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|'sustainability and educating the next generation' - NYU supplement
3 - Cool! I'm also applying for NYU :) You have a well written and convincing essay. Keep up the good...
Undergraduatelewisgf - Dec 12, 2011 / Ninjarebelxxx - Dec 13, 2011
|(Martial Arts) Common Application: extracurricular activities
3 - Thanks for the feedback jfrancishutch! This was a draft that I wrote up really quickly. I am not very...
UndergraduateNinjarebelxxx - Dec 12, 2011 / Ninjarebelxxx - Dec 12, 2011
|"What? Are you crazy?" - Comm app essay (An important experience)
5 - Thank you so much rgudz26!! your suggestions really make me think a lot!! I will do more revision for...
Undergraduateubchiu - Nov 14, 2011 / ubchiu - Dec 12, 2011
|'Harvey Mudd will be the catalyst' - my experience with engineering
Undergraduatetehfunkicookie - Dec 11, 2011 / AU0594 - Dec 12, 2011
|'they depended solely on God and prayed to Him daily' - Topic of Choice
2 - Remember whenever you say something and have quote around them, start a new paragraph right after. but I...
Undergraduatebookbug_xd - Dec 11, 2011 / tehfunkicookie - Dec 12, 2011
|'Parliamentary debate' - Bowdoin: Intellectual Engagement
2 - ...English Parliament; however, the room was decorated with colorful posters, and the audience (including me) was made up of...
Undergraduatenicolew - Dec 11, 2011 / EF_Susan - Dec 12, 2011
|UCF Essays- "Moving into a higher gear" and "Once a knight, always a knight"
NEW - Hey :) So here are my two UCF essays. The prompts I ansered are "How as your family, history,...
Undergraduateprahasi17 - Dec 12, 2011 / — -
|"Dehumanized" challenged me. UVA Supplement
8 - Great essay! I'm also applying to NYU this year! Your revision seems more concise and answers the question in...
Undergraduatetrishhha - Sep 26, 2011 / jfrancishutch - Dec 12, 2011
|'pretty campus pictures' - Duke supplement-why duke
5 - erm, you sure those were the exact words your teachers said? sounded unreal to me. your second paragraph is...
Undergraduatewafzy - Dec 10, 2011 / hahahohohe - Dec 12, 2011
|Soccer and players - short answer (for Common App)
Undergraduaterosemarimalu - Nov 24, 2011 / rosemarimalu - Dec 11, 2011
|'a fascination with people' - UC admission
5 - This is very unique and interesting. I think it is good. I agree with skelter about the intro...
UndergraduateElyGeoSav - Nov 24, 2011 / bballkings15 - Dec 11, 2011
|'Come. I want to show you a story - My Athena' - Common App Standard
6 - Beautiful, concise, and well thought-out. The syntax is fine, the grammar has been corrected by the moderator, and personally,...
Undergraduatetwilista - Dec 5, 2011 / bookbug_xd - Dec 11, 2011
|Trouble with OSU essay about a multidimensional solution to a convoluted solution.
Undergraduateslythr - Dec 11, 2011 / slythr - Dec 11, 2011
|Dicrimination with haircuts-rochester supplement
2 - Although you technically did answer what they asked you, don't forget about the beginning of the prompt! They state...
UndergraduateCR7 - Dec 11, 2011 / twilista - Dec 11, 2011
|'getting someone else to do whant you want' - LEADERSHIP ESSAY
Undergraduateelleburdyug - Dec 10, 2011 / nicolew - Dec 11, 2011
|"Help the homeless"- less fortunate people
3 - thank you...
Undergraduatejtown3 - Dec 10, 2011 / jtown3 - Dec 11, 2011
|Common App-The Encounters with Tax Injustice During My Business Registration
6 - Any more input anyone??? The deadline's very near and i would really appreciate ant advice...I could look over your...
Undergraduatelzhd1028 - Dec 9, 2011 / lzhd1028 - Dec 11, 2011
|'the school offers SERVE trips' - Supplement Essay
2 - " Not only is Lehigh University made up of people with different cultural backgrounds, but it is also made...
UndergraduateChatterbox7 - Dec 10, 2011 / Guest - Dec 11, 2011
|'My country, Kazakhstan' - Personal Statement for University of Wisconsin Madison
NEW - Hi I wrote the bellow essay for the UW-MAdison essays, and I would like to ask for some help...
UndergraduateprRnik - Dec 11, 2011 / — -
|'Majoring in business and being an athlete' - It's for Winconsin-Madison
3 - Statement 1: "Many people I know had told me that I excel in cycling despite never having the chance...
Undergraduatevettel - Dec 10, 2011 / Guest - Dec 11, 2011
|'making friends in the US' - Commonapp - activities or work experience
4 - hey i agree with admission2012. I think the prompt is asking you to elaborate on something that is more...
Undergraduatecaohoang10 - Dec 10, 2011 / Ravenclaw_roar - Dec 11, 2011
|'Raising my family' - Temple University-10 years from now essay
3 - You don't need this sentence, but if you want it, just do this: green=possible change red=revise I was...
UndergraduateDinoSawyer - Dec 9, 2011 / kenyaboyfresh - Dec 10, 2011
|Help with Cornell Human Ecology Supplement- Undecided
2 - Hello, Whenever a student is applying as an undecided candidate, they should always talk about the things that...
Undergraduatejillybean3194 - Dec 10, 2011 / admission2012 - Dec 10, 2011
|'my first name is not Tom' - CommonApp Essay-Sawyer
2 - I don't see any grammatical mistakes except for these careless ones: "I shake my head no every time,...
UndergraduateDinoSawyer - Dec 10, 2011 / Guest - Dec 10, 2011
|Soccer taught me confidence- Extracurricular
2 - I fell in love with soccer in Kenya whenever my mother's high school---You should replace "whenever" with " ever...
Undergraduatekenyaboyfresh - Dec 10, 2011 / maroon5 - Dec 10, 2011
|Common App Essay - "The Phone Call That Changed My Life"
NEW - Option #1: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its...
UndergraduatePanipak - Dec 10, 2011 / — -
|'Ultimate Energy Creator' : If you could invent something what would it be and why?
2 - Your first sentence answers the prompt a bit TOO directly. Maybe you could try starting off in a little...
Undergraduateangaduday - Dec 10, 2011 / leviator - Dec 10, 2011
|'like any other Chinese-Indonesian' - information of interest
4 - Great job and really interesting I would suggest the same as Tobi maybe try rearranging your sentences to find...
Undergraduatedetrickillu - Dec 8, 2011 / hedieh - Dec 10, 2011
|A Jungle of thought - UVA supplement
3 - WOW... u really have a way with words...i had to re-read your wave of cardboard essay again just to...
Undergraduateaerielm - Dec 9, 2011 / maroon5 - Dec 10, 2011
|Why a doctor - Med Program Application
Undergraduatehlathia - Nov 13, 2011 / Dii - Dec 10, 2011
|Common App Short Answer on Extemporaneous Speaking
2 - Curiosity for why humans---replace with "Curiosity as to how humans " Actually i don't find your essay "choppy"...
Undergraduatebluemoon680 - Dec 9, 2011 / maroon5 - Dec 10, 2011
|'New York City was not for me' - BU Supplement Short Essay
2 - Really good essay...no grammar or style errors that i could notice...And the content is refreshingly new as well. The...
Undergraduateyurkler - Dec 10, 2011 / maroon5 - Dec 10, 2011
|'losing one of the most important role model' - Common App: Significant Experience
3 - Thanks ChihiroLavi. yeah i feel it a little weak too. Im gonna make some changes in it. thanks :)...
UndergraduateSATRIOPUTRANTO - Dec 10, 2011 / SATRIOPUTRANTO - Dec 10, 2011
|'About Korean Culture' - Common App
4 - bluemoon680 and amer77, thanks so much for the editing/your opinion! i will take them into consideration. i'm about to...
Undergraduatealstjs94 - Dec 9, 2011 / alstjs94 - Dec 9, 2011
|'inside the Trinity Cafe' - Duke Arts and Sciences, Why Duke short essay
2 - Hey kelly...pretty unique and interesting essay you have got there...and don't worry about the paragraphs at all...The only corrections...
Undergraduatekellbell - Dec 9, 2011 / maroon5 - Dec 9, 2011
|'I'm a hoarder' - Tufts consider the world within- knowledge
6 - Thank you all so much for your help! I actually totally agree with everything all of you said to...
Undergraduatekellbell - Dec 3, 2011 / kellbell - Dec 9, 2011
|'why he recommend this school' - Ohio State University essay
2 - Hi! I think this sentence is incorrect. I was curious about his recommendation, also I was not...
UndergraduateBazingaMa - Dec 9, 2011 / kerlik - Dec 9, 2011
|'my focus to Film and Television writing' - transfer essay for NYU and USC
3 - @admissions, Thank for your honest feedback, I appreciate it. I'm also concerned that my interests for the media...
Undergraduatedj02bothell - Dec 9, 2011 / dj02bothell - Dec 9, 2011
|My contribution for ten years Common app short essay
3 - Hi, Thank you so much for your comment. I will write about my activity. From grade1 to grade12,...
Undergraduateesuparusu - Dec 9, 2011 / esuparusu - Dec 9, 2011
|'I used to bring Paul to Blockbuster' - princeton
Undergraduatemorecelery - Dec 1, 2011 / morecelery - Dec 9, 2011
|'I stand humiliated on the chair' - PRINCETON
Undergraduatemorecelery - Dec 1, 2011 / morecelery - Dec 9, 2011
|'beautiful haunting experience' - UF Application
UndergraduateManarN - Oct 23, 2011 / leviator - Dec 9, 2011
|'member of a FIRST robotics team' - Gatech 1000 char essay
5 - Hello, This essay does not fully answer the prompt. Why Georgia Tech? You did not mention anything in...
UndergraduateScanta - Dec 8, 2011 / admission2012 - Dec 9, 2011
|'being around people I don't know' - Common App
2 - I can't say for sure how everyone else felt about this particular night, but for me, I knew exactly...
Undergraduatemissrchelle - Dec 8, 2011 / leviator - Dec 9, 2011
|'Challenge and prepare' - UCF Part 2
2 - "it was also give me the chance..." will give me the chance... big first step..." the first big step...
Undergraduatecmpxo - Dec 8, 2011 / Riddi - Dec 9, 2011
|'After getting denied...' - my transfer essay
5 - Upon my rejection (you can use a different word if this sounds too harsh) to Virginia Tech as a...
Undergraduatelfloyd11 - Nov 6, 2011 / dj02bothell - Dec 9, 2011
|"And the new Vice President is..." - COMMON APP PARAGRAPH
UndergraduateGjidodaj - Dec 7, 2011 / missrchelle - Dec 8, 2011
|'The hands of my nana' - somebody who left a handprint in my life
3 - Hey! So, overall, I can definitely tell that your nana is an important person in your life. A few...
Undergraduatesavanahsteele - Dec 8, 2011 / missrchelle - Dec 8, 2011
|'I have taken many courses' - NJIT essay
2 - My friend is currently a freshman at NJIT and he told me NJIT has amazing courses on computer engineering....
Undergraduatewatsup2 - Dec 8, 2011 / EF_Susan - Dec 8, 2011
|An airplane idea that could revolutionize the world. Duke essay =)
4 - @ARness Thanks for the tips! I really am still working on it and I will definitely include what you...
Undergraduatetehfunkicookie - Dec 8, 2011 / tehfunkicookie - Dec 8, 2011
|I'm a nerd- Dear Future Roommate
NEW - Prompt: Write a letter to your future roommate. Dear Future Roommate, I'm very excited to meet you, but...
Undergraduatekenyaboyfresh - Dec 8, 2011 / — -
|Nagareboshi (Shooting Stars) - Common App Essay Option 1
4 - Thanks helterskelter, I hope my comments in your public health essay helped too :) maroon5, I was thinking about...
Undergraduatechrono13 - Dec 7, 2011 / chrono13 - Dec 8, 2011
|'being surrounded by people from diverse backgrounds' - The Northwestern Admissions
2 - Northwestern want the best, and so do I---replace "want" with "wants" Your essay is pretty awesome; it's abundantly...
Undergraduateharshshah - Dec 8, 2011 / maroon5 - Dec 8, 2011
|My Fist Day in SISU
UndergraduateYuri - Dec 8, 2011 / Yuri - Dec 8, 2011
|Building a speaker - Something you do for the pleasure of it - MIT short answer - fb
Undergraduatenhat_pro_007 - Dec 7, 2011 / nhat_pro_007 - Dec 8, 2011
|'a highly challenging and competitive academic school' - why northwestern
3 - its a really good essay. it shows YOU. and thats the whole point of these essay moreover your writing...
UndergraduateMoredred - Nov 15, 2011 / harshshah - Dec 8, 2011
|What are the benefits of a diverse educational community? (Virginia Tech)
3 - Hi, I agree with maroon5. I don't really feel as if you truly want to experience a diverse community....
Undergraduatelfloyd11 - Dec 8, 2011 / Ravenclaw_roar - Dec 8, 2011
|'educational foundation and experience' - DUKE engineering
Undergraduatetehfunkicookie - Dec 5, 2011 / tehfunkicookie - Dec 8, 2011
|veterinary medicine -VT Essay - the five top reasons you want to attend Virginia Tech
5 - I must say that this is a very good personal statement. You made it personal and gave specific details...
Undergraduatevgray2012 - Oct 29, 2011 / lfloyd11 - Dec 8, 2011
|'Becoming an oncology doctor' (choosing a major)
4 - Thank YOU!...
UndergraduateAliia - Nov 28, 2011 / Aliia - Dec 8, 2011
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