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|'always enjoyed working alone' - Rochester Supplement
4 - I like the variety of word choice you have going on in your paragraph however you shouldn't make it...
Undergraduatesean111 - Dec 10, 2011 / mc52 - Dec 20, 2011
|'a very political person' - What matters most to you and why?- Stanford Supp't
2 - I'm not a grammar whiz, but your essay is following the prompt. One thing you should do is pick...
Undergraduatearbrelibre - Dec 20, 2011 / makman09 - Dec 20, 2011
|Through the perspective of an engineer. UPENN ESSAY
Undergraduatetehfunkicookie - Dec 19, 2011 / lee235717 - Dec 20, 2011
|"Of Freedom and Education" - Carnegie Mellon Supplement
5 - This essay is great. I can't find anything wrong with it, but I suggest one thing. Try to have...
Undergraduatekjhoratio - Dec 19, 2011 / makman09 - Dec 20, 2011
|'mesmerized by Duke's Economic Department' Why Duke? Trinity College Supplemental
3 - "From the academic standpoint", probably better worded as "From an academic standpoint", other than that, your essay is very...
Undergraduatekzheng - Dec 19, 2011 / faux_soup - Dec 20, 2011
|'I saw Duke University in the top ten' - TRINITY SUPPLEMENTAL
6 - I like your essay, but I'd suggest omitting some cliches. For example, "fitting the last piece of a thousand-piece...
Undergraduatecollegesearcher - Dec 13, 2011 / arbrelibre - Dec 20, 2011
|'Computer as the greatest source of inormation' - MIT Pleasure Essay
6 - Thank you for that extremely insightful and thought-provoking comment. I don't think I would have gotten in anywhere with...
Undergraduatehutch428 - Dec 19, 2011 / hutch428 - Dec 19, 2011
|'Monique and me smiling on the front page' - Columbia, Rice, UChicago, Harvard, Brown
9 - ha I did not even notice both words had "tens" in them. I also changed notwithstanding to despite. ...
Undergraduatecarolynah92 - Dec 17, 2011 / carolynah92 - Dec 19, 2011
|'business career' + 'cover magazine person' + 'lifeguard' Syracuse Supplements
2 - Nice essays. I really liked the first one talking about the movie Money Never sleeps. It also clearly illustrates...
UndergraduateG_Ear_B_Ear815 - Dec 19, 2011 / tochiajiwe - Dec 19, 2011
|'travel to my parent village of Aba, Nigeria' Personal statement for medical program
2 - This is very well-written both in regards to content and grammar. Your tale seems to clearly illustrate what got...
Undergraduatetochiajiwe - Dec 19, 2011 / G_Ear_B_Ear815 - Dec 19, 2011
|"Quantum Society" or "children's' charity school" Chosing between two short answers
Undergraduateadaswani - Dec 19, 2011 / weima - Dec 19, 2011
|Why do I want to study Biology at Cornell - Cornell supplemental essay
2 - I think it would be more appropriate if: I have been in love with science... (since you should...
Undergraduateidk - Dec 19, 2011 / weima - Dec 19, 2011
|'this occurred in Slovenia' - Common Application Essay on travelling/moving
5 - Thanks! I know what you mean. I'm thinking of writing a slightly longer essay with more detail, rather than...
Undergraduatedongjunenator - Dec 19, 2011 / dongjunenator - Dec 19, 2011
|'Beauty' - Stanford What matters to you
4 - Thanks guys for the comments:) Jenny, I made some changes with your advice...do mind seeing how my essay is...
Undergraduatecupnoodle123 - Dec 19, 2011 / cupnoodle123 - Dec 19, 2011
|"Dropping A Class"-Yale Supplement Essay
3 - Thank you for the really great feedback! I definitely need to add more descriptive adjectives, and I will work...
Undergraduatekjbxcs23 - Dec 19, 2011 / kjbxcs23 - Dec 19, 2011
|Things that I like --- a short supplement essay
2 - I really like your choice of topics and how they are all completely different from each other! The one...
Undergraduateckpckp1994 - Dec 19, 2011 / kjbxcs23 - Dec 19, 2011
|"I'm not an athlete" Brown Supplement Q, Perspective change
Undergraduatejjm7000 - Dec 19, 2011 / jjm7000 - Dec 19, 2011
|'MISSION ACCOMPLISHED' - SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCE AND IMPACT ON YOU
6 - Probably "learned" is a better word than "learnt"...I've never really seen "learnt" being used. Also, the last sentence is...
Undergraduatecollegesearcher - Dec 13, 2011 / mchehn - Dec 19, 2011
|'This triple victory in soccer' - achievement, risk
3 - I have been playing soccer from the age of five, and overtime I have developed an immense passion; love...
UndergraduateRGarvey - Dec 19, 2011 / collegesearcher - Dec 19, 2011
|I've had my answer cut off - consequences?
4 - Haha, thanks for the reassurance. I just made the same mistake, and I'm glad to know that they're receptive...
Undergraduatefredday - Dec 19, 2011 / jjm7000 - Dec 19, 2011
|'Architecture is something' - my "why tulane" essay
3 - I wouldn't dwell on the lack of a portfolio or your indecisiveness. Many students change majors, most even. If...
Undergraduatebaboons - Dec 15, 2011 / fallenchemist - Dec 19, 2011
|'My wild imagination' - BU-roommate essay
2 - I really like your essay. I think it introduces you in an uncomfortable experience and how you have matured...
Undergraduatecolie101 - Dec 19, 2011 / marielnl94 - Dec 19, 2011
|'Storytellers' - Common Application Essay, perhaps using for Brown
4 - This is a really good essay! Great description and imagery! As for the title, you could probably come up...
Undergraduatecollegecat - Dec 13, 2011 / carolynah92 - Dec 19, 2011
|How to start a personal statement about why I'm applying etc?
2 - What I would do first is describe myself. Maybe you are a passionate reader or a free-time webpage designer....
UndergraduateYoungForever - Dec 19, 2011 / marielnl94 - Dec 19, 2011
|'My loved ones' why are you interested in pursuing a career in medicine
4 - You're welcome. I think this essay can really work and get you admitted if you correct those little details....
Undergraduatearati - Dec 18, 2011 / marielnl94 - Dec 19, 2011
|'grasping the concept' + 'friendships upon loyalty, roomate' Stanford
6 - Well, I think you could personalise your information a little bit more. For example, when you describe your cupboard,...
UndergraduateInflux1 - Dec 18, 2011 / marielnl94 - Dec 19, 2011
|'first inspiration came from my father' - U OF T APPLICATION
4 - Hey Tito, my only suggestion on your answer would be to change, "sharing the gospel of Christ," to "engaging...
Undergraduateteeeeeeeeeeto - Dec 14, 2011 / archiek - Dec 19, 2011
|'friends who teased me' - The other option- Describe an activity
4 - I think instead of writing "I understood the gravity of the situation after a parents' meeting at the beginning...
Undergraduatehbilgili1 - Dec 19, 2011 / mchehn - Dec 19, 2011
|'just one of my many fieldworks' - CommonApp -Diversity
3 - Hi Chong Liu, I think it's an engaging and well-written essay. However, I'm not sure if it answers...
Undergraduatelch920619x - Dec 19, 2011 / kjhoratio - Dec 19, 2011
|'to fuse the history of medicine' - Johns Hopkins- why you chose course of study
3 - Majoring in History while also pursuing a pre-medical track within the Krieger School of Arts and Sciences will allow...
Undergraduatebabygurl2012 - Dec 18, 2011 / cherrybomb94 - Dec 19, 2011
|'Magdi Yacoub is the reason' -a person who has had a significant influence
5 - I could not comprehend its significance, as I had never seen the commercial before, nor having been familiar with...
UndergraduateRamo - Nov 10, 2011 / EF_Susan - Dec 19, 2011
|'two weeks going around Europe' - how you have spent the last two summers.
4 - I thought the essay is really concrete and specific. You told others what you have done in Europe in...
UndergraduateDaybreak - Dec 15, 2011 / parker - Dec 19, 2011
|'Science saved my life' - Reflect on an idea or experience
3 - the overall essay is very moving and upliftng. however, you only describe how science saved you and inspired you....
Undergraduatehayoungyoun - Dec 17, 2011 / parker - Dec 19, 2011
|Extracurricular Essay -Rowing
6 - there is something wrong with this sentence. The sentence structure should Subject Verb Object; Subject Verb Object. ...
Undergraduatefredday - Dec 16, 2011 / hahahohohe - Dec 19, 2011
|Stanford: LETTER TO ROOMMATE- love, Chinese girl
2 - While reading legitimate Chinese texts are still a bit of a strugglea hard exercise for me to read ,...
Undergraduatecupnoodle123 - Dec 18, 2011 / dumi - Dec 19, 2011
|'an interesting joke of an exam question' - Tufts Supplement Essays - Why Tufts?
4 - i like it its nice to the point brief. it directl sayd something to the point. You shouldnt extend...
Undergraduateajliu84 - Dec 15, 2011 / super57 - Dec 18, 2011
|'the value of a liberal arts education' - Short Answer: Why Colby
Undergraduaterifatmursalin - Dec 18, 2011 / cupnoodle123 - Dec 18, 2011
|'Choreography allows me to purse dance' - Johns Hopkins- Tell us about yourself
2 - Every few months at Cypress Academy I get to teach my routines to a group of girls whose family's...
Undergraduatebabygurl2012 - Dec 18, 2011 / smtz88 - Dec 18, 2011
|'to study in US instead of studying medicine here' - personal essay?
3 - I don't like the beginning. You should grab the reader's attentions and really show them what you got! The...
Undergraduatesoeyunaing - Dec 18, 2011 / babygurl2012 - Dec 18, 2011
|NYU Supplement - English Exchange experience in school
5 - To be honest, you don't really answer the prompt at all. Based on what you wrote, it seems as...
Undergraduatetrishhha - Dec 13, 2011 / lee235717 - Dec 18, 2011
|'it was unique and had more to offer' -Why did you choose Swarthmore?
3 - In the second paragraph, you talk a lot about the man who made you interested in the college. If...
Undergraduatepitt4life01 - Dec 18, 2011 / smtz88 - Dec 18, 2011
|Common App main essay: 'Paradoxical Christian'
3 - no no, that really helped...actually I also felt that way...I was sorta framing my 2nd paragraph around the prompt,...
Undergraduatecupnoodle123 - Dec 18, 2011 / cupnoodle123 - Dec 18, 2011
|'an engineer who can make a difference' - Cornell Engineering- Computers
3 - Thanks for the input! I definitely agree with what you're saying, especially the "sell yourself over advertising the university"...
UndergraduateFightGravity - Dec 17, 2011 / FightGravity - Dec 18, 2011
|Commonapp Elephant Foot Disease
UndergraduateJackSparrow - Dec 18, 2011 / JackSparrow - Dec 18, 2011
|'how I relate to the world' - An Intellectual Opportunity at Stanford
3 - This is the significance of the sentence... it's the conclusion of the first sentence. I think it should...
Undergraduatesaurabh93 - Dec 15, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Dec 18, 2011
|'The Nerds' - USC Engineering Supplement
5 - Sarah and Christine practically said everything that I would have said in a nutshell. I loved your essay, it...
UndergraduateDesiGirl - Dec 17, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 18, 2011
|UVa Supplements. Work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature
2 - You can improve your writing by omitting "that" whenever you get the chance. Kill the little weasel, or it'll...
UndergraduatePandaNinja015 - Dec 17, 2011 / EF_Kevin - Dec 18, 2011
|'Muslims are kind people' - a perspective I will contribute to Rice
Undergraduatenaseemalammar - Dec 18, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 18, 2011
|'UCLA's renowned Feigon Lab' - Common App. Work Experience Essay
NEW - Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. In order to further my passion...
UndergraduateDesiGirl - Dec 18, 2011 / — -
|"Shouldn't I type this instead?" - On handwriting - Commonapp essay
18 - I'm glad you are applying to an all-women school! These liberal arts colleges are a bit underrated, but they...
Undergraduateaugust23vn - Dec 10, 2011 / Alicegz - Dec 18, 2011
|'communities of the modern era' - Lehigh University: equity and community
Undergraduatecherrybomb94 - Dec 18, 2011 / ZhoeK - Dec 18, 2011
|'The more united the members' - What does community mean to you?
Undergraduateagthdoppler207 - Dec 18, 2011 / jerrytherock31 - Dec 18, 2011
|'a difficult divorce' - Common app for ivies
4 - sweet that,s kinda what i was feeling, i want to put the main emphasis on how my experience has...
Undergraduatefredday - Dec 16, 2011 / fredday - Dec 18, 2011
|Common App Essay - The Last Supper
3 - I'm not a professional editor also. And my writing skills is to some aspects much weaker than yours. But...
Undergraduatehappylandfill - Dec 18, 2011 / kexu2012 - Dec 18, 2011
|'the Medill School of Journalism' - Why Northwestern University
NEW - I know it's crazy to apply for Medill as an undergraduate. But i really need advices on essay. I...
Undergraduatekexu2012 - Dec 18, 2011 / — -
|'the Directed Studies Program' - why Yale
4 - Thank you for your advice! I think it's really helpful! I'm amending the draft and I would edit in...
Undergraduatekexu2012 - Dec 17, 2011 / kexu2012 - Dec 18, 2011
|The most disgraceful program becomes the epitome of my responsibilities BROWN ESSAY!!
3 - I agree with super57. I definitely think that you should make your essay more exciting. The first line is...
Undergraduatetehfunkicookie - Dec 18, 2011 / twilista - Dec 18, 2011
|'Sensitivity, responsibility and drive' - Boston University Supplement
7 - The substance is super and quite practical with live examples and quotes that I really appreciate.however a small grammatic...
Undergraduatesohaibsiddiqui - Dec 16, 2011 / laalinibhogadi - Dec 18, 2011
|'packet drink' - the most significant challenge that society faces today? - Stanford
Undergraduatedelljonathan - Dec 18, 2011 / delljonathan - Dec 18, 2011
|'a place of discovery and exploration' - Why Reed? essay
UndergraduateZachariah - Dec 7, 2011 / super57 - Dec 18, 2011
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