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|A hobo changed my poverty perspective. Brown ESsay
6 - Take a look at my edits above and let me know once you've revised it. I took some unnecessary...
Undergraduatetehfunkicookie - Dec 31, 2011 / TheLeader - Dec 31, 2011
|'Pennsylvania was where I wanted to spend my life' Lehigh Supplement Unique Aspect
Undergraduatemaryp630 - Dec 31, 2011 / stars93 - Dec 31, 2011
|(electrical cord / IB diploma / leaders / engineers) - Columbia Short
5 - I too have read the concept of the singularity and i think its awesome. I would talk more about...
Undergraduatedychung7 - Dec 31, 2011 / masterkid114 - Dec 31, 2011
|'the contemporary world through different lenses' - Why Columbia
Undergraduatesilentspring - Dec 31, 2011 / InfinityQ - Dec 31, 2011
|'overall entrepreneurial spirit' - Stanford -- Roommate prompt
3 - Overall, great job. Your essay shows a lot about yourself, and how you can easily get well with your...
Undergraduatejaybee - Dec 31, 2011 / TheLeader - Dec 31, 2011
|UVA (End in sight / Engineering project)
NEW - I am just looking for help to proofread and imporve! I will edit your essay in return! Describe...
UndergraduateJamezNeedsHelp - Dec 31, 2011 / — -
|"The Five People You Meet in Heaven" - Most Meaningful Book - Columbia
3 - I like what you say here, but I find it a little superficial. It strikes me as something that...
Undergraduateaakash988 - Dec 31, 2011 / pinkcheetah - Dec 31, 2011
|NYU Supplement- My experiences that have helped cultivate my interests, etc.
Undergraduateedwkoc - Dec 30, 2011 / Pradodiana1 - Dec 31, 2011
|'I am a library' - rough draft of Common App
5 - I love the idea there with the library but you need more details about you. The sixth paragraph is...
Undergraduateforeverarianaaa - Dec 31, 2011 / Jerlynn - Dec 31, 2011
|Bard Supplement - Barbarians Erupt from Civilization
Undergraduateamespeed - Dec 27, 2011 / DrunkLurker - Dec 31, 2011
|Common app essay (topic of choice: Making fudge).
Undergraduateglj - Dec 31, 2011 / glj - Dec 31, 2011
|'The New Artistic Medium' - Rice Supplement: My Unique Perspective
6 - I think you should add more about how Macalester can help you. Maybe tell more about its characteristics? I...
Undergraduatedoortothe - Oct 21, 2011 / sg120 - Dec 31, 2011
|Influence, Dreams, Work Experience, and Scholarship-Syracuse Supplement
2 - You did a great job correcting your essays especially the first and third one, you have definately answered the...
UndergraduateMalJack93 - Dec 30, 2011 / omo5031 - Dec 31, 2011
|'my clear sense of goal' - Personal attribute I'm proud of (MIT admission)
4 - amespeed Thank you for your response! :) I'm thinking of adding "Had I simply gone with the flow, I...
UndergraduateDrunkLurker - Dec 31, 2011 / DrunkLurker - Dec 31, 2011
|'Math kicked me off my pedestal' - Common App Essay
3 - The other two already touched base on all the nitpick errors and all, so I offer my two cents...
Undergraduateshayshay3194 - Dec 30, 2011 / InfinityQ - Dec 31, 2011
|'the family physician' - Favorite class essay
Undergraduatesilentspring - Dec 28, 2011 / ohheyitstessa - Dec 31, 2011
|'art, violin, gymnastics, yoga, and climbing' - U-Penn Supplement
2 - I like the end. You got really specific. Try to add in more specific things about U Penn. Also,...
Undergraduategparfenov - Dec 31, 2011 / edwkoc - Dec 31, 2011
|"Don't send me to America!": Evaluate a significant experience
Undergraduate4903abcd - Dec 28, 2011 / sunnisyoung - Dec 31, 2011
|'I want to be remembered' - NYU SUPS
UndergraduateCheesyCake - Dec 31, 2011 / wahmed - Dec 31, 2011
|'the active applause to the last song' - work of music that has surprised me?
3 - Is this for UVA? Anyways, I think this essay would be better for the Common App extracurricular. The introduction...
Undergraduateinspirit - Dec 31, 2011 / dychung7 - Dec 31, 2011
|'photo collages' - Stanford -- Intellectual Vitality Prompt
3 - The essay itself is well written but just a few comments. You say that after being successful in...
Undergraduatejaybee - Dec 31, 2011 / pringles - Dec 31, 2011
|'curious to learn about the history of my area' - MIt essay world you come from
Undergraduateahmad999 - Dec 31, 2011 / pringles - Dec 31, 2011
|Common App - Topic 1 - Becoming more openminded
4 - I like the ending/last paragraph. Overall, it's quite an easy read and it was easy to follow but that...
Undergraduatealtang1 - Dec 30, 2011 / mlayton - Dec 31, 2011
|Stanford supplement -- bungee jumping
6 - an interesting essay, and certainly very unique. I would suggest elaborating some more, because aside from your acrophobia and...
UndergraduateBillyIon - Dec 31, 2011 / ashatan - Dec 31, 2011
|'GUATEMALA' - UVA- COMMON APP EDITING HELP
2 - I didn't find anything that bothered me grammatically. The advice I have to offer is that since you...
Undergraduateanpeterj - Dec 31, 2011 / pinkcheetah - Dec 31, 2011
|'waiting for the hip-hop squad's turn' - JSU #2 about yourself or your interests
2 - Today is finally the day of Stuyvesant's Sing! production. I'm anxiously sitting on a bench waiting for our hip-hop...
Undergraduatekyu - Dec 31, 2011 / ashatan - Dec 31, 2011
|"Jesus loves me!" - YALE supplement
3 - I would change the structure of the last sentence in that section because it makes it seem as...
Undergraduateags012 - Dec 31, 2011 / pinkcheetah - Dec 31, 2011
|'my parents are Danish' - essay
Undergraduateekreal - Dec 20, 2011 / ekreal - Dec 31, 2011
|'a gateway to my future; what could I ask for more?' - Northwestern university
2 - Ranked number 13 in the nation, Northwestern University, to me, is more than just a number. It is a...
Undergraduatestars93 - Dec 31, 2011 / ilovemax112105 - Dec 31, 2011
|Asked what I want to accomplish in life, my answer has unchangingly remained "to help those in pain"
UndergraduateRubyRed - Dec 31, 2011 / foreverarianaaa - Dec 31, 2011
|'Architecture builds a community' - Why I'm interested in this major essay
6 - I agree I was a bit confused in the beginning. Overall I think it's really good though. It's a...
Undergraduateckpckp1994 - Dec 31, 2011 / ohheyitstessa - Dec 31, 2011
|'the wrestling season' - Princeton supplement
Undergraduatepancake5 - Dec 31, 2011 / ahmad999 - Dec 31, 2011
|'most alarm clocks would stop' - Common App Essay
4 - This essay will undoubtedly emphasize you uniqueness. Lovely details to grab people's attention. I definitely like how you approach...
Undergraduatexxxthor - Dec 31, 2011 / stars93 - Dec 31, 2011
|'Hey buddy! Amigo! Tomodachi! ' - Stanford Supplement Roommate essay
Undergraduatetenki - Dec 31, 2011 / tenki - Dec 31, 2011
|'I hope to major in Biology' - UPenn
12 - Don't be monotonous mentioning Benjamin Franklin because a lot of people do it. I think the first paragraph is...
UndergraduateStrawberry78 - Dec 29, 2011 / Anxhela - Dec 31, 2011
|'curious as to why people do certain things and act certain ways' - NYU
9 - To be able to pursue an education and career answering various questions that I have had and observing the...
Undergraduateruthyj - Dec 28, 2011 / xxxthor - Dec 31, 2011
|'The psychological effects' Common App Main Essay & Lehigh Supplement
Undergraduatevelvetblossom - Dec 31, 2011 / pjy9394 - Dec 31, 2011
|'Envy and Diligence' - Common App Essay (Influential Person)
3 - I think "realized success" is correct. And any ideas on how to make the transition to the last...
Undergraduatepjy9394 - Dec 31, 2011 / pjy9394 - Dec 31, 2011
|Robotics Club and Learning to Plan: Rochester Supplement for edit
4 - Thanks for the advice guys! I really didn't like my second essay, so I completely rewrote it. Any edits...
Undergraduateehrohrer - Dec 31, 2011 / ehrohrer - Dec 31, 2011
|Natural Born World Shakers - Common App Essay
3 - I agree with lethalityKD's comment about being thesaurus-driven. Even if you didn't use a thesaurus, the vocab is a...
Undergraduatequarterer - Dec 27, 2011 / mlayton - Dec 31, 2011
|'middle-class Asian Bengali American of Long-Island' - Rice essay
6 - Your essay looks great! You definitely have an interesting background. That will make you stand out!...
Undergraduatesusmi007 - Dec 31, 2011 / Keontri23 - Dec 31, 2011
|'newly independent driver' or 'Nigeria trip' - Notre Dames
Undergraduatetravelgirl - Dec 31, 2011 / travelgirl - Dec 31, 2011
|'my problems are microscopic compared to others' Carnegie Mellon University supp
4 - So here's the thing If you want to make it interesting you should use stronger words. Do not say:...
Undergraduateeunsol - Dec 31, 2011 / deremifri - Dec 31, 2011
|Creation of my daily reading material - Tufts #3
5 - is this ending better?? Their creators' distinct passions fill me with exuberance; to know that there are normal...
Undergraduatehanshea12 - Dec 30, 2011 / hanshea12 - Dec 31, 2011
|'Running my first 400 meter race' - bard college supplement
5 - sorry...here is the prompt B) The Roman philosopher Seneca, writing in the first century, wrote a set of letters...
Undergraduateruthyj - Dec 28, 2011 / ruthyj - Dec 31, 2011
|'Lacking life' - What makes you a perfect candidate for FIT?
3 - I just modified it, but I still need help! Please? All my life, I have been somehow "lacking"....
Undergraduatealv2812 - Dec 31, 2011 / alv2812 - Dec 31, 2011
|Common App Extracurricular Essay - MIST
Undergraduateyusra12 - Dec 31, 2011 / yusra12 - Dec 31, 2011
|Winter break essay for school on GOALS
Undergraduaterosemarimalu - Dec 30, 2011 / rosemarimalu - Dec 31, 2011
|"the key to the future you seek?" - Georgetown
2 - it's really very creative.. i like your essay. Best of luck. (Can you help me with my essay?.....
UndergraduateKeontri23 - Dec 31, 2011 / susmi007 - Dec 31, 2011
|"I shop!" - MIT -Tell us something you do for the pleasure of it.
5 - Maybe the application of your nerdy language are not that necessary, since they are not what you do for...
Undergraduateleviator - Dec 30, 2011 / deremifri - Dec 31, 2011
|'to refine my computer science skill' - Cornell arts and sciences- comp sci major
3 - Wow!!! I really like your essay... it's really good. it's organized, well-written. :D I will really appretiate if you...
UndergraduateInfinity - Dec 31, 2011 / susmi007 - Dec 31, 2011
|UVa Supplement - World I come from "Neighbors"
3 - The problem with your essay is that you do not tell specific enough how the influence has shaped you....
Undergraduatedaniel44992 - Dec 30, 2011 / deremifri - Dec 31, 2011
|'serve on the FUHSD school board' - Common App: Extracurricular - too boring?
UndergraduateInfinityQ - Dec 31, 2011 / InfinityQ - Dec 31, 2011
|"Homeless guy " Common app essay
7 - I agree with the first person abt the intro... I dont think its necessay. The essay is really interesting...
Undergraduatederemifri - Dec 30, 2011 / need_advice - Dec 31, 2011
|Brown- theater on and off stage
Undergraduatesparkle225 - Dec 31, 2011 / daniel44992 - Dec 31, 2011
|'Chemistry' - Columbia supplement -- Chosen Major
2 - I think its great! Its very descriptive and I can easily see why you're interested in science. My one...
Undergraduatefirefox94 - Dec 31, 2011 / daniel44992 - Dec 31, 2011
|'an orchestral tour to Spain, Morocco' - Common App
Undergraduatesungmink94 - Dec 31, 2011 / nkprasad12 - Dec 31, 2011
|'Drawing an ocean' - Bates College essay
4 - When my 5th grade art teacher asked our class to draw an ocean, for some reason, I decided to...
Undergraduatepjw7109 - Dec 31, 2011 / kayleighlevitt - Dec 31, 2011
|'my main interest of study is in psychology' - Wisconsin-Madison
UndergraduateGman24 - Dec 29, 2011 / Gman24 - Dec 31, 2011
|MIT Admission - Baking, Bioengineering, and Personality
3 - I agree with Ace on the first one, add some more pizzazz. Suggestion: BAM! I cackled hysterically while...
Undergraduatelmialtyh7 - Dec 31, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 31, 2011
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