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|'I am bewildered' - commonapp essay-My love of nature
23 - Thanks Mjkaur, I am applying to the Ivy League, MIT, Stanford, JHU, Amherst, Williams, Colby, Vassar....
Undergraduatekaran11295 - Nov 25, 2011 / karan11295 - Nov 30, 2011
|'... if my parents had never been separated' - Texas A&M Topic C
Undergraduatevictoriacuellar - Nov 30, 2011 / victoriacuellar - Nov 30, 2011
|My teacher has impacted my life. "Sweeping Away Fear" (Final Revision...) - UC Prompt 1
Undergraduatehoanan - Nov 29, 2011 / PKsendz - Nov 30, 2011
|minor in a world full of experienced individuals, UT Austin Prompt #3
2 - Marah, your essay needs work on prose and grammar. I'm sorry I can't help further, but I have my...
Undergraduatemarahhamdan - Nov 28, 2011 / PKsendz - Nov 30, 2011
|'a service trip called Winter Appalachia' - Rutgers
Undergraduategabriellek - Nov 30, 2011 / gabriellek - Nov 30, 2011
|How my morals & values came to be -UC Essay Prompt regarding what world I come from
2 - It sounds great, very illustrative and embellished. Maybe instead of saying "My grandmother survived", "say my grandmother subsisted"....
Undergraduatemelanieleng - Nov 30, 2011 / shutterbutter92 - Nov 30, 2011
|'introduction to Jazz' - UC prompt 2
Undergraduateshutterbutter92 - Nov 30, 2011 / onioninlay - Nov 30, 2011
|'Young Chemists and Physicists Competitions' - UC essay
NEW - What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have...
UndergraduatePKsendz - Nov 30, 2011 / — -
|'it was just another day in middle school' - Stanford vitality
2 - surrounded by chatty pre-teens who were apparently In other words, it was just another day in middle school,...
Undergraduatearipeters17 - Nov 30, 2011 / rweichler - Nov 30, 2011
|'My Dad's Illness Gave Me Inspiration' - UC Prompt #1
Undergraduatecweis - Nov 24, 2011 / nbdh21 - Nov 30, 2011
|'Korean-American family' + 'the Geforce Starcraft II online tournament' UC #1 and 2
2 - I think its super risky writing about Starcraft because on the first essay you mentioned how your parents were...
Undergraduatehotsoup - Nov 20, 2011 / TopEffort - Nov 30, 2011
|'the country of my ancestors: Cuba' -my college essay
2 - During my stay, I felt completely welcomed . government should not be capitalized. Not one day passed without be...
Undergraduatelaurenvictoria - Nov 30, 2011 / aripeters17 - Nov 30, 2011
|Jewish French American background - UCF how my culture has influenced me
2 - I was raised by two parents from totally different backgrounds, but their traditions, beliefs and ways soon integrated as...
UndergraduateJhirschenson1 - Nov 30, 2011 / aripeters17 - Nov 30, 2011
|Extracurricular- Hindustani and Carnatic
3 - Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum)....
Undergraduatenpnpnp - Nov 30, 2011 / npnpnp - Nov 30, 2011
|'An internship in a dentist office' - CommonApp Essay for Stony Brook
8 - "computer, and the career will fit my personality perfectly." change it to "this" career "enjoyed the atmosphere of diversity"...
Undergraduateonioninlay - Nov 30, 2011 / npnpnp - Nov 30, 2011
|'My parents-the moral guides' - UC Prompt #1
2 - "impacted by, no other, than my mom and dad" sounds odd. Do you mean none other than? "animated characters...
Undergraduateorchestranerd71 - Nov 30, 2011 / npnpnp - Nov 30, 2011
|USC Personal Statement-Oh Brother
NEW - Hello, I need help! Does this sound decent enough to turn in? Indicate a person who has had...
Undergraduatecyk - Nov 30, 2011 / — -
|SAIC Personal Statement / My Art Is Human
Undergraduatephenotype - Nov 26, 2011 / phenotype - Nov 30, 2011
|'an interest in foreign languages' - (Northeastern, BU, Ithaca, UB)
3 - Very good essay but after saying I was not staring because I thought they were weird or different I...
Undergraduateewarsaw17 - Nov 28, 2011 / adamkot - Nov 30, 2011
|'Coming to the United States with nothing' - THE WORLD YOU COME FROM
3 - I understand you said the Berlin wall, I feel as though that you shouldn't include Berlin, into or you...
Undergraduatediegorivero412 - Nov 27, 2011 / Editor1010 - Nov 30, 2011
|'The rock is actually from an Apollo 17' - GWU Moon Rock Experience
NEW - Please grade it harshly. I have problems with grammar(especially tenses), redundency. Attach an essay of no more than...
Undergraduatenpnpnp - Nov 30, 2011 / — -
|I learned the meaning of the word "endurance" - Obstacle or "Bump" (UCF Essay)
UndergraduateNakuke - Nov 30, 2011 / Nakuke - Nov 30, 2011
|"you can watch rated R!" - Common App Personal Statement
12 - Fantastic essay because its real. It speaks about who you truly are and what many of us go through....
Undergraduatesonya15 - Oct 30, 2011 / diania234 - Nov 30, 2011
|'the mechanics and the science' - USC Short Answer Essay
Undergraduateminijuey - Nov 27, 2011 / aripeters17 - Nov 30, 2011
|'I want designing' - USC Freshman: Engineering
4 - minijuey, yes, I have researched about USC, it's mentioned in a separate essay though. Since they didn't exactly state...
UndergraduateSuppiSteph - Nov 27, 2011 / SuppiSteph - Nov 30, 2011
|'every time I put on my Hilltopper blue jersey' - Short Essay on Activity
2 - A few things: Before calling my name to receive a certificate,my coach's words were, "She is an important...
Undergraduatewinnlee6 - Nov 29, 2011 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 30, 2011
|My Choir experience UC prompt
5 - Joining the choir made me able to open up to people and express my love for performing arts. This...
Undergraduateaneres23 - Nov 27, 2011 / bookerAs1 - Nov 30, 2011
|That burst of red gushing fluid shooting out; Tomatoes- UW Essay Prompt 2
2 - Haha you are quite dramatic about those awful tomatoes! Just like how donkeys are so stubborn-- I would...
Undergraduatehawkz456 - Nov 27, 2011 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 30, 2011
|Astronauts and Astronomers - stepping out of your comfort zone - U of Richmond essay
Undergraduateka19921 - Nov 30, 2011 / — -
|'the things we look at change' - essay for community college
2 - Only a few months ago, I glanced at the SAT and ACT tests like they were monsters impossible to...
Undergraduatejan11 - Nov 29, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 30, 2011
|'the tv show bones' - USC Supplement
2 - When asked what my major was going to be, I always replied "undecided," because I couldn't choose between all...
UndergraduateJBigelow - Nov 28, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 30, 2011
|'1/0= MATH ERROR' - delaware honors essay
2 - Despite the success of community- based health insurance, hospitals, particularly rural ones, were not in a position to service...
Undergraduatenaiga - Nov 28, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 30, 2011
|"The only thing that's evil is being close-minded" Rutgers university
2 - honestly i think there is not enough pathos in this essay. Everyone says that the films with a dramatic...
Undergraduatediania234 - Nov 30, 2011 / hyperione - Nov 30, 2011
|"Public Cleanliness in Malaysia" -University of Texas Austin Essay B:Importance issue
2 - In today's world of technological advancement, everything changes rapidly in the twinkling of an eye. However, there is...
Undergraduatecalvinchin92 - Nov 28, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 30, 2011
|'The Original Karate Kid' - Common App extracurricural activity
2 - Good essay but its a bit off. For college you need to describe yourself not a movie. I suggest...
Undergraduatejonjojonjo - Nov 30, 2011 / diania234 - Nov 30, 2011
|"Ubuntu, the spirit of Africa" - UC Prompt #2
4 - Thanks very much for the responses! I've done a slight overhaul, trying to keep these suggestions in mind. Grammar...
UndergraduateRazor - Nov 28, 2011 / Razor - Nov 30, 2011
|'my parents were like the Sun' - UC Prompt #1
Undergraduateminijuey - Nov 24, 2011 / diania234 - Nov 30, 2011
|'I appear as a typical Asian kid' - Rutgers University-Vibrant Community
4 - First, never end your sentence with a preposition. Rutgers University is surely a vibrant community of people from different...
Undergraduatejboii94 - Nov 27, 2011 / diania234 - Nov 30, 2011
|'I joined pole vaulting' PROMPT 2
4 - Just a few more thoughts. I looked back and was astounded that I had actually achieved my might be...
Undergraduatetheguccithief - Nov 29, 2011 / rgudz26 - Nov 30, 2011
|"until lambs become lions" - U of Richmond- How I left my comfort zone
2 - "So, how I left it:" sounds weird, you should add a word or two there. Something like "and this...
Undergraduatekerlik - Nov 29, 2011 / ka19921 - Nov 30, 2011
|'a three year intensive science research course' - Union College
2 - Out Of all the countless options that Union College offers, undergraduate research is one opportunity that stands out the...
Undergraduatenbasghar - Nov 27, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 30, 2011
|"The Sophistic Poet" -University of Washington - Short Response Q.2
4 - First time posting, but this is what I think: Don't think you emphasized enough on what the question...
UndergraduateCaptainasian167 - Nov 17, 2011 / awsk1994 - Nov 30, 2011
|'the best places to study Biology' - Reasons why I chose UCF
UndergraduateNakuke - Nov 30, 2011 / — -
|'"The Pearl" by John Steinbeck' - a book that changed the way you see the world
Undergraduatemohamed459 - Nov 28, 2011 / mohamed459 - Nov 30, 2011
|'the importance of an education through the people of N'Tiola' - experience prompt
2 - I like your essay a lot. It tells your story pretty uniquely. But you could make it better by...
Undergraduatergudz26 - Nov 29, 2011 / karan11295 - Nov 30, 2011
|Wanna see a trick-commonapp EC essay
3 - rgudz26, thanks a lot. I'll change the hard work part and try to shorten the anecdote. Will post an...
Undergraduatekaran11295 - Nov 28, 2011 / karan11295 - Nov 30, 2011
|NURSING AS FUTURE PROFESSION
UndergraduatebookerAs1 - Nov 29, 2011 / aneres23 - Nov 30, 2011
|UC Essay My 1966 Mustang
Undergraduateearynnm - Nov 29, 2011 / alwlee - Nov 30, 2011
|'the power of my home was cut off' need ending lines for UC PROMT 2
UndergraduateMjkaur - Nov 29, 2011 / Mjkaur - Nov 29, 2011
|'preparing to fly to Kenya to visit family' - UC Prompt #1
NEW - Right now this essay is 780 words, and I'm trying to find ways to condense it atleast to 750...
Undergraduatehappyme93 - Nov 29, 2011 / — -
|'prepared to serve others' - International Experience - Common App Essay
3 - i agree with desm2012. consider putting your essay completely in chronological order. it makes it easier to follow...
UndergraduatePuzzlingCloud - Nov 23, 2011 / rgudz26 - Nov 29, 2011
|UC PROMPT #1 Educator's Heart
4 - A few fixes: -watch spelling on ineligible! -had THE heart to be A loving and caring teacher... etc -First...
Undergraduateshinsterr - Nov 28, 2011 / misserinlee9 - Nov 29, 2011
|"The Most Unusual Places" University of Washington Short Response: A
3 - Here is my supposed "finished" draft. Any suggestions? 1. Prompt: Tell us a story from your life, describing...
Undergraduateshmaceroo - Nov 27, 2011 / shmaceroo - Nov 29, 2011
|'its destiny is change' - UC Personal #2
13 - Thanks everyone! I just posted my reply to prompt #1.. I would really appreciate any feedback on that one...
Undergraduatemisserinlee9 - Nov 29, 2011 / misserinlee9 - Nov 29, 2011
|Short Fingers - UC Prompt #2
8 - Wow, you guys are too nice ! I'm really scared to send in the UC app... Fingers wavering over...
UndergraduatexxPianist123 - Nov 27, 2011 / xxPianist123 - Nov 29, 2011
|'School, study, and homework: Limitless' - UC 1- My world..
Undergraduatelaurayu70 - Nov 29, 2011 / earynnm - Nov 29, 2011
|'Art has no normality' - UC Prompt #2
12 - Does anyone have any last minute suggestions perhaps? (Really nervous if this ps is good enough..)...
Undergraduatelaurayu70 - Nov 26, 2011 / laurayu70 - Nov 29, 2011
|'Curiosity whispers in my ear' - Common Application
7 - Your first essay is awesome. Though you may want to elaborate the part where you help the orphaned children...
Undergraduateamadan - Nov 27, 2011 / karan11295 - Nov 29, 2011
|'MEDICAL BRIGADES' - UC Transfer App - Intended Major
3 - Thanks for the help! In regards to your question about health sciences being a major or not-- you are...
Undergraduatemtph - Nov 29, 2011 / mtph - Nov 29, 2011
|Burbank, California - the place where I was born and raised - UC personal statement
4 - I agree with misserinlee9. You have a good essay, but it is lacking voice. When i read it, it...
UndergraduateTurtlePower - Nov 29, 2011 / Treysongz12 - Nov 29, 2011
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