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|Being a Peer Mediator - short answer
6 - Overall, I like your essay a lot! It shows you as a selfishless and sincere student, traits that...
Undergraduateyaya4lyfe - Nov 25, 2011 / Leehoo - Dec 25, 2011
|'a family of nurses' - Washington Biology Transfer Personal Statement
Undergraduaterzwart - Dec 24, 2011 / mukhia08 - Dec 25, 2011
|Building Bridges-Cornell College of Engineering Supplement Essay (Minus Conclusion)
Undergraduatedasadhikarik - Dec 24, 2011 / mukhia08 - Dec 25, 2011
|[Common application] Dance and my life
3 - Thank you for your reply! But I didn't write "nervous" in my essay...>.< But your advice on using more...
UndergraduateLeehoo - Dec 25, 2011 / Leehoo - Dec 25, 2011
|Scary moment gives me coruage short answer
Undergraduateraza68 - Dec 24, 2011 / raza68 - Dec 25, 2011
|"Career Advising and Advising Programs" - Why UChicago Essay
Undergraduateeastring - Dec 25, 2011 / USMAN GUJJAR - Dec 25, 2011
|'Soccer is more than that' - Common App Extracurricular
Undergraduateerndawg - Dec 17, 2011 / rosomp - Dec 25, 2011
|'True learning' - what do you hope to learn from and contribute to the Penn?
UndergraduateLeehoo - Dec 24, 2011 / erndawg - Dec 25, 2011
|[short answer] about New York City Explore Program
UndergraduateLeehoo - Dec 24, 2011 / USMAN GUJJAR - Dec 25, 2011
|'mutualistic symbiotic relationship'- How my unique qualities relate to Upenn/Wharton
5 - I think yours are perfect. That symbiotic metaphor is novel, and you've managed to demonstrate how you fit in...
Undergraduatemp4player - Dec 16, 2011 / Leehoo - Dec 25, 2011
|'I never liked the idea of change' - Common App
16 - try reshaping it start wih a scenerio (perhaps from when u last saw ur friends) then start telling ur...
Undergraduatemc52 - Dec 20, 2011 / super57 - Dec 25, 2011
|'college is not another dull place' - U of C Short Essay
Undergraduatejasononwenu - Dec 25, 2011 / ChihiroLavi - Dec 25, 2011
|'raised in a single parent home' - Stanford- Intellectual development
Undergraduate22kcox - Dec 23, 2011 / 22kcox - Dec 25, 2011
|University of Michigan: How Ross is a good fit for me, just like a McSpicy
NEW - Hi, Here is my supplement for Ross School of Business within the University of Michigan. I would really...
Undergraduatemp4player - Dec 25, 2011 / — -
|"Sugar Land bubble"- BU Supplement essay, why BU?
3 - I don't know about grammar, but the short essay seems solid. You could just remove the 22nd thing that...
Undergraduateanushahasan - Dec 24, 2011 / agronr - Dec 25, 2011
|'My two years of hope' - Uchicago/Yale/Harvard Supp Essay
8 - I liked the essay but after it was over, i was also thinking what you actually found. I really...
Undergraduateecieee - Dec 16, 2011 / menukagrg - Dec 25, 2011
|My love for guitar - Common App Activities Essay
9 - thanks for the advice guys! Ive performed in some gigs with my band and even performed for a wedding,...
Undergraduatesnugglyduckling - Dec 20, 2011 / insanesoul81994 - Dec 25, 2011
|What I did for just plain fun - Pomona Supplement
5 - thanks for all the advice guys! I'll delete the extra sentences with unnecessary details. And Ill remove the phrase...
Undergraduateinsanesoul81994 - Dec 23, 2011 / insanesoul81994 - Dec 25, 2011
|"The foursome of senses"-Brown U something you created
Undergraduatewhimdino - Dec 24, 2011 / collegecat - Dec 25, 2011
|'interest in architecture' + 'morals mandatory' - lehigh supplements
2 - Cut this part? Try looking it over and join some of the sentences together perhaps? Overall,I believe...
Undergraduateblack_pearl_310 - Dec 25, 2011 / perfectshove - Dec 25, 2011
|'Collaborate' + 'Finance' + '50 cent' + 'Developing India' - NYU Supplements
2 - i suggest that you start off strong instead of I feel, just say "New York University is all about...
Undergraduatearmaniku - Dec 24, 2011 / tcohen - Dec 25, 2011
|Common App Essay: I Dunwanna Grow Up
Undergraduatecupnoodle123 - Dec 24, 2011 / santoryuu - Dec 24, 2011
|'I wouldn't return to my boarding school' - Common App Essay
Undergraduateitsyashvi - Dec 24, 2011 / itsyashvi - Dec 24, 2011
|'travel to anywhere I want' - Extracurricular Essay
UndergraduateZhoeK - Dec 22, 2011 / cupnoodle123 - Dec 24, 2011
|"My Life, Passion, and Goal" Cornell University - School of Hotel Administration
4 - I think your essay is good: it's personal, indicative of your aspirations, and well-written. I only see a few...
UndergraduateSagar_Patel12 - Dec 24, 2011 / Monisaahmed - Dec 24, 2011
|'my analytical and quantitative skills' - UPenn Transfer
Undergraduatearmaniku - Dec 24, 2011 / Leehoo - Dec 24, 2011
|'Research' + 'activities' + 'Indian meal' - Notre Dame Supplements
5 - @22kcox I completely agree that the essays are far too impersonal and normal, they really aren't unique enough. Especially...
UndergraduateMonisaahmed - Dec 23, 2011 / Monisaahmed - Dec 24, 2011
|"Genius is said to be self-conscious." Princeton Quote essay
Undergraduatenicolehardy87 - Dec 24, 2011 / priscillaaa - Dec 24, 2011
|Why Tufts? "Because it's there."
3 - I couldcan reach the zenith and kylebelieves' comment is true; those corrections will make the sentence flow better...
UndergraduateJohn20160o0o0 - Dec 24, 2011 / priscillaaa - Dec 24, 2011
|'Love for charity work' - Rice - Why apply to your school?
2 - I've been buying and selling electronics online and locallyto not only make allowance for myself but alsoin order to...
UndergraduateBuffomatic - Dec 24, 2011 / priscillaaa - Dec 24, 2011
|"Entertaiment Technology" - Carnegie Mellon Supplement Essay
2 - I instantaneously became fascinated with new technologies. No need for exclamation mark. Other than that it is a...
UndergraduateJustinc7 - Dec 24, 2011 / Buffomatic - Dec 24, 2011
|Stanford roommate essay: 'asian, born in Brazil and lives in Canada'
4 - a comma after "weird"/before the "eh" you're in Canada, you should know! :P anyways, I love how...
Undergraduatekevinyslin - Dec 21, 2011 / priscillaaa - Dec 24, 2011
|'Choir has opened door for me' - Rice supplement essay
3 - I like the overall topic but the essay definitely needs to be longer. I suggest expanding more on your...
Undergraduateveee - Dec 22, 2011 / Buffomatic - Dec 24, 2011
|'Tetris' - Stanford Roommate
3 - really creative, its something that surely stands out love the way you blend a game with your life...
Undergraduatetgf808 - Dec 24, 2011 / kevinyslin - Dec 24, 2011
|'How'd your audition go?' - MIT significant challenge essay
Undergraduatesalsmeyer - Dec 24, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 24, 2011
|Emerson Honors Essay - "Deconstructed in Dixie"
3 - ah i was worried about that! unfortunately i'm already 7 words over the limit, and i'm not sure what...
Undergraduatekylebelieves - Dec 24, 2011 / kylebelieves - Dec 24, 2011
|How to write Aviation statement of purpose?
6 - think back to the moment you were like "HEY I want to study aviation in college!" and brainstorm from...
Undergraduateajalaoluwa - Dec 15, 2011 / priscillaaa - Dec 24, 2011
|'volunteered, worked, travelled, thought' princeton-how ive spent my last two summers
4 - The prompt said to discuss any activities not already mentioned on the common application. Did you discuss these jobs...
Undergraduatekayla1725 - Dec 5, 2011 / inventor1488 - Dec 24, 2011
|'The stench was intense' - LEHIGH UNIVERSITY (personal statement)
3 - Thanks!...
UndergraduateAkolade 1 - Dec 24, 2011 / Akolade 1 - Dec 24, 2011
|'doubts about education in my county' - COMMON APP
2 - I think that it is lacking a bit of flow. I think that you should elaborate on your experiences...
Undergraduatemiii - Dec 23, 2011 / shinsley - Dec 24, 2011
|'I'm perfect for you!' - What would you want your future roommate to know about you?
3 - I think your essay needs to be more focused. It's great that you show how diverse and interesting you...
UndergraduateXavier19 - Dec 19, 2011 / HopefulApplier - Dec 24, 2011
|'new urbanities and cultures' + 'grew up in Shanghai - Why BU and my future roommate
5 - Haha, I really enjoyed reading this. Its sound real, not like scripted for an application essay. Which is a...
Undergraduatecicy1994 - Dec 23, 2011 / shinsley - Dec 24, 2011
|'Scars become scabs' -Commonapp Main Essay
6 - Try to add a little bit more connecting the scab idea to your final conclusion. Otherwise, it's great how...
UndergraduateRennir - Dec 22, 2011 / DesiGirl - Dec 24, 2011
|'Music has life' - Stanford: Intellectual Vitality
UndergraduateHopefulApplier - Dec 24, 2011 / Xavier19 - Dec 24, 2011
|"Viewing Life Beyond Your Home" - Pepperdine U. Essay Prompt
4 - Can you read my new Common app essay...please critique because I really need outside ppl's view of it-- THanks!!!...
UndergraduateEKI - Dec 23, 2011 / cupnoodle123 - Dec 24, 2011
|'I developed scoliosis, kyphosis, and lordosis' - Stanford- Intellectual Experience
12 - cupnoodle123 Thank you sooooooo much :) !!! That really helped; I'll make the necessary edits. An Arangetram is a...
UndergraduateDesiGirl - Dec 23, 2011 / DesiGirl - Dec 24, 2011
|'the difficulty of making money' -COMMON APP short answer
2 - miii Suggestion:RIIIING! I was awakened promptly at 5AM, by the two alarms I had set in order to...
Undergraduatemiii - Dec 24, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 24, 2011
|'my enjoyment of being a Christian' - Common App: Overcome stereotype
Undergraduatecupnoodle123 - Dec 24, 2011 / — -
|"Attack Life"-Stanford Intellectual Vitality Essay
4 - I agree with stargirlpanda. I think you should focus on a specific experience and wrap your theme around that...
UndergraduateRajman333 - Dec 24, 2011 / programmerguy - Dec 24, 2011
|'the second oldest of three children' - PERSONAL STATEMENT
Undergraduatemissmelyss - Dec 23, 2011 / missmelyss - Dec 24, 2011
|'our lacrosse playoff game' - Extracurricular common app essay
4 - i agree with Ramo i like the words in the beginning its very effective! and it tells what each...
UndergraduateHEast22 - Dec 24, 2011 / asburyceline - Dec 24, 2011
|'serious about my flute playing' - Common App- prompt #1
Undergraduateflutenerd - Dec 24, 2011 / flutenerd - Dec 24, 2011
|'a huge fan of Terrence Malick' - NYU supplement essay 2000ch
2 - a little editing: "As i watch all ofI watched all of his movies and thoughts are running inthrough...
Undergraduateabnk599 - Dec 24, 2011 / asburyceline - Dec 24, 2011
|[Bohaiwan] "describe a moment when your perspective changed"
NEW - Here's the prompt: Sculptor Jacques Lipchitz once said, "Cubism is like standing at a certain point on a mountain...
UndergraduateLeehoo - Dec 24, 2011 / — -
|'I want to become an engineer' - MIT- which department or program
4 - I like the second essay. It shows that your decision to major in biomedical engineering is due to a...
Undergraduateflutenerd - Dec 24, 2011 / Ramo - Dec 24, 2011
|Stanford Roommate ('tidy person') and What matters ('I was chubby')
5 - Much better on both! I have learned to filter criticism and to heed the advice embedded in them....
Undergraduatekt94 - Dec 24, 2011 / chipdip - Dec 24, 2011
|'intriguing ideas with me' - Stanford - Roommate Letter
2 - I really like it! It's cute and funny! And it definitely displays your interests, especially through subtle detail instead...
Undergraduatestargirlpanda - Dec 24, 2011 / DesiGirl - Dec 24, 2011
|CarnegieMellon(supplement)- Electrical Engineering experience
Undergraduatecupnoodle123 - Dec 24, 2011 / cupnoodle123 - Dec 24, 2011
|'In a large international company' - Why UChicago
2 - what can you contribute to the college that sets you apart from the rest? good other than that...
Undergraduateabnk599 - Dec 24, 2011 / HEast22 - Dec 24, 2011
|'my identification badge' - Stanford Supp.
UndergraduateDesiGirl - Dec 23, 2011 / DesiGirl - Dec 24, 2011
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