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|'A volunteer in the Falsecreek Community Center' - University of BC supplemental
5 - follow the question. I think you messed up the sequence. put the 'caring for grandparents' part at the end....
Undergraduatejasonqw1 - Dec 1, 2011 / jasonty9 - Dec 4, 2011
|'Hip-hop' - Common App: Topic of your Choice
3 - Thanks a lot for the input! I tried to input my personality in there by describing what I say...
Undergraduatebookbug_xd - Dec 4, 2011 / bookbug_xd - Dec 4, 2011
|UVA Supplement "Mmm, Mmm good!"
Undergraduateaerielm - Nov 25, 2011 / Prettywings - Dec 4, 2011
|"you're like the whitest black guy I know" - Apply Texas Topic B
3 - You should most definitely keep talking about yourself and your perception rather than start talking about some black leader....I...
Undergraduatereggaedomi - Dec 1, 2011 / maroon5 - Dec 4, 2011
|'My musical career' - Commonapp
3 - WOW...you have created a really moving, heart-felt piece...i couldn't help sympathize with you as i read it...really well done...
Undergraduateyouaresokrunk - Dec 3, 2011 / maroon5 - Dec 4, 2011
|'there must be deeper truths' - Harvey Mudd Engineering
2 - i really enjoyed reading your essay...it's clear that your experience with the bridge left a deep impression upon u...
Undergraduatetehfunkicookie - Dec 3, 2011 / maroon5 - Dec 4, 2011
|'Facebook - What kind of person had I turned into?' - Common App Personal
6 - Do not say you are spending your time on facebook, it is negative. I agree with Roshan4, write more...
Undergraduateaerielm - Dec 3, 2011 / blyj94 - Dec 4, 2011
|'I wanted to navigate the seas of freedom' - significant experience essay
2 - Hey, Your essay is pretty focused, first from your art class ruminations to its connection with your father...
Undergraduateccg123 - Dec 4, 2011 / hahahohohe - Dec 4, 2011
|'Not only cool Facebook-status' - FIT Application, Fashion Merchandising Management
2 - Try rephrasing some of ur sentences by combining them Firstly , that I have, just like this little...
UndergraduateGrebestam - Nov 29, 2011 / waldo01 - Dec 4, 2011
|"It was finally Saturday!" - Common App, significant challenge
UndergraduateTheChessDragon - Dec 1, 2011 / TheChessDragon - Dec 3, 2011
|"A page from my diary - November 2062" - Jacobs University(Germany) Suppl. Essay
14 - Hey great job on the essay! It really flows smoothly from para to para. You are a great writer....
UndergraduateItsokaytoGaga - Nov 24, 2011 / happykid93 - Dec 3, 2011
|common app essay "The homeless man" Issue of local,international concern.
Undergraduatehappykid93 - Dec 3, 2011 / happykid93 - Dec 3, 2011
|Common App- How Sherlock Holmes has Influenced Me
6 - Hey I think that Sherlock Holmes is a really interesting choice...It is quite unique. I agree with one of...
Undergraduateravenclaw - Dec 3, 2011 / happykid93 - Dec 3, 2011
|'Mrs. Carse is a wonderful mentor' who has made an impact on your life
Undergraduatecandicem2012 - Nov 30, 2011 / kkelsey82 - Dec 3, 2011
|'first year in high school' + 'trips to Peru' - UCF statements
Undergraduatejennipur - Nov 27, 2011 / kkelsey82 - Dec 3, 2011
|'Engineering will change my life' - NJIT Essay.
3 - PLEASE i need revising and suggestions asap!:( Heres a new revised essay from the previous one.. i need suggestions...
UndergraduateBikerboy9876 - Nov 30, 2011 / Bikerboy9876 - Dec 3, 2011
|'to portray my life' or 'wierd one' or 'about a chat' - common app
13 - I think 2 will be amazing if you write it well. It seems really unique. And humour is always...
Undergraduatemaroon5 - Nov 26, 2011 / happykid93 - Dec 3, 2011
|"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny" - commonapp essay
4 - Thank you both for your feedback. I'm working on this essay right now. I don't want the admissions people...
Undergraduatehelpthischick - Dec 2, 2011 / helpthischick - Dec 3, 2011
|'Selected as the top Journal of Hospitality & Tourism Education' - why Perdue
NEW - I haven't finished my essay. But DESPERATELY need some feed back and help. My major is Hospitality, by the...
Undergraduategirls89128 - Dec 3, 2011 / — -
|"The Nation's Party" - application volunteering
Undergraduatesudanese77 - Dec 1, 2011 / maroon5 - Dec 3, 2011
|Brown RD Essay- Wisdom through Humility
3 - Okay, while i strongly disagree with your perspective on things, i do admire your style of writing and ability...
UndergraduateAU0594 - Dec 2, 2011 / maroon5 - Dec 3, 2011
|'I love throwing' - Stanford Supplement Roommate Question
6 - Throwing offers me some sanity back into my life----get rid of the "me" I know what the other...
Undergraduatelisa6394 - Nov 1, 2011 / maroon5 - Dec 3, 2011
|'A Universal Language' - Georgetown Short Essay on significance of school activity
3 - I like the extended metaphor. Very creative (: But maybe more emphasis on why it is important to you?...
Undergraduatenapt11 - Dec 1, 2011 / Vic9871 - Dec 3, 2011
|"Science at the Heart" - mad scientist admissions
2 - This line could be either helpful to your essay or have the completely opposite effect. It's an interesting...
Undergraduatecally242 - Dec 2, 2011 / ItsokaytoGaga - Dec 2, 2011
|"Do you like America or China?" - My life in a foreign country - UC prompt
4 - I think your story is an interesting one, overall your message is quite clear and strong. I corrected some...
Undergraduatebibrinko - Nov 24, 2011 / ckm120 - Dec 2, 2011
|'My transient living situation' - UC 1
2 - Your introduction definitely grabs the reader's attention and compels him or her to continue reading. I would have liked...
Undergraduateshutterbutter92 - Nov 30, 2011 / Prettywings - Dec 2, 2011
|'world-renown scholars for the biology program' - UIUC transfer
3 - Thanks for the revisions Ankita. I am thinking that my essay is a little bit too technical, and i...
Undergraduatejyi - Dec 2, 2011 / jyi - Dec 2, 2011
|'helping people has always been my passion' - UC
Undergraduatenbdh21 - Nov 28, 2011 / collin2 - Dec 2, 2011
|'memories of my father in my life' - UCF personal experiences
2 - I like the whole essay. It is moved and intriguing. But the transition into the final paragraph is weak....
Undergraduatechamp4sho - Dec 1, 2011 / littlebutterfly - Dec 1, 2011
|"Creative, communicative multi-faceted engineers" - USC Viterbi Supplemental Essay
2 - I think the beginning comes out weak, mainly because I, myself, know many cool, fit, perfectly healthy computer scientists,...
Undergraduatemikfig - Dec 1, 2011 / morecelery - Dec 1, 2011
|Rollover car accident which prevented me from starting school on time
Undergraduatemegcasey - Dec 1, 2011 / megcasey - Dec 1, 2011
|Growing up with Dermatitis; University of Washington
2 - A few things: my childhood wasn't the best of times; but it certainly wasn't the worst either. You...
UndergraduateAYU1163 - Dec 1, 2011 / Jennyflower81 - Dec 1, 2011
|'Inspired to become an engineer too' - CLARKSON UNI ESSSAY
UndergraduateChantalcd - Dec 1, 2011 / Jennyflower81 - Dec 1, 2011
|'I want to study psychology' - major UC transfer Prompt 1.
2 - His mother, a middle aged heavy Hispanic lady with thick eyebrows, brown eyes and a smile so big that...
Undergraduatejoseph_12345 - Nov 30, 2011 / EF_Susan - Dec 1, 2011
|'neither of my parents attended college' - University of Washington Cultural response
2 - Your essay is well written Albert! :) Though I'm not sure if you used 'epitomize' correctly. I am not...
Undergraduatemeuzilla - Dec 1, 2011 / ItsokaytoGaga - Dec 1, 2011
|'art and science, programming' - Common App short writing
Undergraduateterexberd - Nov 13, 2011 / terexberd - Dec 1, 2011
|'very close to my family' - personal statement prompt two for ucs
Undergraduatecornflakes - Nov 29, 2011 / EF_Susan - Dec 1, 2011
|"It's a dangerous place"; UC Common App/ World I come from
Undergraduateblueshore - Nov 25, 2011 / ItsokaytoGaga - Dec 1, 2011
|'Patience; are you almost done with your drawing?'- applytexas essay
2 - In this day and age, technology is so advanced that people are so used to everything being fast. ...
Undergraduateaden - Nov 29, 2011 / EF_Susan - Dec 1, 2011
|"THE SMALL STEP"-Richmond prompt
Undergraduatemimo486 - Nov 28, 2011 / mimo486 - Dec 1, 2011
|the lesson my parents' divorce taught me-UC prompt 2
2 - I really liked this essay. It is emotional, heartfelt and you portray your thoughts very well. I just made...
Undergraduateshouldievenask - Nov 30, 2011 / hlathia - Dec 1, 2011
|what order should these sentences go in? UT Austin Plan II Essay
Undergraduatedesm2012 - Nov 29, 2011 / EF_Susan - Dec 1, 2011
|CMC supplement, My mother as a leader
Undergraduatemarcoh5907 - Dec 1, 2011 / ItsokaytoGaga - Dec 1, 2011
|Building confidence and expressing creativity through video proj - UC Essay #2
2 - I've had an undercover passion for film and television since I saw Kill Bill at age 13, so needless...
Undergraduateharkness - Nov 29, 2011 / EF_Susan - Dec 1, 2011
|I am a cliche
9 - I feel this essay is much better. And I must say you are very adept at incorporating metaphors and...
Undergraduatekaran11295 - Nov 30, 2011 / ItsokaytoGaga - Dec 1, 2011
|FSU APP, "service appeals to me most"
Undergraduatejplzzzle - Nov 29, 2011 / marcoh5907 - Dec 1, 2011
|"Create a sin for Dante's Inferno"--Conformity.
2 - I am impressed by this essay. What I love about this essay is that it is straight foward. The...
Undergraduateelevit2 - Nov 26, 2011 / marcoh5907 - Dec 1, 2011
|'I am a cancer survivor.' - UC Prompt #2
UndergraduateLivestrong1313 - Nov 28, 2011 / Livestrong1313 - Dec 1, 2011
|UC Prompt #2 - Coding
6 - You make yourself appear to come from being a simpleton into the league of the top designers of the...
Undergraduaterweichler - Nov 30, 2011 / Rajiv - Dec 1, 2011
|Macaulay Honors Essay- See the World
2 - *frustrated because he had a hard time understanding... *In contrast, I say there is no need to have enemies...
Undergraduatersingh5769 - Dec 1, 2011 / reggaedomi - Dec 1, 2011
|'developing close relationships with White people' -UT Essay A
4 - what should i say instead of white people?...Whites?... and i really appreciate your help on everything else!:)...
Undergraduatereggaedomi - Nov 30, 2011 / reggaedomi - Dec 1, 2011
|'appreciation at a young age' - prompt #5
2 - This is a strong essay but some college admissions officers may find it a bit too typical. Maybe you...
Undergraduatewinnlee6 - Nov 29, 2011 / reggaedomi - Dec 1, 2011
|"simple living, high thinking" - UC Promt # 1
UndergraduateMjkaur - Nov 27, 2011 / karan11295 - Nov 30, 2011
|'a very talkative and friendly person' - Dear Future Roommate
4 - I would love to have you as a roommate, you seem great. 'constantly stacks of books near my bed'...
Undergraduatearipeters17 - Nov 30, 2011 / karan11295 - Nov 30, 2011
|"I've been sober for 20 years." someone who impacted my life
2 - First of all, it must have been hard to save your friends from drug and alcohol addiction. You managed...
Undergraduateadamkot - Nov 30, 2011 / karan11295 - Nov 30, 2011
|I would rather risk my grade than my integrity & passion -UC Prompt
4 - Nice essay, it's good that you stood up for yourself. But what attracts you towards ice skating specifically? Why...
Undergraduatemelanieleng - Nov 30, 2011 / karan11295 - Nov 30, 2011
|Each adventure brought a new strength; The journey to who I am.
3 - If it's a why PSU essay, be a little specific about the programs/faculty at PSU and try to relate...
Undergraduateasburyceline - Nov 30, 2011 / karan11295 - Nov 30, 2011
|'tears of humiliation and angriness' - UC #2
Undergraduategreciadlc - Nov 30, 2011 / JBigelow - Nov 30, 2011
|'My independence started with the realization' - Transfer UC app. Prompt #2
2 - It'd be good if you put more details on what doors were opened and also the fulfilling experiences you...
Undergraduatewafflecone - Nov 29, 2011 / JBigelow - Nov 30, 2011
|'The job of a babysitter ' - common app; work experience
3 - When you say "the opposite is also true" it makes it sound like you also DON'T have an affection...
Undergraduaterenatalemos - Nov 28, 2011 / aripeters17 - Nov 30, 2011
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