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|'Collaborate' + 'Finance' + '50 cent' + 'Developing India' - NYU Supplements
2 - i suggest that you start off strong instead of I feel, just say "New York University is all about...
Undergraduatearmaniku - Dec 24, 2011 / tcohen - Dec 25, 2011
|Common App Essay: I Dunwanna Grow Up
Undergraduatecupnoodle123 - Dec 24, 2011 / santoryuu - Dec 24, 2011
|'I wouldn't return to my boarding school' - Common App Essay
Undergraduateitsyashvi - Dec 24, 2011 / itsyashvi - Dec 24, 2011
|'travel to anywhere I want' - Extracurricular Essay
UndergraduateZhoeK - Dec 22, 2011 / cupnoodle123 - Dec 24, 2011
|"My Life, Passion, and Goal" Cornell University - School of Hotel Administration
4 - I think your essay is good: it's personal, indicative of your aspirations, and well-written. I only see a few...
UndergraduateSagar_Patel12 - Dec 24, 2011 / Monisaahmed - Dec 24, 2011
|'my analytical and quantitative skills' - UPenn Transfer
Undergraduatearmaniku - Dec 24, 2011 / Leehoo - Dec 24, 2011
|'Research' + 'activities' + 'Indian meal' - Notre Dame Supplements
5 - @22kcox I completely agree that the essays are far too impersonal and normal, they really aren't unique enough. Especially...
UndergraduateMonisaahmed - Dec 23, 2011 / Monisaahmed - Dec 24, 2011
|"Genius is said to be self-conscious." Princeton Quote essay
Undergraduatenicolehardy87 - Dec 24, 2011 / priscillaaa - Dec 24, 2011
|Why Tufts? "Because it's there."
3 - I couldcan reach the zenith and kylebelieves' comment is true; those corrections will make the sentence flow better...
UndergraduateJohn20160o0o0 - Dec 24, 2011 / priscillaaa - Dec 24, 2011
|'Love for charity work' - Rice - Why apply to your school?
2 - I've been buying and selling electronics online and locallyto not only make allowance for myself but alsoin order to...
UndergraduateBuffomatic - Dec 24, 2011 / priscillaaa - Dec 24, 2011
|"Entertaiment Technology" - Carnegie Mellon Supplement Essay
2 - I instantaneously became fascinated with new technologies. No need for exclamation mark. Other than that it is a...
UndergraduateJustinc7 - Dec 24, 2011 / Buffomatic - Dec 24, 2011
|Stanford roommate essay: 'asian, born in Brazil and lives in Canada'
4 - a comma after "weird"/before the "eh" you're in Canada, you should know! :P anyways, I love how...
Undergraduatekevinyslin - Dec 21, 2011 / priscillaaa - Dec 24, 2011
|'Choir has opened door for me' - Rice supplement essay
3 - I like the overall topic but the essay definitely needs to be longer. I suggest expanding more on your...
Undergraduateveee - Dec 22, 2011 / Buffomatic - Dec 24, 2011
|'Tetris' - Stanford Roommate
3 - really creative, its something that surely stands out love the way you blend a game with your life...
Undergraduatetgf808 - Dec 24, 2011 / kevinyslin - Dec 24, 2011
|'How'd your audition go?' - MIT significant challenge essay
Undergraduatesalsmeyer - Dec 24, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 24, 2011
|Emerson Honors Essay - "Deconstructed in Dixie"
3 - ah i was worried about that! unfortunately i'm already 7 words over the limit, and i'm not sure what...
Undergraduatekylebelieves - Dec 24, 2011 / kylebelieves - Dec 24, 2011
|How to write Aviation statement of purpose?
6 - think back to the moment you were like "HEY I want to study aviation in college!" and brainstorm from...
Undergraduateajalaoluwa - Dec 15, 2011 / priscillaaa - Dec 24, 2011
|'volunteered, worked, travelled, thought' princeton-how ive spent my last two summers
4 - The prompt said to discuss any activities not already mentioned on the common application. Did you discuss these jobs...
Undergraduatekayla1725 - Dec 5, 2011 / inventor1488 - Dec 24, 2011
|'The stench was intense' - LEHIGH UNIVERSITY (personal statement)
3 - Thanks!...
UndergraduateAkolade 1 - Dec 24, 2011 / Akolade 1 - Dec 24, 2011
|'doubts about education in my county' - COMMON APP
2 - I think that it is lacking a bit of flow. I think that you should elaborate on your experiences...
Undergraduatemiii - Dec 23, 2011 / shinsley - Dec 24, 2011
|'I'm perfect for you!' - What would you want your future roommate to know about you?
3 - I think your essay needs to be more focused. It's great that you show how diverse and interesting you...
UndergraduateXavier19 - Dec 19, 2011 / HopefulApplier - Dec 24, 2011
|'new urbanities and cultures' + 'grew up in Shanghai - Why BU and my future roommate
5 - Haha, I really enjoyed reading this. Its sound real, not like scripted for an application essay. Which is a...
Undergraduatecicy1994 - Dec 23, 2011 / shinsley - Dec 24, 2011
|'Scars become scabs' -Commonapp Main Essay
6 - Try to add a little bit more connecting the scab idea to your final conclusion. Otherwise, it's great how...
UndergraduateRennir - Dec 22, 2011 / DesiGirl - Dec 24, 2011
|'Music has life' - Stanford: Intellectual Vitality
UndergraduateHopefulApplier - Dec 24, 2011 / Xavier19 - Dec 24, 2011
|"Viewing Life Beyond Your Home" - Pepperdine U. Essay Prompt
4 - Can you read my new Common app essay...please critique because I really need outside ppl's view of it-- THanks!!!...
UndergraduateEKI - Dec 23, 2011 / cupnoodle123 - Dec 24, 2011
|'I developed scoliosis, kyphosis, and lordosis' - Stanford- Intellectual Experience
12 - cupnoodle123 Thank you sooooooo much :) !!! That really helped; I'll make the necessary edits. An Arangetram is a...
UndergraduateDesiGirl - Dec 23, 2011 / DesiGirl - Dec 24, 2011
|'the difficulty of making money' -COMMON APP short answer
2 - miii Suggestion:RIIIING! I was awakened promptly at 5AM, by the two alarms I had set in order to...
Undergraduatemiii - Dec 24, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 24, 2011
|'my enjoyment of being a Christian' - Common App: Overcome stereotype
Undergraduatecupnoodle123 - Dec 24, 2011 / — -
|"Attack Life"-Stanford Intellectual Vitality Essay
4 - I agree with stargirlpanda. I think you should focus on a specific experience and wrap your theme around that...
UndergraduateRajman333 - Dec 24, 2011 / programmerguy - Dec 24, 2011
|'the second oldest of three children' - PERSONAL STATEMENT
Undergraduatemissmelyss - Dec 23, 2011 / missmelyss - Dec 24, 2011
|'our lacrosse playoff game' - Extracurricular common app essay
4 - i agree with Ramo i like the words in the beginning its very effective! and it tells what each...
UndergraduateHEast22 - Dec 24, 2011 / asburyceline - Dec 24, 2011
|'serious about my flute playing' - Common App- prompt #1
Undergraduateflutenerd - Dec 24, 2011 / flutenerd - Dec 24, 2011
|'a huge fan of Terrence Malick' - NYU supplement essay 2000ch
2 - a little editing: "As i watch all ofI watched all of his movies and thoughts are running inthrough...
Undergraduateabnk599 - Dec 24, 2011 / asburyceline - Dec 24, 2011
|[Bohaiwan] "describe a moment when your perspective changed"
NEW - Here's the prompt: Sculptor Jacques Lipchitz once said, "Cubism is like standing at a certain point on a mountain...
UndergraduateLeehoo - Dec 24, 2011 / — -
|'I want to become an engineer' - MIT- which department or program
4 - I like the second essay. It shows that your decision to major in biomedical engineering is due to a...
Undergraduateflutenerd - Dec 24, 2011 / Ramo - Dec 24, 2011
|Stanford Roommate ('tidy person') and What matters ('I was chubby')
5 - Much better on both! I have learned to filter criticism and to heed the advice embedded in them....
Undergraduatekt94 - Dec 24, 2011 / chipdip - Dec 24, 2011
|'intriguing ideas with me' - Stanford - Roommate Letter
2 - I really like it! It's cute and funny! And it definitely displays your interests, especially through subtle detail instead...
Undergraduatestargirlpanda - Dec 24, 2011 / DesiGirl - Dec 24, 2011
|CarnegieMellon(supplement)- Electrical Engineering experience
Undergraduatecupnoodle123 - Dec 24, 2011 / cupnoodle123 - Dec 24, 2011
|'In a large international company' - Why UChicago
2 - what can you contribute to the college that sets you apart from the rest? good other than that...
Undergraduateabnk599 - Dec 24, 2011 / HEast22 - Dec 24, 2011
|'my identification badge' - Stanford Supp.
UndergraduateDesiGirl - Dec 23, 2011 / DesiGirl - Dec 24, 2011
|'in the heart of Pakistan' - supplement for Carnegie Mellon
Undergraduatehamzanadeem - Dec 24, 2011 / abnk599 - Dec 24, 2011
|'potential of the liberal' - Bates Supplement Response
3 - Applying to Bates as well. Actually, I think you should write more about advantages of liberal arts colleges if...
Undergraduateweima - Dec 19, 2011 / abnk599 - Dec 24, 2011
|"Dedication to an interest"-common app for CORNELL
3 - Well written. I think you may want to make the conversation shorter to satisfy the words limit.It seems...
Undergraduatewinnie0603 - Dec 22, 2011 / ChihiroLavi - Dec 24, 2011
|Why Swarthmore? Finding a niche.
4 - I can relate to you because I'm an island girl myself haha I like how you compared the environment...
Undergraduateetron - Dec 24, 2011 / mc52 - Dec 24, 2011
|"You're Lucky"-Stanford Roommate Letter-Is it too vague?
16 - You done a great job! To make your essay less vague, maybe you could include a little anecdote of...
UndergraduateRajman333 - Dec 23, 2011 / silentspring - Dec 24, 2011
|'I am a Romantic' - Stanford Letter to Future Roommate
13 - Awesome response, especially because it seems to circle around your romanticism. I agree with Mike about the introductory sentence,...
UndergraduateArmaan M - Dec 20, 2011 / Rajman333 - Dec 24, 2011
|Lack of cooking skill-Common app Essay
7 - The introduction is very skillfully done. It shines light on some of your commendable accomplishments without seeming arrogant or...
Undergraduateyusra12 - Dec 11, 2011 / MichaelJ - Dec 24, 2011
|(mess on my desk) roommate essay + (my apologies) five words that describe you
6 - You're essay were absolutely amazing! I prefer the first one simply because it's written slightly better and the humor...
Undergraduatectchrssmnky - Dec 23, 2011 / MichaelJ - Dec 24, 2011
|'Bungee Jumping' - Rice University Supplement
3 - I didn't notice that. I changed it to "although I no longer go jumping with my friends, the friendships...
UndergraduateBuffomatic - Dec 24, 2011 / Buffomatic - Dec 24, 2011
|"Ambassador" - Commonapp Activity essay for edit
4 - With these believesbeliefs , I stepped up, from being reluctant when speaking in public,don't think you need a comma...
Undergraduatewafzy - Dec 23, 2011 / programmerguy - Dec 24, 2011
|'a responsibility towards my society' - Common app personal
6 - Overall your essay is very persuasive! The problem is that its length. Isn't there a word limit on Common...
Undergraduatedhanu12 - Dec 20, 2011 / kakari - Dec 24, 2011
|'biological sciences as a major' - Georgetown - Second impressions are everything
3 - Thank you so much! I will work on the changes immediately and hopefully get a second opinion :)...
Undergraduateidealwanderer - Dec 18, 2011 / idealwanderer - Dec 24, 2011
|'how important my family members were' - significant experience
UndergraduateFreedom - Dec 22, 2011 / Freedom - Dec 24, 2011
|'Not ashamed of my duties' - CommonApp - I am japanese
9 - Thank you for Chong's help I see. I try improve intro menukagrg Thank you so much!!!!!! your advice...
Undergraduatekikuchi - Dec 16, 2011 / kikuchi - Dec 24, 2011
|Why and my Major - Lafayettes
7 - the first one about making an advisory club is is interesting but you have grammar errors. e.g. From that...
Undergraduateblack_pearl_310 - Dec 23, 2011 / laspinadenise - Dec 24, 2011
|'Love&MD' - Common Application Essay
4 - Patrick Thanks. It's supposed to show how I used to tamp down on my personality/weirdness because I wanted...
UndergraduateZhoeK - Dec 24, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 24, 2011
|'Classical economists' SOP for Graduate admission Msc Economics
UndergraduateRiddi - Dec 23, 2011 / Riddi - Dec 24, 2011
|"You brought the team together" personal statement
Undergraduatelaspinadenise - Dec 24, 2011 / black_pearl_310 - Dec 24, 2011
|Barnard College Supplement- one woman to talk to,
6 - I know, Smith is my dream university but i am applying to Mt. Holyoke too (which is also pretty...
UndergraduateCoral - Dec 23, 2011 / menukagrg - Dec 24, 2011
|Transfer Essay to Fashion Merchandise Management Program at FIT
NEW - Hello everyone! I am currently working on an application to transfer to FIT for Fall 2012 and I was...
Undergraduatebmusacch30 - Dec 24, 2011 / — -
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