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|'the streets of Hong Kong' - UC transfer app- out of my comfort zone
3 - I think u can put more emphasis on certain experiences to make the story a little funnier to read....
Undergraduatekingkung - Nov 10, 2011 / emanon - Nov 17, 2011
|Acting on an Animal Instinct - Common App Essay
2 - Good structure and creative perspective. (: But a few places to be improved: The second paragraph serves as...
Undergraduateinsanesoul81994 - Nov 17, 2011 / emanon - Nov 17, 2011
|Why I seek a college education, what I expect from it, and why I chose Menlo college
Undergraduatecrown2728 - Nov 16, 2011 / EricJ - Nov 16, 2011
|'Steve Jobs had an affect on me' - influential person Common App
Undergraduatelambo1013 - Nov 16, 2011 / lavender_pham - Nov 16, 2011
|The overpowering voice -Common App Essay
4 - i agree with eric. you should start off with someone who has made an influence in your life rather...
Undergraduatessc8701 - Nov 16, 2011 / lambo1013 - Nov 16, 2011
|'Violence is a physical force' - an issue of importance to you. Applytexas
Undergraduatejk3sons - Nov 14, 2011 / EricJ - Nov 16, 2011
|'This multifarious culture' How will your culture and religion contribute to Rutgers?
5 - Ok, there were a few gramatical errors and lapses i found, so instead of pointing each one out i...
UndergraduateUzi987 - Oct 28, 2011 / HCOdude - Nov 16, 2011
|'My ability to work well with others' - Illinois State Admission
2 - The start of my senior year signaled the beginning of making a life-changing decision-choosing my future university. I've never...
UndergraduateKoopaFish - Nov 13, 2011 / crown2728 - Nov 16, 2011
|'a formidable opponent' - University of Virginia Supplement 1
2 - The transition between your struggle and your epiphany seems a little...quick? Maybe describe it a little more, or better?...
UndergraduateHenryXVI - Nov 15, 2011 / kaioulunar - Nov 16, 2011
|'Culture shock and drastic changes at an older age' - My "short" answer UW
3 - Since there's a word limit, try taking out some of the examples? Overall, it's very well written and paint's...
Undergraduateohhnatasha - Nov 13, 2011 / kaioulunar - Nov 16, 2011
|'I learned how to interact with other workers.' - Rutgers Essay
4 - The first paragraph was nice. But you are listing your exrea curr. activities and explaining. If you must do...
UndergraduateDivyesh973 - Nov 16, 2011 / Nnennej - Nov 16, 2011
|'A citizen in the City of Buffalo' + 'I want to become a Politician' - UC essays
4 - Being a citizen in the City of Buffalo does not exactly draw envy from outsiders. Also, identifying as a...
Undergraduateqrhaggerty94 - Nov 16, 2011 / Nnennej - Nov 16, 2011
|'Northern India, the birthplace of my parents' - where I come from UC personal
5 - Children study,yet... But ,That all changed the day I learnt my grandma had suffered from a stroke,which caused...
Undergraduatepavanjot - Oct 10, 2011 / Nnennej - Nov 16, 2011
|Would You Ever Eat a Guinea Pig? - A college essay for Rutgers
2 - You did not answer the essay prompt at all. it seems like you are telling a story,which is okay,but...
Undergraduatessc8701 - Nov 16, 2011 / Nnennej - Nov 16, 2011
|The Movies and Film Acts (A common App)
Undergraduateggrabarek - Nov 6, 2011 / ggrabarek - Nov 16, 2011
|Throughout my childhood I have always been taught to have high goals and see "the bigger picture".
3 - Thank you! I really appreciate it, the prompt isl describe the world you come from-family, friends, community I'll take...
Undergraduatetal1337 - Nov 13, 2011 / tal1337 - Nov 16, 2011
|"Don't hurt people" ; Civil & Environmental Engineering at CMU
Undergraduatekaioulunar - Nov 16, 2011 / qrhaggerty94 - Nov 16, 2011
|'to pursue and master the science of medicine in the discipline of Neurobiology' USC
2 - How will it drive you to reach your limits and offer your skills to new generations and provide social...
Undergraduateshirley94 - Nov 16, 2011 / kaioulunar - Nov 16, 2011
|'I love all of my family members' - Essay about personal importance
2 - A few grammar issues... Whenever I did something wrong, she just gently told me not to relapse into....
Undergraduatedrawar - Nov 16, 2011 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 16, 2011
|'A trip that continued' - UT-an issue of importance to you
NEW - Plz give me any advise and point out my mistake, including the grammar and the inapt word use in...
Undergraduatenene1123 - Nov 16, 2011 / — -
|My dreams and aspiration-UC Prompt 1; The Basketball Game-UC Prompt 2
3 - About the first essay: it's a bio-data rather than a biography....the Adcoms really want to know you not your...
Undergraduatewerty363 - Nov 15, 2011 / MIT2016 - Nov 16, 2011
|has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations:I was born in a small city
5 - To say honestly, your idea is a bit generic. The case you mentioned, to me, does not define your...
Undergraduateafroditi - Nov 15, 2011 / MIT2016 - Nov 16, 2011
|'Singing being a Filipino' - UC-- Describe the world you come from
4 - I agree that the second portion lacks the tone. You said 'singing taught you to compete with others and...
Undergraduatecoolname - Nov 16, 2011 / MIT2016 - Nov 16, 2011
|biology intended major-UC transfer app
2 - Hey! Okay here are my thoughts: -Put a comma after the word instead in the second sentence. -Put...
Undergraduatekingkung - Nov 16, 2011 / qrhaggerty94 - Nov 16, 2011
|Personal statement. living with ADD (attention deficit disorder)
2 - Hey... just a few thoughts: "...Only excited my already excited thoughts." -That's sort of awkward. I don't think...
UndergraduateDrMre - Nov 9, 2011 / qrhaggerty94 - Nov 16, 2011
|'this person has saved my life' - ApplyTexas Topic A
2 - Dear n_3194, I was very impressed with your essay and the way you have presented it. It flows very...
Undergraduaten_3194 - Nov 16, 2011 / dumi - Nov 16, 2011
|'being judged for favoring Math' - Intended major - Math, UC apps
Undergraduatektpenguine2011 - Nov 15, 2011 / kingkung - Nov 16, 2011
|'To switch my major to bioengineering' - Readmission essay for Cornell University
4 - Transferring from the University of Hawaii to Cornell University was a jolting experience, not only in terms of academics...
Undergraduateavrhee - Nov 14, 2011 / avrhee - Nov 15, 2011
|'70% of my life has been devoted to swimming' Extra Curricular
Undergraduatebiancat20 - Nov 15, 2011 / danny411 - Nov 15, 2011
|'where I was and what I was doing there' - Short Answer for Common App
6 - thanks alot for your help. i made the corrections you suggested and it came out to 973 characters and...
Undergraduatelambo1013 - Nov 14, 2011 / lambo1013 - Nov 15, 2011
|The Peanuts Comic Strip - my passion
Undergraduatejrm5194 - Nov 15, 2011 / SecretAgent94 - Nov 15, 2011
|"On your marks, get set, go!" UVA favorite word 250 word
NEW - i would love any feedback (NO matter how harsh) on my uva essay "what is your favorite word and...
Undergraduatelisad717 - Nov 15, 2011 / — -
|'to become one of the engineers' - my Penn State Essay
NEW - Please revise this to less than 500 words if you can. It is currently almost 700 I believe. Feel...
UndergraduateSecretAgent94 - Nov 15, 2011 / — -
|"My though world" - UC prompt 1
Undergraduateupashubh - Nov 14, 2011 / upashubh - Nov 15, 2011
|'follow my own senses and feelings' - Common App Topic of Choice
3 - I think that you should write a liitle bit more explaining how your attitude changed! You should explain further...
Undergraduatehippo - Oct 31, 2011 / afroditi - Nov 15, 2011
|UC prompt #2 my empathetic nature
4 - EDited Version PROMPT: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you....
UndergraduatebreakingRenee - Nov 14, 2011 / breakingRenee - Nov 15, 2011
|Corruption in Africa Research (Northwestern University)
Undergraduaterifatmursalin - Nov 10, 2011 / breakingRenee - Nov 15, 2011
|parents, environment, culture influences who you are
2 - You touch on a lot of points and have a compelling life history to tell! I recommend making your...
Undergraduateolivier007 - Nov 13, 2011 / SallyM - Nov 15, 2011
|'what Darwin or Newton or Einstein felt' a personal quality, talent or experience(UC)
5 - "trigonometry and basic calculus much ahead of my classmates" hey pandey logical error we don't compare academics to...
Undergraduateabhip712 - Oct 20, 2011 / akashkantthakur - Nov 15, 2011
|'The word physics summons two scenes' - Why MIT essay
6 - brainop Ineffective personification. Replace "summons" with perhaps "elicits." agree. Add the word "is" and remove the comma....
Undergraduate1st2fall - Nov 12, 2011 / 1st2fall - Nov 15, 2011
|reckless; How my mistakes i made in high school made me a better person-UC essay
3 - Although it is a pretty good beginning avoid contractions, they are informal.In addition i think you should remove some...
Undergraduatebeckyrosas - Nov 13, 2011 / martalson - Nov 14, 2011
|'She has been my mentor' - someone who impacted my life
5 - I think there may be something wrong in grammar with this sentence: "Holding my hand, walking me to the...
Undergraduatemorr_j23 - Oct 17, 2011 / theblues - Nov 14, 2011
|'Volunteering at the National Institutes of Health' - UC talent, quality
5 - Hi overall it s an excellent essay! I can picture a person with various abilities and kindness. However, I...
UndergraduateSeena - Oct 31, 2011 / ubchiu - Nov 14, 2011
|'Soccer and school' - UC Personal Statement Prompts
2 - both of your essays talk about soccer..i think you can talk about different things about yourself with the given...
UndergraduateGiggsj10 - Nov 14, 2011 / ubchiu - Nov 14, 2011
|'student engagement and outsanding academics' - supplement --Why Duke??
3 - This is very well written. Congrats on that. I honestly cannot think of something I would add to it,...
Undergraduatecherrybomb94 - Nov 13, 2011 / morr_j23 - Nov 14, 2011
|"Torn ACL" - Penn State Personal Statement
2 - This essay sounds really good I especially like the part where you spoke about how you over came your...
Undergraduatepapi2011 - Nov 14, 2011 / breakingRenee - Nov 14, 2011
|'What IS intelligence?' - UChicago Extended Essay
6 - nah, I just quoted my whole essay. Doubt that was necessary but it was intentional, look at the end...
UndergraduateBig Z - Oct 31, 2011 / Big Z - Nov 14, 2011
|' The Young and Reckless' - Apply Texas Topic B Essay
NEW - Hi! First time posting on here... please do not hesitate to tell me of anything you think that needs...
UndergraduateNopp - Nov 14, 2011 / — -
|'the will to muster enough courage' - Experience that changed my values - Princeton
3 - I am incredibly grateful for your feedback. I believe I made those silly mistakes because I felt inspired and...
Undergraduatelistix - Nov 12, 2011 / listix - Nov 14, 2011
|'grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimers' - Apply Texas-Common App-Topic A
2 - My grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimers when I was 7. At the time I had no idea what this...
Undergraduatelnddancer - Nov 14, 2011 / terexberd - Nov 14, 2011
|'more than make me the M.V.P. of the game'
UndergraduateArabo33 - Nov 13, 2011 / Arabo33 - Nov 14, 2011
|Revolves around art and music - applying for Graphic Design (UC Personal Statements)
4 - I like the subjects, themes and most of the content of both of your essays! Comment/Suggestion: The opening sentence...
UndergraduateSeresteiras - Nov 2, 2011 / SallyM - Nov 14, 2011
|UC prompt 1 - How my grandfather has shaped my dreams and aspirations
2 - You know, I kinda did what you did, that is, using someone else as a context for explaining who...
Undergraduatescruffles_love - Nov 14, 2011 / whoau49 - Nov 14, 2011
|"Ant Theory" - Penn admission essay, why penn and self-introduction
Undergraduateluckyme - Nov 13, 2011 / MIT2016 - Nov 14, 2011
|'Where is Schumacher?' - MIT
6 - How long is your essay suppose to be? I was actually wanting to read more. I love your writing....
UndergraduateMIT2016 - Nov 13, 2011 / menukagrg - Nov 14, 2011
|'my family moved to Orange County, California from Vietnam' - UC Prompt 1
3 - hi Frank, thanks for your meaningful comments. I write about my complicated career is because it is really complicated,...
Undergraduatevuongluu2301 - Nov 13, 2011 / vuongluu2301 - Nov 13, 2011
|UC Prompt 2- Contrast between cultures (Chinese and American)
4 - Overall an excellent essay, and I completely agree with your point about Chinese parents obsessing with their children (I...
Undergraduatedumdeedumdeedoo - Nov 13, 2011 / brainop - Nov 13, 2011
|'aiding in the flood relief in the fall' - Penn State Personal Statement
Undergraduatejrciii - Oct 12, 2011 / anhduc_1004 - Nov 13, 2011
|'the ethics of CC are instilled in me' - Colorado College Supplement
2 - What do you want feedback on? Things I noticed reading it only twice: Lots of passive voice, which...
Undergraduatektrefz93 - Nov 13, 2011 / 12GabrielC - Nov 13, 2011
|'child in a Chinese family that is going to College' - The world you come from
3 - dsalcoda419 Thank you about your feedback, I just found out I didnt put the word "brought" in the first...
Undergraduatejinxanz - Nov 13, 2011 / jinxanz - Nov 13, 2011
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