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|'Transitioning into a young adult' - Common APP
3 - Very powerful essay. I agree with Carolynn in saying that there is little that needs fixing. I would definitely...
Undergraduateangelserenite - Dec 29, 2011 / arbrelibre - Dec 29, 2011
|'getting the ball into the hole' - Common APP Short Essay
Undergraduatesingh955 - Dec 28, 2011 / singh955 - Dec 29, 2011
|MIT - Personality Essay
Undergraduatemetalstriker - Dec 28, 2011 / metalstriker - Dec 29, 2011
|Cliche image of kids holding hands under a rainbow - Yale Supplement
Undergraduatemakman09 - Dec 28, 2011 / angelserenite - Dec 29, 2011
|Johns Hopkins Supplemental Essay -Origins
4 - I really like where you're going, but I agree wholeheartedly with the other posters. Please make some changes and...
UndergraduateAbhaJ19 - Dec 29, 2011 / fiyero49 - Dec 29, 2011
|'I ignore the insults' - CommonApp supplement- extracurricular essay
6 - I think you have an interesting take on something most people would find very shocking and, well, mean. I...
Undergraduateashatan - Dec 28, 2011 / karissa_a16 - Dec 29, 2011
|Emory Supplement Essay - "A New Adventure"
4 - it's great!! it has examples of every aspect you talk about and it flows really well. i like it!!...
UndergraduateSuzhou - Dec 29, 2011 / ubchiu - Dec 29, 2011
|'to be around students who really know how to get down and party' - "why Upenn"?
5 - Definitely a great essay- its not presumptuous, and the humor flows well. I don't know much about UPenn, so...
Undergraduatemaroon5 - Dec 28, 2011 / ashatan - Dec 29, 2011
|'The urge of success and satisfaction' - Standford: What matters to you?
2 - I don't like the ending because it sounds too superficial. Maybe change it something abstract about challenges. But that's...
UndergraduatelethalityKD - Dec 29, 2011 / makman09 - Dec 29, 2011
|'Dear Admissions Staff, I don't give a Shih Tzu'
19 - I'm going to just be brutally honest: This sounds more like a dating website profile than a college application...
Undergraduatekarissa_a16 - Dec 27, 2011 / ElyGeoSav - Dec 29, 2011
|Youth2Youth organization. Short Extracurricular activities essay - for you critique!
Undergraduatefiyero49 - Dec 29, 2011 / makman09 - Dec 29, 2011
|Amherst Supplement Essay "Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat."
UndergraduateVvarsha - Dec 26, 2011 / AbhaJ19 - Dec 29, 2011
|'The California coast line' - Help me with the common app essay- Opening paragraph
2 - It was the perfect moment. The sun was setting off the California coast line. The summer breeze pushed my...
Undergraduatewahmed - Dec 29, 2011 / nr554 - Dec 29, 2011
|strengths and limits introduced by one new global language
3 - You could mention that if a global language is implemented, it should only start with children from the age...
Undergraduateericlau - Dec 28, 2011 / Strawberry78 - Dec 29, 2011
|Should I include this for MIT?
3 - I think you should include it. But it's ultimately up to you. People usually don't write about the topic...
Undergraduategarrettmc - Dec 28, 2011 / 4903abcd - Dec 28, 2011
|'the field of biomedical engineering' - UPenn Supplement
Undergraduatewya7890 - Dec 28, 2011 / lethalityKD - Dec 28, 2011
|Eggcellent-Cornell College of Engineering Interest Essay
4 - Personally I really like your story; it's descriptive and fun to read. But you should relate to Cornell....
Undergraduatedasadhikarik - Dec 28, 2011 / CollegeHopefuls - Dec 28, 2011
|'tours of Atlanta' - Stanford - Intellectual Vitality
2 - Your essay is well crafted. I would suggest how that new found confidence affected other aspects of your life,...
Undergraduatechocofudge0 - Dec 28, 2011 / Strawberry78 - Dec 28, 2011
|Lafayette College - Cur Non moment
12 - Your from Singapore? Get out! It is pretty cool here I'll admit. Yep, I am guilty as charge too,...
UndergraduateRavenclaw_roar - Dec 28, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 28, 2011
|'My Carnival Prize' - interests and learning materials
3 - this is good. interesting activity! interms of content you could mention something about what you have learnt form it...
Undergraduatestressedout - Dec 28, 2011 / lostboy10 - Dec 28, 2011
|Common Application Extracurricular activity-Environmental Issues
3 - the transition between your introduction and rest is a bit choppy. maybe consider just 1 question instead of 2....
UndergraduateDeepaJ19 - Dec 28, 2011 / lostboy10 - Dec 28, 2011
|Could I write an essay about the Internet? Of course I can, it's NYU!
Undergraduatesagerfrog - Dec 28, 2011 / lethalityKD - Dec 28, 2011
|Becoming a smarter person it's a natural part of growing up - Stanford; Intellectual Development
6 - Try not to talk negatively about anyone (even yourself) in your essay. Your essay does not seem to convey...
Undergraduategooseman94 - Dec 28, 2011 / Strawberry78 - Dec 28, 2011
|'academic excellence, location, small student body' - Why Tufts?
7 - you could also talk about the jan month where you can travel or pursue something you normall wouldnt have....
Undergraduatecherrybomb94 - Dec 27, 2011 / lostboy10 - Dec 28, 2011
|UChicago Required Short Essay
6 - Hm okay. Thanks (both of you), I'll work on making the essay more specific, and less awkward. =)...
UndergraduateSuppiSteph - Dec 28, 2011 / SuppiSteph - Dec 28, 2011
|Common App Extracurricular Essay - Pit Orchestra
Undergraduatekimisizer - Dec 28, 2011 / kimisizer - Dec 28, 2011
|Hope -Stanford - What matters to you and why?
3 - Thnks Christine. Thts a good suggestion, but I've already mentioned that point several times in the essay itself, so...
Undergraduatemetalstriker - Dec 28, 2011 / metalstriker - Dec 28, 2011
|" Why Columbia? ". Several factors combined.
8 - Hey Sarah, I was waiting for someone to tear it apart. You've been a great help. Thank you so...
UndergraduatelethalityKD - Dec 28, 2011 / lethalityKD - Dec 28, 2011
|Columbia Supplement - "Why this Major" + "Meaningful Book"
8 - From your comments I've gathered that I'm a very awkward writer, lol! but thank so much for reviewing my...
UndergraduateDMA17 - Dec 28, 2011 / DMA17 - Dec 28, 2011
|'psychology course' - Help with Johns Hopkins supplement
2 - This essay's exactly what you need. It's a little blunt, but Tufts is not looking for an astounding essay....
Undergraduatestressedout - Dec 28, 2011 / sagerfrog - Dec 28, 2011
|Why Swarthmore -- Phirst Draught
Undergraduatesagerfrog - Dec 28, 2011 / sagerfrog - Dec 28, 2011
|"Bug Lover": Tufts University essay
4 - Thanks you guys so much! For the last rhetorical question, what I meant to say was that if we...
Undergraduatecherrybomb94 - Dec 28, 2011 / cherrybomb94 - Dec 28, 2011
|'a child of science' - Cornell: CAS Supplement
10 - Rewrite to make it seem more specific to Cornell _________________ I am a child of science. Doubtlessly, this...
UndergraduateHopefulApplier - Dec 27, 2011 / HopefulApplier - Dec 28, 2011
|When You Didn't Exist (M&Ms and Solipsism) - Common App Essay
8 - Of my stranger attributes, I have the ability to recollect even the most shaded of memories from wherever they've...
Undergraduatepitchfork - Dec 28, 2011 / bll2012 - Dec 28, 2011
|"The Most Important Night of Your Life" - Common App Essay
2 - WOW. I've been plowing through a lot of essays today, but this one is incredible. I love the videogame...
UndergraduateGraceTaylorWei - Dec 28, 2011 / Eigenvector - Dec 28, 2011
|Pace University and Common APP Essay: "What My Application Doesn't Show"
Undergraduatebll2012 - Dec 28, 2011 / — -
|'Getting an artistic pattern' - CommonApp Elaborate on an Extracurricular
5 - Xander You have a really good and pretty unique extracurricular essay going on here. Just one thing. Colleges...
UndergraduateEigenvector - Dec 28, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 28, 2011
|"Proud to be a cartoon addict" (Common App Statement) Need help shortening!
UndergraduateJoyfulldreams - Dec 28, 2011 / Joyfulldreams - Dec 28, 2011
|Common App Essay [What topic should this be if I want to choose my own topic?]
Undergraduatekorienfan - Dec 28, 2011 / korienfan - Dec 28, 2011
|MIT How has your Personality impacted your Life?
Undergraduatecupnoodle123 - Dec 28, 2011 / cupnoodle123 - Dec 28, 2011
|'Yoga, Take in a deep breath' - Common Application Extracurricular activity
UndergraduateAbhaJ19 - Dec 28, 2011 / ThelionN - Dec 28, 2011
|Eat,Pray, Love- UVa supp
4 - It's a very powerful essay. Especially you openly praised Muslim devotion to their religion and God. But I agree...
Undergraduatearianna_muv - Dec 28, 2011 / DeepaJ19 - Dec 28, 2011
|"learning through video games" - Why Computer Science (carnegie mellon)
4 - maybe instead of "uncovering my future" you could say "uncovering my interest" Also, for formal essays numbers like "7th...
Undergraduatemiketheaddict - Dec 28, 2011 / cherrybomb94 - Dec 28, 2011
|UChicago Required Essay: What does Play-doh have to do with Plato?
UndergraduateSuppiSteph - Dec 28, 2011 / cherrybomb94 - Dec 28, 2011
|'visited Japan earlier the summer' - Diversity 2nd choice for common app essay
2 - Overall, solid essay. I think it would be better if you refrained from using "diversity" in your last sentence,...
Undergraduatepostscript94 - Dec 28, 2011 / carochoi - Dec 28, 2011
|Cornell Supplement Essay College of Arts and Sciences
Undergraduatejesusc11 - Dec 28, 2011 / jesusc11 - Dec 28, 2011
|Urbana Champaign Essay #1 Academic Interest - Civil and environmental engineering
2 - where sights of people starving could not be missed--where I always saw people starving But when I saw that...
Undergraduateangaduday - Dec 28, 2011 / cherrybomb94 - Dec 28, 2011
|'Making my mark academically' - Stanford-- What matters to you? and why?
5 - So what exactly is it that matters to you - your dreams, your goals, your career, your future? Somewhat...
Undergraduatezkachmer - Dec 28, 2011 / gurecka - Dec 28, 2011
|NYU (online store + stern)
3 - I think you can elaborate more in your last paragraph. If possible, try to cut a few things out...
Undergraduatehellokittyhello - Dec 27, 2011 / carochoi - Dec 28, 2011
|'Student's freedom to own curriculum' - Duke Supplement: Why Trinity College?
Undergraduateyuanyuan3045 - Dec 28, 2011 / yuanyuan3045 - Dec 28, 2011
|Experience -- Commonapp short answer
3 - I couldn't catch anything grammatical but like SuppiSteph said, I think you should expand on your story. You have...
UndergraduateSagar_Patel12 - Dec 28, 2011 / kimisizer - Dec 28, 2011
|Why Northwestern? This is my dream school; perfect balance between academics, music and athletics
2 - Hey, I really like you essay! maybe just one thing?: ...that my dream school exists(rather than past tense existed)...
UndergraduateWildcatSR - Dec 28, 2011 / ruthyj - Dec 28, 2011
|'The bright moon' - help edit my williams supplement
3 - The rhythm in this sentence is nice, but anathema, denunciation, and malediction sound too puffy for me--try to...
Undergraduatem45over - Dec 28, 2011 / Klabberghasted - Dec 28, 2011
|Boston University Essay - Roommate Essay
6 - A. Shamira I agree with Manpreet about the personal tone. I liked your ending in particular, nice touch...
Undergraduateseaweedsong - Dec 28, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 28, 2011
|Brown: Long Answer
UndergraduateHopefulApplier - Dec 28, 2011 / HopefulApplier - Dec 28, 2011
|'Contributing more to the society' - common app essay on an extracurricular
3 - My feedback: +Good essay, however.. -Please look at what I wrote above -Yusra is right. It seems like almost...
UndergraduateJaineel406 - Dec 28, 2011 / TheLeader - Dec 28, 2011
|JHU Supplement - Physics and Astronomy
Undergraduatekimisizer - Dec 28, 2011 / kimisizer - Dec 28, 2011
|'being a American' - Common APP Achievement Essay
8 - As Theleader said, you need some variety in sentence structure. It doesn't really matter but it'll help with the...
Undergraduatesingh955 - Dec 28, 2011 / seaweedsong - Dec 28, 2011
|MIT: How has your world shaped your dreams?
2 - first sentence: interesting office second sentence: yet was there often. I think yet indicates some sort of contradiction, which...
Undergraduatecupnoodle123 - Dec 28, 2011 / deremifri - Dec 28, 2011
|Columbia Supplement Essays (Why Columbia and Why Biology)
UndergraduateEigenvector - Dec 28, 2011 / music920 - Dec 28, 2011
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