 - Oct 10, 2012 / jineshwar1995 - Oct 12, 2012
|UT Undergraduate Admissions Essay- Topic B - "An Everlasting Scar"
UndergraduateAPD - Sep 2, 2012 / Dawn22 - Oct 12, 2012
|'society beyond the vegetation' - UVA essay suggestions
2 - like your essay.It's beautifully-written. Good luck with UVA! My suggestions are: 1. Elaborate your opening. Bring the reader in!!...
Undergraduatenix545 - Oct 11, 2012 / angela0407 - Oct 11, 2012
|'Surrounding darkness' - NYU Common App Supplement Question #2
2 - Honestly i think that it is very creative but I feel that it keeps the reader in suspense for...
Undergraduatetnterror - Oct 11, 2012 / karinaestrada16 - Oct 11, 2012
|How debating changed me - Commonapp Extracurricular short essay
4 - Thanks for the feedback. You're right that the passivity of the sentences make them sound weird, but I didn't...
Undergraduatepsam - Oct 10, 2012 / psam - Oct 11, 2012
|"To be a Meteorologist' Common App Essay help? Need an opinion/edit
2 - Your essay Does a lot more telling than showing. You should rewrite it to show instead of tell. For...
Undergraduatejptashenchuk - Oct 11, 2012 / Xmsamurai - Oct 11, 2012
|College admission essay for UIC on the Word "why"
2 - Essay: Why? Is a question that we ask ourselves when we want to discover the world around us....
Undergraduaterougeandroid - Oct 11, 2012 / Perry - Oct 11, 2012
|Unlikely Role Model common app influential person
3 - I agree with root; you need to tell more about how Brock inspired you; be more specific than just...
Undergraduateredmond2929 - Oct 1, 2012 / caseySchooling - Oct 11, 2012
|'a script for a Hollywood movie' - Texas A&M
9 - Justin, You are well spoken and have told a wonderful story about the struggles of your father, and I...
UndergraduateJstuff36 - Nov 27, 2011 / Perry - Oct 11, 2012
|'National Institute of Mountaineering' Common App Essay: A significant Experince
4 - The day before, I had a little experiencepracticed a littlethe day before , learning foot and hand placement, but...
UndergraduateKartik - Sep 23, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 11, 2012
|'The electricity in my toes and the tickle in my throat' "Why UChicago?" Short Answer
2 - "it's time for me to direct this current in a new direction" sounds odd, maybe something like "redirect this...
UndergraduateGraceDL - Oct 10, 2012 / ErinEmott - Oct 11, 2012
|'Meddling with Metals'; Columbia Essay: What Attracts Me to Engineering
2 - I think your essay is great! From what I understand, sensory detail is everything, and you have a ton...
UndergraduatecaseySchooling - Oct 11, 2012 / mellycakez - Oct 11, 2012
|'Ideal school / Taiwan professor / Self-employed / Learning' - Syracuse Supplements
2 - The short answer that shows the most concern, to me, is the first. I will summarize your response in...
Undergraduateestherrmao - Oct 10, 2012 / caseySchooling - Oct 11, 2012
|'a woman on the run' - College Personal Statement for Common App
2 - The message of the first is very good, and the anecdotes really personalize the topic, but I prefer the...
Undergraduatemellycakez - Oct 11, 2012 / caseySchooling - Oct 11, 2012
|Common App Essay- A Fictional Character (Hazel Lancaster)
2 - quote=karinaestrada16]Many times in life I found myself complaining or thinking that others had a much better life than I...
Undergraduatekarinaestrada16 - Oct 10, 2012 / GraceDL - Oct 10, 2012
|'Massive and spotless house' - UC Personal statement prompt
Undergraduatejesspa95 - Oct 9, 2012 / jesspa95 - Oct 10, 2012
|'unique heritage and traditions' - Rutgers College Essay
Undergraduatewesrenxc - Oct 8, 2012 / wesrenxc - Oct 10, 2012
|'I was sent to one of the best schools' - world you come from. UC application
Undergraduatetanya kumari - Sep 30, 2012 / kathytheson - Oct 10, 2012
|'Life without music would be a mistake' - NYU Supplement #2 What intrigues you?
4 - i like the concept of the passage, however it is too vague. you often state that music helps you,...
Undergraduatesteveandimrad - Oct 9, 2012 / tnterror - Oct 10, 2012
|'Swim race during summer' - influential person, Saint Joseph's Application
Undergraduateschmitta - Oct 6, 2012 / schmitta - Oct 10, 2012
|'Repairing the Local Area Network' - University of Texas at Austin SOP 2013
UndergraduateLainedeluna - Oct 10, 2012 / Lainedeluna - Oct 10, 2012
|'Rubik's Cube' - Tips for my paragraph?
UndergraduateDcahn - Oct 8, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 10, 2012
|"My heart stood still as Glitch took its first shot"-University of Florida Essay
2 - Facing challenges like this hasshaped and influenced my character, academics, and interests toward an enriching and contributing college career....
UndergraduateGatorBowl - Oct 8, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 10, 2012
|Overall Richness of Campus Life-Michigan State Undergrad Essay
2 - I like what you have written, it is very straightforward. Is there anyway you can include anything about your...
Undergraduateallliemaik - Oct 8, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 10, 2012
|'Fatherly Advice' / 'Learning in Vietnam' - entrance essay A & B
Undergraduatekevin0418 - Oct 8, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 10, 2012
|I'm from Afghanistan and I want to continue my education in a college in the USA
UndergraduateEd49 - Oct 5, 2012 / Ed49 - Oct 10, 2012
|'Chinese bamboo hammers' - extracurricular essay-FINAL
2 - I think that your essay is very well written and captivating. Showing that the yangqin's role is indispensable serves...
Undergraduateangela0407 - Oct 9, 2012 / psam - Oct 10, 2012
|Josh Davis's influence on me/Common App Essay
2 - With your a cap on your word count I tried to only correct and/or modify sentences if it would...
Undergraduateddjohnson95 - Oct 9, 2012 / Lainedeluna - Oct 10, 2012
|'My savior, Jesus Christ' Houghton College: Application Essay
2 - Not a bad start for an essay. I would try and stick more simple sentences. Sometimes short and concise...
Undergraduatecallen32 - Oct 10, 2012 / Lainedeluna - Oct 10, 2012
|Volunteer work. I signed up for Axon 2012 Service Learning. Commonapp 2.0 (be my savior)
2 - Just thought I would add few small corrections. Great essay by the way. These days, it is usualthe...
Undergraduatehoushina - Oct 1, 2012 / Lainedeluna - Oct 10, 2012
|'Overcome my greatest challenge in life: Depression' Five paragraph Impact essay
UndergraduateAndreas Galster - Oct 8, 2012 / Andreas Galster - Oct 10, 2012
|'Love of puzzles' - University of Chicago- Favorites Essay
Undergraduatekalaf - Oct 9, 2012 / SpicyCurryMan - Oct 9, 2012
|'The category of being undecided' - Common App Short Answer for NYU
2 - " I currently fall under the category of being undecided because I am unable to choose a major between...
Undergraduatetnterror - Oct 9, 2012 / steveandimrad - Oct 9, 2012
|'Heap of tears' - past circumstances and experiences impacted who you are - UIUC
2 - I overall liked your essay. But you can definitely shorten it by avoiding less of a summary of the...
Undergraduatevivz - Sep 30, 2012 / steveandimrad - Oct 9, 2012
|'good mystery' - Describe something you secretly like but pretend not to
3 - yungmoni what a wonderful reply! thanks so much. I will definitely have to link you to my draft, almost...
Undergraduatemcgreeky - Oct 8, 2012 / mcgreeky - Oct 9, 2012
|'Dickinson's work' - Message in a bottle - UNC Supplement Essay
UndergraduateGuest - Oct 8, 2012 / kalaf - Oct 9, 2012
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