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|"Proud to be a cartoon addict" (Common App Statement) Need help shortening!
UndergraduateJoyfulldreams - Dec 28, 2011 / Joyfulldreams - Dec 28, 2011
|Common App Essay [What topic should this be if I want to choose my own topic?]
Undergraduatekorienfan - Dec 28, 2011 / korienfan - Dec 28, 2011
|MIT How has your Personality impacted your Life?
Undergraduatecupnoodle123 - Dec 28, 2011 / cupnoodle123 - Dec 28, 2011
|'Yoga, Take in a deep breath' - Common Application Extracurricular activity
UndergraduateAbhaJ19 - Dec 28, 2011 / ThelionN - Dec 28, 2011
|Eat,Pray, Love- UVa supp
4 - It's a very powerful essay. Especially you openly praised Muslim devotion to their religion and God. But I agree...
Undergraduatearianna_muv - Dec 28, 2011 / DeepaJ19 - Dec 28, 2011
|"learning through video games" - Why Computer Science (carnegie mellon)
4 - maybe instead of "uncovering my future" you could say "uncovering my interest" Also, for formal essays numbers like "7th...
Undergraduatemiketheaddict - Dec 28, 2011 / cherrybomb94 - Dec 28, 2011
|UChicago Required Essay: What does Play-doh have to do with Plato?
UndergraduateSuppiSteph - Dec 28, 2011 / cherrybomb94 - Dec 28, 2011
|'visited Japan earlier the summer' - Diversity 2nd choice for common app essay
2 - Overall, solid essay. I think it would be better if you refrained from using "diversity" in your last sentence,...
Undergraduatepostscript94 - Dec 28, 2011 / carochoi - Dec 28, 2011
|Cornell Supplement Essay College of Arts and Sciences
Undergraduatejesusc11 - Dec 28, 2011 / jesusc11 - Dec 28, 2011
|Urbana Champaign Essay #1 Academic Interest - Civil and environmental engineering
2 - where sights of people starving could not be missed--where I always saw people starving But when I saw that...
Undergraduateangaduday - Dec 28, 2011 / cherrybomb94 - Dec 28, 2011
|'Making my mark academically' - Stanford-- What matters to you? and why?
5 - So what exactly is it that matters to you - your dreams, your goals, your career, your future? Somewhat...
Undergraduatezkachmer - Dec 28, 2011 / gurecka - Dec 28, 2011
|NYU (online store + stern)
3 - I think you can elaborate more in your last paragraph. If possible, try to cut a few things out...
Undergraduatehellokittyhello - Dec 27, 2011 / carochoi - Dec 28, 2011
|'Student's freedom to own curriculum' - Duke Supplement: Why Trinity College?
Undergraduateyuanyuan3045 - Dec 28, 2011 / yuanyuan3045 - Dec 28, 2011
|Experience -- Commonapp short answer
3 - I couldn't catch anything grammatical but like SuppiSteph said, I think you should expand on your story. You have...
UndergraduateSagar_Patel12 - Dec 28, 2011 / kimisizer - Dec 28, 2011
|Why Northwestern? This is my dream school; perfect balance between academics, music and athletics
2 - Hey, I really like you essay! maybe just one thing?: ...that my dream school exists(rather than past tense existed)...
UndergraduateWildcatSR - Dec 28, 2011 / ruthyj - Dec 28, 2011
|'The bright moon' - help edit my williams supplement
3 - The rhythm in this sentence is nice, but anathema, denunciation, and malediction sound too puffy for me--try to...
Undergraduatem45over - Dec 28, 2011 / Klabberghasted - Dec 28, 2011
|Boston University Essay - Roommate Essay
6 - A. Shamira I agree with Manpreet about the personal tone. I liked your ending in particular, nice touch...
Undergraduateseaweedsong - Dec 28, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 28, 2011
|Brown: Long Answer
UndergraduateHopefulApplier - Dec 28, 2011 / HopefulApplier - Dec 28, 2011
|'Contributing more to the society' - common app essay on an extracurricular
3 - My feedback: +Good essay, however.. -Please look at what I wrote above -Yusra is right. It seems like almost...
UndergraduateJaineel406 - Dec 28, 2011 / TheLeader - Dec 28, 2011
|JHU Supplement - Physics and Astronomy
Undergraduatekimisizer - Dec 28, 2011 / kimisizer - Dec 28, 2011
|'being a American' - Common APP Achievement Essay
8 - As Theleader said, you need some variety in sentence structure. It doesn't really matter but it'll help with the...
Undergraduatesingh955 - Dec 28, 2011 / seaweedsong - Dec 28, 2011
|MIT: How has your world shaped your dreams?
2 - first sentence: interesting office second sentence: yet was there often. I think yet indicates some sort of contradiction, which...
Undergraduatecupnoodle123 - Dec 28, 2011 / deremifri - Dec 28, 2011
|Columbia Supplement Essays (Why Columbia and Why Biology)
UndergraduateEigenvector - Dec 28, 2011 / music920 - Dec 28, 2011
|'images have lingered to this day' - Cornell College of HumanEc
3 - wow,thats quite a compelling essay. I really like it! it seems Dasadhikari found all the grammer mistakes,and with content...
UndergraduateCollegeHopefuls - Dec 28, 2011 / yusra12 - Dec 28, 2011
|'An extension of life' - JHU supplement essay
UndergraduateJaineel406 - Dec 28, 2011 / Jaineel406 - Dec 28, 2011
|JHU Supplement Essay - MAJORS question
4 - I felt like the first paragraph had some contradicting sentences like how something routine you saw yourself becoming a...
Undergraduatenikariotz - Dec 28, 2011 / Jaineel406 - Dec 28, 2011
|'childlike innocence' - Williams looking through a window supplement
Undergraduatemusic920 - Dec 28, 2011 / Eigenvector - Dec 28, 2011
|Common App Essay: Baking
Undergraduatelolcopters - Dec 28, 2011 / sm09 - Dec 28, 2011
|'Not a random mixture of ethnicities alone' - Common App essay diversity
Undergraduateujax - Dec 26, 2011 / ujax - Dec 28, 2011
|Inituitive- UPenn Essay Prompt Answer
6 - Im applying to Penn too=] i really like it,but i dont think the scenario you give quite fits with...
UndergraduateStrawberry78 - Dec 28, 2011 / yusra12 - Dec 28, 2011
|NYU Tisch dramatic story - introduce yourself; needs shortening
Undergraduateseaweed77 - Dec 28, 2011 / — -
|'smiling at strangers' - stanford essay - what matters to you and why?
Undergraduaterunner57 - Dec 28, 2011 / runner57 - Dec 28, 2011
|'church has been the apple of my eye' MIT: How has your world shaped your dreams?
5 - Maybe discuss a different aspect of your community too, and talk about how the church and say...your school experience......
Undergraduatecupnoodle123 - Dec 28, 2011 / zkachmer - Dec 28, 2011
|New York life / Middlemarch' Dorothea - NYU Supplements
6 - no thanks alot strawberry78, i took alot of your advice it really helped:) would you mind reading my other...
Undergraduateruthyj - Dec 28, 2011 / ruthyj - Dec 28, 2011
|'Blue, Gold, and FTR Spectrometers' - Why Notre Dame
5 - I think you expressed your desire to attend Notre Dame really well :) You are a very good writer...
Undergraduatetwilista - Dec 18, 2011 / rahilsavani - Dec 28, 2011
|$$$ Why Columbia University? Short Response $$$
3 - Hello, As a general rule, if something goes without saying...you shouldn't say it. Your response in this short...
Undergraduatemarcusrschmidt - Dec 28, 2011 / admission2012 - Dec 28, 2011
|Eating Guinea Pigs-Penn Optional
3 - This is excellent writing. I hope the AO reader is not a guinea pig lover who will feel prejudiced...
Undergraduatearianna_muv - Dec 20, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Dec 28, 2011
|Need Common app personal essay opinion!
2 - Rephrase your first sentence to make sound like an original thought. You did not really explain your reason for...
Undergraduatebahamuthx - Dec 28, 2011 / Strawberry78 - Dec 28, 2011
|Tufts University personal outlook short essay
3 - Vanessa I agree with EO, focus on three/four qualities and then elaborate. Also the prompt was not limiting...
Undergraduatevanipinto2005 - Dec 28, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 28, 2011
|'get calls from the hospital in the morning' - John's Hopkins Supplement essay
4 - I think you can further tell them about how you think JHU can benefit you...by doing so you can...
UndergraduateJaineel406 - Dec 28, 2011 / desertautumn - Dec 28, 2011
|'Lugogo, Uganda' - Common app essay
Undergraduaterahilsavani - Dec 28, 2011 / rahilsavani - Dec 28, 2011
|'the way humans develop, think' - academic interests and reasons for applying
7 - Great essay! You're showing lots about your personality, both directly and sometimes indirectly. What I would suggest is changing...
UndergraduateMusicforleisure - Dec 28, 2011 / wya7890 - Dec 28, 2011
|Essay about my work as an artist - SAIC
NEW - Prompt: Use your written statement as a way to better represent yourself and your work. Writing is a very...
Undergraduateblackunstlerin - Dec 28, 2011 / — -
|"How can a Chinese boy play guitar" - Common Application
9 - Wow...you have a Les Paul? I am jealous :) I have no complaints whatsoever about your essay. It was...
Undergraduateadmiraljes - Dec 21, 2011 / wya7890 - Dec 28, 2011
|Lehigh supplements - define 'equity' and 'community'
NEW - What unique aspect of Lehigh most interests you? (As a guideline, your response should be between 150-250 words.) ...
Undergraduatedyao123 - Dec 28, 2011 / — -
|'the power to change the world' - What matters to you, and why? Stanford supplement
5 - possibly an example where your ability to speak and communicate has helped others? i realllly like you answer!:)...
Undergraduategurecka - Dec 28, 2011 / ruthyj - Dec 28, 2011
|'Quantum Theory' or 'My summer' - Vitality and Roomate Letter
6 - Did a lot of revision, thoughts on this redone intellectual vitality essay? While studying at Stanford over the...
Undergraduatecharliekdavis - Dec 26, 2011 / charliekdavis - Dec 28, 2011
|'underprivileged children in Burma' - Common application short answer
6 - Here, Erica, I've revised it for you. During the Educational Outreach Project sponsored by the Youth Leadership Association,...
UndergraduateErica Htet - Dec 20, 2011 / rosomp - Dec 28, 2011
|Common App: "Sign Up - Student Council President"
7 - "he was learning the ropes of using a MacBook Pro" just sounds awkward to me. Learning how to use...
UndergraduateGraceTaylorWei - Dec 26, 2011 / nkprasad12 - Dec 28, 2011
|One Round - Common Application Significant Experience essay
Undergraduatenkprasad12 - Dec 28, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 28, 2011
|'Perfect balance' - Fun and Rigor - Why Northwestern Education?
2 - You effectively talk about what qualities of the college appeal to you and give it in great detail with...
Undergraduateflutenerd - Dec 28, 2011 / makman09 - Dec 28, 2011
|Speaking Through Walls - Harvard Essay
Undergraduategarrettmc - Dec 28, 2011 / andymarie - Dec 28, 2011
|Linear Reasoning in Math Competition
4 - This quote doesn't seem to make grammatical sense, did you mean to say teammates in the plural or singular?...
Undergraduatejebhogiaye - Dec 26, 2011 / its_spacely - Dec 28, 2011
|"Why did you pick the emergency room?" - Essay for Common App
Undergraduateasburyceline - Dec 24, 2011 / Strawberry78 - Dec 28, 2011
|'The Mistress of Spices' - common app essay on any topis
3 - thankyou..if could further help me with editing this essay and tell me your opinions abt this essay i would...
Undergraduatemuniraahmed - Dec 28, 2011 / muniraahmed - Dec 28, 2011
|playing "doctor" ; Penn -Medicine as my calling.
Undergraduateyusra12 - Dec 24, 2011 / yusra12 - Dec 28, 2011
|'to strengthen my collaborative studies' - UPENN ESSAY
NEW - Required for all applicants: Considering both the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying and the unique aspects...
UndergraduatePerfani - Dec 28, 2011 / — -
|'Marlow' - Common App- Character essay
10 - There is something big i see missing from this essay and its the fact that you demonstrate qualities by...
UndergraduateBalanchine - Dec 23, 2011 / Walden - Dec 28, 2011
|"Kaustubh Desai" - Stanford 2: to your new roomate
8 - This is really good, I definitely feel like I get to know you better by reading this. I agree...
UndergraduatelethalityKD - Dec 27, 2011 / flutenerd - Dec 28, 2011
|"I learned patience, perseverance, and dedication" Princeton
3 - Wow I am amazed! Your essay is awesome because instead of telling how the quote of patience, perseverance, and...
Undergraduatejebhogiaye - Dec 28, 2011 / awesomemo - Dec 28, 2011
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