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|PRACTICAL PHYSICS. This is my Yale essay I was wondering if the first sentence was a catchy one
5 - @AlwaysL8 Hi AlwaysL8, Although, you refer the activity in your first sentence as "Physics practical" but the...
UndergraduateProdigy - Dec 30, 2016 / mualla - Dec 30, 2016
|Math is a language and I use it to express my thoughts. Supplement essay
6 - Mualla, the essay is more academic in nature so the last paragraph need not be there. That paragraph speaks...
Undergraduatemualla - Dec 17, 2016 / Holt - Dec 30, 2016
|MATHEMATICAL OLYMPIAD - Princeton: Baymax influenced me
10 - @Holt I deleted the third paragraph and add just a sentece on the fourth paragraph thay I wanted to...
Undergraduaternsnz18 - Dec 29, 2016 / rnsnz18 - Dec 30, 2016
|Language and Culture. Check my personal statement for UGRAD.
2 - Andi, your essay focuses on only one aspect of your interest for application as a UGRAD student. The sole...
UndergraduateHorseman69 - Dec 30, 2016 / Holt - Dec 30, 2016
|Cal Tech and I - Cal Tech supplemental essays
UndergraduateLoneLee - Dec 26, 2016 / Holt - Dec 30, 2016
|The latent 'choranaptyxic' embryo - Harvard - extracurricular activities or work experience(150W)
5 - Same opinion as most people above :) Great topic, but I believe these essays want to see more...
Undergraduatekhizirsiddiqui - Dec 29, 2016 / AlwaysL8 - Dec 30, 2016
|RICE ESSAY: Diversity & How Life is Like a Pond
4 - @khizirsiddiqui Thank you so much for your approval and input! I'll be sure to change that up a bit....
UndergraduateAlwaysL8 - Dec 30, 2016 / AlwaysL8 - Dec 30, 2016
|Things I've done during my gap year - working in the paints store
6 - @Holt Thank you very much, your "wow" means a lot to me, i will make those changes you suggested,...
Undergraduaternsnz18 - Dec 29, 2016 / rnsnz18 - Dec 30, 2016
|NYU's personality--multi-cultural, logistician, and open-minded
7 - No problem Mualla, I am starting to understand that there are times when I say things that don't come...
Undergraduatemualla - Dec 29, 2016 / Holt - Dec 30, 2016
|"I learned MAGIC!" Harvard/UChicago Essay "What makes you Happy?"
4 - Saad, this essay is not Harvard nor UChicago ready. There is too much focus on the activity of magic...
UndergraduateLordAli - Dec 29, 2016 / Holt - Dec 30, 2016
|Yale Supplement- The Phenomenon of Link hopping.
4 - Malavika, your creative representation in your essay is highly imaginative and definitely hooks the reviewer in. However, you focused...
Undergraduatealiashah - Dec 29, 2016 / Holt - Dec 30, 2016
|Neurolinguistics allows me to understand myself - Brown Supplement
4 - @kc1099 Strong statement. Yes, you should take out the first sentence of the second paragraph. I read your...
Undergraduatekc1099 - Dec 30, 2016 / mualla - Dec 30, 2016
|I want to approach my values like limits in Calculus
19 - @Holt No worries! I am still working on Barnard. I will get you the last versions ASAP. The college...
Undergraduatemualla - Dec 21, 2016 / mualla - Dec 30, 2016
|Stanford Supplement: Last Two Summers
6 - Hi, your summers sounded very exciting! Holt's poem advice is pretty unique in that it separates your thoughts more...
UndergraduateSpade - Dec 28, 2016 / kc1099 - Dec 30, 2016
|Taxi drive in the New York City - Why NYU Essay
UndergraduateTVLAERE - Dec 29, 2016 / TVLAERE - Dec 29, 2016
|Why you have applied or expressed interest in a particular campus, school, college, program...
4 - @chizy7 @Holt thank you both for your feedback, I made the changes that you two suggested, and submitted...
Undergraduatejmjj14 - Dec 28, 2016 / jmjj14 - Dec 29, 2016
|My two homes: one in South Dakota, another in Texas - Brown supplement
4 - @astrum72 What's good about this is that you explain the impact that this had on you which is the...
Undergraduateastrum72 - Dec 29, 2016 / TVLAERE - Dec 29, 2016
|'helping hand at the end of your arm' My Common Application Essay for the Ivy League Colleges
5 - Saad, the essay about the transition to adulthood works well at this point. Go ahead and use that already....
UndergraduateLordAli - Dec 17, 2016 / Holt - Dec 29, 2016
|ISB PGP , Why you? Essay, 400 words; a worthy member of the prestigious students' pool of ISB
3 - In paragraph 3, you have the chance to set yourself apart from the other applicants of the essay. How...
UndergraduateApoorvaG - Dec 29, 2016 / Holt - Dec 29, 2016
|Passion for mathematics (which isn't just a class. It's a philosophy) - Personal Statement
4 - This type of essay is overdone. When you say "it started with a D grade", even though you explain...
UndergraduateBold - Dec 29, 2016 / TVLAERE - Dec 29, 2016
|I lost my IPad but I found something much more valuable. Common App 2nd Prompt Essay.
Undergraduatel3atjin - Dec 29, 2016 / Holt - Dec 29, 2016
|Personal Statement for an International Development Studies Program.
3 - Noman, add credibility to your claim of realizing that you wanted to work with people by adding the complete...
UndergraduateHthmn - Dec 28, 2016 / Holt - Dec 29, 2016
|The rebelling nerd - I had fulfilled my duty as an Asian kid
30 - Okay. Thanks!...
Undergraduatengokhoa99 - Dec 19, 2016 / ngokhoa99 - Dec 29, 2016
|Untitled - My Common App - Not one talent, background, or identity defines me.
Undergraduatescgoalie00 - Dec 29, 2016 / Holt - Dec 29, 2016
|Paideia - the complete education of mind, body and spirit. Contribution to the Reed community
5 - You can actually keep the movie if you want to. Like I said, the education of the mind, body,...
Undergraduatel3atjin - Dec 28, 2016 / Holt - Dec 29, 2016
|Tetris blocks - relax sometimes to keep your mind ready. U Penn supplemental essay - engineering.
5 - Khatanbuuvei, your narrative is really long but does not offer any solid idea as to how UPenn became the...
Undergraduatekhatanbuuveibold - Dec 28, 2016 / Holt - Dec 29, 2016
|Syracuse: What influenced me (advanced writing)
4 - Selin, it seems that your essay focus is more on the people that influenced you to apply to Syracuse....
Undergraduatesweetsenior - Dec 28, 2016 / Holt - Dec 29, 2016
|The cues of the Yoruba, Igbo and the western culture. MIT Cultural Background Essay
7 - Davidson, I strongly suggest that you use the Optional Section in Part 2 to further develop your essay. Since...
UndergraduateDJMI - Dec 28, 2016 / Holt - Dec 29, 2016
|Let's make some difference. Personal statement essay.
7 - @mbyram Thank you for making advice. Would you please point out some of the grammar errors because I can't...
UndergraduateBennyoooo - Dec 26, 2016 / Bennyoooo - Dec 29, 2016
|YALE SHORT ANSWERS - THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE I LEARNED.
Undergraduatebarry - Dec 29, 2016 / barry - Dec 29, 2016
|AN HOMELESS PERSON INFLUENCED ME. PRINCETON ESSAY
Undergraduatebarry - Dec 28, 2016 / barry - Dec 29, 2016
|'The right answer' - UChicago Immersion Essay - Rewarding Experience
3 - @astrum72 Thanks! I'll be sure to look at your essays. Also, I forgot to paste the whole 2nd essay...
Undergraduatesi1030 - Dec 29, 2016 / si1030 - Dec 29, 2016
|Music and Brainpower- Stanford Intellectual
5 - @si1030 Yes, I really like the changes you made, I think it's so much more effective than what it...
Undergraduatesi1030 - Dec 29, 2016 / astrum72 - Dec 29, 2016
|The brilliant minds at Georgia Tech - undergraduate essay for engineering
4 - First paragraph was suitable as an introduction but you need to change the second paragraph on Why you really...
Undergraduatethugzook - Dec 29, 2016 / barry - Dec 29, 2016
|Stanford Intellectual Vitality Essay - Epilepsy paved the road to my future
Undergraduatebryant_g - Dec 28, 2016 / barry - Dec 29, 2016
|MATH - an amazing experience. Talk about an extracurricular activity
4 - Thank you both!! I will focus on the second essay and correct the grammar errors you pointed....
Undergraduaternsnz18 - Dec 29, 2016 / rnsnz18 - Dec 29, 2016
|"How have you Improved the Life of others" MIT prompt.
Undergraduatezxcv - Dec 28, 2016 / zxcv - Dec 29, 2016
|Breaking political apathy (princeton supplement)
3 - This problems does not have simple a solution. ..., look at their qualifications,and their stances on topics. ...
Undergraduateastrum72 - Dec 27, 2016 / potatohead - Dec 29, 2016
|The value of teamwork and math and sciences. Unites States Naval Academy admissions essay
UndergraduatexMoon Hydro - Dec 28, 2016 / xMoon Hydro - Dec 29, 2016
|Deep Roots (College Essay)
3 - @mualla I really appreciate your feedback. This is a Common App prompt. I am just confused at why...
Undergraduateclair_L - Dec 28, 2016 / clair_L - Dec 29, 2016
|"My heart is in the work". Carnegie Mellon's mission and morals reflect my own.
UndergraduateShraf39 - Dec 28, 2016 / Shraf39 - Dec 29, 2016
|Yale supplementary essay: Sociology and Library
2 - @wendyli328 I'd like to suggest something to your first essay, it is really good and pleasant to read, you...
Undergraduatewendyli328 - Dec 29, 2016 / rnsnz18 - Dec 29, 2016
|Duke, Why Trinity? : Program II, availability of choices
5 - @sd6599 No don't restructure your essay, the strenght of your essays is about the deep interest you have on...
Undergraduatesd6599 - Dec 27, 2016 / rnsnz18 - Dec 29, 2016
|Sitting on the backseat of the car - Harvard Supplement.
3 - @khatanbuuveibold By the virtue of being a teacher's child, for the last 11 years, I have gone to...
Undergraduatekhatanbuuveibold - Dec 25, 2016 / scgoalie00 - Dec 29, 2016
|Alumnae interactions and exceptional faculty- Wellesley supplement
Undergraduatepotatohead - Dec 28, 2016 / astrum72 - Dec 28, 2016
|After the It Girls Overnight Retreat, I knew Syracuse was the place for me- WHY SYRACUSE?
4 - @Shraf39 So do you want me to put quotations around "It Girls Overnight Retreat"? I am a bit confused...
UndergraduateTajonae13 - Dec 27, 2016 / Tajonae13 - Dec 28, 2016
|Why specific Area and Yale? - Yale Short Answer
2 - First, I would like to congratulate you for being specific. However, I feel that you can focus the two...
Undergraduatekhizirsiddiqui - Dec 28, 2016 / TheIndoBoy25 - Dec 28, 2016
|My Motivation for applying to Lafayette College
UndergraduateOsiremiza99 - Dec 28, 2016 / Osiremiza99 - Dec 28, 2016
|We challenge our students to 'be comfortable being uncomfortable'. Georgia Tech Supplement Essay
4 - 'I want to quit!' I thought after a long day's work in the restaurant. 'I am so exhausted and...
UndergraduateCrystor - Dec 27, 2016 / Crystor - Dec 28, 2016
|As an American Muslim, I love immersing myself into conversations.
5 - Mualla, if there is nothing else that you want to add to the information in your statement then, I...
Undergraduatemualla - Dec 24, 2016 / Holt - Dec 28, 2016
|Cornell Engineering Essay - for the Artificially Intelligent
5 - Yes, this definitely speaks to your interests on a better scale than the first version. Consider that you have...
UndergraduateYomanAwe - Dec 26, 2016 / Holt - Dec 28, 2016
|The one particular friend. College Essay for Virginia Tech.
3 - Ryan, your essay deviated in focus from the prompt towards the end. The discussion is about you and a...
Undergraduatemeinhouston - Dec 28, 2016 / Holt - Dec 28, 2016
|CHESS. Tons and tons of losses helped me to understand the simple, yet elusive, essence of a game.
Undergraduatebmb_orgil - Dec 28, 2016 / l3atjin - Dec 28, 2016
|Cornell engineering essay - my contributions to the engineering field
4 - Yes, I really believe that only some slight adjustments and developments are necessary to make the essay more interesting...
Undergraduaternsnz18 - Dec 27, 2016 / Holt - Dec 28, 2016
|Tech's motto is Progress and Service. What is your role in your family? Max 150
4 - Zhao, if you want to still use the original essay, you can call yourself the "tie that binds the...
UndergraduateCrystor - Dec 27, 2016 / Holt - Dec 28, 2016
|Beyond rankings, location, athletics, why Georgia Tech? Why Gatech?
8 - Benny, please consider removing the reference to the Japanese club. From the way I read the essay now, the...
UndergraduateBennyoooo - Dec 23, 2016 / Holt - Dec 28, 2016
|"Buy nine more, get one free!" Common App - Identity Essay (Boba drinks Story)
2 - @MasterPhantom This is an excellent essay and I really like it. However, I feel your essay is too wordy,...
UndergraduateMasterPhantom - Dec 28, 2016 / Osiremiza99 - Dec 28, 2016
|Why Duke? To be part of the next generation of global leaders and technological innovators
UndergraduateOsiremiza99 - Dec 27, 2016 / Osiremiza99 - Dec 28, 2016
|My future still remains as foggy as it has been before - Common app
3 - @Buyanbatbunga First of all, I think you should consider adding more flow or transition between your sentences.Second of all,...
UndergraduateBuyanbatbunga - Dec 28, 2016 / bmb_orgil - Dec 28, 2016
|Learning Spanish through another lens - a cultural immersion (Dartmouth Supplement)
4 - I was thinking somewhere after the 2nd sentence in the first paragraph. Maybe say something about how you were...
Undergraduatekc1099 - Dec 27, 2016 / astrum72 - Dec 28, 2016
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