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|"One Decision, Lifelong Benefits" - Common App
3 - Thank you for your help. I've been trying not to go over 500 words, and it's been pretty hard....
Undergraduatehopeful11 - Dec 27, 2011 / hopeful11 - Dec 27, 2011
|'Thomas Jefferson' - Common App, historical figure
2 - It seems like a majority of the essay deals with kissing up to Thomas Jefferson and very little on...
UndergraduateVvarsha - Dec 27, 2011 / makman09 - Dec 27, 2011
|Rice Admissions Essay - My love of gathering knowledge
Undergraduatemdubs777 - Dec 27, 2011 / mdubs777 - Dec 27, 2011
|UVA engineering supp--"Food scanner"
2 - Maybe you can use a hook for the beginning of your essay. That will always captivate readers. However, if...
Undergraduatecherrybomb94 - Dec 27, 2011 / dychung7 - Dec 27, 2011
|'Exciting economics' - Columbia University Economics short
2 - I'm enjoying learning about the various theories of supply and demand, and incentives. Try to avoid using contractions in...
Undergraduatemarcusrschmidt - Dec 27, 2011 / nr554 - Dec 27, 2011
|'propaganda on the Japanese culture' Stanford Supplement (intellectual vitality)
UndergraduateStevenWong206 - Dec 27, 2011 / HopefulApplier - Dec 27, 2011
|'New York' + 'Yoshimi Battles' + 'Charles Dickens' - NYUs
Undergraduateaml211 - Dec 27, 2011 / aml211 - Dec 27, 2011
|'I have two parents' - MIT - challenge or even that didn't go as planned
4 - Yes I most certainly do. Also, can't believe I missed these typos/ losing sleep & words where you...
Undergraduatehartmantc - Dec 27, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 27, 2011
|'doomed to be a work in progress' - Pomona supplements
Undergraduatejulia22rose - Dec 27, 2011 / insanesoul81994 - Dec 27, 2011
|NYU Application - "Yves Saint Laurent"
5 - I really enjoy the slightly narrative point of view on this piece and the shoes do add a clever,...
UndergraduateGraceTaylorWei - Dec 27, 2011 / aml211 - Dec 27, 2011
|'I live in a rough neighborhood' - Common App Claremont McKenna
3 - Okay, I've rewritten another version of the essay. I guess I'll post it again. Thank you so much!...
Undergraduatecaraconcerta - Dec 27, 2011 / caraconcerta - Dec 27, 2011
|'sister's diabetes' - MIT- How your world has shaped your dreams
3 - You should probably expand more in this vein - for this is what has influenced you to become a...
Undergraduateflutenerd - Dec 27, 2011 / lethalityKD - Dec 27, 2011
|'apologize in advance for any snoring' - Letter to Future Roomate-Stanford
2 - i might as well insert an evil laugh here and kiss any chances of finding a roommate to tolerate...
UndergraduateAhoips - Dec 27, 2011 / Vvarsha - Dec 27, 2011
|"Brain" was the most intriguing to me' - Common application
2 - For the second paragraph I think it would help if you took out the definitions and such and made...
Undergraduatedbsgmltjq13 - Dec 27, 2011 / Ahoips - Dec 27, 2011
|'Place of Worship' - Common App Main
4 - Joe But by saying "Only the strong will survive" & you walking in, doesn't that subtlety say that...
UndergraduateRiceAllTheWhey - Dec 27, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 27, 2011
|'Book, Magazines, Challenge, Events, Summers, History' - Stanford Essays
UndergraduateCitygirl1120 - Dec 27, 2011 / Citygirl1120 - Dec 27, 2011
|'Failure is evil' - Stanford: What Matter most?
UndergraduateHopefulApplier - Dec 24, 2011 / HopefulApplier - Dec 27, 2011
|'Large paratubal cysts' - Significant challenge UBC Supplemental
3 - However, it was not until my penultimate year of high school that I truly realized the root of the...
UndergraduateLalaluye - Dec 18, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Dec 27, 2011
|'You just got an AB!' - Stanford Letter to a roommate
4 - Marilyn Monroe and JFKDo you like them particularly? If not...it's kinda just random to put in, not showing that...
Undergraduatephhai - Dec 27, 2011 / cupnoodle123 - Dec 27, 2011
|Biotechnology, Isolation of DNA - Princeton supplement
UndergraduateSeniorMel - Dec 27, 2011 / SeniorMel - Dec 27, 2011
|'an aspiring biomedical engineer' - Why engineering and Duke?
2 - I think the first paragraph was great and I can tell that you do have interest in engineering. ...
Undergraduatedychung7 - Dec 27, 2011 / akulz - Dec 27, 2011
|'the positive aspects of living in Paris' - Intellectual vitality essay
4 - i think of 'intellectual' as a very strong word...the way you began the essay..and I was expecting a very...
Undergraduateclairem - Dec 27, 2011 / Noobzilla - Dec 27, 2011
|'the Young Power Program' - intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience.
UndergraduatelethalityKD - Dec 26, 2011 / lethalityKD - Dec 27, 2011
|'some advise for my future or influence' - Common App: Influence
2 - I think that at the end you should tie your parents influence in with a more current award or...
UndergraduateSearchingColl - Dec 27, 2011 / julia22rose - Dec 27, 2011
|Free response (breaking the tradition) - Common App personal statement
NEW - Can anyone please tell me or give me an advice on how to make my intro. interesting? Also I...
Undergraduateakulz - Dec 27, 2011 / — -
|'the leader of the student volunteer team' - UNC Supplement
3 - to lethalityKD Thank you for your advice. I will rethink how to revise the first paragraph. :)...
Undergraduatepepemaxc - Dec 27, 2011 / pepemaxc - Dec 27, 2011
|'teenagers will cross the ocean' - risk you have taken and its impact
3 - Thank you! Do you have any suggestions on how to rephrase the sentence with all the you's? I'm having...
Undergraduatejessie_hamilton - Dec 27, 2011 / jessie_hamilton - Dec 27, 2011
|Carnegie Mellon Transfer Supplement: "Like Warren Buffett"
Undergraduatejohnkdask - Dec 18, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Dec 27, 2011
|Letter to the Minister of Education, Italy--CMC supplement essay
3 - DON'T TALK ABOUT RELIGION!! the mid part about bad teachers can be made MORE effective... the substance is good,...
UndergraduateAlikap - Dec 26, 2011 / Noobzilla - Dec 27, 2011
|'Japanese technology didn't save Japan' - What matters to you Essay
Undergraduateclairem - Dec 27, 2011 / Jennyflower81 - Dec 27, 2011
|'my capacity for being a kind person' - Brown: the most insight into you
4 - Hi I'm also a Chinese and I could totally understand what you're talking about, I feel exactly the same...
Undergraduatealexrma - Dec 26, 2011 / ChihiroLavi - Dec 27, 2011
|'Hawaii and Science' - Stanford Supplement-Intellectual Vitality
Undergraduaterosers17 - Dec 21, 2011 / rosers17 - Dec 27, 2011
|'a volunteer work in a village' - williams college supplement
Undergraduatem45over - Dec 27, 2011 / armanigates - Dec 27, 2011
|Common App Essay- Influential -My Grandfather's Hands
2 - Your essay will definitely melt the reader. It is full of emotional connotations and shows the superiority of your...
UndergraduateHarini - Dec 27, 2011 / lethalityKD - Dec 27, 2011
|'I love music.' - Yale - tell us something we don't already know
5 - Thanks so much for all your critique! I will definitely work to make this more formal and focused good...
Undergraduatepostscript94 - Dec 26, 2011 / postscript94 - Dec 27, 2011
|My theater experiences - W&M supplement
4 - I enjoyed reading your essay and the anecdote at the beginning is really strong i agree with the previous...
Undergraduateproudtitania - Dec 26, 2011 / postscript94 - Dec 27, 2011
|'true lover of nature' - Pomona: Something You've done for fun and why
3 - Grammar wise, I couldn't find any problems. There are parts that you can tighten your diction though ...
UndergraduateAlikap - Dec 27, 2011 / Rennir - Dec 27, 2011
|"No one knows me"; Purdue admission/Envision yourself
Undergraduateepark - Dec 27, 2011 / Jennyflower81 - Dec 27, 2011
|'the global business network' - Penn supplemental
2 - 1. you showed doubt at the very beginning!! c'mon...there are 2 mistakes during essays equal to a suicide, a....
Undergraduatemukhia08 - Dec 27, 2011 / Noobzilla - Dec 27, 2011
|"taylor ham" - Common App
4 - In addition to what the others said, your little blurb at the end should show something about you, not...
Undergraduateibeckki - Dec 27, 2011 / nkprasad12 - Dec 27, 2011
|'contradictions in my interests' - essay to my future roommate
3 - I really like your third paragraph. That one is by far the most personal and tells the reader the...
Undergraduateclairem - Dec 27, 2011 / mwitkin - Dec 27, 2011
|My passion in politics - Common App essay
3 - I'll change the verb tense here: Before that, I was had been a typical... student in Cambodia...
Undergraduateyobobo - Dec 18, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Dec 27, 2011
|'the part we choose to act on' - BROWN: MOMENT WHEN PERSPECTIVE CHANGED
Undergraduatecollegesearcher - Dec 21, 2011 / collegesearcher - Dec 27, 2011
|Nelson Mandela; Common App- historical figure
Undergraduatekimmie11194 - Dec 26, 2011 / kimmie11194 - Dec 27, 2011
|'successful business' + 'stock market+ 'listing off renowned artists' NYUs
5 - I like your first essay. When I read it, you showed yourself as determined, strong minded, and confident while...
Undergraduatethes1tuation - Dec 27, 2011 / makman09 - Dec 27, 2011
|MIT Short: (Rubik's Cubes) - Something you do for the pleasure of it
9 - I stare wildly at my Rubik's cube, trying to figure out how to best solve the puzzle. After a...
Undergraduatenkprasad12 - Dec 27, 2011 / nkprasad12 - Dec 27, 2011
|'Going to good university' - OH state U essay
Undergraduateepark - Dec 27, 2011 / epark - Dec 27, 2011
|'my dad's past experiences' - Common app essay
Undergraduatemohamed459 - Dec 23, 2011 / mohamed459 - Dec 27, 2011
|'Education is limitless' - short answer- co-curricular activity (Teaching)
3 - Janvi I think your essay is very well written and shows how tutoring has affected and improved you...
Undergraduateleviator - Dec 27, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 27, 2011
|NYU Supplement " Coming from Upstate NY..." "For me, a hotel is not just a place ..."
2 - Assuming this is for the NYU Supplement on the Common App, the character limit is only 1500, and you're...
Undergraduatecodus0320 - Dec 27, 2011 / jessie_hamilton - Dec 27, 2011
|MENTOS AND COKE? CHILDHOOD STORIES :D Cornell Secondary Essay
Undergraduatetehfunkicookie - Dec 27, 2011 / tehfunkicookie - Dec 27, 2011
|"Piano and Ballet": Tufts supplement. Very Short!
4 - @deremifri-thank you! I will try to look at your essay when I get a chance. @Zhoek-your revisions made my...
Undergraduatecherrybomb94 - Dec 27, 2011 / cherrybomb94 - Dec 27, 2011
|Why choose nursing as a career? - nursingcas personal statment
3 - One of the weakness I felt in my essay is that there might be too many extraneous details when...
Undergraduategimme_more_plx - Dec 26, 2011 / gimme_more_plx - Dec 27, 2011
|"Today's Economy/Moving"- Education interrupted
NEW - Hi, thanks for reading and stop by to view my essay. I've written an essay explaining why I changed...
Undergraduatecatty121 - Dec 27, 2011 / — -
|'moment I have in badminton' Common App Activities Short Answer
NEW - Prompt: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character...
UndergraduateSuzhou - Dec 27, 2011 / — -
|'not aware of the responsibility' - Common App Short Answer about volunteering
3 - After school, I went to ROCK, Reaching Out, Challenging Kids, to help the people who need to raise their...
Undergraduatestars93 - Dec 26, 2011 / EF_Susan - Dec 27, 2011
|'a destroyer of things'- Pennsylvania School of Engineering and Applied Science essay
5 - I like that you include your interest in humanities courses. Penn wants aspiring polymaths not just people who specialize...
UndergraduateMushrooms - Dec 27, 2011 / wahmed - Dec 27, 2011
|Johns Hopkins- Conveying Emotion Through Music
Undergraduatewahmed - Dec 27, 2011 / wahmed - Dec 27, 2011
|Why I Joined MUN (Model United Nations) EC Essay - Common app
Undergraduateadmiraljes - Dec 25, 2011 / mwitkin - Dec 27, 2011
|'exposed to many places and societies' - Upenn Essay
Undergraduatewarcraft - Dec 27, 2011 / warcraft - Dec 27, 2011
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