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|Rutgers-Diversity, Culture, Talents and Skills- Guyanese & Haitian, HOSA member....
3 - There are so many different types of people in this world, and getting to know the diverse cultures and...
Undergraduateayannagrad2012 - Nov 5, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 10, 2011
|'completed the training in nursing' - Personal medical statement
2 - I've completed the training in nursing. It is not enough for me to know nursing care without the...
Undergraduatewendywing - Nov 6, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 10, 2011
|'MatheMe' - application-personal essay
4 - "This essay is about a line with just one point." ...Delete this. You should never directly say what your...
Undergraduaterishavkarki - Nov 9, 2011 / morr_j23 - Nov 10, 2011
|Essay on why I am wanting to transfer (for a competitive application)
2 - "...but I didn't put any effort in schooling." Change the in to "into" "Perhaps to my benefit, I...
Undergraduate1st2fall - Nov 10, 2011 / morr_j23 - Nov 10, 2011
|Joining the Tutoring Club-Personal Statement (Competition), Yale (A "Hideous" Jacket)
5 - Hate to basically repeat what Ashlyxx said, but I think she has the right idea. Maybe you could...
Undergraduateiabas - Nov 1, 2011 / 1st2fall - Nov 10, 2011
|'mechanical engineering course' - department or program at MIT appeals to you
9 - Ok...and u are in high-school,right? Colud i know your exams' results? (and TOEFL if u've taken?)...
UndergraduateMIT2016 - Nov 7, 2011 / Ferqan - Nov 10, 2011
|Common app about exchange year in Japan
2 - I don't know. The essays seems to be a travel story and does not convey anything on your personal...
UndergraduateSeirin - Nov 8, 2011 / MIT2016 - Nov 10, 2011
|'My dad was coming for me - Family experience; What Lies Behind the Curtain
2 - You should keep the first three paragraphs, you had me gripped I wanted to keep reading to see where...
Undergraduateaznramyunboi - Nov 8, 2011 / lilmizzlj - Nov 10, 2011
|'Success Is Certain' - Higher Reflective Essay on my experience at school
NEW - I have written a reflective essay it had to be between 900-1200 words which I have done. Just looking...
Undergraduatelilmizzlj - Nov 10, 2011 / — -
|Nurse responses to issues of social justice -how to approach this essay topic-im lost
Undergraduatedanny411 - Nov 7, 2011 / danny411 - Nov 10, 2011
|Macaulay Essay: Ethical Dilemma- "Last Shot"
2 - "This is what we've been practicing for. All those drills, all that preparation, for this moment. It's all or...
Undergraduateineedhelpplease - Nov 9, 2011 / voldymentor - Nov 9, 2011
|'to complete the cycle' Washington University Summer Program for High School Students
Undergraduatevoldymentor - Nov 9, 2011 / — -
|College essay "How did you learn about NJIT and why are you applying for admission?"
NEW - Please read my essay and feel free to make all the needed corrections ASAP because i need it for...
Undergraduatepmayoub - Nov 9, 2011 / — -
|"Growing Up in a Travel Trailer" - Common App Essay for Wash U in St. Louis
2 - I really like your first sentenece, but it does not match with the rest of your essay, since what...
Undergraduatenippycan - Nov 8, 2011 / Cecile - Nov 9, 2011
|'As a mother in home' - The Person I Admire Most
2 - *as a mother at home *add "and" after unconditional love and patience try to find other words for admire...
UndergraduateFarinaz - Nov 9, 2011 / Cecile - Nov 9, 2011
|'proud of martial arts' - personal quality and talent, promt 2
2 - I always wanted to copy their cool moves and become martial art artists like them (to the cool moves...
Undergraduatedarthvader195 - Nov 9, 2011 / angilaupreti - Nov 9, 2011
|'His name was William' - Common App Essay
4 - That first paragraph is truly terrific. The details about William's eyes are magical. It makes me want to keep...
Undergraduateeagles05 - Nov 7, 2011 / nippycan - Nov 8, 2011
|'a world where learning will always be priority' UC prompt #1
Undergraduatelwgtrrn - Nov 6, 2011 / TuKhuyen - Nov 8, 2011
|'Diving on the Great Barrier Reef' - Common App Essay
3 - It's great.Maybe it would be better if the passage could be divided into different paragraphs? So that the whole...
Undergraduatemamccabe - Oct 30, 2011 / ChihiroLavi - Nov 8, 2011
|'the same world as many Latinos' - UC Essay Prompt 1
2 - Nice job! This essay really works. A few things: People always hear the same stories about how Latinos...
Undergraduatebearpaw - Nov 7, 2011 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 8, 2011
|"Where I'm going, and Who I want to be" - Common App Essay Topic of my Choice
3 - Good work!~ I think maybe you could use more description to show your thinking, show how your experience...
UndergraduateMalJack93 - Nov 2, 2011 / ChihiroLavi - Nov 8, 2011
|'Depression' - Issue of Importance- TEXAS A&M TOPIC B
2 - How can depression affect a person's everyday life? (besides saying the generic) Depression takes a toll on people...
Undergraduatealexmb - Nov 6, 2011 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 8, 2011
|'Experience with performance' - Macaulay Essay on risk
2 - Fantastic story! Your essay is very well-written and easy to read. I think many people can relate to your...
UndergraduateAllegra - Nov 6, 2011 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 8, 2011
|'Racism. Violence. Crime. AIDS.' - Common App
UndergraduateGuest - Nov 8, 2011 / Seirin - Nov 8, 2011
|'co-educational school'+'a classy but modest restaurant' Barnard Supplement
NEW - I need as much feedback as possible regarding these essays. Also quick question, is it appropriate to use an...
UndergraduateGuest - Nov 8, 2011 / — -
|'lived in thin wooden walls on a mountain' - common app essay
2 - I definitely like your topic, I found it interesting. But yes like you said yourself this essay really needs...
Undergraduatenaomiyeahnaomi - Nov 4, 2011 / Guest - Nov 8, 2011
|'I fashioned some moves of my own' - UC essay prompt#1
UndergraduatePurpleBear - Nov 7, 2011 / karthik21 - Nov 8, 2011
|"I Came, I Spoke, I Conquered" UC Prompt #2 essay
NEW - Public speaking has always been a challenge for me. Dancing and singing on stage poses no threat but when...
UndergraduatePurpleBear - Nov 8, 2011 / — -
|'it was a traumautic event' - about quality, talent, person
NEW - Prompt 2: Tell us about a persona; quality, talent, acomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What...
UndergraduateRaRaRudy - Nov 8, 2011 / — -
|"You can't do it." - Stanford Supplement What Matters to You
Undergraduatelisa6394 - Nov 6, 2011 / karthik21 - Nov 7, 2011
|'Inhale. Exhale.' - personal statement
NEW - Inhale. Exhale. Strength, power, and determination were filing up the room from the tall dark man's energy. The...
Undergraduateorangee10 - Nov 7, 2011 / — -
|'As a young Asian American' world you come from and how it shaped the person you are
2 - As I grew, I did not become the traditional by-product of who my parents were intending to create through...
Undergraduatejavabomb - Nov 6, 2011 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 7, 2011
|"Parents Shaping My Future" -UC Prompt
UndergraduateBlahBlahBlah - Nov 5, 2011 / BlahBlahBlah - Nov 7, 2011
|'to draw more teens to the library' - Common App Short Answer - Reading
Undergraduatesweetsk609 - Nov 6, 2011 / sweetsk609 - Nov 7, 2011
|'Education, the great equalizer of society' - Texas, Texas A&M, Issue of Importance
NEW - Please don't beat around the bush if you see any glaring mistakes in my writing, I need to know!!...
Undergraduatevinhstuh - Nov 7, 2011 / — -
|'appreciative for having Paula in my life' - (someone who has made an impact)
UndergraduateBgracia2 - Nov 6, 2011 / Bgracia2 - Nov 7, 2011
|Critique My Family Trip Essay Idea (UC App Prompt)
Undergraduatebaoom - Nov 7, 2011 / ge1992113 - Nov 7, 2011
|'while playing soccer in the mud' - Activity essay for Commonapp
2 - The imagery in the first line is good. And the essay has good direction I feel however that you...
UndergraduateCollegeBound12 - Nov 6, 2011 / jrciii - Nov 7, 2011
|"Sonny's Blues" essay (the present and past tense problems)
6 - is this like a review? if it is i'd start with the plot overview then your opinion, compering it...
UndergraduateRosterloh - Dec 10, 2009 / uzumaki - Nov 7, 2011
|"Son - my mother's tatoo' - Penn Optional
UndergraduateJoneil529 - Nov 3, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 7, 2011
|'Jamshedpur and India' - where you come from and your world
NEW - Prompt #1 Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell...
Undergraduateabhip712 - Nov 7, 2011 / — -
|'the Megabloks' - UC PROMPT 1 Major: Mechanical Engineering
2 - MegaBloks, my younger sister, and computer-aided design. These three have assembled the person I am today. As I flipped...
Undergraduatehappyduck14 - Nov 7, 2011 / beccalevesque - Nov 7, 2011
|'Never told to clean my room' - Major: Mechanical Engineering
3 - The essay reflects the true "you".U have written it lucidly yet it is inclusive of indepth details....
Undergraduatemechejunker - Nov 7, 2011 / abhip712 - Nov 7, 2011
|'Baby, baby, baby' - Essay on self confidence - CommonApp
7 - i love your essay! i find it really engaging and it truly gives insight into your interests, perspectives, and...
Undergraduateomnxbeast - Oct 28, 2011 / isabellaclaudia - Nov 7, 2011
|'something new to slip my bookmark into' - Common App Supplement- personal narrative
5 - Wow, a truly great essay! Your response shows a lot of personality and maturity. Great job and good luck!!...
Undergraduatedesm2012 - Oct 19, 2011 / tylrrvera - Nov 7, 2011
|'the Key Club presentation' - UF Admissions Essay
3 - At that moment, I wasn't paying much attention to the presentation. They have to make this trip at...
Undergraduatesexililkadie - Oct 31, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 7, 2011
|'Nursing Home for Alzheimer's patients' UC Prompt #1
Undergraduatewyby45 - Nov 5, 2011 / wyby45 - Nov 7, 2011
|'Love for the human body' - Stanford Intellectual Vitality
Undergraduatelisa6394 - Nov 2, 2011 / lisa6394 - Nov 6, 2011
|'Unique, quirky, original' - Yale Supplement
Undergraduatelwest94 - Oct 21, 2011 / LittleWriter - Nov 6, 2011
|'observing my grandfather an architect' - University of California
2 - good start you should add stuff like how did observing your grandfather make you feel how you pursued...
Undergraduatecompocis - Nov 5, 2011 / misternuance - Nov 6, 2011
|'a career that would allow me to help others' - UC Prompt #2
Undergraduatelwgtrrn - Nov 5, 2011 / Kmatt92 - Nov 6, 2011
|'Solidarity is horizontal and respectful' -Common app essay
4 - Great concept, but you can really make it perfect by improving it. Make it much more personal. Talk about...
Undergraduatekarim349 - Nov 5, 2011 / rifatmursalin - Nov 6, 2011
|'Rejection has become a close friend' - Personal talent, quality Prompt #2
4 - I like how you first started telling people about your rejection and about how that made you who you...
UndergraduateKmatt92 - Nov 4, 2011 / luckysnoopy - Nov 6, 2011
|'I believed that homosexuals..' -UT HONORS PERSONAL STATEMENT ABOUT RATIONAL BELIEF
NEW - I am applying for UT honors and need to write a statement on this prompt: Explain a belief you...
Undergraduatedbdnjs1215 - Nov 6, 2011 / — -
|'the Ashes and Snow exhibition' - photography (intended major)
UndergraduateKmatt92 - Nov 6, 2011 / conorg13 - Nov 6, 2011
|'Middle-born children' - Describe the world you come from
3 - When you start taking about yourself evolving and finding your own place, that is when you should put no...
Undergraduatesjwc - Nov 6, 2011 / Jstuff36 - Nov 6, 2011
|'Diversity and raised in a third-world nation' - Yale Supplement
3 - Elaborate more on how the student-faculty ratio can really give you a boost in education. Good luck in...
Undergraduaterifatmursalin - Nov 1, 2011 / vinhstuh - Nov 6, 2011
|'won 3rd place in the Art competition' - Syntax/ grammar help with Prompt 2
3 - many thanks!...
Undergraduatepokiworms - Nov 4, 2011 / pokiworms - Nov 6, 2011
|'continue to try until I succeed' - Personal Statement Prompt 2
2 - Sometimes it takes a lot of motivation to do or continue something, and I know exactly what that is...
Undergraduatemnhere - Nov 4, 2011 / Ellis - Nov 5, 2011
|'my time spent behind a computer' - Penn Supplement
UndergraduateGuest - Nov 4, 2011 / Guest - Nov 5, 2011
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