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|(political science) Letter of Academic Intent-Mature - UBC
2 - That was the question my father asked me after I walked off the stage at my high school graduation...
Undergraduatepaisean - Mar 15, 2012 / EF_Susan - Mar 16, 2012
|'my body begs for an escape' - College Transfer Essay
3 - You turned a tragic story into a happier one! Congratulations. You must be quite smart b/c neuroscience is really...
Undergraduatejukeboxlovesong - Mar 15, 2012 / chalumeau - Mar 15, 2012
|'Living in a sense of urgency' - introduce yourself to Penn 150 WORDS
2 - I once created a 45-minute documentary about the struggles of Holocaust survivors. While filming, directing, and distributing the film,...
UndergraduateYakovKagan - Mar 15, 2012 / chalumeau - Mar 15, 2012
|'better educated in the science' - Personal Statement TRANSFER Student Essay
2 - Potassium carbonate, microcrystalline cellulose, ferrous fumarate... My fascination with science first came to me when I landed my first...
Undergraduateamcchang - Mar 15, 2012 / jukeboxlovesong - Mar 15, 2012
|'snippets of Urdu' ONE paragraph grammatically
5 - I get what you said about describing things with more intensity, and I agree that I should have done...
Undergraduateninjahatori - Jan 1, 2012 / lesmerengues - Mar 15, 2012
|'last enrolled in college' - If you are not currently enrolled common app
3 - I am interested in nutrition, becoming a registered dietitian. My very first semester at college in 2007 was full...
Undergraduatesweetnesspwns - Mar 14, 2012 / sweetnesspwns - Mar 15, 2012
|When is it okay to escape reality? Essay (PSEO at the University of MN Admission)
NEW - I definitely need to elaborate and phrase things differently! Any feedback is helpful. Fantasy is escapist, & that...
UndergraduateRkerur - Mar 15, 2012 / — -
|'invest in education' - Common App Transfer Essay
5 - Also, I'm a little confused as to why you initially praised my essay and then proceeded to condemn it...
Undergraduategoettlek - Mar 11, 2012 / chalumeau - Mar 15, 2012
|'trip to Guatemala' extracurricular activities- common app
6 - Great job! I have a few more suggestions on your wording, just some ideas :) I love traveling...
Undergraduatetigers_12 - Mar 12, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Mar 13, 2012
|'to fully engross myself in my studies' - transfer essay on common app
2 - Hello Strangersbook! Your essay is well written. I can really tell you have a deep interests in psychology and...
Undergraduatestrangersbook - Mar 13, 2012 / sunshine357 - Mar 13, 2012
|"I belong here" Why I deserve to go to the University of MN (PSEO classes)
NEW - I love constructive criticism and personal opinion, so knock yourself out! "I belong here." Those three simple and...
UndergraduateRkerur - Mar 13, 2012 / — -
|Transfer Essay for College- Not the future I want
4 - Nice job Writing is too meandering and please try to write short sentences as I did such mistakes more...
Undergraduatesaira - Mar 5, 2012 / tipi - Mar 13, 2012
|how can benefit from educationat AUC?
2 - The reasons you make for applying to AUC are good. Just fix up the beginning of your essay.Instead of...
Undergraduategeorge94 - Mar 12, 2012 / saira - Mar 12, 2012
|'responsibility for my average grades' - TRANSFER TO TEXAS A&M ESSAY
2 - I choose to live by choices, not by chances. To make changes, not excuses. To be motivated, not manipulated....
Undergraduatehawita - Mar 10, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Mar 12, 2012
|'Designing a room' - University of Toronto Architecture Profile
5 - Indeed. I hadn't even realised! But I have edited that part. Thank you very much Tito, and thanks again...
UndergraduateGuest - Mar 6, 2012 / Guest - Mar 12, 2012
|(An engineer at heart) - interests in the program University of Waterloo?
2 - Hi: I will look at your first question and response. My goals include of successfully completing the Bachelors...
Undergraduatejoveuh - Feb 29, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Mar 11, 2012
|'big world filled with big opportunities' - NYU Supplement, what intrigues you
2 - With its strong urban center and natural beauty, the city of Hong Kong fascinated me. I found the city...
Undergraduatehyngchl1 - Mar 10, 2012 / chalumeau - Mar 11, 2012
|'wide array of opportunities' - transferring & my objectives - Washington Uni
4 - Hey chalumeau, I'm sorry to hear about that experience you had! Nah, I use smileys pretty often, even in...
Undergraduatedreamer - Mar 10, 2012 / dreamer - Mar 11, 2012
|App personal Essay - My vision - faith journey
3 - Well written essay, I love the personal anecdotes. Try to make it a bit more concise and clean it...
Undergraduatewntjs92 - Mar 10, 2012 / ujax - Mar 10, 2012
|Experience at children's drop-in center - Washington University at St. Louis
4 - Hema, your essay is crisp and clear. But the last sentence may be appreciated by a few or may...
Undergraduatedreamer - Mar 10, 2012 / PriyankaDwivedi - Mar 10, 2012
|'wanting to do more with my art talent' - SVA Statement Intent
2 - I have some comments/suggestions/corrections: ... visualize a piece that fits that individaul person. - a piece that fits...
UndergraduateZuleyka Kearney - Feb 27, 2012 / dreamer - Mar 10, 2012
|'Keep moving forward' - Transfer: Introduce your self to Penn
3 - Hi! The content is solid and the length is good. It answers the prompt well, as you have given...
Undergraduateanstjswls - Mar 7, 2012 / dreamer - Mar 10, 2012
|'showing my love for art' - Honors Program Essay: Why Art?
5 - I hope you are able to share another draft. I feel it's better to be corrected before it really...
UndergraduateZacPavs - Mar 8, 2012 / chalumeau - Mar 9, 2012
|'remarkable experience of student life' - Application Essay
Undergraduatekrishnasapkota - Mar 8, 2012 / krishnasapkota - Mar 9, 2012
|'smells of an open market' - Michigan State University Group Collaboration
2 - We easily found the vegetables needed for dinner tonight, due to the vastness of the market. After bringing...
UndergraduateSharpObject - Mar 6, 2012 / EF_Susan - Mar 8, 2012
|Personal statement for Graphic designing in Virginia commonwealth university in Qatar
3 - I have always been into the arts.There never has been a time where I couldn't remember a timewhen I...
Undergraduateabbyzakzok - Feb 27, 2012 / ZacPavs - Mar 8, 2012
|'person conscious of of people's feelings' - family history, culture or environment
Undergraduatesdavis23 - Feb 10, 2012 / sdavis23 - Mar 8, 2012
|'Critical parts of the nursing role' - College of Nursing Essay
Undergraduatehickske2 - Feb 27, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Mar 8, 2012
|"One day you will have to manage the company" - (COMMON APP) Transfer Essay
2 - A nice structured essay I must say! If this was the type of your application essay and you got...
Undergraduatejvila - Feb 27, 2012 / krishnasapkota - Mar 8, 2012
|'a Broadcast Journalist' - Common App Personal Statement (transfer)
2 - ...and the fact that I was in college in Tallahassee stacked the odds against that I wouldme even being...
Undergraduatenatalieanng - Mar 1, 2012 / EF_Susan - Mar 8, 2012
|'study about the lithium-ion batteries' - Transfer: University of Pennsylvania
NEW - Considering both the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying and the unique aspects of the University of...
Undergraduatemoongtajoo - Mar 8, 2012 / — -
|'Growing up in Oregon' - Semester at Sea
4 - wow that's really good! you did a good job tying your past experiences and future career into what you...
Undergraduatehgrierson - Mar 4, 2012 / loflo - Mar 7, 2012
|'the chance to come and live in the United States' - Essay writing by a French
Undergraduatechameau - Feb 28, 2012 / chameau - Mar 7, 2012
|'necessity is the mother of invention' - Stanford's intellectual vitality
NEW - Let me know what you guys think. The broken clock was a comfort. A totem of progression, it...
Undergraduatedardar91 - Mar 7, 2012 / — -
|'family doctor' - SUNY Plattsburgh and Rutgers University
3 - Thank you for sharing your essay. I hope I haven't overcorrected the essay. I tend to do that. Medicine...
UndergraduateCKC1818 - Feb 27, 2012 / chalumeau - Mar 6, 2012
|Elaborating on an extracirricular activity: Film
2 - I really like the way you wrote this! Every motion picture is a masterpiece, whether it is deemed...
Undergraduatelisasou - Mar 1, 2012 / EF_Susan - Mar 6, 2012
|The numbers tell a story - Waterloo university
NEW - Please tell us about your educational goals, your interest in your chosen program(s), and your reasons for applying to...
Undergraduateamirm - Mar 6, 2012 / — -
|'international business, people and cultures' - Study Abroad Short Essay
2 - First, each country has its own advantages (not their). Also, try to tell the program what you have to...
UndergraduateJohn9041 - Mar 5, 2012 / sjhcc09 - Mar 5, 2012
|'a typical engineering family' - Purdue University
4 - This is a vague essay and doesn't create any high awareness for the readers. Write your essay in the...
UndergraduateLyaG - Jan 10, 2012 / isai - Mar 5, 2012
|'The Seattle University matches my educational goal' - common app essay
2 - College education is an important factor in a person's life. It determines a person's personality and her future. Remove...
Undergraduateemily0938 - Feb 29, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Mar 5, 2012
|entrance essay to F I T ..Why would it be to your advantage to participate in the Pro
2 - I have some ideas to help you with your paper. During high school despite attending classes and understanding...
Undergraduatemikcuff876 - Mar 5, 2012 / Jennyflower81 - Mar 5, 2012
|'researches for Mechanics of Solids' - Why Brown appeals to you as a college option?
Undergraduatemoongtajoo - Feb 29, 2012 / moongtajoo - Mar 5, 2012
|'belief in math concepts' - University of Chicago prompt "Find X" - feedback
2 - You did a fantastic job answering the question as well as explaining the rationality behind your answer....
Undergraduatealebliss6 - Mar 4, 2012 / fletcherj003 - Mar 4, 2012
|UCI Supplemental- what DECA has done for me.
NEW - Prompt: In your application you may have mentioned an extraordinary talent/skill or academic achievement. This may include participation in...
Undergraduatenicolejadeyee - Mar 4, 2012 / — -
|My Journey to ABC College
2 - I began attending eleventh grade only a month after landing in the United States (from where?) . It was...
Undergraduategogonhan - Mar 2, 2012 / nicolejadeyee - Mar 4, 2012
|'dislike greedy and stubborn' - About me and myself personal statement
Undergraduatesudeep_mn - Mar 4, 2012 / xanim - Mar 4, 2012
|'Energy is the basis' - M.Sc. Petroleum Engineering
Undergraduateoladapo - Dec 12, 2011 / oladapo - Mar 4, 2012
|'the idea of topping the class' - Autobiographical essay for SUNY - stony brook
2 - Nadeen, I am impressed at this autobiography you have written!!!! When talking about yourself, include your likes about the...
Undergraduateesparanza - Feb 29, 2012 / Timothy - Mar 3, 2012
|Essay on challenges and rewards of living in a boarding school
5 - joining to a boarding school is a great opportunity which will provide me a chance to get a serious...
Undergraduatebellalove123 - Feb 29, 2012 / Dohaakhateeb - Mar 2, 2012
|'This university doesn't have the business major' - transfer ESSAY
Undergraduatemaxumus499 - Feb 29, 2012 / maxumus499 - Mar 2, 2012
|'life may not happen the way we would have desired' - Autobiography essay
4 - Unfortunately, my mother somehow found out about myartistic talentsthat I am seriously interested in art and she forbade me...
Undergraduatelyly223 - Feb 29, 2012 / dumi - Mar 2, 2012
|UCI Supplemental Essay- Separation and Moving Schools
Undergraduatenicolejadeyee - Mar 1, 2012 / dumi - Mar 2, 2012
|'nature of online gaming' - my short answer essay
4 - The competetive nature of online gaming appeals to me. Because the variables are human, there is no golden rule...
UndergraduateLamppost - Mar 1, 2012 / Lamppost - Mar 1, 2012
|"a crew member at Trader Joe's" - extracurricular activities (common app)
2 - As a crew member at Trader Joe's you become a well roundedI became well-rounded in order to answer all...
Undergraduatednlb - Mar 1, 2012 / heartitude - Mar 1, 2012
|Biomedical engineering state of purpose
Undergraduatespyrakos - Feb 24, 2012 / spyrakos - Mar 1, 2012
|'shaping morals' - UT AUSTIN ESSAY
2 - my name is yousuf ibrahim mohamed (sherbi) i live in nothren somalia (somaliland). i want to go the western...
Undergraduatejrodriguez78 - Feb 28, 2012 / yousuf ibrahim - Mar 1, 2012
|'photography for Life-long learning' - statement for degree of Creative Media
Undergraduatenickkan - Feb 28, 2012 / nickkan - Feb 29, 2012
|'learning to official terms' - Common App Transfer Extra Curriculars
6 - There are major errors throughout your essay (the first essay posted on this thread). The beginning of your essay...
Undergraduateawaqar714 - Feb 11, 2012 / partooz - Feb 29, 2012
|U Of I Transfer - 'to start the new chapter of my life'
5 - One thing that stuck out to me is do not use shorten words. Like for example, "Don't, won't, I'll."...
Undergraduategrayj106 - Feb 19, 2012 / ChichoTran - Feb 29, 2012
|'America, science, and mathematics' - Essay for Columbia Science honors program
5 - O Grant thank you for looking over this part of my essay the suggestions you gave to me really...
Undergraduatelenura96 - Feb 21, 2012 / Jodyherr - Feb 29, 2012
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