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|'She is a full-time CNA' - a person/woman I admire
UndergraduateCookie - Aug 22, 2012 / beibeibajin - Aug 23, 2012
|'my identity is not lost' - The best outcome for a Personal Statement
2 - Hello Tyresha, Best essay I have read so far this admissions Cycle. Congrats! Your essay masterfully combines a...
Undergraduatelivetink - Aug 22, 2012 / admission2012 - Aug 22, 2012
|Common App Long Essay about immigration and global community
UndergraduateDeNeil10 - Aug 22, 2012 / dixiej - Aug 22, 2012
|'learning, caring and global awareness' effectiveness of my Florida State Admissions
2 - Because of this attitude, leaders attract like minded people who support ideas and movements, and from these people, positive...
Undergraduatethenugey - Aug 21, 2012 / EF_Susan - Aug 22, 2012
|Lessons in Life; my academic/personal journey to academic succes. transfer essay
UndergraduateBianca - Aug 21, 2012 / admission2012 - Aug 22, 2012
|Common App - 'Ty demands and receives respect' - influential person
4 - Great start, but you don't show how Ty has influenced you. Briefly talk about Ty's career and talk more...
Undergraduatedixiej - Aug 21, 2012 / 13Oseik - Aug 22, 2012
|'A long and painful journey' - Personal Statement- Med School Add. Esaay.
3 - Hi, Thank you so much for your time and your help. Appreciated. I will definitely try to incorporate...
Undergraduatecsok - Aug 22, 2012 / csok - Aug 22, 2012
|'short four-hour bus ride, Maryland' - FIT Undergrad
Undergraduatelaurjacks - Aug 20, 2012 / Liebe - Aug 22, 2012
|"Changing Attitudes"- UT admission
Undergraduatefrizzoe - Aug 21, 2012 / Liebe - Aug 22, 2012
|'Be happy with what you already have' - Essay A for UT austin
2 - Hello, Pan) Babies are cute and simple, but there is a thing I can't agree with you about babies,...
Undergraduatebp9594 - Aug 21, 2012 / KhanhZ - Aug 21, 2012
|"Acceptance and Trust" - personal quality, contribution, etc.
3 - HI~~ I personally think that it would be the best if you use other pronouns instead of "you," or...
Undergraduatecherry_09 - Aug 18, 2012 / ginaJ - Aug 21, 2012
|'I had to work harder' - Undergrad Entry Essay
3 - Yeah, I agree with the previous comment. To be honest, I did not know that your essay, was an...
Undergraduatebigboi403 - Jul 24, 2012 / Debbycorner - Aug 21, 2012
|'He is my step dad' - Somenone who has had a significant influence on you
UndergraduateJenix - Aug 21, 2012 / Jenix - Aug 21, 2012
|'still indecisive' - Duke University Supplement Essay
2 - Hello Erin, Great start to this essay! It hits the major aspects that Duke will look for. The...
Undergraduateairinnful - Aug 21, 2012 / admission2012 - Aug 21, 2012
|William and Mary Essay - Macaroni and Cheese (addiction essay)
Undergraduatelexi214 - Aug 19, 2012 / admission2012 - Aug 21, 2012
|'Punch. Kick. Kick. Repeat' - briefly elaborate on one of your activities
14 - Nancy, thanks a lot, but the limit includes spaces as well, so I can't add anything, only revise...
UndergraduateKhanhZ - Aug 5, 2012 / KhanhZ - Aug 21, 2012
|'Fusion energy ' - ISSUE OF IMPORTANCE FOR UT
Undergraduateadaveago - Aug 20, 2012 / admission2012 - Aug 21, 2012
|'Years of rowing' - UVA - My Favorite Word and Why? (250 words)
NEW - Hey EF, Here is my response for UVA's favorite word supplement essay. I think that it needs a...
Undergraduateyungmoni - Aug 21, 2012 / — -
|Outcast -Admission essay to UT, issue of importance
2 - Hello Amanda, As I have stated in several other posts, applicants need to be as unique as possible....
Undergraduatewelc2774 - Aug 20, 2012 / admission2012 - Aug 20, 2012
|"go where life leads you but never forget" - being a part of two cultures
2 - Hello, This essay is pretty good. It is original and get's your point across. The only feedback I...
Undergraduatenfs1994 - Aug 20, 2012 / admission2012 - Aug 20, 2012
|My Goals in Life - Flagler College Admission Essay
2 - As I'm myself new here and younger than you, according to your post, I'll just point out a few...
Undergraduatekbeeck - Aug 20, 2012 / stephenie - Aug 20, 2012
|'interested in current events' - UMD Supplement- Citizen Journalism 300 words
2 - It was with this story that made me realize that any individual could influence public opinion by the manner...
UndergraduateJonessayslayer - Aug 19, 2012 / EF_Susan - Aug 20, 2012
|Common App Short Answer- Guitar and Exposure to Jazz in Music Club
2 - I really like it! You explain everything in full details, well done! I wouldn't add or suppress anything....
UndergraduateBluesPresidente - Aug 20, 2012 / db2730 - Aug 20, 2012
|'human beings love to talk' - UMD Supplement Self-Expression Essay 300 words
2 - I think you definitely accomplished what you set out to do: express importance of free speech and tie it...
UndergraduateJonessayslayer - Aug 19, 2012 / BluesPresidente - Aug 20, 2012
|'what I've done in my high school time" - Something about yourself... Penn State
9 - Hi @dumi and everyone else, I've been super busy lately so I didnt have time to go to essayforum....
Undergraduatenhuvuong - Jun 17, 2012 / nhuvuong - Aug 19, 2012
|Hedy Lamarr, the Actress and Inventor (Write about a person who influences you)
UndergraduateHimekoY - Aug 13, 2012 / HimekoY - Aug 19, 2012
|'Fried Chicken' - Significant Events That Have Defined You
3 - Thanks Jennifer. :D I followed your suggestions before I submitted my paper. I hope they will be. My future...
Undergraduateena_anda - Aug 6, 2012 / ena_anda - Aug 19, 2012
|"FIRE!" - QB ESSAY
UndergraduateMarkiaSmith - Aug 17, 2012 / minam - Aug 18, 2012
|"Satisfy" -----describe the world you came from
NEW - Prompt #1 (freshman applicants) Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school -...
UndergraduateginaJ - Aug 18, 2012 / — -
|'AP Chemistry Class' - Significant Person Influence - Common App Essay
2 - As I walked down the halls of Benjamin N. Cardozo High School during my junior year, I was anticipating...
Undergraduateazndemon0627 - Aug 17, 2012 / mohammad007 - Aug 18, 2012
|Columbia Common App- Naguib Mahfouz
Undergraduaterehabaw - Aug 17, 2012 / ah_zafari - Aug 17, 2012
|the "Barnardian" title - Barnard Transfer Essay
3 - Hello Jessica, There are several major issues with this draft. It is almost as though you have written...
UndergraduateChiaroscuro_jr - Aug 14, 2012 / admission2012 - Aug 16, 2012
|'the mascot of Olin was a phoenix' - Supplement- Is Olin a good fit for you? WHY?
3 - This is a great essay! A few comments: -You might want to spell out NIST -Replace hyphens with...
UndergraduateJonessayslayer - Aug 16, 2012 / tracked89 - Aug 16, 2012
|Common App extracurricular: Volunteering at a Hospice
4 - Thanks for the edits! I completely agree with Kevin and I tried to revamp my essay. Here is a...
Undergraduatetracked89 - Aug 16, 2012 / tracked89 - Aug 16, 2012
|'multiple events serving my community' - FSU admission essay 2012
UndergraduateJazmine21 - Aug 16, 2012 / Jazmine21 - Aug 16, 2012
|'Having a dream of becoming a doctor' - essay I want to become a...
Undergraduatestephenie - Aug 16, 2012 / — -
|My step-dads influence made me who i am- UF prompt feedback
UndergraduateAvera214 - Aug 16, 2012 / Jonessayslayer - Aug 16, 2012
|'Psychologist, Criminal Investigator or Lawyer' - Bio Essay Admission
UndergraduateTaylorGang013 - Aug 16, 2012 / Jonessayslayer - Aug 16, 2012
|HMC FAST Essay--What do I hope to gain from my college experience?
2 - I am expecting college to be a positive experience for me that will help shape me and allow me...
UndergraduateBirdiee - Aug 12, 2012 / EF_Susan - Aug 16, 2012
|'the Greek goddess Nike' - First University Admission Essay EVER
UndergraduateTrishishness - Aug 11, 2012 / EF_Susan - Aug 16, 2012
|'my relationship to my brother' - Essay about someone who impacted your life.
2 - Good start. I would suggest trying to dumb this down a little bit and breaking up your thoughts into...
UndergraduateXeltar - Aug 16, 2012 / skeays - Aug 16, 2012
|'still growing and learning' - ACET application essay
2 - First of all, though I doubt most people reading your essay would know, Nelson Mandela never said that quote...
UndergraduateAuRyou - Aug 11, 2012 / Xeltar - Aug 16, 2012
|'there are many more mountains to climb' - University of washington Personal Essay
2 - ^Reads like a forced quote, and everything that proceeds it is rather cliched for my liking. Basically, a dull...
Undergraduatemrodz032 - Aug 8, 2012 / Liebe - Aug 16, 2012
|'more in-depth learning process' - Optional Harvard Essay
2 - I had trouble understanding the first five sentences of your essay. Not because of the quality of English, but...
Undergraduatecollege123 - Aug 14, 2012 / Liebe - Aug 16, 2012
|'Playing Table Tennis' - Significant Experience/accomplishments
3 - Hello Mariel, Is this essay for University Admissions? If so, you need to shift focus. As it stands...
Undergraduatetazmania123 - Aug 15, 2012 / admission2012 - Aug 16, 2012
|'civilization indulges in its past glories' - UChiago's essay choice No1
2 - Hello Chen After reading just the first few sentences of your essay I can assure you that the...
Undergraduateivorchen - Aug 16, 2012 / admission2012 - Aug 16, 2012
|'Dreams can come true' - The Fashion Institute of Design
Undergraduatemedelesteph - Aug 16, 2012 / — -
|'a small, close-nit suburb' - Pitt Supplemental Essay
2 - Rather than say "basic tasks", I would say something pertaining to the fact that they were mundane, but vital....
UndergraduateAnonymous001 - Aug 14, 2012 / skeays - Aug 15, 2012
|"M Last Strings" - Common app essay #1
12 - Nice work on using imagery. The transition is not quite well, as I had been expecting. But all in...
Undergraduateedladue - Aug 6, 2012 / Finn Beezus - Aug 15, 2012
|'the idea of serving my country' - United States Naval Academy essay
2 - For years the idea of serving my country has appealed greatly to me. This is partially due to spending...
Undergraduatecbraunstein - Aug 7, 2012 / Anonymous001 - Aug 14, 2012
|'to make him happy' - my environment and influences, UC personal statement
Undergraduateirenexpark - Aug 14, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Aug 14, 2012
|DRAMATIC WRITING/FILM AND TELEVISION STATEMENT OF PURPOSE FOR SCAD.
Undergraduateaperkins95 - Aug 14, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Aug 14, 2012
|'strength buried deep inside me' - Howard University Transfer Admissions
NEW - HI, Im posting because as of right now I am attending Valencia College to start my freshman year over...
Undergraduateamayes24261 - Aug 14, 2012 / — -
|'the struggles my family faced' - My Ethical dilemma
Undergraduatemsrunnergrl - Jul 29, 2012 / msrunnergrl - Aug 14, 2012
|'Christine's poison' - Common App Personal Essay
Undergraduatemjd2195 - Aug 14, 2012 / mjd2195 - Aug 14, 2012
|'love for fixing things' Common App experience, risk, achievement
UndergraduateFaraz123 - Aug 13, 2012 / Faraz123 - Aug 14, 2012
|'Playing softball' - CommonApp - Short Answer Essay on Extracurricular
3 - When I grow older and recall fond memories of growing up, I'll always remember the days I spent covered...
UndergraduateAshieeNicole - Aug 14, 2012 / tallship - Aug 14, 2012
|'killing two birds...' - How I overcame financial difficulty over my life
Undergraduatedobalilago - Aug 13, 2012 / peaceyall - Aug 14, 2012
|'it was a mistake' / 'life is what you make of it' - UCF-Two College Admission Essays
NEW - Both of my essays are about 800 words combined. I have to get rid of about 350 words. Please...
UndergraduateKimT - Aug 14, 2012 / — -
|'Have not quit playing the piano' - Common App Personal Essay - Music
NEW - I was 10 years old, and I could have quit piano without a second thought. I had first started...
Undergraduatetallship - Aug 14, 2012 / — -
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