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|My second family - Rice cultural perspective essay
2 - @calypso14 Firts I would like to suggest you to restructure the introduction, all sentences seem kind of cliche that...
Undergraduatecalypso14 - Dec 31, 2016 / rnsnz18 - Dec 31, 2016
|Several facts that convinced me, that Northwestern is the best choice - another why school 'X' essay
3 - Tim, there is a very common feel to this response that you developed. It lacks a sense of specificity...
UndergraduateTVLAERE - Dec 30, 2016 / Holt - Dec 31, 2016
|Contrary to most millennials, I was terrible with technology.
5 - @Holt I understand what you are saying but I describe that going into the program I had no successful...
Undergraduatearg - Dec 31, 2016 / arg - Dec 31, 2016
|Lafayette supplemental essay: I read so I can listen
Undergraduatengokhoa99 - Dec 30, 2016 / Holt - Dec 31, 2016
|Exciting roomie and wonderful music. Stanford Supplementary
Undergraduatedigestadonut - Dec 30, 2016 / digestadonut - Dec 31, 2016
|Soaking up everything with an open mind. Rice supplemental essay - My international experiences
4 - @rnsnz18 If you mentioned it in another essay then I think it's fine if you don't speak about it...
Undergraduaternsnz18 - Dec 30, 2016 / kc1099 - Dec 31, 2016
|The two words difference in different languages
2 - @Syrianboy Interesting, for someone majoring in middle eastern studies. I would suggest using this idea of an overarching word...
UndergraduateSyrianboy - Dec 30, 2016 / TVLAERE - Dec 30, 2016
|"Man's greatness" Ashura--a Turkish dessert
Undergraduatemualla - Dec 30, 2016 / mualla - Dec 30, 2016
|Common App #2: Failure - I am well-versed in the poetry of orchestra
Undergraduateangeli6778 - Dec 28, 2016 / Holt - Dec 30, 2016
|Overcoming obstacles like Allan Iverson. Personal Statement - Person of influence - NBA Star
3 - @Holt Thanks for the reply. Do you think this essay works better? "You're getting all the girls...
Undergraduatekhatanbuuveibold - Dec 30, 2016 / khatanbuuveibold - Dec 30, 2016
|Personal statement: Lessons learnt from baking
5 - Like I said, some adjustments can be made to the content of the essay to make it more usable....
Undergraduatejcgdbb - Dec 29, 2016 / Holt - Dec 30, 2016
|THE UNIVERSE IS A BOOK AND I AM READING IT
3 - @mualla Photosynthesis and the water cycle are both scientific terms, so you would be better off using a specific...
Undergraduatemualla - Dec 30, 2016 / khatanbuuveibold - Dec 30, 2016
|Street style fashion in NY. Why New York University? Maximum:400 words.
3 - @Bennyoooo Every applicant to NYU will be talking about New York, so you would be better off talking about...
UndergraduateBennyoooo - Dec 30, 2016 / khatanbuuveibold - Dec 30, 2016
|This is what I love in Cornell University. Undergraduate CALS motivation essay
3 - @Holt Thanks a lot! The idea was to indeed make a future projection so that the reader would be...
UndergraduateTVLAERE - Dec 30, 2016 / TVLAERE - Dec 30, 2016
|Amherst College Supplement: Rigorous reasoning and empirical evidence
6 - Close but not quite. It was not necessary to combine the first two paragraphs. However, since you did that,...
Undergraduatemualla - Dec 30, 2016 / Holt - Dec 30, 2016
|My Extracurricular Activity Essay for Colleges. EYP - European Youth Parliament
7 - Considering that Ivy league schools are interested in diversifying their student community, I would definitely use this essay for...
Undergraduateyuliakm - Dec 29, 2016 / Holt - Dec 30, 2016
|My performance as a DJ. Common App: prompt about failure
13 - I was thinking that you could just change the term mistake with "problem" and solve the issue. The closing...
UndergraduateTVLAERE - Dec 29, 2016 / Holt - Dec 30, 2016
|PRACTICAL PHYSICS. This is my Yale essay I was wondering if the first sentence was a catchy one
5 - @AlwaysL8 Hi AlwaysL8, Although, you refer the activity in your first sentence as "Physics practical" but the...
UndergraduateProdigy - Dec 30, 2016 / mualla - Dec 30, 2016
|Math is a language and I use it to express my thoughts. Supplement essay
6 - Mualla, the essay is more academic in nature so the last paragraph need not be there. That paragraph speaks...
Undergraduatemualla - Dec 17, 2016 / Holt - Dec 30, 2016
|MATHEMATICAL OLYMPIAD - Princeton: Baymax influenced me
10 - @Holt I deleted the third paragraph and add just a sentece on the fourth paragraph thay I wanted to...
Undergraduaternsnz18 - Dec 29, 2016 / rnsnz18 - Dec 30, 2016
|Language and Culture. Check my personal statement for UGRAD.
2 - Andi, your essay focuses on only one aspect of your interest for application as a UGRAD student. The sole...
UndergraduateHorseman69 - Dec 30, 2016 / Holt - Dec 30, 2016
|Cal Tech and I - Cal Tech supplemental essays
UndergraduateLoneLee - Dec 26, 2016 / Holt - Dec 30, 2016
|The latent 'choranaptyxic' embryo - Harvard - extracurricular activities or work experience(150W)
5 - Same opinion as most people above :) Great topic, but I believe these essays want to see more...
Undergraduatekhizirsiddiqui - Dec 29, 2016 / AlwaysL8 - Dec 30, 2016
|RICE ESSAY: Diversity & How Life is Like a Pond
4 - @khizirsiddiqui Thank you so much for your approval and input! I'll be sure to change that up a bit....
UndergraduateAlwaysL8 - Dec 30, 2016 / AlwaysL8 - Dec 30, 2016
|Things I've done during my gap year - working in the paints store
6 - @Holt Thank you very much, your "wow" means a lot to me, i will make those changes you suggested,...
Undergraduaternsnz18 - Dec 29, 2016 / rnsnz18 - Dec 30, 2016
|NYU's personality--multi-cultural, logistician, and open-minded
7 - No problem Mualla, I am starting to understand that there are times when I say things that don't come...
Undergraduatemualla - Dec 29, 2016 / Holt - Dec 30, 2016
|"I learned MAGIC!" Harvard/UChicago Essay "What makes you Happy?"
4 - Saad, this essay is not Harvard nor UChicago ready. There is too much focus on the activity of magic...
UndergraduateLordAli - Dec 29, 2016 / Holt - Dec 30, 2016
|Yale Supplement- The Phenomenon of Link hopping.
4 - Malavika, your creative representation in your essay is highly imaginative and definitely hooks the reviewer in. However, you focused...
Undergraduatealiashah - Dec 29, 2016 / Holt - Dec 30, 2016
|Neurolinguistics allows me to understand myself - Brown Supplement
4 - @kc1099 Strong statement. Yes, you should take out the first sentence of the second paragraph. I read your...
Undergraduatekc1099 - Dec 30, 2016 / mualla - Dec 30, 2016
|I want to approach my values like limits in Calculus
19 - @Holt No worries! I am still working on Barnard. I will get you the last versions ASAP. The college...
Undergraduatemualla - Dec 21, 2016 / mualla - Dec 30, 2016
|Stanford Supplement: Last Two Summers
6 - Hi, your summers sounded very exciting! Holt's poem advice is pretty unique in that it separates your thoughts more...
UndergraduateSpade - Dec 28, 2016 / kc1099 - Dec 30, 2016
|Taxi drive in the New York City - Why NYU Essay
UndergraduateTVLAERE - Dec 29, 2016 / TVLAERE - Dec 29, 2016
|Why you have applied or expressed interest in a particular campus, school, college, program...
4 - @chizy7 @Holt thank you both for your feedback, I made the changes that you two suggested, and submitted...
Undergraduatejmjj14 - Dec 28, 2016 / jmjj14 - Dec 29, 2016
|My two homes: one in South Dakota, another in Texas - Brown supplement
4 - @astrum72 What's good about this is that you explain the impact that this had on you which is the...
Undergraduateastrum72 - Dec 29, 2016 / TVLAERE - Dec 29, 2016
|'helping hand at the end of your arm' My Common Application Essay for the Ivy League Colleges
5 - Saad, the essay about the transition to adulthood works well at this point. Go ahead and use that already....
UndergraduateLordAli - Dec 17, 2016 / Holt - Dec 29, 2016
|ISB PGP , Why you? Essay, 400 words; a worthy member of the prestigious students' pool of ISB
3 - In paragraph 3, you have the chance to set yourself apart from the other applicants of the essay. How...
UndergraduateApoorvaG - Dec 29, 2016 / Holt - Dec 29, 2016
|Passion for mathematics (which isn't just a class. It's a philosophy) - Personal Statement
4 - This type of essay is overdone. When you say "it started with a D grade", even though you explain...
UndergraduateBold - Dec 29, 2016 / TVLAERE - Dec 29, 2016
|I lost my IPad but I found something much more valuable. Common App 2nd Prompt Essay.
Undergraduatel3atjin - Dec 29, 2016 / Holt - Dec 29, 2016
|Personal Statement for an International Development Studies Program.
3 - Noman, add credibility to your claim of realizing that you wanted to work with people by adding the complete...
UndergraduateHthmn - Dec 28, 2016 / Holt - Dec 29, 2016
|The rebelling nerd - I had fulfilled my duty as an Asian kid
30 - Okay. Thanks!...
Undergraduatengokhoa99 - Dec 19, 2016 / ngokhoa99 - Dec 29, 2016
|Untitled - My Common App - Not one talent, background, or identity defines me.
Undergraduatescgoalie00 - Dec 29, 2016 / Holt - Dec 29, 2016
|Paideia - the complete education of mind, body and spirit. Contribution to the Reed community
5 - You can actually keep the movie if you want to. Like I said, the education of the mind, body,...
Undergraduatel3atjin - Dec 28, 2016 / Holt - Dec 29, 2016
|Tetris blocks - relax sometimes to keep your mind ready. U Penn supplemental essay - engineering.
5 - Khatanbuuvei, your narrative is really long but does not offer any solid idea as to how UPenn became the...
Undergraduatekhatanbuuveibold - Dec 28, 2016 / Holt - Dec 29, 2016
|Syracuse: What influenced me (advanced writing)
4 - Selin, it seems that your essay focus is more on the people that influenced you to apply to Syracuse....
Undergraduatesweetsenior - Dec 28, 2016 / Holt - Dec 29, 2016
|The cues of the Yoruba, Igbo and the western culture. MIT Cultural Background Essay
7 - Davidson, I strongly suggest that you use the Optional Section in Part 2 to further develop your essay. Since...
UndergraduateDJMI - Dec 28, 2016 / Holt - Dec 29, 2016
|Let's make some difference. Personal statement essay.
7 - @mbyram Thank you for making advice. Would you please point out some of the grammar errors because I can't...
UndergraduateBennyoooo - Dec 26, 2016 / Bennyoooo - Dec 29, 2016
|YALE SHORT ANSWERS - THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE I LEARNED.
Undergraduatebarry - Dec 29, 2016 / barry - Dec 29, 2016
|AN HOMELESS PERSON INFLUENCED ME. PRINCETON ESSAY
Undergraduatebarry - Dec 28, 2016 / barry - Dec 29, 2016
|'The right answer' - UChicago Immersion Essay - Rewarding Experience
3 - @astrum72 Thanks! I'll be sure to look at your essays. Also, I forgot to paste the whole 2nd essay...
Undergraduatesi1030 - Dec 29, 2016 / si1030 - Dec 29, 2016
|Music and Brainpower- Stanford Intellectual
5 - @si1030 Yes, I really like the changes you made, I think it's so much more effective than what it...
Undergraduatesi1030 - Dec 29, 2016 / astrum72 - Dec 29, 2016
|The brilliant minds at Georgia Tech - undergraduate essay for engineering
4 - First paragraph was suitable as an introduction but you need to change the second paragraph on Why you really...
Undergraduatethugzook - Dec 29, 2016 / barry - Dec 29, 2016
|Stanford Intellectual Vitality Essay - Epilepsy paved the road to my future
Undergraduatebryant_g - Dec 28, 2016 / barry - Dec 29, 2016
|MATH - an amazing experience. Talk about an extracurricular activity
4 - Thank you both!! I will focus on the second essay and correct the grammar errors you pointed....
Undergraduaternsnz18 - Dec 29, 2016 / rnsnz18 - Dec 29, 2016
|"How have you Improved the Life of others" MIT prompt.
Undergraduatezxcv - Dec 28, 2016 / zxcv - Dec 29, 2016
|Breaking political apathy (princeton supplement)
3 - This problems does not have simple a solution. ..., look at their qualifications,and their stances on topics. ...
Undergraduateastrum72 - Dec 27, 2016 / potatohead - Dec 29, 2016
|The value of teamwork and math and sciences. Unites States Naval Academy admissions essay
UndergraduatexMoon Hydro - Dec 28, 2016 / xMoon Hydro - Dec 29, 2016
|Deep Roots (College Essay)
3 - @mualla I really appreciate your feedback. This is a Common App prompt. I am just confused at why...
Undergraduateclair_L - Dec 28, 2016 / clair_L - Dec 29, 2016
|"My heart is in the work". Carnegie Mellon's mission and morals reflect my own.
UndergraduateShraf39 - Dec 28, 2016 / Shraf39 - Dec 29, 2016
|Yale supplementary essay: Sociology and Library
2 - @wendyli328 I'd like to suggest something to your first essay, it is really good and pleasant to read, you...
Undergraduatewendyli328 - Dec 29, 2016 / rnsnz18 - Dec 29, 2016
|Duke, Why Trinity? : Program II, availability of choices
5 - @sd6599 No don't restructure your essay, the strenght of your essays is about the deep interest you have on...
Undergraduatesd6599 - Dec 27, 2016 / rnsnz18 - Dec 29, 2016
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