|Undergraduate [25,739] - page 194 of 429|
|'My Carnival Prize' - interests and learning materials
3 - this is good. interesting activity! interms of content you could mention something about what you have learnt form it...
Undergraduatestressedout - Dec 28, 2011 / lostboy10 - Dec 28, 2011
|Common Application Extracurricular activity-Environmental Issues
3 - the transition between your introduction and rest is a bit choppy. maybe consider just 1 question instead of 2....
UndergraduateDeepaJ19 - Dec 28, 2011 / lostboy10 - Dec 28, 2011
|Could I write an essay about the Internet? Of course I can, it's NYU!
Undergraduatesagerfrog - Dec 28, 2011 / lethalityKD - Dec 28, 2011
|Becoming a smarter person it's a natural part of growing up - Stanford; Intellectual Development
6 - Try not to talk negatively about anyone (even yourself) in your essay. Your essay does not seem to convey...
Undergraduategooseman94 - Dec 28, 2011 / Strawberry78 - Dec 28, 2011
|'academic excellence, location, small student body' - Why Tufts?
7 - you could also talk about the jan month where you can travel or pursue something you normall wouldnt have....
Undergraduatecherrybomb94 - Dec 27, 2011 / lostboy10 - Dec 28, 2011
|UChicago Required Short Essay
6 - Hm okay. Thanks (both of you), I'll work on making the essay more specific, and less awkward. =)...
UndergraduateSuppiSteph - Dec 28, 2011 / SuppiSteph - Dec 28, 2011
|'Not ashamed of my duties' - CommonApp - I am japanese
15 - Hi a good content! The restrooms in my school arewere always kept clean. I always wondered about the mysterious...
Undergraduatekikuchi - Dec 16, 2011 / Musicforleisure - Dec 28, 2011
|Common App Extracurricular Essay - Pit Orchestra
Undergraduatekimisizer - Dec 28, 2011 / kimisizer - Dec 28, 2011
|Hope -Stanford - What matters to you and why?
3 - Thnks Christine. Thts a good suggestion, but I've already mentioned that point several times in the essay itself, so...
Undergraduatemetalstriker - Dec 28, 2011 / metalstriker - Dec 28, 2011
|" Why Columbia? ". Several factors combined.
8 - Hey Sarah, I was waiting for someone to tear it apart. You've been a great help. Thank you so...
UndergraduatelethalityKD - Dec 28, 2011 / lethalityKD - Dec 28, 2011
|Columbia Supplement - "Why this Major" + "Meaningful Book"
8 - From your comments I've gathered that I'm a very awkward writer, lol! but thank so much for reviewing my...
UndergraduateDMA17 - Dec 28, 2011 / DMA17 - Dec 28, 2011
|'psychology course' - Help with Johns Hopkins supplement
2 - This essay's exactly what you need. It's a little blunt, but Tufts is not looking for an astounding essay....
Undergraduatestressedout - Dec 28, 2011 / sagerfrog - Dec 28, 2011
|Why Swarthmore -- Phirst Draught
Undergraduatesagerfrog - Dec 28, 2011 / sagerfrog - Dec 28, 2011
|"Bug Lover": Tufts University essay
4 - Thanks you guys so much! For the last rhetorical question, what I meant to say was that if we...
Undergraduatecherrybomb94 - Dec 28, 2011 / cherrybomb94 - Dec 28, 2011
|'a child of science' - Cornell: CAS Supplement
10 - Rewrite to make it seem more specific to Cornell _________________ I am a child of science. Doubtlessly, this...
UndergraduateHopefulApplier - Dec 27, 2011 / HopefulApplier - Dec 28, 2011
|When You Didn't Exist (M&Ms and Solipsism) - Common App Essay
8 - Of my stranger attributes, I have the ability to recollect even the most shaded of memories from wherever they've...
Undergraduatepitchfork - Dec 28, 2011 / bll2012 - Dec 28, 2011
|"The Most Important Night of Your Life" - Common App Essay
2 - WOW. I've been plowing through a lot of essays today, but this one is incredible. I love the videogame...
UndergraduateGraceTaylorWei - Dec 28, 2011 / Eigenvector - Dec 28, 2011
|'Getting an artistic pattern' - CommonApp Elaborate on an Extracurricular
5 - Xander You have a really good and pretty unique extracurricular essay going on here. Just one thing. Colleges...
UndergraduateEigenvector - Dec 28, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 28, 2011
|"Proud to be a cartoon addict" (Common App Statement) Need help shortening!
UndergraduateJoyfulldreams - Dec 28, 2011 / Joyfulldreams - Dec 28, 2011
|Common App Essay [What topic should this be if I want to choose my own topic?]
Undergraduatekorienfan - Dec 28, 2011 / korienfan - Dec 28, 2011
|MIT How has your Personality impacted your Life?
Undergraduatecupnoodle123 - Dec 28, 2011 / cupnoodle123 - Dec 28, 2011
|'Yoga, Take in a deep breath' - Common Application Extracurricular activity
UndergraduateAbhaJ19 - Dec 28, 2011 / ThelionN - Dec 28, 2011
|Eat,Pray, Love- UVa supp
4 - It's a very powerful essay. Especially you openly praised Muslim devotion to their religion and God. But I agree...
Undergraduatearianna_muv - Dec 28, 2011 / DeepaJ19 - Dec 28, 2011
|"learning through video games" - Why Computer Science (carnegie mellon)
4 - maybe instead of "uncovering my future" you could say "uncovering my interest" Also, for formal essays numbers like "7th...
Undergraduatemiketheaddict - Dec 28, 2011 / cherrybomb94 - Dec 28, 2011
|UChicago Required Essay: What does Play-doh have to do with Plato?
UndergraduateSuppiSteph - Dec 28, 2011 / cherrybomb94 - Dec 28, 2011
|'visited Japan earlier the summer' - Diversity 2nd choice for common app essay
2 - Overall, solid essay. I think it would be better if you refrained from using "diversity" in your last sentence,...
Undergraduatepostscript94 - Dec 28, 2011 / carochoi - Dec 28, 2011
|Cornell Supplement Essay College of Arts and Sciences
Undergraduatejesusc11 - Dec 28, 2011 / jesusc11 - Dec 28, 2011
|Urbana Champaign Essay #1 Academic Interest - Civil and environmental engineering
2 - where sights of people starving could not be missed--where I always saw people starving But when I saw that...
Undergraduateangaduday - Dec 28, 2011 / cherrybomb94 - Dec 28, 2011
|'Making my mark academically' - Stanford-- What matters to you? and why?
5 - So what exactly is it that matters to you - your dreams, your goals, your career, your future? Somewhat...
Undergraduatezkachmer - Dec 28, 2011 / gurecka - Dec 28, 2011
|NYU (online store + stern)
3 - I think you can elaborate more in your last paragraph. If possible, try to cut a few things out...
Undergraduatehellokittyhello - Dec 27, 2011 / carochoi - Dec 28, 2011
|'Student's freedom to own curriculum' - Duke Supplement: Why Trinity College?
Undergraduateyuanyuan3045 - Dec 28, 2011 / yuanyuan3045 - Dec 28, 2011
|Experience -- Commonapp short answer
3 - I couldn't catch anything grammatical but like SuppiSteph said, I think you should expand on your story. You have...
UndergraduateSagar_Patel12 - Dec 28, 2011 / kimisizer - Dec 28, 2011
|Why Northwestern? This is my dream school; perfect balance between academics, music and athletics
2 - Hey, I really like you essay! maybe just one thing?: ...that my dream school exists(rather than past tense existed)...
UndergraduateWildcatSR - Dec 28, 2011 / ruthyj - Dec 28, 2011
|'The bright moon' - help edit my williams supplement
3 - The rhythm in this sentence is nice, but anathema, denunciation, and malediction sound too puffy for me--try to...
Undergraduatem45over - Dec 28, 2011 / Klabberghasted - Dec 28, 2011
|Boston University Essay - Roommate Essay
6 - A. Shamira I agree with Manpreet about the personal tone. I liked your ending in particular, nice touch...
Undergraduateseaweedsong - Dec 28, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 28, 2011
|Brown: Long Answer
UndergraduateHopefulApplier - Dec 28, 2011 / HopefulApplier - Dec 28, 2011
|'Contributing more to the society' - common app essay on an extracurricular
3 - My feedback: +Good essay, however.. -Please look at what I wrote above -Yusra is right. It seems like almost...
UndergraduateJaineel406 - Dec 28, 2011 / TheLeader - Dec 28, 2011
|JHU Supplement - Physics and Astronomy
Undergraduatekimisizer - Dec 28, 2011 / kimisizer - Dec 28, 2011
|'being a American' - Common APP Achievement Essay
8 - As Theleader said, you need some variety in sentence structure. It doesn't really matter but it'll help with the...
Undergraduatesingh955 - Dec 28, 2011 / seaweedsong - Dec 28, 2011
|MIT: How has your world shaped your dreams?
2 - first sentence: interesting office second sentence: yet was there often. I think yet indicates some sort of contradiction, which...
Undergraduatecupnoodle123 - Dec 28, 2011 / deremifri - Dec 28, 2011
|Columbia Supplement Essays (Why Columbia and Why Biology)
UndergraduateEigenvector - Dec 28, 2011 / music920 - Dec 28, 2011
|'images have lingered to this day' - Cornell College of HumanEc
3 - wow,thats quite a compelling essay. I really like it! it seems Dasadhikari found all the grammer mistakes,and with content...
UndergraduateCollegeHopefuls - Dec 28, 2011 / yusra12 - Dec 28, 2011
|'An extension of life' - JHU supplement essay
UndergraduateJaineel406 - Dec 28, 2011 / Jaineel406 - Dec 28, 2011
|JHU Supplement Essay - MAJORS question
4 - I felt like the first paragraph had some contradicting sentences like how something routine you saw yourself becoming a...
Undergraduatenikariotz - Dec 28, 2011 / Jaineel406 - Dec 28, 2011
|'childlike innocence' - Williams looking through a window supplement
Undergraduatemusic920 - Dec 28, 2011 / Eigenvector - Dec 28, 2011
|Common App Essay: Baking
Undergraduatelolcopters - Dec 28, 2011 / sm09 - Dec 28, 2011
|'Not a random mixture of ethnicities alone' - Common App essay diversity
Undergraduateujax - Dec 26, 2011 / ujax - Dec 28, 2011
|Inituitive- UPenn Essay Prompt Answer
6 - Im applying to Penn too=] i really like it,but i dont think the scenario you give quite fits with...
UndergraduateStrawberry78 - Dec 28, 2011 / yusra12 - Dec 28, 2011
|NYU Tisch dramatic story - introduce yourself; needs shortening
Undergraduateseaweed77 - Dec 28, 2011 / — -
|'smiling at strangers' - stanford essay - what matters to you and why?
Undergraduaterunner57 - Dec 28, 2011 / runner57 - Dec 28, 2011
|'church has been the apple of my eye' MIT: How has your world shaped your dreams?
5 - Maybe discuss a different aspect of your community too, and talk about how the church and say...your school experience......
Undergraduatecupnoodle123 - Dec 28, 2011 / zkachmer - Dec 28, 2011
|New York life / Middlemarch' Dorothea - NYU Supplements
6 - no thanks alot strawberry78, i took alot of your advice it really helped:) would you mind reading my other...
Undergraduateruthyj - Dec 28, 2011 / ruthyj - Dec 28, 2011
|'Blue, Gold, and FTR Spectrometers' - Why Notre Dame
5 - I think you expressed your desire to attend Notre Dame really well :) You are a very good writer...
Undergraduatetwilista - Dec 18, 2011 / rahilsavani - Dec 28, 2011
|'my energy in the classroom' - Why UPenn and what can you contribute?
9 - this is really good, but with the fourth paragraph remember not to merely tell but show like you did...
Undergraduatesharx - Dec 15, 2011 / simplyekko - Dec 28, 2011
|$$$ Why Columbia University? Short Response $$$
4 - Okay I see what your trying to do. You personified Columbia and are having a conversation with he/she. I...
Undergraduatemarcusrschmidt - Dec 28, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 28, 2011
|Eating Guinea Pigs-Penn Optional
3 - This is excellent writing. I hope the AO reader is not a guinea pig lover who will feel prejudiced...
Undergraduatearianna_muv - Dec 20, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Dec 28, 2011
|Need Common app personal essay opinion!
2 - Rephrase your first sentence to make sound like an original thought. You did not really explain your reason for...
Undergraduatebahamuthx - Dec 28, 2011 / Strawberry78 - Dec 28, 2011
|Tufts University personal outlook short essay
4 - Vanessa I agree with EO, focus on three/four qualities and then elaborate. Also the prompt was not limiting...
Undergraduatevanipinto2005 - Dec 28, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 28, 2011
|'get calls from the hospital in the morning' - John's Hopkins Supplement essay
4 - I think you can further tell them about how you think JHU can benefit you...by doing so you can...
UndergraduateJaineel406 - Dec 28, 2011 / desertautumn - Dec 28, 2011
|'Lugogo, Uganda' - Common app essay
Undergraduaterahilsavani - Dec 28, 2011 / rahilsavani - Dec 28, 2011
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