|Undergraduate [25,738] - page 17 of 429|
|Computer screens give me energy: NYU Application
Undergraduatebb1707150 - Jan 2, 2017 / Holt - Jan 2, 2017
|Linguistics, cognitive science, and diversity - "right college environment" Cornell Supplement
2 - Kevin, in order to call yourself a polyglot, you need to know at least 7 distinct languages. You need...
Undergraduatekc1099 - Jan 2, 2017 / Holt - Jan 2, 2017
|My musical journey provided me an alternate world - common app essay about music
3 - Justin, you need to clarify why you lost the drive to play the guitar in the first place. You...
Undergraduateicyasher - Jan 2, 2017 / Holt - Jan 2, 2017
|Columbia is in one of the most happening and amazing cities in the world
3 - Saransh, before you work on revising the content of your essay, I would like to call your attention to...
Undergraduateinanutshell - Jan 2, 2017 / Holt - Jan 2, 2017
|Lafayette supplemental essay: I read so I can listen
12 - Khoa, split the second paragraph into 2. There are two topics being discussed in one paragraph. So take the...
Undergraduatengokhoa99 - Dec 30, 2016 / Holt - Jan 2, 2017
|Something thay didn't go according the plan
4 - You should develop the problem and the lesson learned in an equal manner. One cannot be more important than...
Undergraduaternsnz18 - Jan 2, 2017 / Holt - Jan 2, 2017
|High School Fair - Extracurricular Activity Supplement
7 - Kelly, this is pretty solid revision for your response. For the prompt that require 150 words maximum, this works...
Undergraduatekzhang7498 - Dec 31, 2016 / Holt - Jan 2, 2017
|An unknown place, where I was born. Writing Cornell supplement essay.
5 - Khusel, you have written a very interesting personal statement. It is engaging and introduces you to the reviewer in...
UndergraduateNuverte0452 - Jan 1, 2017 / Holt - Jan 2, 2017
|The generally apathetic CMU supplement essasy
2 - Adam, your whole essay does not properly represent the required information based on the prompt requirements. You have decided...
UndergraduateLoneLee - Jan 2, 2017 / Holt - Jan 2, 2017
|Performing surgeries sparks my curiosity - exploring interests at the UPenn
2 - Shizumi, you can actually free up more of the word requirement to use in developing other aspects of your...
UndergraduateShizumi - Jan 1, 2017 / Holt - Jan 2, 2017
|Amazing student to faculty ratio and many other reasons - what great at Swarthmore
4 - Aime, here is the thing. Your essay says nothing but the common known information about Swarthmore. This essay will...
UndergraduateAmatis250 - Jan 1, 2017 / Holt - Jan 2, 2017
|From the clunky weirdo with ADHD to a dedicated student and a fulfilled musician.
8 - There is still the question of excess energy that your mother wished you would get rid of by playing...
UndergraduateQisiel - Dec 31, 2016 / Holt - Jan 2, 2017
|It's a school like no other / the world of jazz. Common App for Lafayette College
3 - I agree with @Bennyoooo I felt like your first essay was more of a "describe your extra-curriculars" than...
UndergraduateNickNack - Jan 2, 2017 / kc1099 - Jan 2, 2017
|Dual identity of Asian-American (Princeton Supplement)
10 - @Holt Thank you so much for these suggestions, Holt, your advice has really helped me mold my essay into...
Undergraduatekc1099 - Dec 31, 2016 / kc1099 - Jan 2, 2017
|"Temporary" feelings. UVA "What is your favorite word and why?" Is it too silly and over dramatic?
Undergraduatejennaz - Jan 1, 2017 / jennaz - Jan 1, 2017
|I saw how Barnard transformed young women into leaders. Barnard Supplement: Why Barnard?
2 - @mtaban Hey! Wow its great that you found a college suited for you! I really loved your statement, very...
Undergraduatemtaban - Jan 1, 2017 / saphire98 - Jan 1, 2017
|My struggling... culture shock? multicultural? Personal importance thing
Undergraduatelisa21e - Jan 1, 2017 / lisa21e - Jan 1, 2017
|Common App Essay. Computer Crash and the Best Education
Undergraduatehermean - Jan 1, 2017 / hermean - Jan 1, 2017
|Cross country race - high hopes and no success. Common App Personal Essay
4 - @Shyboy112 "Nonetheless, I stood up as fast as I could because you have to finish what you started "....
UndergraduateShyboy112 - Dec 31, 2016 / hermean - Jan 1, 2017
|The car I was in flipped three times and hit a tree - common app essay prompt # 5
3 - Breiar, this is definitely not a transition to adulthood story. I do not know what ever made you think...
UndergraduateBreg123 - Dec 31, 2016 / Holt - Jan 1, 2017
|Five days which taught me a lot. Cornell ILR program-- Why Cornell??
2 - Katie, this particular presentation is preventing you from properly developing the discussion as to how Cornell ILR will help...
Undergraduatescgoalie00 - Dec 31, 2016 / Holt - Jan 1, 2017
|Pitzer, what's next? College Supplemental - Pitzer's 5 Core Values
3 - Breonna, you can free up word count to further develop your concluding statement if you totally eliminate the current...
Undergraduatebosuegbu - Dec 31, 2016 / Holt - Jan 1, 2017
|"Thud!" My last throw. COMMON APP Personal Statement
3 - Ivan, what exactly are the instructions for this personal statement? I am not sure what the relevance of the...
Undergraduateliujho - Dec 31, 2016 / Holt - Jan 1, 2017
|Dualities permeate my existence. Common App Promp #1-College Essay
3 - Thu, remove the paragraph that discusses religion. Since you are trying to get into a university in the United...
Undergraduatethukim - Dec 31, 2016 / Holt - Jan 1, 2017
|An essay that shows why I am going to be a great participant for the UGRAD scholarship
4 - Ahmed, you make mention of volunteering at organizations that helped you to participate in various programs related to cultural...
Undergraduateahmed hawila - Dec 30, 2016 / Holt - Jan 1, 2017
|Personal statement: Lessons learnt from baking
7 - This is an acceptable revision. I particularly like how you were able to insert the Costco conversation at the...
Undergraduatejcgdbb - Dec 29, 2016 / Holt - Jan 1, 2017
|This tragic moment granted something inside of me - background statement
5 - Seble, the essay doesn't make any sense. It is not really a background essay, nor is it an ideology...
Undergraduateseble - Dec 31, 2016 / Holt - Jan 1, 2017
|Barnard supplement- possibly too obscure; questionable structure? too idolizing?
Undergraduateagoldie - Dec 31, 2016 / Holt - Jan 1, 2017
|Barnard Supplements - my need to be in an empowering, tight knit community of ambitious women
3 - Anna, this essay sounds more like an outline draft than an actual response to the prompt. You must refrain...
Undergraduateagoldie - Dec 31, 2016 / Holt - Jan 1, 2017
|A plethora of opportunities - NYU SUPPLEMENTAL ESSAY (WHY NYU?)
4 - Kamaljot, do your best to avoid the most common answers regarding why you would choose to study at NYU....
Undergraduatekkaur199 - Dec 31, 2016 / Holt - Jan 1, 2017
|'a very fitting school academically and socially for me' - Georgia Tech Supplemental Essay
3 - Jason, I believe that your essay is highly informative in terms of what attracts you to the university. The...
UndergraduateExtraRicePlz - Dec 31, 2016 / Holt - Jan 1, 2017
|Operation: Duke Supplementary Essay For Trinity College of Arts & Sciences!
10 - Emily, you can totally remove the reference to Operation in the essay. Since you only have 150 words to...
Undergraduateemilyle206 - Dec 31, 2016 / Holt - Jan 1, 2017
|Rice Personal Perspective Essay- My dad's alcoholism
5 - Devin, the introduction to the day that you have int he first paragraph is totally unnecessary. That is because...
UndergraduateDevnater - Jan 1, 2017 / Holt - Jan 1, 2017
|Waterloo AIF- My goals and interest and my reason for choosing Waterloo
3 - @Hthmn Thanks for the advice. In my answer to the first question I have talked about the university with...
UndergraduateChibi1 - Dec 31, 2016 / Chibi1 - Jan 1, 2017
|Harvard Supplemental - branching out from my academic comfortable zone
2 - Breonna, don't worry about the structure. The essay has a solid foundation that clearly shows a sense of logic...
Undergraduatebosuegbu - Jan 1, 2017 / Holt - Jan 1, 2017
|Yale's short supplements: econ, ethics and politics; financial crisis Yale course
3 - i agree with the above comment, you could be much more concise about your father's situation to have room...
UndergraduateTVLAERE - Jan 1, 2017 / bosuegbu - Jan 1, 2017
|Uniting people to gather their opinion about biochemistry
3 - @hartmanj684 Thank you! You make great points! I see the direction I want to go for this essay now,...
UndergraduateShizumi - Jan 1, 2017 / Shizumi - Jan 1, 2017
|An incident that happened two months back. LESSONS FROM FAILURE (COMM APP)
7 - @Holt Thank you very much for your review and I will take of the company story from the essay....
Undergraduatebarry - Dec 30, 2016 / barry - Dec 31, 2016
|BUSINESS STRATEGIES AND TRADITIONS. College search - UPenn supplement essay
Undergraduatealexgzm - Dec 29, 2016 / alexgzm - Dec 31, 2016
|Beethoven's Opus 109 - Stanford Essay - Intellectual Development
9 - Donut, I believe that you need just one more paragraph to complete this essay. The concluding statement must reflect...
Undergraduatedigestadonut - Dec 29, 2016 / Holt - Dec 31, 2016
|Body and mind synchronized through the dance - Undergraduate supplemental essay
Undergraduatekaleiv - Dec 30, 2016 / Holt - Dec 31, 2016
|Brown Supplements: Why studies; places you've lived; community you've been a part of
2 - @agoldie I really liked your first essay, it shows you have a passion for literature, the second one I...
Undergraduateagoldie - Dec 31, 2016 / rnsnz18 - Dec 31, 2016
|Personal Statement for an International Development Studies Program.
5 - Noman, you accidentally skipped over the professional experience discussion of the prompt. The reviewer will need to know how...
UndergraduateHthmn - Dec 28, 2016 / Holt - Dec 31, 2016
|"The Fainter" - Undergrad supplemental essay about a challenge
3 - Nilen, when you talk about the Nationals. Please specify what nationals you are talking about because the reader may...
Undergraduatenilen - Dec 30, 2016 / Holt - Dec 31, 2016
|My second family - Rice cultural perspective essay
2 - @calypso14 Firts I would like to suggest you to restructure the introduction, all sentences seem kind of cliche that...
Undergraduatecalypso14 - Dec 31, 2016 / rnsnz18 - Dec 31, 2016
|Several facts that convinced me, that Northwestern is the best choice - another why school 'X' essay
3 - Tim, there is a very common feel to this response that you developed. It lacks a sense of specificity...
UndergraduateTVLAERE - Dec 30, 2016 / Holt - Dec 31, 2016
|Contrary to most millennials, I was terrible with technology.
5 - @Holt I understand what you are saying but I describe that going into the program I had no successful...
Undergraduatearg - Dec 31, 2016 / arg - Dec 31, 2016
|Exciting roomie and wonderful music. Stanford Supplementary
Undergraduatedigestadonut - Dec 30, 2016 / digestadonut - Dec 31, 2016
|Soaking up everything with an open mind. Rice supplemental essay - My international experiences
4 - @rnsnz18 If you mentioned it in another essay then I think it's fine if you don't speak about it...
Undergraduaternsnz18 - Dec 30, 2016 / kc1099 - Dec 31, 2016
|The two words difference in different languages
2 - @Syrianboy Interesting, for someone majoring in middle eastern studies. I would suggest using this idea of an overarching word...
UndergraduateSyrianboy - Dec 30, 2016 / TVLAERE - Dec 30, 2016
|"Man's greatness" Ashura--a Turkish dessert
Undergraduatemualla - Dec 30, 2016 / mualla - Dec 30, 2016
|Common App #2: Failure - I am well-versed in the poetry of orchestra
Undergraduateangeli6778 - Dec 28, 2016 / Holt - Dec 30, 2016
|Overcoming obstacles like Allan Iverson. Personal Statement - Person of influence - NBA Star
3 - @Holt Thanks for the reply. Do you think this essay works better? "You're getting all the girls...
Undergraduatekhatanbuuveibold - Dec 30, 2016 / khatanbuuveibold - Dec 30, 2016
|Amherst College Supplement: Rigorous reasoning and empirical evidence
8 - Yeah, this version works better. You can actually use this discussion based essay to represent your response to the...
Undergraduatemualla - Dec 30, 2016 / Holt - Dec 30, 2016
|THE UNIVERSE IS A BOOK AND I AM READING IT
3 - @mualla Photosynthesis and the water cycle are both scientific terms, so you would be better off using a specific...
Undergraduatemualla - Dec 30, 2016 / khatanbuuveibold - Dec 30, 2016
|Street style fashion in NY. Why New York University? Maximum:400 words.
3 - @Bennyoooo Every applicant to NYU will be talking about New York, so you would be better off talking about...
UndergraduateBennyoooo - Dec 30, 2016 / khatanbuuveibold - Dec 30, 2016
|This is what I love in Cornell University. Undergraduate CALS motivation essay
3 - @Holt Thanks a lot! The idea was to indeed make a future projection so that the reader would be...
UndergraduateTVLAERE - Dec 30, 2016 / TVLAERE - Dec 30, 2016
|My Extracurricular Activity Essay for Colleges. EYP - European Youth Parliament
7 - Considering that Ivy league schools are interested in diversifying their student community, I would definitely use this essay for...
Undergraduateyuliakm - Dec 29, 2016 / Holt - Dec 30, 2016
|My performance as a DJ. Common App: prompt about failure
13 - I was thinking that you could just change the term mistake with "problem" and solve the issue. The closing...
UndergraduateTVLAERE - Dec 29, 2016 / Holt - Dec 30, 2016
|PRACTICAL PHYSICS. This is my Yale essay I was wondering if the first sentence was a catchy one
5 - @AlwaysL8 Hi AlwaysL8, Although, you refer the activity in your first sentence as "Physics practical" but the...
UndergraduateProdigy - Dec 30, 2016 / mualla - Dec 30, 2016
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