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|Ski experiance/story-UC Personal Statement;prompt for all apps
2 - I think you should stick with you yourself climbing out. Personally, I think it goes with the essay more....
Undergraduateaprilmao - Nov 20, 2011 / amatsui19 - Nov 20, 2011
|'run like a winner' - UC prompt #2 for UCLA
13 - Very good attention grabber to start out your essay! Like everyone else said, just work on the grammar errors...
Undergraduatekarencao - Nov 17, 2011 / amatsui19 - Nov 20, 2011
|'working extra hours at the store' - University of California
2 - I like the idea that you used for this essay. However, I would suggest executing this idea in your...
Undergraduateshirajgotaphd - Nov 20, 2011 / amatsui19 - Nov 20, 2011
|Starting of a personal essay with a rhetorical question?
3 - I agree with Captainasian 167... If possible, don't start out with a rhetorical question because your UC essays should...
UndergraduateAnonymousWriter - Nov 16, 2011 / amatsui19 - Nov 20, 2011
|The Answers I Will Never Find- Additional Essay/Info
5 - Aah I already submitted it!!! I wish I'd read all of your comments before I had though, I should...
Undergraduatefeelthesun012 - Nov 19, 2011 / feelthesun012 - Nov 20, 2011
|Armed with only "Hello's" and "Goodbye's" - UC Statement
3 - Ahh thank you for your thoughts. But i thought i did mention my dream as "my desire to obtain...
UndergraduateProtinus - Nov 19, 2011 / Protinus - Nov 20, 2011
|'when I received my second TOEFL score' - PERSONAL QUALITY,TALENT,EXPERIENCE
3 - This a very well-constructed essay. It flows very well. However, according to some UC personal statement tips, it is...
Undergraduateskyleyle - Nov 17, 2011 / Protinus - Nov 20, 2011
|'the chance to receive neither one punch now' Why do i want to go to Carnegie Mellon?
3 - This is a really good essay. It is specific to the school and pretty much screams that you really...
Undergraduatenaomiyeahnaomi - Nov 18, 2011 / Guest - Nov 20, 2011
|'accounting is the study of the past' - UC - intended major: Business
2 - first of all, your intended major is exactly the same as mine second, your essay is interesting, especially the...
Undergraduategebeterne - Nov 19, 2011 / skyleyle - Nov 20, 2011
|'Multiple sclerosis' - Experience that has been meaningful to me
2 - My brother was also diagnosed with MS about ten years ago, he was around fourty at the time, and...
Undergraduatedexner - Nov 18, 2011 / Rajiv - Nov 20, 2011
|'My move from Canada to the United States' - UW story from your life, describing it
NEW - My move from Canada to the United States is one of the most challenging events that I have experienced...
Undergraduatehanna4292 - Nov 20, 2011 / — -
|'there are no handouts in life' - Uc promt 1
2 - Add more anecdotes of how your family expresses those characteristics and how that affects you. It's too short and...
Undergraduaterkroener - Nov 19, 2011 / smpsmp123 - Nov 20, 2011
|'No difficulties living in an English speaking environment' - Cincinnati statement
4 - You need more commas as you have so many run-on sentences. You need a connection between the first and...
Undergraduateanhduc_1004 - Nov 13, 2011 / lavender_pham - Nov 20, 2011
|having my summer research presented in China-UC Prompt 2
2 - It was undoubtedly the most rewarding and beneficial experience I've had the opportunity of participating in.Through this opportunitywhereafter I...
Undergraduatebayshark - Nov 19, 2011 / icekiss90 - Nov 20, 2011
|'Education and knowledge of different cultures' - Rutgers Application
2 - Though New Jersey is a very diverse state, Rutgers offers a safe and comfortable way of interacting(interesting what?) with...
UndergraduateRich32494 - Nov 19, 2011 / icekiss90 - Nov 20, 2011
|'unnatural for good things to come to those who wait' - UT AdMISSION
5 - What does this have to do with you? Relate it back to your life, community or whatever. A personal...
UndergraduateTreysongz12 - Nov 13, 2011 / Kitty403 - Nov 19, 2011
|'the world of science leading me to the studies of Chemistry and Physics' - UC 1
2 - A white building appeared before my sight while I was sitting beside my mother in the car. I was...
UndergraduateTheKaylee66 - Nov 19, 2011 / Kitty403 - Nov 19, 2011
|'money was a very sensitive topic to my parents' -how my world has shaped your dreams
2 - You never described your dreams and aspirations. You focused on your family and what they have taught you. What...
Undergraduatealcy2793 - Nov 19, 2011 / Kitty403 - Nov 19, 2011
|keep walking with no sign of stop--my uw-Seattle long personal statement
2 - I think it's a good essay, overall. I like your conclusion paragraph and how you merged your interest in...
Undergraduatesniperjason - Nov 19, 2011 / gebeterne - Nov 19, 2011
|'I'm from Vietnam I have chosen America to be my destination' THE WORLD YOU COME FROM
Undergraduateskyleyle - Nov 17, 2011 / gebeterne - Nov 19, 2011
|UC Prompt 1 Constant Moving: a reflection on the importance of education
UndergraduateKimh - Nov 16, 2011 / Kimh - Nov 19, 2011
|'you don't want to be late for your first day' - UC PROMPT1
6 - This is very good! I like the fact that you illustrate your parents help. Basically tenses like being...
Undergraduateparker - Nov 17, 2011 / blueshore - Nov 19, 2011
|'I established new life-long connections and bonds' Significant Experience
Undergraduatesmpsmp123 - Nov 19, 2011 / blueshore - Nov 19, 2011
|John "The Beast" Cena influenced me - my college application
2 - "There have beenI know many people whothat have influenced me in my life , but none more so thanthere...
Undergraduatehsh1994 - Nov 19, 2011 / bayshark - Nov 19, 2011
|'I could endure a few more days of ultimate stress' - UVA Supplement
2 - I looked carefully at the sweat-drenched runners pass by, as they entered their next grueling lap across the soccer...
Undergraduateahnslvchrist - Nov 19, 2011 / 12SMiller - Nov 19, 2011
|'small pieces of myself ' - UCF Application
Undergraduatecmpxo - Nov 19, 2011 / 12SMiller - Nov 19, 2011
|'parents were born in a third world country' - Describe the world you come from
UndergraduateArabo33 - Nov 19, 2011 / — -
|'Beethoven's piano sonatas' - University of Chicago Supplement
5 - Hi. The essay does answer the question. But I think you should take time in your essay to talk...
Undergraduateraphael0729 - Nov 11, 2011 / Arabo33 - Nov 19, 2011
|'a Texas All-State swimmer' - Common app extra curricular essay
3 - It looks great to me but one suggestion would be to take the "I'm unbeatable" and position it somewhere...
UndergraduateMoredred - Nov 19, 2011 / Arabo33 - Nov 19, 2011
|'to explore the fantastic world' - my PS, any suggestions?
3 - thank you...
Undergraduatekarencao - Nov 17, 2011 / karencao - Nov 19, 2011
|The road to my dream profession (common app short answer)
Undergraduatecollegebound15 - Nov 18, 2011 / thedarkknight - Nov 18, 2011
|innovate through failure - Common App essay topic 1
NEW - Common App Prompt A: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have face...
Undergraduatethedarkknight - Nov 18, 2011 / — -
|'My schooling and my parents' - The world you come from-UC Application
4 - its a good essay except that it comes up as if you had pushy parents and a difficult schooling...
UndergraduateMv71 - Oct 31, 2011 / thedarkknight - Nov 18, 2011
|Christmas vacation- significant experience you have faced+ its impact on you (Depaul)
5 - Try and be a little more descriptive in the beginning, like explain the situation more clearly because im not...
Undergraduatestefg - Nov 14, 2011 / naomiyeahnaomi - Nov 18, 2011
|How do you feel about Wednesday? (Semi fad of religion semi pro pagan) UChicago essay
4 - Thanks. I actually ended up completely changing around the essay for the very reasons you were listing....
UndergraduateBecauseIFLI - Nov 1, 2011 / BecauseIFLI - Nov 18, 2011
|Soccer and Architecture: Match Made in Heaven? UC Essay 1
2 - I really like your essay (as a soccer player and right defender/goalie myself) and I like how you connect...
UndergraduateHCOdude - Nov 15, 2011 / 12SMiller - Nov 18, 2011
|'I spent one month living in the street' - admission ucf
5 - I always remember this day, Tuesday January 12, 2010, as if it was yesterday. It was started like...
Undergraduateolivier007 - Oct 29, 2011 / s_saber - Nov 18, 2011
|UC prompt 2- "what sets me apart"
3 - I would suggest going more in depth! I agree with the previous comment with being detailed especially with your...
Undergraduatepavanjot - Nov 15, 2011 / sonnofali - Nov 18, 2011
|Cultural differences? - UC, UT, UW 3 in 1 essay
NEW - UC: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about...
Undergraduatezeo3456 - Nov 18, 2011 / — -
|"The Butterfly Effect" - College Essay for WC
3 - France's economy was worsening and a lot of cutbacks were happening, my father happened to have been caught in...
Undergraduatebob10094 - Nov 15, 2011 / bob10094 - Nov 18, 2011
|UC Davis: Renaissance & Romanticism; From Death Comes Life
3 - Thank you, but that's not any type of criticism except for pointless flaming. Therefore, your response was unnecessary....
UndergraduateNikki_Phenomena - Nov 18, 2011 / Nikki_Phenomena - Nov 18, 2011
|'I questioned my life' - UCF essay Obstacle
3 - The essay is "write about an obstacle you have overcome in your past" and i am wondering what i...
UndergraduateWytkewicz27 - Nov 18, 2011 / Wytkewicz27 - Nov 18, 2011
|'at least one activity that dominated my time' - Most Interesting Experience Essay
2 - Most interesting experiance includes only one experience not an expanded time period of your life. for experiance you can...
Undergraduate1st2fall - Nov 15, 2011 / Wytkewicz27 - Nov 18, 2011
|'planning to transfer to Middlebury (international student)' -common app transfer
Undergraduatemenukagrg - Nov 12, 2011 / joschkaz - Nov 18, 2011
|'Mama Burger with Cheese and no pickles' Short Answer for Common App Work experience
4 - My work experience as a cashier at A&W helped me to develop and grow tremendously. ...break here for another...
Undergraduatewinnie0603 - Nov 18, 2011 / dumi - Nov 18, 2011
|'to be a part of this exhilarating project' - Short answer transfer essay
7 - Thanks guys. I already submitted this supplementary essay but next time, i will definetely take your guys' suggestions under...
Undergraduatemenukagrg - Nov 14, 2011 / menukagrg - Nov 18, 2011
|'Interest in engineering; I built my first computer' - Lehigh University supplements
Undergraduatecon0r - Nov 15, 2011 / dumi - Nov 18, 2011
|'this job was going to be harder than I thought' - significant experience
2 - 508 is fine, no need to trim it down. This is well written with few grammatical errors that I'm...
Undergraduateallieg - Nov 13, 2011 / engwriting101 - Nov 18, 2011
|Would you ever eat a guinea pig? - Rutger's college essay
NEW - Please feel free to be honest and criticize. I would really love it if anyone would edit/recommend/give any sort...
Undergraduatessc8701 - Nov 18, 2011 / — -
|'never did anything exceptionally horrible' - Disciplinary Essay for Umich
3 - i really agree with kenya about how there was too much repetition of the word I in every sentence....
UndergraduateStrappingyl - Nov 17, 2011 / ssc8701 - Nov 17, 2011
|'able to explore new personalities, ideals, and opinions' UC Prompt 2
Undergraduatedchau503 - Nov 17, 2011 / dumdeedumdeedoo - Nov 17, 2011
|UC Transfer (UC Berkeley) - Blowing Through the Constraints
2 - felt so darn personal I feel like it doesn't fit with the rest of the essay, it's to colloquial......
Undergraduatewhoau49 - Nov 17, 2011 / saidasine - Nov 17, 2011
|'Super Snozz' - Common Application (Topic of my own)
3 - First off thanks for reading my essay earlier and thanks for your input. Since you helped me with mine...
Undergraduatelovelife - Nov 17, 2011 / s1staskus - Nov 17, 2011
|'with my driver's license in hand' - Common App Prompt A
6 - Hi! First, a completely random statement: OH MY GOD WE ARE DRIVING TWINS...literally everything that happened to you also...
Undergraduates1staskus - Nov 16, 2011 / lovelife - Nov 17, 2011
|'I see the resemblance of my mother' - COMMON APP
2 - Hi! I like the theme of your essay; your opening statement is very clever, especially as you explore the...
Undergraduatejbjc11 - Nov 17, 2011 / lovelife - Nov 17, 2011
|'Each country should be held accountable for others' - Adelphi essay
UndergraduatebreakingRenee - Nov 15, 2011 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 17, 2011
|brief 3-5 P essay-hoping to gain from experience at CBU?(academic, social, spiritual)
Undergraduatetingraham - Nov 15, 2011 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 17, 2011
|'Goals help you plan your next step' - long and short term goals
3 - I think it should be As a high School student setting goals is very important. Otherwise the essay is...
Undergraduatedenzelmcd - Nov 16, 2011 / ketalthedon - Nov 17, 2011
|'I come from a dangerous neighborhood in South Central LA' - UC prompt #1
5 - This is a nice essay. and your point is good: lawless society made me rethink about family and pursuit...
Undergraduatemarcoh5907 - Nov 16, 2011 / parker - Nov 17, 2011
|'the slides of Chinese government' - Importance of Diversity Common App Essay
4 - kaioulunar Shouldn't it be" Despite my family's low income, we always saved up to go on at least...
Undergraduatekaioulunar - Nov 16, 2011 / ftt608 - Nov 17, 2011
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