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|'my bamboo world' - UC Admission
Undergraduatemaruko - Nov 16, 2011 / maruko - Nov 26, 2011
|'Tawakkul Karman, a Yemeni journalist' - UT, something of importance to you
6 - Beautiful ! Yoy have managed to make this about you. It just has some grammatical mistakes like "My family...
Undergraduatemarah - Nov 25, 2011 / blueshore - Nov 26, 2011
|"Hot pressed rice" - Common App
2 - Wow very nice and descriptive. The few changes I would make which are cooked rice pressed into circular...
Undergraduatejaydennn - Nov 25, 2011 / Jstuff36 - Nov 26, 2011
|'students were throwing a handball inside the classroom' - Macaulay ethical
Undergraduatemohamed459 - Nov 26, 2011 / mohamed459 - Nov 26, 2011
|'why is learning important?' - University of Chicago--your own question
5 - I am glad my comments helped you , and the new draft has improved greatly. Still , your essay...
Undergraduateraphael0729 - Nov 25, 2011 / blueshore - Nov 26, 2011
|UC Prompt #2: My own war
13 - Thanks for your feedback, solid penguin! I too thought the last paragraph needed help with the second prompt. I...
Undergraduatemish90 - Nov 17, 2011 / mish90 - Nov 26, 2011
|"A Gift Given" - UC Freshman Applicant Personal Statement
3 - 1. Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell...
Undergraduateshmaceroo - Nov 24, 2011 / shmaceroo - Nov 26, 2011
|"It's As If We're Famous" University of Washington : Short Response B
5 - 1. Prompt: Describe an experience of cultural difference, positive or negative, you have had or observed. What did you...
Undergraduateshmaceroo - Nov 24, 2011 / shmaceroo - Nov 26, 2011
|First Day of high school; UC - EXPERIENCE
Undergraduatesportsfan1234 - Nov 22, 2011 / TJarjour - Nov 26, 2011
|'Fighting Racial Stereotypes' about an issue of importance to me
NEW - Could you revise my essay? Any feedback or input is very appreciated! Fighting Racial Stereotypes It was...
Undergraduatenaseemalammar - Nov 26, 2011 / — -
|'South Korea' - Topic of my choice (Heritage issue)
2 - During the winter of 2005, I was given two choices: I looked forward to all my new American friends,...
Undergraduaterachelpark - Nov 26, 2011 / naseemalammar - Nov 26, 2011
|'The principles from my parents' + 'Korean family' - UCs
2 - For prompt 1, The world I find myself in is an imperfect yet perfect world that has shaped what...
Undergraduatefillintheblanks - Nov 26, 2011 / naseemalammar - Nov 26, 2011
|'24-hour trip from America to Syria' someone who impacted my life
3 - First off, its not recommended you start your essay with a quote, unless you have a legitimate reason to...
Undergraduatenaseemalammar - Nov 26, 2011 / yonman - Nov 26, 2011
|"a child with autism" - UC prompt #2
Undergraduatestephygee - Nov 26, 2011 / THEBOSS22 - Nov 26, 2011
|'my family friend, Javier.' - Influence Essay
2 - This is kind of confusing, revise your word choice? Maybe instead of "new" use explained or something....
UndergraduateGttovar - Nov 26, 2011 / kathyxtrieu - Nov 26, 2011
|Short essay response - Extracurricular Activity - "My Beautiful Windows"
UndergraduateItsokaytoGaga - Nov 26, 2011 / karan11295 - Nov 26, 2011
|'Small things have the potential to create an impact' - OSU Honors
Undergraduatecherrybomb94 - Nov 24, 2011 / wilsy - Nov 26, 2011
|'excellent arts program' - personal statement for VCU
2 - Hi :) Try to avoid contraction words when you are doing formal writing. overall it is really good...
Undergraduatejmcollier - Nov 26, 2011 / wilsy - Nov 26, 2011
|'to learn the marimba' - Common App short answer about music
2 - Wow, incredible short answer. Your descriptions are eloquent and very vivid. If I were you I wouldn't change a...
Undergraduatekittiekat408 - Nov 26, 2011 / cstephanie41 - Nov 26, 2011
|'tennis was not just a sport to me' - self-confidence and sense of self through UC
4 - Well, personally I think it doesn't not answer the prompt. Where in the prompt it asks you to give...
Undergraduateleaf011 - Nov 26, 2011 / iamthebist - Nov 26, 2011
|UC Essay about Inspiration as a teacher
Undergraduateblueshore - Nov 19, 2011 / blueshore - Nov 26, 2011
|Can't think of a topic/thesis for essay on Beowulf and Chaucer
2 - I think you should look a little more closely where you say: "Perhaps some indication that his words were...
UndergraduateGlidgle - Nov 14, 2011 / BecauseIFLI - Nov 26, 2011
|'distorted as a result of Hollywood movies and TV shows' - A&M Crossing Boarders
UndergraduateJstuff36 - Nov 6, 2011 / Jstuff36 - Nov 26, 2011
|'from a middle-class family in hong kong' - UC
7 - Be aware of the writing approach of your essay..Instead of telling something directly..Make it implicit a little bit......
Undergraduatelester611 - Nov 5, 2011 / Kenneth Tan - Nov 26, 2011
|'My family's support and teachings' - UC Application Personal
UndergraduateCastillo_G94 - Nov 25, 2011 / Guest - Nov 26, 2011
|'without the companionship of my parents' - How my family background impacted goals
UndergraduateKenneth Tan - Nov 24, 2011 / Kenneth Tan - Nov 26, 2011
|'been on a wrestling team' - UC Application
Undergraduatemanny27 - Nov 25, 2011 / minijuey - Nov 26, 2011
|"My Grandma" - Common App essay #3
3 - Alright, that's what I was thinking. I've had a hard time avoiding cliches since they've always been present but...
UndergraduateArcanox7 - Nov 26, 2011 / Arcanox7 - Nov 26, 2011
|'I traveled by cruise across the Mediterranean' -University of Washington application
Undergraduatepatrickherndon - Nov 24, 2011 / marengunnell - Nov 26, 2011
|'no friends just mere strangers' - UC #2 Expanding Percpective
2 - This is a really interesting essay but I think that is was a little choppy. For example in the...
UndergraduateSemler4 - Nov 24, 2011 / marengunnell - Nov 26, 2011
|"I want to become as smart as my brother." #2 make it longer?
2 - You could explain how contributing to your sister's education has shaped you--specifically what did it change about yourself? Did...
Undergraduatekideyydee - Nov 26, 2011 / leaf011 - Nov 26, 2011
|Why Vassar-intellectual freedom
Undergraduatekaran11295 - Nov 25, 2011 / karan11295 - Nov 26, 2011
|My mother has shaped and molded my life and has made an impact on me
Undergraduate_alan25 - Nov 15, 2011 / soul89reaper - Nov 26, 2011
|Violence in my community - prompt 1
2 - I don't think that the part where you're telling about your dream is necessary. The prompt only wants you...
UndergraduateCrazychick7 - Nov 25, 2011 / elenazafrul - Nov 26, 2011
|'a scholar since I was young - Topic of your Chocie
UndergraduateDMA17 - Nov 21, 2011 / karan11295 - Nov 26, 2011
|"Abusive Egyptian Military Rule's impact on me" Macaulay Prompt
6 - Haha thanks :) im trying my best to incorporate what you guys are saying.. I'll post my re-write in...
UndergraduateCleopatra - Nov 25, 2011 / Cleopatra - Nov 25, 2011
|'the true meaning of success and failure' accomplishment, contribution or experience
UndergraduateSadiaR - Nov 24, 2011 / SadiaR - Nov 25, 2011
|'The Homecoming Queen of 2011 Southlands Christian School' UC Application Prompt 1
4 - I would suggest don't use words such as crazy, alright, etc. I believe the person above already stress that...
Undergraduatefeizitou1015 - Nov 25, 2011 / Jennifer12 - Nov 25, 2011
|'to receive a higher education and Environmental Engineering' the world you come from
5 - "As an immigrant and single-mother, she has had to work with great diligence to raise and provide for her...
Undergraduatedrums4ever - Nov 25, 2011 / snoopylee - Nov 25, 2011
|"My experience and quality of helping others." - UC prompt 2
3 - A lot of your sentences start with "I". Perhaps a few more transition words will help make your essay...
UndergraduateEaving - Nov 24, 2011 / snoopylee - Nov 25, 2011
|'Teaspoons are Excellent' UT on an issue of importance
Undergraduatedesm2012 - Nov 25, 2011 / desm2012 - Nov 25, 2011
|selfishness -- UC Prompt #2
6 - mmmm, yeah, I personally think you should find another quality to explain yourself. It will come off as too...
Undergraduatesportsfan1234 - Nov 23, 2011 / drums4ever - Nov 25, 2011
|'to be a programmer' - Essay about what is your something
4 - Very Very intresting! I would say that you manage to support your ideas very well, but your essay would...
Undergraduatecaoyuxi - Nov 23, 2011 / blueshore - Nov 25, 2011
|'you won't stop laughing when you're in the room' - Letter to Roommate
5 - "Let's make this place our new home together." You should place this after "But if you are, then I...
Undergraduateelenazafrul - Nov 25, 2011 / desm2012 - Nov 25, 2011
|'Indian culture' + 'Academic Decathlon' - UC Prompts
UndergraduateVvarsha - Nov 25, 2011 / Vvarsha - Nov 25, 2011
|Success Through Failure - Admissions (conclusion, structure, grammar?)
4 - I think your conclusion was perfect, you sumned it up pefectly, you seemned to say just what your point...
Undergraduatemmay - Nov 22, 2011 / fanciemammal - Nov 25, 2011
|'raised in a world of war' - Texas application essay influential person
4 - Growing up, security helicopters flying to and from President Bush's ranch served as a resounding reminder of combat, ----misplaced...
Undergraduateclare11 - Nov 25, 2011 / maroon5 - Nov 25, 2011
|'Screaming, yelling, and arguing' - UC Personal Statement
5 - This is a touching essay, but maybe you could come up with a title with a more positive message....
Undergraduatemwazit - Nov 21, 2011 / fanciemammal - Nov 25, 2011
|'Volunteering at Oxford Veternas Nursey Home' - An important event in my life
3 - I feel like you need to add something more, like metaphors or more in depth creative writing. Just add...
UndergraduateJennifer12 - Nov 25, 2011 / aerielm - Nov 25, 2011
|'my entire life around computers' - UC Transfer (Prompt 1)
2 - I was captivated by the "magic" every time I looked at the computer screen,but how does a computer work,...
UndergraduateMEM4FP - Nov 24, 2011 / aerielm - Nov 25, 2011
|'many different activities' +'Indian girl living in America' UPenn Introduce Yourself
5 - It's really hard to choose between the two without having any prior knowledge as to the writing style u...
Undergraduatepuddles3 - Nov 23, 2011 / maroon5 - Nov 25, 2011
|"The abortion: My decisions and adulthood, " -UC Prompt#2
5 - Thanks everybody for their input! I know it's quite risky with the topic I posed here. Honestly, this is...
Undergraduateidyllistic - Nov 22, 2011 / idyllistic - Nov 25, 2011
|'Voluntering at a hospital, the fine arts' - Rutgers Essay
Undergraduatekpj1994 - Nov 24, 2011 / kpj1994 - Nov 25, 2011
|'jogging with my dad every weekend'- person who has had a significant influence on me
Undergraduateleah0604 - Nov 24, 2011 / leah0604 - Nov 25, 2011
|My Father Impact on the person i am today
Undergraduatemarah - Nov 23, 2011 / denofthieves - Nov 25, 2011
|My big sister has made an impact on your life
3 - I think examples could really help and they would fill up space--talk about a situation which made you dislike...
Undergraduateemekaobi - Nov 24, 2011 / clare11 - Nov 25, 2011
|'education and opportunities engineering' Why interested in attending Georgia...
Undergraduateshreya101 - Nov 25, 2011 / shreya101 - Nov 25, 2011
|"my family's first computer" - UC Prompt #1 How has your world shaped you?
6 - Your essay answers the question, and there's only minor grammar errors. I'd say that your essay is good, but...
Undergraduatektzluke10 - Nov 23, 2011 / elenazafrul - Nov 25, 2011
|Half-blood - uc prompt
2 - Though I wish that one of my relatives was Greek, it would be cool to learn about the Olympians....
Undergraduateelenazafrul - Nov 25, 2011 / Guest - Nov 25, 2011
|'born in Taiwan and raised in Shanghai' - uc prompt
5 - Thank you for your support! You give me confidence to my ideas! I'm also glad that I dont have...
UndergraduateLesliema713 - Nov 21, 2011 / Lesliema713 - Nov 25, 2011
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