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|'Russia gave me something to work for' - CommonApp main Essay
12 - Incorporate this into another one of your sentences, it's only a sentence fragment and does not make sense...
Undergraduateashatan - Dec 28, 2011 / music920 - Dec 30, 2011
|Girls' Soccer - Common App Extracurricular
4 - @edwkoc Thank you! I'll try to tie it into my academic life :) @Pradodiana1 Thank you very much!...
UndergraduateJMy - Dec 30, 2011 / JMy - Dec 30, 2011
|'mom moved to the US from the Philippines' - Why NYU?
5 - Great essay! It clearly shows your personal connection from your parents to NYU. One thing that might help your...
Undergraduateedwkoc - Dec 30, 2011 / carochoi - Dec 30, 2011
|"Tasting the Detested". Common App Essay
Undergraduatedeesta - Dec 30, 2011 / Pradodiana1 - Dec 30, 2011
|Faculties / Chemistry / Crawl to Success - NYU
5 - Your second supplement to NYU needs a lot of work. Though you address that the university will help you...
Undergraduateandymarie - Dec 28, 2011 / carochoi - Dec 30, 2011
|'Diversity has always been familiar to me' - Penn community
4 - This is really good, the only thing I would say is to elaborate more on the last two paragraphs...
Undergraduatearam3 - Dec 30, 2011 / gparfenov - Dec 30, 2011
|'Travel to intrigue' - Himalayas and the city of Kathmandu - Notre Dame
6 - I am applying to the same school and I talked to other students about this essay topic and you...
Undergraduatezekyi - Dec 30, 2011 / bll2012 - Dec 30, 2011
|'pressure of my GCSE art course' - Intellectual vitality - stanford
4 - I like this draft much better! The solution of the enlarged photo shows the creativity you mentioned in the...
Undergraduatearicar17 - Dec 30, 2011 / pringles - Dec 30, 2011
|perspecitve and art - NYU
Undergraduatepaw1168 - Dec 30, 2011 / paw1168 - Dec 30, 2011
|aspects of Tufts' curriculum or undergraduate experience (Suppl. video included)
2 - 1.I am applying to Tufts U niversity because of the research opportunities that would be available to me at...
Undergraduatecece1577 - Dec 30, 2011 / danigreenhouse - Dec 30, 2011
|Bhagavad-Gita, my Hindu bible, my source of truth and my go-to for guidance: common app
2 - What stanza? The last sentence is a little confusing. I understand what you are trying to say, but...
Undergraduatebreaker746 - Dec 30, 2011 / taboriginal - Dec 30, 2011
|I was slightly discouraged; UVA - what has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you
Undergraduateneed_advice - Dec 30, 2011 / andymarie - Dec 30, 2011
|Working for Microsoft - Common App Main Essay
2 - All I have to say is...WOW. That's quite an amazing story! I think you'll get in hands down. Well...
UndergraduateAbsoluteBliss - Dec 30, 2011 / need_advice - Dec 30, 2011
|'connection with the song' - UVA Arts and sciences common app essay
4 - if u haven't crossed the word/character limit, plz try to put an introduction sort of line as the first...
UndergraduateTheN3094 - Dec 30, 2011 / proxy - Dec 30, 2011
|"Have you dissected any sheep eyeballs before?"; Indicate a Person of Influence
5 - Good description and very well written, but it is more of a description about your teacher. Emphasize the effect...
Undergraduateyuanyuan3045 - Dec 28, 2011 / taboriginal - Dec 30, 2011
|'soccer enthusiasts' - What factors have led you to consider Macalester College?
2 - Hey thank you so much for helping with my essay! This essay is really great, you really seem to...
Undergraduatesquiggles - Dec 30, 2011 / Pradodiana1 - Dec 30, 2011
|'Sorrow, anger, and doubt' - Stanford Essay: What matters to you and why?
3 - Heey! woah, first off i just wanted to say that I'm christian too, and strangely enough, i'm trying to...
Undergraduateangelserenite - Dec 30, 2011 / orbits22 - Dec 30, 2011
|Brown Curriculum - France and Psychology
3 - I think what you say is too superficial. Try to say something that makes clear and strong your love...
Undergraduateforeverarianaaa - Dec 30, 2011 / Anxhela - Dec 30, 2011
|'Becoming a book editor' - STANFORD - Intellectual Vitality
2 - the "just that much" contrasted with the "simply," but thats just my opinion. yes, please look at mine!...
Undergraduateswimnswing - Dec 30, 2011 / maianh94 - Dec 30, 2011
|'swim team' - your activities (extracurricular, personal activities)
2 - For clarification purposes: did this all transpire during your sophomore year? what do you mean by "in the end"-...
Undergraduatedougefreshh1 - Dec 30, 2011 / squiggles - Dec 30, 2011
|'Divorced parents and the average Joe' - Stanford - Intellectual vitality
3 - I really love your essay, your determination and passion shows through. However, you do make assumptions that no everyone...
Undergraduatetaboriginal - Dec 30, 2011 / yuanyuan3045 - Dec 30, 2011
|Diversity in a Community - Common App Essay - Feedback
2 - I think your essay would be better if you started with your teacher's comment and then you explain it....
UndergraduateAdsantos - Dec 30, 2011 / monique45 - Dec 30, 2011
|'Studying in a school following the Philippine curriculum' NYU significant experience
Undergraduateandymarie - Dec 28, 2011 / andymarie - Dec 30, 2011
|"My life's calling and without a warning"; Why Carnegie Mellon?
Undergraduatebommy1994 - Dec 30, 2011 / ashu8d - Dec 30, 2011
|'My cousin came over last week' - Stanford Roomate Essay
4 - its because of the "something" in the prompt. it sounds like its referrign to one thing only, thats why...
Undergraduatemaianh94 - Dec 30, 2011 / maianh94 - Dec 30, 2011
|'Logical person' - Letter to roommate - stanford supplement
4 - Instead of adding all these aspects of yourself, maybe cut it down to one or two aspects and expand...
Undergraduatearicar17 - Dec 30, 2011 / deesta - Dec 30, 2011
|Personal Essay Regarding the importance of Speech Pathology in our increasing society
5 - Thank you so much for taking the time to help me. I definitely took your advice, and have polished...
UndergraduateAcanders1 - Dec 17, 2011 / Acanders1 - Dec 30, 2011
|'Me fascinated with the human body' - Supplemental Essay to Harvard
3 - Hello Abigail, Here are my impressions on your essay: - First of all, I would remove the part "but...
UndergraduatePottergirl19 - Dec 30, 2011 / estandiaa - Dec 30, 2011
|'Intellectually alive' - Stanford Intellectual Vitality--In the zone!
Undergraduatezkachmer - Dec 30, 2011 / zkachmer - Dec 30, 2011
|'The research group' - the world you come from. (MIT admission essay)
6 - nknatalee864 There were two sets of complaints: the first one during the metting about "why do I have to...
UndergraduateDrunkLurker - Dec 30, 2011 / DrunkLurker - Dec 30, 2011
|'Macbeth and Socratic seminars' - Stanford Univ - Intellectual Vit. essay!
Undergraduatefishie21 - Dec 29, 2011 / fishie21 - Dec 30, 2011
|Brown Community - IB "poster girl"
Undergraduateforeverarianaaa - Dec 30, 2011 / rosemarimalu - Dec 30, 2011
|'Talented students / Science work / Study growth' - GWU+ honor Supplements
5 - Your essays are indeed very strong. Referring to your question on whether your 2nd essay still works with the...
Undergraduatecalvinwang - Dec 30, 2011 / TheN3094 - Dec 30, 2011
|William Sherwood Fox quote; which Penn Essay?--Wharton
5 - Not any major ones that i can tell atleast. One sentence that sounded a little awkward was the...
UndergraduateappliCAN - Dec 30, 2011 / pringles - Dec 30, 2011
|"Hakuna matata, what a wonderful phrase!" - Stanford Roommate Supplement Essay
8 - wow it is very well written. just some grammar mistakes, which are pointed out already by above posters....
Undergraduateangelserenite - Dec 29, 2011 / CheesyCake - Dec 30, 2011
|NYU- Why us? I've always strived to reach my full potential
Undergraduatehaikusoccer12 - Dec 30, 2011 / nkcnatalee864 - Dec 30, 2011
|'Jazz band / Election day / Perfect school' - Common App/Gettysburg
UndergraduateDeeAnn_Angela - Dec 30, 2011 / CheesyCake - Dec 30, 2011
|Lehigh Supplement: Founding your own college or university
Undergraduatemaryp630 - Dec 30, 2011 / 4151yhh - Dec 30, 2011
|Brown Describe a moment when your perspective changed -- Fast feedback
Undergraduatebookbug_xd - Dec 30, 2011 / taboriginal - Dec 30, 2011
|Lets have a momentary leave from reality- Stanford commonapp
8 - find a better word for leaves---momentary lapses? If there' s one thing people know about me, it's that I...
Undergraduatekholmes - Dec 27, 2011 / maianh94 - Dec 30, 2011
|You Are My Sunshine - Common App Essay
6 - Justine LOOOOLHAHA. thank you. I don't really talk about it, but I love writing!! Been having writers block...
UndergraduateJMy - Dec 30, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 30, 2011
|My parents got divorced; Significant Challenge I've faced: MIT
Undergraduatetheboss639 - Dec 29, 2011 / aricar17 - Dec 30, 2011
|'part of Team Tanzania' - What matters to you and why? Stanford APP
6 - great topic. but i agree with the first poster. there isn't really a point where you talk about why...
Undergraduatekholmes - Dec 27, 2011 / sarahbee - Dec 30, 2011
|Science in daily life / Study dedication - essay for Rice University
2 - ***When talking about the school, avoid statistics that the school already knows about. They want to know that you...
Undergraduate4151yhh - Dec 30, 2011 / taboriginal - Dec 30, 2011
|'John F. Kennedy was Catholic' - What Matters and Why? (Stanford)
2 - without which we wouldn't have lost to the Soviets in the Space Race--without which we would have minorities in...
Undergraduategooseman94 - Dec 29, 2011 / maianh94 - Dec 30, 2011
|Take a Risk! I send my fingers up the now-familiar rosewood frets. Notre Dame
3 - thanks! :)...
Undergraduatenkcnatalee864 - Dec 30, 2011 / nkcnatalee864 - Dec 30, 2011
|Letter to roomate - Stanford supplement
4 - really good essay! good transition from minimalism to diversity suddenly, showing off two extremes!...
Undergraduateestandiaa - Dec 30, 2011 / aricar17 - Dec 30, 2011
|'India Day Parade in America' - Brown supplement
5 - Think you meant "their" instead of "there." However "person," "has," and "me" is singular while "their" and "they"...
UndergraduateJaineel406 - Dec 30, 2011 / calvinwang - Dec 30, 2011
|'Volleyball companion' -Short activity essay
6 - Your passion shows through, very engaging essay! Also, thank you for helping with mine, and good luck!...
UndergraduateAnxhela - Dec 30, 2011 / yuanyuan3045 - Dec 30, 2011
|'found a job at a local store' - essay
8 - I agree with above posters, conclusion has to be stronger. Find something that other people will not be writing...
UndergraduateCheesyCake - Dec 30, 2011 / Anarion - Dec 30, 2011
|'Announcing the program for us' - Common App Short Answer
9 - Angela Suggestion: What could be more rewarding than that? I thought the ending would pop more with this...
Undergraduateyuanyuan3045 - Dec 29, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 30, 2011
|'I was struck by the beauty of the campus' - why yale short answer
Undergraduatearicar17 - Dec 30, 2011 / aricar17 - Dec 30, 2011
|From Miami / Public Relations / Weird activities - BostonU Supplements
Undergraduaterrolle - Dec 30, 2011 / rrolle - Dec 30, 2011
|MIT short essays "activity for pleasure" and "worst challenge"
Undergraduateahmad999 - Dec 30, 2011 / CheesyCake - Dec 30, 2011
|'My mom wanted to be a doctor' / 'Challenge' - MIT essay
Undergraduatesunil1 - Dec 30, 2011 / deremifri - Dec 30, 2011
|'Get along' + 'training' + 'robotics' - Stanford Short Essays (all 3)
NEW - I know the deadline is quickly approaching so I hope someone can answer asap. This is what I have...
Undergraduatetwinget - Dec 30, 2011 / — -
|'the Quark Model' - MIT rec
6 - Thanks for letting me know that! I have included one of the instances where I found a problem beyond...
Undergraduatekruthimohan - Dec 30, 2011 / kruthimohan - Dec 30, 2011
|What labeled one of the happiest days of our lives was the day my grandfather took those few steps
NEW - TOPIC: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence. What was labeled...
Undergraduatemukhia08 - Dec 30, 2011 / — -
|I will be a part of a culturally and intellectually diverse community; Why CMU?
2 - I think some parts could definitely be condensed--try to get the most meaning across in the least amounts of...
Undergraduatemshi94 - Dec 30, 2011 / capriciousprite - Dec 30, 2011
|Stanford Supplement: Roomate Letter (My Tacklebox)
UndergraduateappliCAN - Dec 30, 2011 / cmaher92 - Dec 30, 2011
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