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|'Coming to the United States with nothing' - THE WORLD YOU COME FROM
3 - I understand you said the Berlin wall, I feel as though that you shouldn't include Berlin, into or you...
Undergraduatediegorivero412 - Nov 27, 2011 / Editor1010 - Nov 30, 2011
|'The rock is actually from an Apollo 17' - GWU Moon Rock Experience
NEW - Please grade it harshly. I have problems with grammar(especially tenses), redundency. Attach an essay of no more than...
Undergraduatenpnpnp - Nov 30, 2011 / — -
|I learned the meaning of the word "endurance" - Obstacle or "Bump" (UCF Essay)
UndergraduateNakuke - Nov 30, 2011 / Nakuke - Nov 30, 2011
|"you can watch rated R!" - Common App Personal Statement
12 - Fantastic essay because its real. It speaks about who you truly are and what many of us go through....
Undergraduatesonya15 - Oct 30, 2011 / diania234 - Nov 30, 2011
|'the mechanics and the science' - USC Short Answer Essay
Undergraduateminijuey - Nov 27, 2011 / aripeters17 - Nov 30, 2011
|'I want designing' - USC Freshman: Engineering
4 - minijuey, yes, I have researched about USC, it's mentioned in a separate essay though. Since they didn't exactly state...
UndergraduateSuppiSteph - Nov 27, 2011 / SuppiSteph - Nov 30, 2011
|'every time I put on my Hilltopper blue jersey' - Short Essay on Activity
2 - A few things: Before calling my name to receive a certificate,my coach's words were, "She is an important...
Undergraduatewinnlee6 - Nov 29, 2011 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 30, 2011
|My Choir experience UC prompt
5 - Joining the choir made me able to open up to people and express my love for performing arts. This...
Undergraduateaneres23 - Nov 27, 2011 / bookerAs1 - Nov 30, 2011
|That burst of red gushing fluid shooting out; Tomatoes- UW Essay Prompt 2
2 - Haha you are quite dramatic about those awful tomatoes! Just like how donkeys are so stubborn-- I would...
Undergraduatehawkz456 - Nov 27, 2011 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 30, 2011
|Astronauts and Astronomers - stepping out of your comfort zone - U of Richmond essay
Undergraduateka19921 - Nov 30, 2011 / — -
|'the things we look at change' - essay for community college
2 - Only a few months ago, I glanced at the SAT and ACT tests like they were monsters impossible to...
Undergraduatejan11 - Nov 29, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 30, 2011
|'the tv show bones' - USC Supplement
2 - When asked what my major was going to be, I always replied "undecided," because I couldn't choose between all...
UndergraduateJBigelow - Nov 28, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 30, 2011
|'1/0= MATH ERROR' - delaware honors essay
2 - Despite the success of community- based health insurance, hospitals, particularly rural ones, were not in a position to service...
Undergraduatenaiga - Nov 28, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 30, 2011
|"The only thing that's evil is being close-minded" Rutgers university
2 - honestly i think there is not enough pathos in this essay. Everyone says that the films with a dramatic...
Undergraduatediania234 - Nov 30, 2011 / hyperione - Nov 30, 2011
|"Public Cleanliness in Malaysia" -University of Texas Austin Essay B:Importance issue
2 - In today's world of technological advancement, everything changes rapidly in the twinkling of an eye. However, there is...
Undergraduatecalvinchin92 - Nov 28, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 30, 2011
|'The Original Karate Kid' - Common App extracurricural activity
2 - Good essay but its a bit off. For college you need to describe yourself not a movie. I suggest...
Undergraduatejonjojonjo - Nov 30, 2011 / diania234 - Nov 30, 2011
|"Ubuntu, the spirit of Africa" - UC Prompt #2
4 - Thanks very much for the responses! I've done a slight overhaul, trying to keep these suggestions in mind. Grammar...
UndergraduateRazor - Nov 28, 2011 / Razor - Nov 30, 2011
|'my parents were like the Sun' - UC Prompt #1
Undergraduateminijuey - Nov 24, 2011 / diania234 - Nov 30, 2011
|'I appear as a typical Asian kid' - Rutgers University-Vibrant Community
4 - First, never end your sentence with a preposition. Rutgers University is surely a vibrant community of people from different...
Undergraduatejboii94 - Nov 27, 2011 / diania234 - Nov 30, 2011
|'I joined pole vaulting' PROMPT 2
4 - Just a few more thoughts. I looked back and was astounded that I had actually achieved my might be...
Undergraduatetheguccithief - Nov 29, 2011 / rgudz26 - Nov 30, 2011
|"until lambs become lions" - U of Richmond- How I left my comfort zone
2 - "So, how I left it:" sounds weird, you should add a word or two there. Something like "and this...
Undergraduatekerlik - Nov 29, 2011 / ka19921 - Nov 30, 2011
|'a three year intensive science research course' - Union College
2 - Out Of all the countless options that Union College offers, undergraduate research is one opportunity that stands out the...
Undergraduatenbasghar - Nov 27, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 30, 2011
|"The Sophistic Poet" -University of Washington - Short Response Q.2
4 - First time posting, but this is what I think: Don't think you emphasized enough on what the question...
UndergraduateCaptainasian167 - Nov 17, 2011 / awsk1994 - Nov 30, 2011
|'the best places to study Biology' - Reasons why I chose UCF
UndergraduateNakuke - Nov 30, 2011 / — -
|'"The Pearl" by John Steinbeck' - a book that changed the way you see the world
Undergraduatemohamed459 - Nov 28, 2011 / mohamed459 - Nov 30, 2011
|'the importance of an education through the people of N'Tiola' - experience prompt
2 - I like your essay a lot. It tells your story pretty uniquely. But you could make it better by...
Undergraduatergudz26 - Nov 29, 2011 / karan11295 - Nov 30, 2011
|Wanna see a trick-commonapp EC essay
3 - rgudz26, thanks a lot. I'll change the hard work part and try to shorten the anecdote. Will post an...
Undergraduatekaran11295 - Nov 28, 2011 / karan11295 - Nov 30, 2011
|NURSING AS FUTURE PROFESSION
UndergraduatebookerAs1 - Nov 29, 2011 / aneres23 - Nov 30, 2011
|UC Essay My 1966 Mustang
Undergraduateearynnm - Nov 29, 2011 / alwlee - Nov 30, 2011
|'the power of my home was cut off' need ending lines for UC PROMT 2
UndergraduateMjkaur - Nov 29, 2011 / Mjkaur - Nov 29, 2011
|'preparing to fly to Kenya to visit family' - UC Prompt #1
NEW - Right now this essay is 780 words, and I'm trying to find ways to condense it atleast to 750...
Undergraduatehappyme93 - Nov 29, 2011 / — -
|'prepared to serve others' - International Experience - Common App Essay
3 - i agree with desm2012. consider putting your essay completely in chronological order. it makes it easier to follow...
UndergraduatePuzzlingCloud - Nov 23, 2011 / rgudz26 - Nov 29, 2011
|UC PROMPT #1 Educator's Heart
4 - A few fixes: -watch spelling on ineligible! -had THE heart to be A loving and caring teacher... etc -First...
Undergraduateshinsterr - Nov 28, 2011 / misserinlee9 - Nov 29, 2011
|"The Most Unusual Places" University of Washington Short Response: A
3 - Here is my supposed "finished" draft. Any suggestions? 1. Prompt: Tell us a story from your life, describing...
Undergraduateshmaceroo - Nov 27, 2011 / shmaceroo - Nov 29, 2011
|'its destiny is change' - UC Personal #2
13 - Thanks everyone! I just posted my reply to prompt #1.. I would really appreciate any feedback on that one...
Undergraduatemisserinlee9 - Nov 29, 2011 / misserinlee9 - Nov 29, 2011
|Short Fingers - UC Prompt #2
8 - Wow, you guys are too nice ! I'm really scared to send in the UC app... Fingers wavering over...
UndergraduatexxPianist123 - Nov 27, 2011 / xxPianist123 - Nov 29, 2011
|'School, study, and homework: Limitless' - UC 1- My world..
Undergraduatelaurayu70 - Nov 29, 2011 / earynnm - Nov 29, 2011
|'Art has no normality' - UC Prompt #2
12 - Does anyone have any last minute suggestions perhaps? (Really nervous if this ps is good enough..)...
Undergraduatelaurayu70 - Nov 26, 2011 / laurayu70 - Nov 29, 2011
|'Curiosity whispers in my ear' - Common Application
7 - Your first essay is awesome. Though you may want to elaborate the part where you help the orphaned children...
Undergraduateamadan - Nov 27, 2011 / karan11295 - Nov 29, 2011
|'MEDICAL BRIGADES' - UC Transfer App - Intended Major
3 - Thanks for the help! In regards to your question about health sciences being a major or not-- you are...
Undergraduatemtph - Nov 29, 2011 / mtph - Nov 29, 2011
|Burbank, California - the place where I was born and raised - UC personal statement
4 - I agree with misserinlee9. You have a good essay, but it is lacking voice. When i read it, it...
UndergraduateTurtlePower - Nov 29, 2011 / Treysongz12 - Nov 29, 2011
|'artistic ability and creativity' - UC 2
UndergraduateTurtlePower - Nov 29, 2011 / Treysongz12 - Nov 29, 2011
|'Mr. Lundin, an unusual teacher' - UC Promt # 1
Undergraduateangelahwangg - Nov 26, 2011 / angelahwangg - Nov 29, 2011
|USC: 'Animation and Digital Arts'
UndergraduateSuppiSteph - Nov 27, 2011 / SuppiSteph - Nov 29, 2011
|'An Unwelcome Routine' - personal quality/Common App
16 - Wow thank you so much :)!!!! Yes I addressed my interest and my major(biology) in my other essay. Thanks...
Undergraduateangelahwangg - Nov 23, 2011 / angelahwangg - Nov 29, 2011
|UC Prompt 1 "My room of rest"
17 - I ADORE THIS ESSAY. Just throwing that out there. I feel like the last sentence is a touch anti...
Undergraduateadamhkim54 - Nov 26, 2011 / misserinlee9 - Nov 29, 2011
|I want to pursue a degree in computer science as my primary major.
Undergraduatesylvester152535 - Nov 29, 2011 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 29, 2011
|'My favorite animal is the wolf' - UC Describe the world you come from
2 - You know what would be really cool here- integrating the ideas of a wolf pack into the protectiveness of...
Undergraduateearynnm - Nov 29, 2011 / misserinlee9 - Nov 29, 2011
|'find an interest in anything that makes you happy' - UC 1
2 - Through all of high school and my first year at my community college the main goal I was trying...
Undergraduatehiiithere - Nov 28, 2011 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 29, 2011
|'whether or not to donate a kidney' - ethical dilemma you have faced
2 - I think you wrote a very strong essay. But I don't think it explains or tells the college(the one...
Undergraduatesteph22222 - Nov 29, 2011 / Yang93 - Nov 29, 2011
|UC personal essay #2, overcoming shyness
Undergraduatebeckyloo94 - Nov 28, 2011 / beckyloo94 - Nov 29, 2011
|Higher Education Opportunitie Program For Barnard Supplement Essays
NEW - Please help i don't know if this is how it's supposed to sound. Do any corrections as you please,...
Undergraduatetvillacis - Nov 29, 2011 / — -
|"Collaborating with Arts and Sciences"- Common App Essay
2 - We climbed up onto a lifeguard post and sat down, taking some time to look at the scene around...
Undergraduatecburgos - Nov 27, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 29, 2011
|"Make yourself at home in Indonesia." - UC prompt 1
3 - interesting intro~ so is the whole essay, but i agree with blueshores that you should include the mun example...
Undergraduatechocana - Nov 29, 2011 / iLuHWz - Nov 29, 2011
|'to mentally block the physical pain' - UC essay #2
3 - few gramatical/ wording suggestions: -me and the team (the team and I) -three of which I was on Varsity...
UndergraduateBikeBro - Nov 29, 2011 / misserinlee9 - Nov 29, 2011
|'can anything ever be this good again' - UC 1
8 - It's very well written, yet I feel as if you spend too much time (and precious words!) on describing...
UndergraduateBikeBro - Nov 28, 2011 / misserinlee9 - Nov 29, 2011
|'innocent and playful world' - UC what world do I come from?
2 - I like this essay but I think you should replace the cliché of the enchanted forest and instead of...
Undergraduatebammsamm - Nov 27, 2011 / winnlee6 - Nov 29, 2011
|'My family moved to USA' - UC prompt 1
Undergraduatesumersinha - Nov 26, 2011 / Kevinho - Nov 29, 2011
|'I was ready for a fresh start without a slight bit of hesitation'
UndergraduateProtinus - Nov 27, 2011 / alexxlen - Nov 29, 2011
|'B.A. degree program in engineering' - USC Short answer
Undergraduatekoshie2994 - Nov 28, 2011 / misserinlee9 - Nov 29, 2011
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