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|BABSON SUPPLEMENT: together we can grow
5 - Instead of ignorance, do you mean arrogance? This would make alot more sense to me. I think it should...
Undergraduatethevix - Dec 13, 2011 / MikeMrtno - Dec 31, 2011
|'this madness our world is displaying' - Common App Main Essay
2 - I think it's great overall and the only change you maybe could make is that talking more about the...
Undergraduateangaduday - Dec 31, 2011 / ChihiroLavi - Dec 31, 2011
|'the term military brat' - University of South Florida Application
2 - Nice job! The essay has a strong meaning and you defended and proved your viewpoint of being a "military...
Undergraduatedontev22 - Dec 31, 2011 / ChavCool93 - Dec 31, 2011
|"True learning" - Why UPenn essay
6 - I think the first one is great!Especially the part of your imagination,it's amazing! About the second one, I...
UndergraduateAnxhela - Dec 29, 2011 / ChihiroLavi - Dec 31, 2011
|'love of classical music' - Common App Topic of your choice
2 - The moment was all too perfect. Avery Fisher Hall was filled with men in their tuxedos and women in...
Undergraduatewahmed - Dec 31, 2011 / susmi007 - Dec 31, 2011
|'I look at my watch' - Yale Supplement
5 - I have to agree with all the above-mentioned. It's very engaging and interesting. I felt like I was standing...
Undergraduateabck300 - Dec 31, 2011 / divina - Dec 31, 2011
|'On televisions, I had only seen the end' Giving back to your country essay
7 - please help me revise it =) I'd love to return the favor give me suggestions/ comments anything......
UndergraduateMusicforleisure - Dec 30, 2011 / Musicforleisure - Dec 31, 2011
|wanted to be successful - Why Swarthmore? No word limit.
UndergraduateBlazinazn253 - Dec 31, 2011 / CheesyCake - Dec 31, 2011
|I have developed a fascination for language and culture; Northwestern Supplement
Undergraduatealb4eva - Dec 31, 2011 / Davemedsci - Dec 31, 2011
|'Behind that software' - NJIT Essay
Undergraduateoreilly15 - Dec 31, 2011 / susmi007 - Dec 31, 2011
|'Piano and music beneficial' - Common App Essay
Undergraduatemegamega - Dec 31, 2011 / alb4eva - Dec 31, 2011
|"The Gentle Giant" college personal essay (topic of my choice)
2 - Hi there, I was touched by this essay, its quite..nice (in a good way, because nice often doesnt describe...
Undergraduatechazzmil - Dec 31, 2011 / alb4eva - Dec 31, 2011
|'No life discrimination' - princeton supplement
21 - Hate to be redundant, but yes, too much about your principal. If you are concerned about word count and...
Undergraduatesarahbee - Dec 30, 2011 / goalgir4 - Dec 31, 2011
|"Crack!" - my personal essay
Undergraduateyyhh94 - Dec 31, 2011 / wahmed - Dec 31, 2011
|'a semester on Biomedical Ethics' - Hopkins Supplement-Why I Enjoy Moral Philosophy
Undergraduatewahmed - Dec 27, 2011 / wahmed - Dec 31, 2011
|'I hadn't made friends since being there' - Short Introduce yourself
4 - In addition to the essay you're asked to write as part of the Common Application, Amherst requires a second...
UndergraduateAnxhela - Dec 31, 2011 / Anxhela - Dec 31, 2011
|Rice University supplement -- the perspective of a dust cloud person
2 - 1. In the second line change "her" to "here." **Were you brought "here" by the dust cloud? 2. In...
Undergraduatechellyfish - Dec 31, 2011 / CVP1993 - Dec 31, 2011
|'infatuated with life' - Stanford Intellectual Vitality
5 - "of the existence of life", perhaps? You might want to replace the word "existence", but I cannot think...
Undergraduatemaianh94 - Dec 30, 2011 / DrunkLurker - Dec 31, 2011
|'The Biology program' - NYU Supplement
6 - I agree that the word biology is used way too often. Try minimizing the times you use it since...
Undergraduatemaryp630 - Dec 31, 2011 / ChavCool93 - Dec 31, 2011
|'Meditation is my daily routine' - Common App EC short answer - Meditation
3 - "Immediately after the beginning my breathing calms down" (sounds strange) "I listen to my inner voice, getting acquainted with...
Undergraduatedivina - Dec 31, 2011 / goldenmachine12 - Dec 31, 2011
|'the endless opportunities' - WHY NYU?
4 - Oh, I just saw your second essay. What you can do here is mention your hobbies and non-academic...
Undergraduatemaryp630 - Dec 31, 2011 / ershad193 - Dec 31, 2011
|Kenyon Supplement..Doing a work which you couldnt accomplish alone..
Undergraduatesuper57 - Dec 31, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 31, 2011
|Earth Process of evolution - Stanford Intellectual Vitality
UndergraduateappliCAN - Dec 31, 2011 / metalstriker - Dec 31, 2011
|The Road book - Columbia essay (write about a book that is meaningful)
18 - What about ? The book not only intrigues me because our close connection, but also because of its unconventional...
Undergraduatesilentspring - Dec 24, 2011 / silentspring - Dec 31, 2011
|'India - my roots and history' - YALE SUPPLEMENT # 2
Undergraduateprincy1122 - Dec 31, 2011 / princy1122 - Dec 31, 2011
|'Stickers for Smiles' - Common App Extracurricular.. Shadowing A Doctor
12 - I really enjoyed how you show rather then tell.. The end losts a bit..You use too many I's in...
Undergraduatetheoneandonly - Dec 31, 2011 / Anxhela - Dec 31, 2011
|'Side eye glances. Concerned looks'; Why Engineering - Columbia University
2 - I think it starts off great...but looses a bit of gusto towards the end.Try to make it more personal...idk...
Undergraduateshayshay3194 - Dec 31, 2011 / jadore_lamode68 - Dec 31, 2011
|'want my hair back' - Johns Hopkins Supplement
UndergraduateBKBKBK - Dec 31, 2011 / BKBKBK - Dec 31, 2011
|'knowledge of human nature' - Johns Hopkins Supplement
3 - I think overall is a good essay and the beginning is great. When I strated reading I wanted to...
Undergraduategparfenov - Dec 31, 2011 / Anxhela - Dec 31, 2011
|'Illness with no cure' - Yale supplement: is this Yale quality?
UndergraduateEnder1317 - Dec 31, 2011 / Musicforleisure - Dec 31, 2011
|'I attempted to start a conversation' - common app essay
4 - Amazing essay. Although the beginning could be a little better in the description that rest of the essay has....
UndergraduatePradodiana1 - Dec 31, 2011 / jadore_lamode68 - Dec 31, 2011
|"Orange Candy Cravings formed my Destiny" personal essay
Undergraduatesauravzhere - Dec 31, 2011 / Ender1317 - Dec 31, 2011
|'jeans and T-shirts' - Common App EC short answer - Summer Service Project
4 - I'm taken to a large classroom, where I find outdiscover I'll be sharing my sleeping space with twenty other...
Undergraduatenikariotz - Dec 31, 2011 / sparkle225 - Dec 31, 2011
|'every side of the fence' - NYU, What Intrigues you?
Undergraduatejadore_lamode68 - Dec 31, 2011 / shayshay3194 - Dec 31, 2011
|Fate of a responsible man. - common app essay
Undergraduatefilemonster - Dec 22, 2011 / jadore_lamode68 - Dec 31, 2011
|'social activist and servant'; What I would take from and contribute to Penn
9 - Your essay is really good, I like how you talked about your love for biology. It also answers the...
Undergraduatemdubs777 - Dec 30, 2011 / omo5031 - Dec 31, 2011
|COMMON APP EXTRACURRICULAR ESSAY; MY LOVE FOR BIOLOGY
Undergraduatejadore_lamode68 - Dec 31, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 31, 2011
|NYU Supplement- What intrigues you? Kenyan People
5 - It only took one walk through Nairobi, Kenya, to steal my heart, but five months later I was still...
Undergraduatejessie_hamilton - Dec 29, 2011 / iMapple94 - Dec 31, 2011
|'Dancers are the luckiest people' - NYU Supplement- What intrigues you?
Undergraduateedwkoc - Dec 31, 2011 / jadore_lamode68 - Dec 31, 2011
|I love to be physically involved in creating creative projects; Kinesthetic - Yale
6 - I like the idea you are trying to convey, its pretty unique since most people are visual/auditory. I didn't...
UndergraduateStrawberry78 - Dec 28, 2011 / omo5031 - Dec 31, 2011
|Falling into cold water - common app essay - significant experience
5 - It is overall a good essay, good content talking about how "changing of environment" improve your life. However, I...
Undergraduateka19921 - Nov 26, 2011 / 4151yhh - Dec 31, 2011
|Project Excite/Pizza/Flag Day - 3 very short community service descriptions
7 - I have always preferred to avoid contractions when writing essays... I've -> I have, and so forth. Is the...
Undergraduateckpckp1994 - Nov 12, 2011 / lifeisgoing1 - Dec 31, 2011
|'A World Cup quarterfinal match' - NYU - What Intrigues You?
6 - I didn't make mine personal either so I'm in a similar boat as you...but if you think about it,...
Undergraduatericka123 - Dec 30, 2011 / ibeckki - Dec 31, 2011
|'equilibrium between education and pleasure' - Why Northwestern?
Undergraduatelifeisgoing1 - Dec 31, 2011 / lifeisgoing1 - Dec 31, 2011
|Lehigh supplements; non-curable disease called "supply chain-itis"
3 - I 100% did not I copy your essay or ideas for your essay's, these are my original thoughts. I...
UndergraduateHEast22 - Dec 30, 2011 / HEast22 - Dec 31, 2011
|'my brief nap abruptly comes to an end' - Yale supplemental essay
18 - Maybe get rid of the stuff where you talk about yourself being a puppet? I feel like it detracts...
UndergraduateBigBoob15 - Dec 27, 2011 / nodumblonde1616 - Dec 31, 2011
|UChicago Extended Essay - "Coffeenomics"
NEW - Ok, so here is my extended essay for undergrad admissions to UChicago. Do y'all think this is what they...
Undergraduatecarter93chen - Dec 31, 2011 / — -
|'life on the computer and on the Internet' - Weird UPenn Essay
4 - Wow! I like the way you put it. It's very compelling. One silly suggestion, (I know they have this...
Undergraduatejasononwenu - Dec 30, 2011 / ckpckp1994 - Dec 31, 2011
|Common App Main Essay (Vanilla)
2 - I'm a politically correct, cliché speaking, assimilating, self assimilating, self-deprecating, Camry-driving, and-if I'm feeling frisky-semi-colon using individual.---I like this...
UndergraduateJackyt - Dec 31, 2011 / EF_Susan - Dec 31, 2011
|"hún xuč" - Contributional Perspective on Diversity (Rice University)
2 - ...a little girl walking the busy streets of Taipei with those looks was not something you would see every...
Undergraduatejaybee - Dec 31, 2011 / EF_Susan - Dec 31, 2011
|'My father, a consulting engineer' - Stanford Univ. Roommate Essay HELP
5 - Hi! A very well-written essay! I like the first part very much. However, I would suggest you to consider...
Undergraduatefishie21 - Dec 30, 2011 / Musicforleisure - Dec 31, 2011
|'the best undergraduate biology programs' - Cornell Supplement
Undergraduatesoshifan - Dec 30, 2011 / soshifan - Dec 31, 2011
|My new hobby is to explore and photograph my city and surrounding areas - Pratt Architecture Essay
2 - Born and raised in Turkey until the age of six, I've always had a peculiar fascination for architecture. ...
Undergraduateyersayin - Dec 30, 2011 / EF_Susan - Dec 31, 2011
|'the Irish bagpipes music' - Common application EC:: Saint Patrick's Day Celebrati
2 - So based on this, I would've never guessed you were an international student. This is very well written, and...
Undergraduatelzhd1028 - Dec 31, 2011 / nikariotz - Dec 31, 2011
|'coming to a different country' - Rice University Suppliment-culture and unique experience
Undergraduate4151yhh - Dec 31, 2011 / ka19921 - Dec 31, 2011
|'Learning languages is a hobby' - Common App Extracurricular
9 - I honestly don't think you have to change it at all. This answers the question - it elaborates on...
Undergraduatevelvetblossom - Dec 30, 2011 / nikariotz - Dec 31, 2011
|A Sons Hero, UCF Essay - My family constructed me who I am today
Undergraduatekenben12 - Dec 30, 2011 / kenben12 - Dec 31, 2011
|'algebra II and trigonometry' - Common app- Elaborate on an activity
25 - I don't know if I'm too late, but I really liked the final revision, especially the concluding sentence -...
Undergraduatesilentspring - Dec 25, 2011 / nikariotz - Dec 31, 2011
|Common App essay- Topic "We do not have the right to remain silent"
2 - I would reword this sentence; it's entirely too long and it could benefit from some compressing. ...
Undergraduateqandeeltariq - Dec 31, 2011 / velvetblossom - Dec 31, 2011
|'My favorite color is blue, I like dogs' - Stanford Supplement: Roomate Letter
9 - 2011college2011 It may be logical, though, since one would probably want to tell a lot without knowing where to...
Undergraduateerndawg - Dec 28, 2011 / DrunkLurker - Dec 31, 2011
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