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|"I was 15 when I discovered that my mother read books"
2 - 200 words are tight, and considering the point you are making is well worth listening to too! I like...
UndergraduateGraceTaylorWei - Jan 21, 2012 / Thors Hammer - Jan 21, 2012
|(cold weather / figure skating class) - UBC application-personal profile
3 - Thank you for advise.) I'm a international student,so I still have some problems with English. Sorry,what do you mean...
Undergraduatetarepanda - Jan 21, 2012 / tarepanda - Jan 21, 2012
|'to become an editor at Seventeen Magazine' - UT Austin External Transfer SOP
3 - Thanks so much to both of your responses! Susan, I went ahead and changed those things you listed above...
Undergraduateses11793 - Jan 16, 2012 / ses11793 - Jan 21, 2012
|'adopted a new way of living' - Personal Essay - Texas A&M/UT-Austin Transfer Essay
5 - Hello Anant, By no means am I proficient in essay writings, nor, am I a high school graduate. Hence,...
UndergraduateAnant Bagchi - Jan 6, 2012 / Thors Hammer - Jan 20, 2012
|'my first information technology class' University of Texas at Austin - Transfer
2 - Looks good! I made quite a few changes as you'll see in color. Also, I crossed out the "according...
Undergraduatevargam91 - Jan 20, 2012 / speedoflight25 - Jan 20, 2012
|UVa - PLace to get lost - "Lost in the Woods"
4 - The light streams through the trees creating moving shadows as the leaves blow in the wind. The leaves from...
Undergraduatedaniel44992 - Jan 1, 2012 / phenotype - Jan 20, 2012
|Majors: Health Prevention Science & Biomedical - USC Supplement
3 - Thanks will do check out yours... what do you mean? what kind of details? cause that's all I got...
UndergraduateRanak - Jan 20, 2012 / Ranak - Jan 20, 2012
|'internships and a first hand job experience' - Why OSU
3 - Talk more about the university itself, and even go into what you want to pursue, A lot of places...
UndergraduateScarySubmit - Jan 20, 2012 / saurabh93 - Jan 20, 2012
|Stereotyped; Nerds & Geeks, embrace or reject?
6 - Thank you so much AR Stewart you were a great help! I have another essay to write about, it's...
UndergraduateRanak - Jan 20, 2012 / Ranak - Jan 20, 2012
|Uni. of Washington Transfer - Intl. Development Studies Major
UndergraduateARStewart - Jan 20, 2012 / Ranak - Jan 20, 2012
|'helping combat human trafficking in Nepal' - Mt.Holyoke Transfer
3 - Dear Susan, Thank You so much for taking your time to proofread it. I will definitely work on...
Undergraduatequeencscity12 - Jan 19, 2012 / queencscity12 - Jan 20, 2012
|'Dream big' - app for an exchange program
5 - kindheartedness - definately not a word. nourished my heart with compassion and kindheartedness , sensationsFeelings you'll never learnunderstand...
Undergraduatemimi305 - Jan 19, 2012 / qadirv - Jan 20, 2012
|'who could memorize the most and reproduce it' - something not found on your resume.
5 - I think you're in the right direction. The topic could be great. I agree with the first comment. I...
Undergraduateqadirv - Jan 19, 2012 / gradhelp2012 - Jan 20, 2012
|<Breaking Ground> [Transfer Admission - Common App Essay]
4 - What I really, really like is how you've outlined the progression of events. It makes it very easy for...
UndergraduateKING106 - Jan 16, 2012 / speedoflight25 - Jan 20, 2012
|'don't want Shakespeare to write my play.' - AUC university
4 - i think it is right without the "which" because we have a dependant clause which is (Although there...
UndergraduateAhMeD PrInCe - Jan 19, 2012 / AhMeD PrInCe - Jan 20, 2012
|'being close to my family' - science personal essay
3 - My passion for science came frombegan when I was diagnosed with Scoliosis in the seventh grade. My personal...
UndergraduateTheta526 - Jan 17, 2012 / EF_Susan - Jan 19, 2012
|'I am naturally selfish' - college application
6 - Last year, my mother asked if I'd be interested in volunteering on Thanksgiving with The Good Shepherd Alliance, which...
Undergraduatecabotbp - Jan 13, 2012 / EF_Susan - Jan 19, 2012
|I had no idea about choosing major of undergraduate studies when I was graduated from high school.
3 - To be honest, I had no idea about choosing a major of undergraduate studies when I was graduated from...
Undergraduatejunshao90 - Jan 3, 2012 / EF_Susan - Jan 19, 2012
|"Debate destroys me" my common application short answer for transfer
2 - Through the founding of ...and the Tibetan Moreover, I am no long... ...knowledge. I became a challenger... all my...
Undergraduatetranssss - Jan 18, 2012 / Thors Hammer - Jan 19, 2012
|'a strong passion for programming' - USC Supplemental
2 - Growing up in a technological age wasconsidered to be a blessing for me, where I used my childhood life...
UndergraduateRAVENSM - Jan 19, 2012 / EF_Susan - Jan 19, 2012
|Parsons Admission Essay - What influenced me to want to get into graphic design
Undergraduatepodkin - Jan 18, 2012 / mimi305 - Jan 19, 2012
|' I'm an Indian girl. ' - Community essay (UMich)
2 - paid far lesserless than they deserve. Still, I say "thank you, bhaiya" (Thank you, Brother) and still they...
Undergraduateshad - Jan 19, 2012 / mimi305 - Jan 19, 2012
|NCSSM Admissions Essay #1: "Awards, Certificates, Projects, and Recognitions"
2 - I think you need to emphasize whether the pond you are in currently is competitive. For instance, at some...
UndergraduateAwwsumness - Jan 10, 2012 / taben - Jan 19, 2012
|'transferring to Photography program' - you a perfect candidate for FIT?
Undergraduateafricanking - Jan 18, 2012 / africanking - Jan 19, 2012
|Eugene Lang College- "Tell us about a time when you were in the minority" essay
3 - so sensitive. I would actually recommend changing your subject to something else, because what if the person grading your...
UndergraduateNiQyira - Jan 18, 2012 / bridgedivya - Jan 18, 2012
|'A group with leadership has more organization' - FSU Essay
2 - LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL "statistics show that leadership is 83% helpful to a group" take that out. oh and take out that...
Undergraduateshaunpee93 - Jan 2, 2012 / smithchaz - Jan 18, 2012
|'The appealing characteristic is global awareness' - FSU
3 - Reason beingThis is because many things in our society needs to be changed. As a student, my goal...
Undergraduatekenben12 - Jan 6, 2012 / EF_Susan - Jan 18, 2012
|'when I found out I was moving to United States' transfer- Common App
2 - But soon I realized that life wasn't always a Hollywood movie. Attending a college in New York City...
Undergraduatelunga211 - Jan 16, 2012 / EF_Susan - Jan 18, 2012
|"Atithi Devo Bhava" CORNELL HOTEL SCHOOL ESSAY
2 - I love to smell the scents that spread around my house as a delicious chicken curry simmers in the...
UndergraduateSopKha - Jan 17, 2012 / EF_Susan - Jan 18, 2012
|USC Viterbi Q/A -- 1) Experience In/Out of Class, 2) Embrace as a geek?
2 - Hi, I just read through your first essay. I think u can describe more about the inside/out-of-classroom...
UndergraduateEKI - Jan 17, 2012 / Athena - Jan 18, 2012
|'The MTV Movie Awards' - Page 87 of autobiography-VCU essay
2 - What is VCU? Your essay is great. Stardom=how does first taste of famego? Or first experience of being a...
UndergraduateTennisbaby111 - Jan 15, 2012 / dpa - Jan 18, 2012
|'the ever expanding culture of the United States' - experience
7 - Honestly, it looks great! You have an spectaular writing style. Kept me in suspense the whole time :p ...
Undergraduatebrutal1231 - Jan 14, 2012 / speedoflight25 - Jan 17, 2012
|'computer-oriented classes and courses' - Cornell : College of Engineering:
Undergraduateawsmness - Jan 16, 2012 / brutal1231 - Jan 17, 2012
|"Hahaha" by Halle - personal details, goals, or obstacles about yourself
4 - I enjoyed reading this very much, I continued reading and usually it takes something really good to keep me...
UndergraduateThe Quill - Jan 16, 2012 / oko - Jan 17, 2012
|'Gotta Catch 'Em All' - Common App Personal Letter Prompt 4
2 - Every battle seemed to be choreographed, made so I could mimic it, using all the latest merchandise . This...
UndergraduateJesusH12079 - Jan 17, 2012 / saurabh93 - Jan 17, 2012
|A Day Unforgotten- Seton Hall Undergrad Admissions essay
2 - I arrived at the stadium at around 11:30. Honestly, even with the rain, I still wanted to run....
UndergraduateAmanwholives - Jan 16, 2012 / EF_Susan - Jan 17, 2012
|'my GPA would definitely soar' - Common Emerson College
Undergraduatetransfergirl1 - Jan 16, 2012 / ARStewart - Jan 17, 2012
|'God's dream for us' - Loyola Marymount University journey to be oneself
2 - With the influence of media and societal expectations, being yourself becomes increasingly difficult, because it's hard to be ourselves...
Undergraduatecjwsk12 - Jan 15, 2012 / EF_Susan - Jan 17, 2012
|'AT an AP Physics class my jaw dropped' - Emory Essay
Undergraduatedoctorgirl222 - Jan 15, 2012 / EF_Susan - Jan 17, 2012
|"My Future in Neuroscience" USC Neurosci Transfer
6 - I'm applying as a transfer as well, and have to answer the same prompt :) Your response looks GREAT....
UndergraduateRichieH - Jan 16, 2012 / speedoflight25 - Jan 17, 2012
|'waste management in the Shrine' Essay: What should your teammates know about you?
Undergraduatebizkid - Jan 17, 2012 / Athena - Jan 17, 2012
|'me, John, Abhi, Edwin, and Neil' - Peddie Essay #3
Undergraduatehades98 - Jan 16, 2012 / nick_vt - Jan 17, 2012
|'not the diary-keeping type of guy' - transfer essay extracurricular activities
2 - "pulchritude": It doesn't really fit with the essay, feels forced. "but since I got the job from my...
Undergraduatemylosh - Jan 17, 2012 / RichieH - Jan 17, 2012
|'Welcome to Chinese school' your community and your place within it? Mich
2 - Opening line is decent, I was captured. Second line threw me off balance... who is Amy Chua, what are...
Undergraduatehamachii - Jan 16, 2012 / RichieH - Jan 16, 2012
|'volunteering and working as a technician at Widernet Project' - Common app transfer
3 - Really appreciate your patient correction. I am sorry as a international student I do have a hard time on...
Undergraduatezqasd1234 - Jan 16, 2012 / zqasd1234 - Jan 16, 2012
|Being A Hawk-Peddie Application
Undergraduatehades98 - Jan 16, 2012 / hades98 - Jan 16, 2012
|'troop of cheeky boys' - Descriptive writtng: Childrens birthday party
Undergraduateoko - Jan 13, 2012 / Tefade - Jan 16, 2012
|'on the verge of failing math class' - Peddie School
Undergraduatehades98 - Jan 16, 2012 / hades98 - Jan 16, 2012
|'Books, encyclopedias, internet, and watching others work' - NUS Admission
2 - Back when I did not even understand the word "science", I have always marveled at what I learned later...
UndergraduateD41V30N - Jan 16, 2012 / Amanwholives - Jan 16, 2012
|'I can vividly envision myself on campus' - Peddie
Undergraduatehades98 - Jan 15, 2012 / hades98 - Jan 16, 2012
|Embracing the Liberal Arts, Diversity and Environment-Why Emory
2 - Para 1 Last year, my love of for numbers and problem solving was rivaled by a burgeoning interest in...
Undergraduatemwitkin - Jan 15, 2012 / Essay_Writer - Jan 16, 2012
|Common app short essay- acapella group "Einheit"
Undergraduateshiverzone - Jan 16, 2012 / shiverzone - Jan 16, 2012
|'future is the main issue' - stanford ... what matters to u & y ?
19 - Hi Hamid, I really understand your motive response, but maybe you mistakenly discerned that I mean Iran for its...
Undergraduateflafi120 - Dec 26, 2011 / flafi120 - Jan 16, 2012
|'space and games' - common app
4 - During my whole life, I have always been interested in two things: space and games. I always wanted to...
Undergraduateemrebond007 - Jan 15, 2012 / D41V30N - Jan 16, 2012
|'Being respectful and helpful' - the qualities of a good neighbor
2 - Hi, I just read through your essay. The qualities of an ideal neighbor described are good but you...
Undergraduatem700 - Jan 16, 2012 / Athena - Jan 16, 2012
|'academically rigorous atmosphere' - Umich supplement essay
Undergraduate1994yxf - Jan 15, 2012 / Athena - Jan 16, 2012
|'Astronaut. Award-winning actress. Professional dancer. Successful politician' Loyola
Undergraduatecseamelon - Jan 14, 2012 / bluec - Jan 16, 2012
|"Happy birthday dear brother" - common app essay
7 - However, I was exited to visit the capital city and to obtain quality education in the well managed boarding...
Undergraduateupendhakal - Jan 15, 2012 / iamhelpless - Jan 16, 2012
|'Nepal's realities' - admission in mph Global health (international health)
Undergraduateumashanker - Dec 21, 2011 / surajpoudel - Jan 16, 2012
|'the essence of studying physics' - future academic interests and attending WPI
3 - Sounds great and kinda catchy. The only thing I'd rewrite is To me, applying my knowledge and understanding to...
Undergraduatenick_vt - Jan 15, 2012 / evgorc - Jan 16, 2012
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