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|A Holiday Gift (CommonApp Essay)
4 - This maybe a crazy suggestion, but change your essay prompt so something else while keeping the essay. Change it...
Undergraduatefiyero49 - Dec 27, 2011 / makman09 - Dec 27, 2011
|'to study law while hanging upside down' - Stanford's Roommate essay
14 - The edited version is much better - with fewer rhetorical questions. To make the conclusion stronger, talk more about...
UndergraduateWalden - Dec 26, 2011 / nr554 - Dec 27, 2011
|"Diversity in kids" -Describe the world you come from MIT
7 - I love the essay but one thing these kind of schools look for is how your backround affects your...
Undergraduatederemifri - Dec 26, 2011 / Walden - Dec 27, 2011
|'an environment for self-learning' U Penn: What do you hope to learn and contribute
9 - LOVE your essay :) A few comments: Don't capitalize balance in the first paragraph I agree with the...
Undergraduateerndawg - Dec 25, 2011 / DesiGirl - Dec 27, 2011
|'Chinese characters mixed with English alphabet' - MIT Personality
4 - Thanks all:) K, I'll try to focus it around one point more, <--thanks for that advice , Perhaps I...
Undergraduatecupnoodle123 - Dec 27, 2011 / cupnoodle123 - Dec 27, 2011
|UVA Supplement (Favorite Place to Get Lost) - Seoul Local Market
3 - Maybe you should describe that place with more enthusiasm. Or explain more, why you like this place. Would...
Undergraduatedychung7 - Dec 27, 2011 / deremifri - Dec 27, 2011
|'I stand my ground and dig deep' - Common App Essay
Undergraduateibeckki - Dec 27, 2011 / deremifri - Dec 27, 2011
|Mac Miller on my Stanford's app? - Question
7 - you are goin to include him right because i have seen people put texts from last night on their...
UndergraduateSeniorMel - Dec 27, 2011 / Walden - Dec 27, 2011
|(character in fiction, figure) Common App - "Chaconne"
Undergraduatekimisizer - Dec 26, 2011 / HopefulApplier - Dec 27, 2011
|I missed my train - Caltech ethical dilemma essay
6 - Do you suggest that in my last sentence, I switch [name] to "someone," to make the whole message a...
Undergraduatezman9264 - Dec 27, 2011 / zman9264 - Dec 27, 2011
|'Romanticism' + 'A girl with dreams' - NYU application essays
5 - Thanks everyone!! You all gave really great advice. Best of luck to us aspiring collegiate students :)...
Undergraduatemarshizzle1 - Dec 27, 2011 / marshizzle1 - Dec 27, 2011
|'Saigon Traffic' - Michigan supplement
Undergraduateqminh93 - Dec 27, 2011 / qminh93 - Dec 27, 2011
|'eating home-style Chinese food' - Future Roommate Essay
5 - I think you should try to avoid these cliches when youwrite such as saying your a procrastinator or how...
UndergraduateCitygirl1120 - Dec 27, 2011 / Walden - Dec 27, 2011
|"Let's Play Ball!" - Harvard Supplemental Essay
6 - Try to find a synonym for the second disheartened. So here's the thing: I do not excel at writing,...
UndergraduateAbhaJ19 - Dec 27, 2011 / deremifri - Dec 27, 2011
|COMMON APPLICATION ESSAY - VOLUNTEERING AT DAY CARE CENTER (SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCE)
7 - Sorry for the delay. Here's the thing: If the task is really impossible, it does not make sense...
Undergraduatejasmine138 - Dec 27, 2011 / deremifri - Dec 27, 2011
|'leaving my country, family, friends' + 'Thai medications' Gonzaga U and MCPHS
Undergraduatevanamrungisara - Dec 27, 2011 / vanamrungisara - Dec 27, 2011
|'hesitant to tell everyone my past' - NYU - becoming part of the world
3 - I think the Why NYU part needs a little more development. The first sentence does not make a good...
Undergraduatepaw1168 - Dec 27, 2011 / deremifri - Dec 27, 2011
|Molecular Gastronomy - Stanford Intellectual vitality
4 - Your topic is interesting. I agree with the comments made by Balanchine. I would like to emphasize that the...
UndergraduateSeniorMel - Dec 27, 2011 / zman9264 - Dec 27, 2011
|Priceless Memories - Pomona Supplement Essay
Undergraduateinsanesoul81994 - Dec 27, 2011 / deremifri - Dec 27, 2011
|'knowledge about art' - What matters to you and why? Stanford
3 - Grammatical: not only joy to me , but also to others then I can be sure of communication through...
UndergraduateCitygirl1120 - Dec 27, 2011 / deremifri - Dec 27, 2011
|'Community engagement'-Colby-Supplement Essay Why Colby
Undergraduatemaggiez93 - Dec 27, 2011 / maggiez93 - Dec 27, 2011
|Cornell engineering essay-- Why being an engineer appeals to me
5 - I do not know if this helps you, but I personally think that you should explain your change in...
Undergraduatepostscript94 - Dec 25, 2011 / deremifri - Dec 27, 2011
|'My cousin, Trent' - ApplyTexas Significant Influence
Undergraduatedesm2012 - Nov 23, 2011 / menukagrg - Dec 27, 2011
|'a few of my friends were Christian' - Stanford Supplemental
2 - The idea is consistent and develops well but it hink that it failed to grasp the way that this...
UndergraduateCitygirl1120 - Dec 27, 2011 / Walden - Dec 27, 2011
|'my father's diagnosis' - Georgetown Personal Essay
5 - wow, this is a great essay. I like the way the paragraphs move in progression with the development of...
Undergraduatebabygurl2012 - Dec 20, 2011 / Citygirl1120 - Dec 27, 2011
|Blind, Arrogant Eyes - Common App Prompt
5 - i really liked the essay! but in the first line, you mention your "freshmen year" of high school. It's...
Undergraduatemakman09 - Dec 27, 2011 / pinkbunny - Dec 27, 2011
|UVA Engineering - Improvement in Knee Prosthesis
Undergraduatedychung7 - Dec 26, 2011 / babygurl2012 - Dec 27, 2011
|Nursing student admission essay (social justice?)
2 - Hmmm, you seem to have forgotten to post your essay! In terms of social justice-- I believe they're...
Undergraduatejbq61c - Dec 27, 2011 / Balanchine - Dec 27, 2011
|"One Decision, Lifelong Benefits" - Common App
3 - Thank you for your help. I've been trying not to go over 500 words, and it's been pretty hard....
Undergraduatehopeful11 - Dec 27, 2011 / hopeful11 - Dec 27, 2011
|'Thomas Jefferson' - Common App, historical figure
2 - It seems like a majority of the essay deals with kissing up to Thomas Jefferson and very little on...
UndergraduateVvarsha - Dec 27, 2011 / makman09 - Dec 27, 2011
|Rice Admissions Essay - My love of gathering knowledge
Undergraduatemdubs777 - Dec 27, 2011 / mdubs777 - Dec 27, 2011
|UVA engineering supp--"Food scanner"
2 - Maybe you can use a hook for the beginning of your essay. That will always captivate readers. However, if...
Undergraduatecherrybomb94 - Dec 27, 2011 / dychung7 - Dec 27, 2011
|'Exciting economics' - Columbia University Economics short
2 - I'm enjoying learning about the various theories of supply and demand, and incentives. Try to avoid using contractions in...
Undergraduatemarcusrschmidt - Dec 27, 2011 / nr554 - Dec 27, 2011
|'propaganda on the Japanese culture' Stanford Supplement (intellectual vitality)
UndergraduateStevenWong206 - Dec 27, 2011 / HopefulApplier - Dec 27, 2011
|'New York' + 'Yoshimi Battles' + 'Charles Dickens' - NYUs
Undergraduateaml211 - Dec 27, 2011 / aml211 - Dec 27, 2011
|'I have two parents' - MIT - challenge or even that didn't go as planned
4 - Yes I most certainly do. Also, can't believe I missed these typos/ losing sleep & words where you...
Undergraduatehartmantc - Dec 27, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 27, 2011
|'doomed to be a work in progress' - Pomona supplements
Undergraduatejulia22rose - Dec 27, 2011 / insanesoul81994 - Dec 27, 2011
|NYU Application - "Yves Saint Laurent"
5 - I really enjoy the slightly narrative point of view on this piece and the shoes do add a clever,...
UndergraduateGraceTaylorWei - Dec 27, 2011 / aml211 - Dec 27, 2011
|'I live in a rough neighborhood' - Common App Claremont McKenna
3 - Okay, I've rewritten another version of the essay. I guess I'll post it again. Thank you so much!...
Undergraduatecaraconcerta - Dec 27, 2011 / caraconcerta - Dec 27, 2011
|'sister's diabetes' - MIT- How your world has shaped your dreams
3 - You should probably expand more in this vein - for this is what has influenced you to become a...
Undergraduateflutenerd - Dec 27, 2011 / lethalityKD - Dec 27, 2011
|'apologize in advance for any snoring' - Letter to Future Roomate-Stanford
2 - i might as well insert an evil laugh here and kiss any chances of finding a roommate to tolerate...
UndergraduateAhoips - Dec 27, 2011 / Vvarsha - Dec 27, 2011
|"Brain" was the most intriguing to me' - Common application
2 - For the second paragraph I think it would help if you took out the definitions and such and made...
Undergraduatedbsgmltjq13 - Dec 27, 2011 / Ahoips - Dec 27, 2011
|'Place of Worship' - Common App Main
4 - Joe But by saying "Only the strong will survive" & you walking in, doesn't that subtlety say that...
UndergraduateRiceAllTheWhey - Dec 27, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 27, 2011
|'Book, Magazines, Challenge, Events, Summers, History' - Stanford Essays
UndergraduateCitygirl1120 - Dec 27, 2011 / Citygirl1120 - Dec 27, 2011
|'Failure is evil' - Stanford: What Matter most?
UndergraduateHopefulApplier - Dec 24, 2011 / HopefulApplier - Dec 27, 2011
|'Large paratubal cysts' - Significant challenge UBC Supplemental
3 - However, it was not until my penultimate year of high school that I truly realized the root of the...
UndergraduateLalaluye - Dec 18, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Dec 27, 2011
|'You just got an AB!' - Stanford Letter to a roommate
4 - Marilyn Monroe and JFKDo you like them particularly? If not...it's kinda just random to put in, not showing that...
Undergraduatephhai - Dec 27, 2011 / cupnoodle123 - Dec 27, 2011
|Biotechnology, Isolation of DNA - Princeton supplement
UndergraduateSeniorMel - Dec 27, 2011 / SeniorMel - Dec 27, 2011
|'an aspiring biomedical engineer' - Why engineering and Duke?
2 - I think the first paragraph was great and I can tell that you do have interest in engineering. ...
Undergraduatedychung7 - Dec 27, 2011 / akulz - Dec 27, 2011
|'the positive aspects of living in Paris' - Intellectual vitality essay
4 - i think of 'intellectual' as a very strong word...the way you began the essay..and I was expecting a very...
Undergraduateclairem - Dec 27, 2011 / Noobzilla - Dec 27, 2011
|'the Young Power Program' - intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience.
UndergraduatelethalityKD - Dec 26, 2011 / lethalityKD - Dec 27, 2011
|'some advise for my future or influence' - Common App: Influence
2 - I think that at the end you should tie your parents influence in with a more current award or...
UndergraduateSearchingColl - Dec 27, 2011 / julia22rose - Dec 27, 2011
|Free response (breaking the tradition) - Common App personal statement
NEW - Can anyone please tell me or give me an advice on how to make my intro. interesting? Also I...
Undergraduateakulz - Dec 27, 2011 / — -
|'the leader of the student volunteer team' - UNC Supplement
3 - to lethalityKD Thank you for your advice. I will rethink how to revise the first paragraph. :)...
Undergraduatepepemaxc - Dec 27, 2011 / pepemaxc - Dec 27, 2011
|'teenagers will cross the ocean' - risk you have taken and its impact
3 - Thank you! Do you have any suggestions on how to rephrase the sentence with all the you's? I'm having...
Undergraduatejessie_hamilton - Dec 27, 2011 / jessie_hamilton - Dec 27, 2011
|Carnegie Mellon Transfer Supplement: "Like Warren Buffett"
Undergraduatejohnkdask - Dec 18, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Dec 27, 2011
|Letter to the Minister of Education, Italy--CMC supplement essay
3 - DON'T TALK ABOUT RELIGION!! the mid part about bad teachers can be made MORE effective... the substance is good,...
UndergraduateAlikap - Dec 26, 2011 / Noobzilla - Dec 27, 2011
|'Japanese technology didn't save Japan' - What matters to you Essay
Undergraduateclairem - Dec 27, 2011 / Jennyflower81 - Dec 27, 2011
|'my capacity for being a kind person' - Brown: the most insight into you
4 - Hi I'm also a Chinese and I could totally understand what you're talking about, I feel exactly the same...
Undergraduatealexrma - Dec 26, 2011 / ChihiroLavi - Dec 27, 2011
|'Hawaii and Science' - Stanford Supplement-Intellectual Vitality
Undergraduaterosers17 - Dec 21, 2011 / rosers17 - Dec 27, 2011
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