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|'The electricity in my toes and the tickle in my throat' "Why UChicago?" Short Answer
2 - "it's time for me to direct this current in a new direction" sounds odd, maybe something like "redirect this...
UndergraduateGraceDL - Oct 10, 2012 / ErinEmott - Oct 11, 2012
|'Meddling with Metals'; Columbia Essay: What Attracts Me to Engineering
2 - I think your essay is great! From what I understand, sensory detail is everything, and you have a ton...
UndergraduatecaseySchooling - Oct 11, 2012 / mellycakez - Oct 11, 2012
|'Ideal school / Taiwan professor / Self-employed / Learning' - Syracuse Supplements
2 - The short answer that shows the most concern, to me, is the first. I will summarize your response in...
Undergraduateestherrmao - Oct 10, 2012 / caseySchooling - Oct 11, 2012
|'a woman on the run' - College Personal Statement for Common App
2 - The message of the first is very good, and the anecdotes really personalize the topic, but I prefer the...
Undergraduatemellycakez - Oct 11, 2012 / caseySchooling - Oct 11, 2012
|Common App Essay- A Fictional Character (Hazel Lancaster)
2 - quote=karinaestrada16]Many times in life I found myself complaining or thinking that others had a much better life than I...
Undergraduatekarinaestrada16 - Oct 10, 2012 / GraceDL - Oct 10, 2012
|'Massive and spotless house' - UC Personal statement prompt
Undergraduatejesspa95 - Oct 9, 2012 / jesspa95 - Oct 10, 2012
|'unique heritage and traditions' - Rutgers College Essay
Undergraduatewesrenxc - Oct 8, 2012 / wesrenxc - Oct 10, 2012
|'I was sent to one of the best schools' - world you come from. UC application
Undergraduatetanya kumari - Sep 30, 2012 / kathytheson - Oct 10, 2012
|'Life without music would be a mistake' - NYU Supplement #2 What intrigues you?
4 - i like the concept of the passage, however it is too vague. you often state that music helps you,...
Undergraduatesteveandimrad - Oct 9, 2012 / tnterror - Oct 10, 2012
|'Swim race during summer' - influential person, Saint Joseph's Application
Undergraduateschmitta - Oct 6, 2012 / schmitta - Oct 10, 2012
|'Repairing the Local Area Network' - University of Texas at Austin SOP 2013
UndergraduateLainedeluna - Oct 10, 2012 / Lainedeluna - Oct 10, 2012
|'Rubik's Cube' - Tips for my paragraph?
UndergraduateDcahn - Oct 8, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 10, 2012
|"My heart stood still as Glitch took its first shot"-University of Florida Essay
2 - Facing challenges like this hasshaped and influenced my character, academics, and interests toward an enriching and contributing college career....
UndergraduateGatorBowl - Oct 8, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 10, 2012
|Overall Richness of Campus Life-Michigan State Undergrad Essay
2 - I like what you have written, it is very straightforward. Is there anyway you can include anything about your...
Undergraduateallliemaik - Oct 8, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 10, 2012
|'Fatherly Advice' / 'Learning in Vietnam' - entrance essay A & B
Undergraduatekevin0418 - Oct 8, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 10, 2012
|I'm from Afghanistan and I want to continue my education in a college in the USA
UndergraduateEd49 - Oct 5, 2012 / Ed49 - Oct 10, 2012
|'Chinese bamboo hammers' - extracurricular essay-FINAL
2 - I think that your essay is very well written and captivating. Showing that the yangqin's role is indispensable serves...
Undergraduateangela0407 - Oct 9, 2012 / psam - Oct 10, 2012
|Josh Davis's influence on me/Common App Essay
2 - With your a cap on your word count I tried to only correct and/or modify sentences if it would...
Undergraduateddjohnson95 - Oct 9, 2012 / Lainedeluna - Oct 10, 2012
|'My savior, Jesus Christ' Houghton College: Application Essay
2 - Not a bad start for an essay. I would try and stick more simple sentences. Sometimes short and concise...
Undergraduatecallen32 - Oct 10, 2012 / Lainedeluna - Oct 10, 2012
|Volunteer work. I signed up for Axon 2012 Service Learning. Commonapp 2.0 (be my savior)
2 - Just thought I would add few small corrections. Great essay by the way. These days, it is usualthe...
Undergraduatehoushina - Oct 1, 2012 / Lainedeluna - Oct 10, 2012
|'Overcome my greatest challenge in life: Depression' Five paragraph Impact essay
UndergraduateAndreas Galster - Oct 8, 2012 / Andreas Galster - Oct 10, 2012
|'Love of puzzles' - University of Chicago- Favorites Essay
Undergraduatekalaf - Oct 9, 2012 / SpicyCurryMan - Oct 9, 2012
|'The category of being undecided' - Common App Short Answer for NYU
2 - " I currently fall under the category of being undecided because I am unable to choose a major between...
Undergraduatetnterror - Oct 9, 2012 / steveandimrad - Oct 9, 2012
|'Heap of tears' - past circumstances and experiences impacted who you are - UIUC
2 - I overall liked your essay. But you can definitely shorten it by avoiding less of a summary of the...
Undergraduatevivz - Sep 30, 2012 / steveandimrad - Oct 9, 2012
|'good mystery' - Describe something you secretly like but pretend not to
3 - yungmoni what a wonderful reply! thanks so much. I will definitely have to link you to my draft, almost...
Undergraduatemcgreeky - Oct 8, 2012 / mcgreeky - Oct 9, 2012
|'Dickinson's work' - Message in a bottle - UNC Supplement Essay
UndergraduateGuest - Oct 8, 2012 / kalaf - Oct 9, 2012
|USC - Seoul's Secret Experience
7 - Don't listen to me,I suddenly feel it is unnecessary for you to read the story,let's make things simpler,I just...
Undergraduatekathytheson - Oct 7, 2012 / Jue - Oct 9, 2012
|I'm just one person for a 7 billion; Common Application Essay prompt - Diversity
3 - Thank you so much for your help. I have edited my essay and your points have really helped me...
Undergraduateavishagopal - Oct 8, 2012 / avishagopal - Oct 9, 2012
|Tell me about your self - essay type for application job...
2 - My name is Ryan B. Cuizon Jr. and I live in Ph.5 Bagong Silang Caloocan City. I graduated infrom...
UndergraduateJhe_aR28 - Oct 8, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 8, 2012
|'Fears of hospitals' - motivation towards becoming a Physicians Assistant
2 - She worked long hours, which gave me ample time after school to explore the hospital while waiting to go...
Undergraduatelknighton - Oct 8, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 8, 2012
|'The world of cinematograph did not let me go'
2 - Firstly I perceived the sense of at-oneness with cinematograph quite early - in the very childhood. This may sound...
UndergraduateSandra050895 - Oct 7, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 8, 2012
|Literacy rate of Pakistan -local, national, or international concern
2 - The literacy rate of Pakistan is hardly 45 percentage . You could say it like this: "In the country...
Undergraduateshiza - Oct 8, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 8, 2012
|'My passion for speed' UC Personal Statement Prompt 1
2 - August 3, 2011, a drunk driver hopped into the driver seat, ignited the engine, and recklessly drifted out of...
Undergraduatestevenlee973 - Oct 7, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 8, 2012
|Dream Odyssey, Desperation and Inspiration-Columbia GS Autobiographical Essay
2 - Emerson said, "The sun illuminates only the eye of man, but shines into the heart of the child." This...
UndergraduateOhPolly - Oct 8, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 8, 2012
|'Successful godmother of mine' - UT AUSTIN FRESHMAN ESSAY A
2 - I am writing about my godmother. She comes from a successful family, but she does not act like it....
Undergraduate123CBale - Oct 8, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 8, 2012
|"Hail! Hail! To Michigan" - Why U of M? Supplement Essay
2 - "Hail! Hail! To Michigan, The leaders and the best!" It is a powerful refrain. I would be honored to...
Undergraduateabbieflis - Oct 7, 2012 / angela0407 - Oct 8, 2012
|'upbeat and tough girl' / 'Chinese dulcimer' / 'School model' - extracurriculal
Undergraduateangela0407 - Oct 1, 2012 / angela0407 - Oct 8, 2012
|'multicultural atmosphere to explore' - essay to Rutgers
2 - Remember, colleges see your achievements and activities in your application - talk about YOU, not what they've already seen...
Undergraduateeliand - Oct 7, 2012 / Guest - Oct 8, 2012
|<I'm a birdbrain> - Stanford intellectual vitality essay
5 - I suggest making the conclusion more emphatic. I was captivated by the first sentence, but then my interest in...
UndergraduateBirdiee - Sep 16, 2012 / SpicyCurryMan - Oct 7, 2012
|My Biographical Essay; 'my mom in a hysterical state of mind'
4 - I think that you were effective in how you presented this essay. It should be more straight to the...
UndergraduateGuest - Sep 23, 2012 / SpicyCurryMan - Oct 7, 2012
|I believe in the power of art and the capacity of creative expression
Undergraduateviocity - Oct 7, 2012 / sillyxo - Oct 7, 2012
|Eager Cops - Issue of Importance
2 - I share your concern about overzealous police officers and I like your conversational method. It is engaging and easy...
Undergraduatekathytheson - Oct 7, 2012 / AustinArtist - Oct 7, 2012
|Common App Activities Short Answer; 'My fingers rested on button'
4 - I am fortunate to have enjoyed such a great intellectual experience and watch as my team overcame adversity with...
Undergraduatesstarfish117 - Oct 7, 2012 / jonesyboi - Oct 7, 2012
|One year left... very different from the rest. What will I do without sports?
Undergraduatemseiter - Oct 7, 2012 / mseiter - Oct 7, 2012
|Momma's Boy- Common App Essay; 'We have the same mannerisms, facial expressions'
4 - Be careful with this essay... It seems slightly generic. Imagine how many other people love their moms and how...
Undergraduatejonesyboi - Oct 7, 2012 / Xmsamurai - Oct 7, 2012
|UF - "The Road Less Travelled"
Undergraduatedrewwuetcher - Sep 23, 2012 / kathytheson - Oct 7, 2012
|New York University Supp.: What intrigues you? My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
Undergraduaterebecahj - Oct 5, 2012 / taylerevans - Oct 7, 2012
|FTIC Howard University Essay - What makes you, you. Your strengths and weaknesses.
2 - Hello, I'm applying for the same thing! lol I love Howard University. Where did you find this prompt? Online...
UndergraduateDaeJhaDeyonnia - Sep 29, 2012 / amani3295 - Oct 7, 2012
|'America, the melting pot' + 'The right college' - UCF application essays
3 - #2 How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are? A lot of people believe...
UndergraduateThreeFive2Hood - Sep 23, 2012 / sstarfish117 - Oct 7, 2012
|'Are you Chinese or Japanese?' Personal Statement for MSU
Undergraduatekutiki0326yu - Oct 6, 2012 / Birdiee - Oct 6, 2012
|'Mixed Martial Arts accentuated my passion and desire as a future physical therapist'
Undergraduatetyson2109 - Oct 6, 2012 / — -
|'Educate and don't end up like me' - QuestBridge Biographical
2 - Just some changes. I also took out a couple things. "Whatever you do, Paul, make sure that you...
Undergraduatecollege123 - Sep 18, 2012 / Yoshimama - Oct 6, 2012
|'The impact of a friend' - Texas Common App Essay Topic - A
3 - I lived the moment, lived recklessly reckless, and lived carefree of the future. I could only feel the shamed...
Undergraduate3psilon - Sep 25, 2012 / lklklk124 - Oct 6, 2012
|Transfer Essay for St. Mary's College of California
2 - Im sorry if I sound mean but this essay sounds really cliche try to think of a different idea....
Undergraduateahanusek - Sep 24, 2012 / Amzad123 - Oct 5, 2012
|"House Fire" - Common APP ESSAY
2 - I think it's a great topic, but there are some minor adjustments you should make. It helps to start...
UndergraduateVcP19 - Oct 5, 2012 / barbied - Oct 5, 2012
|'How would you benefit from and contribute to...' - Rutgers Essay
2 - You were, in fact, living in a diverse community. You argued that yourself when you wrote about the differences...
Undergraduatetiffanybrown - Oct 3, 2012 / BachChaconne2 - Oct 5, 2012
|'I joined Karate' Common App Bio Essay 1
2 - this is another essay i wrote im thinking of writing this instead of the other one. Its the same...
Undergraduatenadia567 - Sep 28, 2012 / nadia567 - Oct 5, 2012
|The most important decision that I have ever made was to study in U.S as an international student.
UndergraduateJackson94 - Sep 25, 2012 / dumi - Oct 5, 2012
|'a part of the band' - Common app: extracurricular essay
Undergraduatesarah2013 - Oct 4, 2012 / EF_Susan - Oct 4, 2012
|'I struggled with depression. It affected every aspect of my life'
2 - Because of this child, I was able to overcome my depression and make mebecome a more positive, motivated individual....
Undergraduateandshewashappy8 - Sep 30, 2012 / EF_Susan - Oct 4, 2012
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