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|'Do you enjoy running?' - common app short essay
Undergraduatekikuchi - Dec 28, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 28, 2011
|'My iPod' - Brown: Pick a Question That Will Provide the Most Insight
2 - Personal yet sophisticated. Good job on adding the "stanford and piano lessons" part that can let the schools really...
Undergraduatepinkstarbaby - Dec 28, 2011 / teehehe - Dec 28, 2011
|'University is an important phase in life' - Dear Roommate - Babson Prompt
4 - This is a letter to your roommate, so don't be afraid to show your "wild side". I'm pretty sure...
Undergraduateteehehe - Dec 28, 2011 / pinkstarbaby - Dec 28, 2011
|'inner conflicts' - Common app essay
3 - Thanks for commenting on my essay! I really appreciate it and will take all of your points into serious...
UndergraduateJerlynn - Dec 28, 2011 / Jerlynn - Dec 28, 2011
|"I Am Undefined" - Common App Essay
2 - Returning your kind favor: (ps: i am new here, so I am not quite sure what the colors symbolize....
Undergraduatepitchfork - Dec 28, 2011 / Jerlynn - Dec 28, 2011
|'positive psychology, brain science, and creativity' - Extracurricular Activity Short
UndergraduateMusicforleisure - Dec 28, 2011 / Musicforleisure - Dec 28, 2011
|Photoshop/Digital Art-Commonapp Extracurricular Essay
5 - Agreed; the "designing an onion" part sounds a bit strange. Maybe you can say "A work of digital art...
UndergraduateRennir - Dec 27, 2011 / bookbug_xd - Dec 28, 2011
|reduce words - "Which of your current or previous teachers do you admire"
4 - WOW, that just clears my mind, That is so right, should shorten about bad teacher and focus more of...
Undergraduateakulz - Dec 28, 2011 / akulz - Dec 28, 2011
|'save the poor and change the world' Commonapp E.C.A
2 - I personally like the second one : ) It is engaging. My suggestion: "...refugees whose language I barely even...
Undergraduatemaroon5 - Dec 28, 2011 / Musicforleisure - Dec 28, 2011
|'Why do you eat your food so quickly' + 'grade student papers' - Stanford
Undergraduatepinkstarbaby - Dec 28, 2011 / pinkstarbaby - Dec 28, 2011
|'creating a welcoming, diverse community' - Why Columbia?
6 - The idea of a decent standard of living without economic growth runs counter to much of what we've been...
Undergraduatemwitkin - Dec 27, 2011 / Akma - Dec 28, 2011
|"Getting over city-phobia" Emerson College Honors App Essay
3 - "Those six weeks taught me a tremendous amount about myself." A glitch? Is it because I don't really...
UndergraduateJoyfulldreams - Dec 28, 2011 / Joyfulldreams - Dec 28, 2011
|'the nature of economics' - My Cornell Essay Question
Undergraduatemaxxkorn - Dec 28, 2011 / karissa_a16 - Dec 28, 2011
|'a maroon elephant' - Johns Hopkins- Additional Interests
20 - Max Hasin: I'll take a look at your revised one (sorry I hadn't seen it before). Sarah Kwan: Yes,...
UndergraduateDesiGirl - Dec 25, 2011 / DesiGirl - Dec 28, 2011
|How One Sees will Impact How One Succeeds - Cornell: College of Human Ecology
Undergraduatemakman09 - Dec 26, 2011 / fiyero49 - Dec 28, 2011
|'Walking is what matters to me' - Stanford supplement. Need help.
UndergraduateJackShi - Dec 28, 2011 / JackShi - Dec 28, 2011
|"Satori through Fishing" EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES ESSAY
10 - To critics: I had been waiting for such criticisms, so your points were absolutely helpful!!! I was able to...
Undergraduatekakari - Dec 24, 2011 / kakari - Dec 28, 2011
|"I Am Chanadian" - NYU App
5 - Thanks everyone! @Mustafa: absolutely! Would "tenacity" or "grit" be a better word for "indefatigable spirit"? "Hopeful that...
UndergraduateGraceTaylorWei - Dec 27, 2011 / GraceTaylorWei - Dec 27, 2011
|'the times I went to work with my parents' - common app
3 - I also like the ending. It's personal and you have a caring voice, but what kholmes said is true....
UndergraduateWaitingonApplyi - Dec 27, 2011 / makman09 - Dec 27, 2011
|'Everybody has a place' - stanford What matters to you prompt
UndergraduateWalden - Dec 26, 2011 / sm09 - Dec 27, 2011
|'seemingly prepared for the year ahead' - Perspective Change- Brown Supplement
2 - You talk very little about your change in perspective. Try cut out the detail about first day of school...
UndergraduateNovacane - Dec 27, 2011 / makman09 - Dec 27, 2011
|'he was blind' + 'Nobel Prize winners' + 'The crisp Vancouver' - NYUs
3 - indefatigable? I think there's a better word for that. overall it's good though. Please please read mine???...
UndergraduateGraceTaylorWei - Dec 23, 2011 / karissa_a16 - Dec 27, 2011
|Opening Up to My Roommate
Undergraduatepinkstarbaby - Dec 26, 2011 / lethalityKD - Dec 27, 2011
|'I'm perfect for you!' - What would you want your future roommate to know about you?
4 - No need to capitalize high school: Although I am a high school scholar who loves... I understand why...
UndergraduateXavier19 - Dec 19, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Dec 27, 2011
|Cornell "I like money"
Undergraduatejebhogiaye - Dec 27, 2011 / makman09 - Dec 27, 2011
|A Holiday Gift (CommonApp Essay)
4 - This maybe a crazy suggestion, but change your essay prompt so something else while keeping the essay. Change it...
Undergraduatefiyero49 - Dec 27, 2011 / makman09 - Dec 27, 2011
|'to study law while hanging upside down' - Stanford's Roommate essay
14 - The edited version is much better - with fewer rhetorical questions. To make the conclusion stronger, talk more about...
UndergraduateWalden - Dec 26, 2011 / nr554 - Dec 27, 2011
|"Diversity in kids" -Describe the world you come from MIT
7 - I love the essay but one thing these kind of schools look for is how your backround affects your...
Undergraduatederemifri - Dec 26, 2011 / Walden - Dec 27, 2011
|'an environment for self-learning' U Penn: What do you hope to learn and contribute
9 - LOVE your essay :) A few comments: Don't capitalize balance in the first paragraph I agree with the...
Undergraduateerndawg - Dec 25, 2011 / DesiGirl - Dec 27, 2011
|'Chinese characters mixed with English alphabet' - MIT Personality
4 - Thanks all:) K, I'll try to focus it around one point more, <--thanks for that advice , Perhaps I...
Undergraduatecupnoodle123 - Dec 27, 2011 / cupnoodle123 - Dec 27, 2011
|UVA Supplement (Favorite Place to Get Lost) - Seoul Local Market
3 - Maybe you should describe that place with more enthusiasm. Or explain more, why you like this place. Would...
Undergraduatedychung7 - Dec 27, 2011 / deremifri - Dec 27, 2011
|'I stand my ground and dig deep' - Common App Essay
Undergraduateibeckki - Dec 27, 2011 / deremifri - Dec 27, 2011
|Mac Miller on my Stanford's app? - Question
7 - you are goin to include him right because i have seen people put texts from last night on their...
UndergraduateSeniorMel - Dec 27, 2011 / Walden - Dec 27, 2011
|(character in fiction, figure) Common App - "Chaconne"
Undergraduatekimisizer - Dec 26, 2011 / HopefulApplier - Dec 27, 2011
|I missed my train - Caltech ethical dilemma essay
6 - Do you suggest that in my last sentence, I switch [name] to "someone," to make the whole message a...
Undergraduatezman9264 - Dec 27, 2011 / zman9264 - Dec 27, 2011
|'Romanticism' + 'A girl with dreams' - NYU application essays
5 - Thanks everyone!! You all gave really great advice. Best of luck to us aspiring collegiate students :)...
Undergraduatemarshizzle1 - Dec 27, 2011 / marshizzle1 - Dec 27, 2011
|'Saigon Traffic' - Michigan supplement
Undergraduateqminh93 - Dec 27, 2011 / qminh93 - Dec 27, 2011
|'eating home-style Chinese food' - Future Roommate Essay
5 - I think you should try to avoid these cliches when youwrite such as saying your a procrastinator or how...
UndergraduateCitygirl1120 - Dec 27, 2011 / Walden - Dec 27, 2011
|"Let's Play Ball!" - Harvard Supplemental Essay
6 - Try to find a synonym for the second disheartened. So here's the thing: I do not excel at writing,...
UndergraduateAbhaJ19 - Dec 27, 2011 / deremifri - Dec 27, 2011
|COMMON APPLICATION ESSAY - VOLUNTEERING AT DAY CARE CENTER (SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCE)
7 - Sorry for the delay. Here's the thing: If the task is really impossible, it does not make sense...
Undergraduatejasmine138 - Dec 27, 2011 / deremifri - Dec 27, 2011
|'leaving my country, family, friends' + 'Thai medications' Gonzaga U and MCPHS
Undergraduatevanamrungisara - Dec 27, 2011 / vanamrungisara - Dec 27, 2011
|'hesitant to tell everyone my past' - NYU - becoming part of the world
3 - I think the Why NYU part needs a little more development. The first sentence does not make a good...
Undergraduatepaw1168 - Dec 27, 2011 / deremifri - Dec 27, 2011
|Molecular Gastronomy - Stanford Intellectual vitality
4 - Your topic is interesting. I agree with the comments made by Balanchine. I would like to emphasize that the...
UndergraduateSeniorMel - Dec 27, 2011 / zman9264 - Dec 27, 2011
|Priceless Memories - Pomona Supplement Essay
Undergraduateinsanesoul81994 - Dec 27, 2011 / deremifri - Dec 27, 2011
|'knowledge about art' - What matters to you and why? Stanford
3 - Grammatical: not only joy to me , but also to others then I can be sure of communication through...
UndergraduateCitygirl1120 - Dec 27, 2011 / deremifri - Dec 27, 2011
|'Community engagement'-Colby-Supplement Essay Why Colby
Undergraduatemaggiez93 - Dec 27, 2011 / maggiez93 - Dec 27, 2011
|Cornell engineering essay-- Why being an engineer appeals to me
5 - I do not know if this helps you, but I personally think that you should explain your change in...
Undergraduatepostscript94 - Dec 25, 2011 / deremifri - Dec 27, 2011
|'My cousin, Trent' - ApplyTexas Significant Influence
Undergraduatedesm2012 - Nov 23, 2011 / menukagrg - Dec 27, 2011
|'a few of my friends were Christian' - Stanford Supplemental
2 - The idea is consistent and develops well but it hink that it failed to grasp the way that this...
UndergraduateCitygirl1120 - Dec 27, 2011 / Walden - Dec 27, 2011
|'my father's diagnosis' - Georgetown Personal Essay
5 - wow, this is a great essay. I like the way the paragraphs move in progression with the development of...
Undergraduatebabygurl2012 - Dec 20, 2011 / Citygirl1120 - Dec 27, 2011
|Blind, Arrogant Eyes - Common App Prompt
5 - i really liked the essay! but in the first line, you mention your "freshmen year" of high school. It's...
Undergraduatemakman09 - Dec 27, 2011 / pinkbunny - Dec 27, 2011
|UVA Engineering - Improvement in Knee Prosthesis
Undergraduatedychung7 - Dec 26, 2011 / babygurl2012 - Dec 27, 2011
|Nursing student admission essay (social justice?)
2 - Hmmm, you seem to have forgotten to post your essay! In terms of social justice-- I believe they're...
Undergraduatejbq61c - Dec 27, 2011 / Balanchine - Dec 27, 2011
|"One Decision, Lifelong Benefits" - Common App
3 - Thank you for your help. I've been trying not to go over 500 words, and it's been pretty hard....
Undergraduatehopeful11 - Dec 27, 2011 / hopeful11 - Dec 27, 2011
|'Thomas Jefferson' - Common App, historical figure
2 - It seems like a majority of the essay deals with kissing up to Thomas Jefferson and very little on...
UndergraduateVvarsha - Dec 27, 2011 / makman09 - Dec 27, 2011
|Rice Admissions Essay - My love of gathering knowledge
Undergraduatemdubs777 - Dec 27, 2011 / mdubs777 - Dec 27, 2011
|UVA engineering supp--"Food scanner"
2 - Maybe you can use a hook for the beginning of your essay. That will always captivate readers. However, if...
Undergraduatecherrybomb94 - Dec 27, 2011 / dychung7 - Dec 27, 2011
|'Exciting economics' - Columbia University Economics short
2 - I'm enjoying learning about the various theories of supply and demand, and incentives. Try to avoid using contractions in...
Undergraduatemarcusrschmidt - Dec 27, 2011 / nr554 - Dec 27, 2011
|'propaganda on the Japanese culture' Stanford Supplement (intellectual vitality)
UndergraduateStevenWong206 - Dec 27, 2011 / HopefulApplier - Dec 27, 2011
|'New York' + 'Yoshimi Battles' + 'Charles Dickens' - NYUs
Undergraduateaml211 - Dec 27, 2011 / aml211 - Dec 27, 2011
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