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|'run while chasing a dream' - University of Cincinnati
Undergraduatekk570xoxo - Nov 21, 2011 / deepa21 - Nov 21, 2011
|'Family, Years ago, in China' - UW Personal Essay
2 - First of all, I'm really sorry that you had to go through such treatment at the hands of family....
UndergraduateMikiMouse - Nov 21, 2011 / feelthesun012 - Nov 21, 2011
|'Artwork and my personal beliefs about current social issues' SAIC Written Statement
2 - In the present time,My artwork could best be said to represent my personal beliefs about current social issues.---I cut...
UndergraduateZRK - Nov 16, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 21, 2011
|'Volunteering at out-patient orthopedic setting' - review for PTCAS
2 - In the spring of 2010, I signed up for an athletic training course, called Musculoskeletal Rehabilitation. On the...
Undergraduatejlh1045 - Nov 15, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 21, 2011
|'Both my parents and I are immigrants' - uc prompt 1
2 - The idea of the essay is good. I think you can indicate which country you migrate from can better...
Undergraduatejuanr4252 - Nov 21, 2011 / Lesliema713 - Nov 21, 2011
|'I was able to accomplish great personal qualities' -UC essay to the personal quality
2 - I like how you described your personal quality and how you related it to your growth not only as...
Undergraduatejinisnumber1 - Nov 20, 2011 / juanr4252 - Nov 21, 2011
|'sketching and materials' - intended major + 'happy to go to school' UC prompt1/2
Undergraduatejenny1989 - Nov 21, 2011 / Klabberghasted - Nov 21, 2011
|'the expansion of my ability to help others' - Washington Personal Essay
UndergraduateMikiMouse - Nov 18, 2011 / hanna4292 - Nov 20, 2011
|'paint and draw' + 'the legacy of Martin Luther King' - UC final
2 - Your second essay is really great. It seems little bragging, so you may want to drop out few detail...
Undergraduatepokiworms - Nov 20, 2011 / polk540 - Nov 20, 2011
|"A World of Constant Change" University of Washington Personal Statement
2 - explain phase and what u mean. torrid son of Kern County, but having to completely restart and meet new...
UndergraduateCaptainasian167 - Nov 17, 2011 / Addow - Nov 20, 2011
|UC PROMPT # 2 - Story of a Couch Surfer
2 - You did a great job describing the "experience that is important to you." However, I think you should focus...
Undergraduatenightingowl - Nov 20, 2011 / jnbadj - Nov 20, 2011
|'moved every year of my life': My world , how it has shaped my dreams and aspirations
4 - REVISED PLEASE HELP :):):):):):):) As a little girl living through fairytale dreams, I viewed the world around me...
Undergraduateloveyou2 - Nov 13, 2011 / loveyou2 - Nov 20, 2011
|"Death of my Father" (University of Washington Prompt 1.B)
Undergraduatebunnythind13 - Nov 20, 2011 / madilla - Nov 20, 2011
|'never stopping and never having to settle' - What attracts me to Umich
3 - This is well written ... I think you should kinda focus more on what the school offers .. and...
UndergraduateStrappingyl - Nov 17, 2011 / madilla - Nov 20, 2011
|Ski experiance/story-UC Personal Statement;prompt for all apps
2 - I think you should stick with you yourself climbing out. Personally, I think it goes with the essay more....
Undergraduateaprilmao - Nov 20, 2011 / amatsui19 - Nov 20, 2011
|'run like a winner' - UC prompt #2 for UCLA
13 - Very good attention grabber to start out your essay! Like everyone else said, just work on the grammar errors...
Undergraduatekarencao - Nov 17, 2011 / amatsui19 - Nov 20, 2011
|'working extra hours at the store' - University of California
2 - I like the idea that you used for this essay. However, I would suggest executing this idea in your...
Undergraduateshirajgotaphd - Nov 20, 2011 / amatsui19 - Nov 20, 2011
|Starting of a personal essay with a rhetorical question?
3 - I agree with Captainasian 167... If possible, don't start out with a rhetorical question because your UC essays should...
UndergraduateAnonymousWriter - Nov 16, 2011 / amatsui19 - Nov 20, 2011
|The Answers I Will Never Find- Additional Essay/Info
5 - Aah I already submitted it!!! I wish I'd read all of your comments before I had though, I should...
Undergraduatefeelthesun012 - Nov 19, 2011 / feelthesun012 - Nov 20, 2011
|Armed with only "Hello's" and "Goodbye's" - UC Statement
3 - Ahh thank you for your thoughts. But i thought i did mention my dream as "my desire to obtain...
UndergraduateProtinus - Nov 19, 2011 / Protinus - Nov 20, 2011
|'when I received my second TOEFL score' - PERSONAL QUALITY,TALENT,EXPERIENCE
3 - This a very well-constructed essay. It flows very well. However, according to some UC personal statement tips, it is...
Undergraduateskyleyle - Nov 17, 2011 / Protinus - Nov 20, 2011
|'the chance to receive neither one punch now' Why do i want to go to Carnegie Mellon?
3 - This is a really good essay. It is specific to the school and pretty much screams that you really...
Undergraduatenaomiyeahnaomi - Nov 18, 2011 / Guest - Nov 20, 2011
|'accounting is the study of the past' - UC - intended major: Business
2 - first of all, your intended major is exactly the same as mine second, your essay is interesting, especially the...
Undergraduategebeterne - Nov 19, 2011 / skyleyle - Nov 20, 2011
|'Multiple sclerosis' - Experience that has been meaningful to me
2 - My brother was also diagnosed with MS about ten years ago, he was around fourty at the time, and...
Undergraduatedexner - Nov 18, 2011 / Rajiv - Nov 20, 2011
|'My move from Canada to the United States' - UW story from your life, describing it
NEW - My move from Canada to the United States is one of the most challenging events that I have experienced...
Undergraduatehanna4292 - Nov 20, 2011 / — -
|'there are no handouts in life' - Uc promt 1
2 - Add more anecdotes of how your family expresses those characteristics and how that affects you. It's too short and...
Undergraduaterkroener - Nov 19, 2011 / smpsmp123 - Nov 20, 2011
|'No difficulties living in an English speaking environment' - Cincinnati statement
4 - You need more commas as you have so many run-on sentences. You need a connection between the first and...
Undergraduateanhduc_1004 - Nov 13, 2011 / lavender_pham - Nov 20, 2011
|having my summer research presented in China-UC Prompt 2
2 - It was undoubtedly the most rewarding and beneficial experience I've had the opportunity of participating in.Through this opportunitywhereafter I...
Undergraduatebayshark - Nov 19, 2011 / icekiss90 - Nov 20, 2011
|'Education and knowledge of different cultures' - Rutgers Application
2 - Though New Jersey is a very diverse state, Rutgers offers a safe and comfortable way of interacting(interesting what?) with...
UndergraduateRich32494 - Nov 19, 2011 / icekiss90 - Nov 20, 2011
|'unnatural for good things to come to those who wait' - UT AdMISSION
5 - What does this have to do with you? Relate it back to your life, community or whatever. A personal...
UndergraduateTreysongz12 - Nov 13, 2011 / Kitty403 - Nov 19, 2011
|'the world of science leading me to the studies of Chemistry and Physics' - UC 1
2 - A white building appeared before my sight while I was sitting beside my mother in the car. I was...
UndergraduateTheKaylee66 - Nov 19, 2011 / Kitty403 - Nov 19, 2011
|'money was a very sensitive topic to my parents' -how my world has shaped your dreams
2 - You never described your dreams and aspirations. You focused on your family and what they have taught you. What...
Undergraduatealcy2793 - Nov 19, 2011 / Kitty403 - Nov 19, 2011
|keep walking with no sign of stop--my uw-Seattle long personal statement
2 - I think it's a good essay, overall. I like your conclusion paragraph and how you merged your interest in...
Undergraduatesniperjason - Nov 19, 2011 / gebeterne - Nov 19, 2011
|'I'm from Vietnam I have chosen America to be my destination' THE WORLD YOU COME FROM
Undergraduateskyleyle - Nov 17, 2011 / gebeterne - Nov 19, 2011
|UC Prompt 1 Constant Moving: a reflection on the importance of education
UndergraduateKimh - Nov 16, 2011 / Kimh - Nov 19, 2011
|'you don't want to be late for your first day' - UC PROMPT1
6 - This is very good! I like the fact that you illustrate your parents help. Basically tenses like being...
Undergraduateparker - Nov 17, 2011 / blueshore - Nov 19, 2011
|'I established new life-long connections and bonds' Significant Experience
Undergraduatesmpsmp123 - Nov 19, 2011 / blueshore - Nov 19, 2011
|John "The Beast" Cena influenced me - my college application
2 - "There have beenI know many people whothat have influenced me in my life , but none more so thanthere...
Undergraduatehsh1994 - Nov 19, 2011 / bayshark - Nov 19, 2011
|'I could endure a few more days of ultimate stress' - UVA Supplement
2 - I looked carefully at the sweat-drenched runners pass by, as they entered their next grueling lap across the soccer...
Undergraduateahnslvchrist - Nov 19, 2011 / 12SMiller - Nov 19, 2011
|'small pieces of myself ' - UCF Application
Undergraduatecmpxo - Nov 19, 2011 / 12SMiller - Nov 19, 2011
|'parents were born in a third world country' - Describe the world you come from
UndergraduateArabo33 - Nov 19, 2011 / — -
|'Beethoven's piano sonatas' - University of Chicago Supplement
5 - Hi. The essay does answer the question. But I think you should take time in your essay to talk...
Undergraduateraphael0729 - Nov 11, 2011 / Arabo33 - Nov 19, 2011
|'a Texas All-State swimmer' - Common app extra curricular essay
3 - It looks great to me but one suggestion would be to take the "I'm unbeatable" and position it somewhere...
UndergraduateMoredred - Nov 19, 2011 / Arabo33 - Nov 19, 2011
|'to explore the fantastic world' - my PS, any suggestions?
3 - thank you...
Undergraduatekarencao - Nov 17, 2011 / karencao - Nov 19, 2011
|The road to my dream profession (common app short answer)
Undergraduatecollegebound15 - Nov 18, 2011 / thedarkknight - Nov 18, 2011
|innovate through failure - Common App essay topic 1
NEW - Common App Prompt A: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have face...
Undergraduatethedarkknight - Nov 18, 2011 / — -
|'My schooling and my parents' - The world you come from-UC Application
4 - its a good essay except that it comes up as if you had pushy parents and a difficult schooling...
UndergraduateMv71 - Oct 31, 2011 / thedarkknight - Nov 18, 2011
|Christmas vacation- significant experience you have faced+ its impact on you (Depaul)
5 - Try and be a little more descriptive in the beginning, like explain the situation more clearly because im not...
Undergraduatestefg - Nov 14, 2011 / naomiyeahnaomi - Nov 18, 2011
|How do you feel about Wednesday? (Semi fad of religion semi pro pagan) UChicago essay
4 - Thanks. I actually ended up completely changing around the essay for the very reasons you were listing....
UndergraduateBecauseIFLI - Nov 1, 2011 / BecauseIFLI - Nov 18, 2011
|Soccer and Architecture: Match Made in Heaven? UC Essay 1
2 - I really like your essay (as a soccer player and right defender/goalie myself) and I like how you connect...
UndergraduateHCOdude - Nov 15, 2011 / 12SMiller - Nov 18, 2011
|'I spent one month living in the street' - admission ucf
5 - I always remember this day, Tuesday January 12, 2010, as if it was yesterday. It was started like...
Undergraduateolivier007 - Oct 29, 2011 / s_saber - Nov 18, 2011
|UC prompt 2- "what sets me apart"
3 - I would suggest going more in depth! I agree with the previous comment with being detailed especially with your...
Undergraduatepavanjot - Nov 15, 2011 / sonnofali - Nov 18, 2011
|Cultural differences? - UC, UT, UW 3 in 1 essay
NEW - UC: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about...
Undergraduatezeo3456 - Nov 18, 2011 / — -
|"The Butterfly Effect" - College Essay for WC
3 - France's economy was worsening and a lot of cutbacks were happening, my father happened to have been caught in...
Undergraduatebob10094 - Nov 15, 2011 / bob10094 - Nov 18, 2011
|UC Davis: Renaissance & Romanticism; From Death Comes Life
3 - Thank you, but that's not any type of criticism except for pointless flaming. Therefore, your response was unnecessary....
UndergraduateNikki_Phenomena - Nov 18, 2011 / Nikki_Phenomena - Nov 18, 2011
|'I questioned my life' - UCF essay Obstacle
3 - The essay is "write about an obstacle you have overcome in your past" and i am wondering what i...
UndergraduateWytkewicz27 - Nov 18, 2011 / Wytkewicz27 - Nov 18, 2011
|'at least one activity that dominated my time' - Most Interesting Experience Essay
2 - Most interesting experiance includes only one experience not an expanded time period of your life. for experiance you can...
Undergraduate1st2fall - Nov 15, 2011 / Wytkewicz27 - Nov 18, 2011
|'planning to transfer to Middlebury (international student)' -common app transfer
Undergraduatemenukagrg - Nov 12, 2011 / joschkaz - Nov 18, 2011
|'Mama Burger with Cheese and no pickles' Short Answer for Common App Work experience
4 - My work experience as a cashier at A&W helped me to develop and grow tremendously. ...break here for another...
Undergraduatewinnie0603 - Nov 18, 2011 / dumi - Nov 18, 2011
|'to be a part of this exhilarating project' - Short answer transfer essay
7 - Thanks guys. I already submitted this supplementary essay but next time, i will definetely take your guys' suggestions under...
Undergraduatemenukagrg - Nov 14, 2011 / menukagrg - Nov 18, 2011
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