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|"I want to become as smart as my brother." #2 make it longer?
2 - You could explain how contributing to your sister's education has shaped you--specifically what did it change about yourself? Did...
Undergraduatekideyydee - Nov 26, 2011 / leaf011 - Nov 26, 2011
|Why Vassar-intellectual freedom
Undergraduatekaran11295 - Nov 25, 2011 / karan11295 - Nov 26, 2011
|My mother has shaped and molded my life and has made an impact on me
Undergraduate_alan25 - Nov 15, 2011 / soul89reaper - Nov 26, 2011
|Violence in my community - prompt 1
2 - I don't think that the part where you're telling about your dream is necessary. The prompt only wants you...
UndergraduateCrazychick7 - Nov 25, 2011 / elenazafrul - Nov 26, 2011
|'a scholar since I was young - Topic of your Chocie
UndergraduateDMA17 - Nov 21, 2011 / karan11295 - Nov 26, 2011
|"Abusive Egyptian Military Rule's impact on me" Macaulay Prompt
6 - Haha thanks :) im trying my best to incorporate what you guys are saying.. I'll post my re-write in...
UndergraduateCleopatra - Nov 25, 2011 / Cleopatra - Nov 25, 2011
|'the true meaning of success and failure' accomplishment, contribution or experience
UndergraduateSadiaR - Nov 24, 2011 / SadiaR - Nov 25, 2011
|'The Homecoming Queen of 2011 Southlands Christian School' UC Application Prompt 1
4 - I would suggest don't use words such as crazy, alright, etc. I believe the person above already stress that...
Undergraduatefeizitou1015 - Nov 25, 2011 / Jennifer12 - Nov 25, 2011
|'to receive a higher education and Environmental Engineering' the world you come from
5 - "As an immigrant and single-mother, she has had to work with great diligence to raise and provide for her...
Undergraduatedrums4ever - Nov 25, 2011 / snoopylee - Nov 25, 2011
|"My experience and quality of helping others." - UC prompt 2
3 - A lot of your sentences start with "I". Perhaps a few more transition words will help make your essay...
UndergraduateEaving - Nov 24, 2011 / snoopylee - Nov 25, 2011
|'Teaspoons are Excellent' UT on an issue of importance
Undergraduatedesm2012 - Nov 25, 2011 / desm2012 - Nov 25, 2011
|selfishness -- UC Prompt #2
6 - mmmm, yeah, I personally think you should find another quality to explain yourself. It will come off as too...
Undergraduatesportsfan1234 - Nov 23, 2011 / drums4ever - Nov 25, 2011
|'to be a programmer' - Essay about what is your something
4 - Very Very intresting! I would say that you manage to support your ideas very well, but your essay would...
Undergraduatecaoyuxi - Nov 23, 2011 / blueshore - Nov 25, 2011
|'you won't stop laughing when you're in the room' - Letter to Roommate
5 - "Let's make this place our new home together." You should place this after "But if you are, then I...
Undergraduateelenazafrul - Nov 25, 2011 / desm2012 - Nov 25, 2011
|'Indian culture' + 'Academic Decathlon' - UC Prompts
UndergraduateVvarsha - Nov 25, 2011 / Vvarsha - Nov 25, 2011
|Success Through Failure - Admissions (conclusion, structure, grammar?)
4 - I think your conclusion was perfect, you sumned it up pefectly, you seemned to say just what your point...
Undergraduatemmay - Nov 22, 2011 / fanciemammal - Nov 25, 2011
|'raised in a world of war' - Texas application essay influential person
4 - Growing up, security helicopters flying to and from President Bush's ranch served as a resounding reminder of combat, ----misplaced...
Undergraduateclare11 - Nov 25, 2011 / maroon5 - Nov 25, 2011
|'Screaming, yelling, and arguing' - UC Personal Statement
5 - This is a touching essay, but maybe you could come up with a title with a more positive message....
Undergraduatemwazit - Nov 21, 2011 / fanciemammal - Nov 25, 2011
|'Volunteering at Oxford Veternas Nursey Home' - An important event in my life
3 - I feel like you need to add something more, like metaphors or more in depth creative writing. Just add...
UndergraduateJennifer12 - Nov 25, 2011 / aerielm - Nov 25, 2011
|'my entire life around computers' - UC Transfer (Prompt 1)
2 - I was captivated by the "magic" every time I looked at the computer screen,but how does a computer work,...
UndergraduateMEM4FP - Nov 24, 2011 / aerielm - Nov 25, 2011
|'many different activities' +'Indian girl living in America' UPenn Introduce Yourself
5 - It's really hard to choose between the two without having any prior knowledge as to the writing style u...
Undergraduatepuddles3 - Nov 23, 2011 / maroon5 - Nov 25, 2011
|"The abortion: My decisions and adulthood, " -UC Prompt#2
5 - Thanks everybody for their input! I know it's quite risky with the topic I posed here. Honestly, this is...
Undergraduateidyllistic - Nov 22, 2011 / idyllistic - Nov 25, 2011
|'Voluntering at a hospital, the fine arts' - Rutgers Essay
Undergraduatekpj1994 - Nov 24, 2011 / kpj1994 - Nov 25, 2011
|'jogging with my dad every weekend'- person who has had a significant influence on me
Undergraduateleah0604 - Nov 24, 2011 / leah0604 - Nov 25, 2011
|My Father Impact on the person i am today
Undergraduatemarah - Nov 23, 2011 / denofthieves - Nov 25, 2011
|My big sister has made an impact on your life
3 - I think examples could really help and they would fill up space--talk about a situation which made you dislike...
Undergraduateemekaobi - Nov 24, 2011 / clare11 - Nov 25, 2011
|'education and opportunities engineering' Why interested in attending Georgia...
Undergraduateshreya101 - Nov 25, 2011 / shreya101 - Nov 25, 2011
|"my family's first computer" - UC Prompt #1 How has your world shaped you?
6 - Your essay answers the question, and there's only minor grammar errors. I'd say that your essay is good, but...
Undergraduatektzluke10 - Nov 23, 2011 / elenazafrul - Nov 25, 2011
|Half-blood - uc prompt
2 - Though I wish that one of my relatives was Greek, it would be cool to learn about the Olympians....
Undergraduateelenazafrul - Nov 25, 2011 / Guest - Nov 25, 2011
|'born in Taiwan and raised in Shanghai' - uc prompt
5 - Thank you for your support! You give me confidence to my ideas! I'm also glad that I dont have...
UndergraduateLesliema713 - Nov 21, 2011 / Lesliema713 - Nov 25, 2011
|'I loved looking at photographs' - FIT Essay
4 - Provide a little bit of imagery for the reader. Write something about your development from an amateur photographer to...
Undergraduateemariam - Nov 23, 2011 / karan11295 - Nov 25, 2011
|"Imitation, then, is one instinct of our nature." ; Egypt Grants to Artists
UndergraduateAgypten - Nov 18, 2011 / Agypten - Nov 25, 2011
|Intended Major..." Cancer and Public Health Major" UC Transfer Essay #1
2 - the essay is well written, but i have minor notifications. the introduction drew me lost, its very good in...
Undergraduatemaggiei - Nov 24, 2011 / marah - Nov 24, 2011
|The Challenge of the Trek - BYU Admissions Essay
2 - I think the commentary of this essay really makes it pop and really drew me into your essay. Excellent--I...
Undergraduatemugglegurl - Nov 23, 2011 / clare11 - Nov 24, 2011
|Moving to Jamaica --- Common application essay
3 - It can be challenging to write an auto biography because you have to give details about what happened in...
UndergraduatebreakingRenee - Nov 13, 2011 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 24, 2011
|'Hard work and a fluent Spanish speaker' - a personal quality, talent
2 - In school I would balance my time between class , work, and basketball/track practice but I would always get...
Undergraduatejeceni33 - Nov 24, 2011 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 24, 2011
|'mom was born in Russia and my father in Ukraine' - UC I the world I come from
2 - The way you start your second paragraph, "I am tempted to write in great detail about my travels throughout...
UndergraduateCecile - Nov 23, 2011 / shmaceroo - Nov 24, 2011
|Moving Forward by Looking Back -- USC Supplement
Undergraduatefrankfink - Nov 24, 2011 / tanner328 - Nov 24, 2011
|'my education, community, and beliefs' - Description of the world I've come from
3 - I totally agree with jennyflower. The introduction and the topic is great! The intro is engaging and even humorous....
Undergraduatensullivan - Nov 23, 2011 / chocana - Nov 24, 2011
|UC Prompt 1 - Coming from a world of technology
4 - Well it depends on your dreams and aspirations as well. Your topic is about your life is technology right?...
Undergraduaterinam77 - Nov 24, 2011 / Eaving - Nov 24, 2011
|"How my mother wanted me to become a reliable person." - UC Prompt 1 : My world
UndergraduateEaving - Nov 23, 2011 / rinam77 - Nov 24, 2011
|'Ruby Hills' -UC Essay 1
UndergraduateKenny H - Nov 23, 2011 / frankfink - Nov 24, 2011
|'I like cheese / architecture / Mali' - Notre Dame
UndergraduateGuest - Nov 10, 2011 / Guest - Nov 24, 2011
|'having a complete family' - LIM College Essay
3 - I don't think you really answer the essay prompt. Keeping to yourself and forcing a smile everyday is not...
Undergraduatenlnjakid - Nov 22, 2011 / ElyGeoSav - Nov 24, 2011
|'Bilingual, Brazil, United States' -What community do I belong to?
4 - I love the intro sentence! It works extremely well with the rest of the essay. And while I agree...
Undergraduateraphael0729 - Nov 24, 2011 / ElyGeoSav - Nov 24, 2011
|"First time ditched class" - UC transfer personal statement prompt 2
Undergraduatepokon - Nov 23, 2011 / ElyGeoSav - Nov 24, 2011
|'Literature, Science, and the Arts' - Michigan what draws me there?
2 - I think this is a decent essay; however, I think your first paragraph could use a bit of work....
Undergraduateraphael0729 - Nov 24, 2011 / cherrybomb94 - Nov 24, 2011
|Half a Bindhi - Transfer #2 :Accomplishment essay
2 - I think this a very valuable experience to share. However, I think you could fine-tune your essay a few...
UndergraduateKeerthika2014 - Nov 24, 2011 / ElyGeoSav - Nov 24, 2011
|'I reinforced my values' - The world I come from - UC essay
3 - This was really good feedback! I'll watch out for the word meticulous in the future Thank you so much....
UndergraduateDrKitKat - Nov 24, 2011 / DrKitKat - Nov 24, 2011
|'K-Pop music is my favorite musical genre' - Transfer UC Prompt 2
UndergraduateMEM4FP - Nov 24, 2011 / Ellis - Nov 24, 2011
|essay on how i will enrich the college's community thru my life experiences, etc.
3 - Be aware of your writing approach.... With my dedication and focus, creativity and drive, I wish I am...
Undergraduate2012grad - Nov 23, 2011 / Kenneth Tan - Nov 24, 2011
|'the judgments have no credibility' - Significant Experience Essay
Undergraduaterg1220 - Nov 23, 2011 / Keerthika2014 - Nov 24, 2011
|"design entrepreneurship" - Common App
Undergraduatebxlnt - Nov 24, 2011 / bxlnt - Nov 24, 2011
|'fascination for computer' - MIT- the world you come from
Undergraduatenoal - Nov 23, 2011 / noal - Nov 24, 2011
|'A Beans' Worst Nightmare - Lima Beans- uc #2
2 - I think it's a great story:) But I'm not sure you answered the part "makes you proud". Oh, and...
Undergraduatedmatano360 - Nov 24, 2011 / Guest - Nov 24, 2011
|UC Prompt 1"living in America as a foreigner" Any advice would be greatly appreciated
2 - I think you did a pretty great job:) The college will be able to see your perseverance, your ability...
UndergraduateLillyB1901 - Nov 23, 2011 / Guest - Nov 24, 2011
|'my Chinese class was preparing' - Tell us about a personal quality
UndergraduateLesliema713 - Nov 21, 2011 / Lesliema713 - Nov 24, 2011
|'Global Concerns is an important part' - UC Essay #2
2 - the majority of this essay is outstanding! however at the end you say:I found that the best results come...
UndergraduateDrKitKat - Nov 24, 2011 / sportsfan1234 - Nov 24, 2011
|'nature verses nurture' - UC personal statement
5 - I definitely do agree with the previous comments. Talk more about yourself rather than the 'nature vs nurture' concepts...
Undergraduateksnapp369 - Nov 22, 2011 / DrKitKat - Nov 24, 2011
|'Coming to the US' + 'Helping others' - UC Personal Statements
Undergraduatesjessicaa - Nov 23, 2011 / sjessicaa - Nov 24, 2011
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