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|'all things are subject to change' - Prompt #2
3 - As a young immigrant, changes in my surroundings linguistically and culturally almost seemed natural to me, as well as...
UndergraduateKsideHb - Nov 21, 2011 / ank2jpr - Nov 22, 2011
|'Why so serious?' - Common App favorite quotation
4 - I think your essay is O.k but you've got few things to work on.Remember,adcoms like essays that "show" instead...
UndergraduateTheophania - Oct 30, 2011 / shadglore - Nov 22, 2011
|Revision: North/South Korea Family Reunion
2 - A bunch of grammar mistakes. Reread it but with a silent voice so that you can catch the mistakes....
Undergraduatedd9679 - Nov 22, 2011 / Elitelee - Nov 22, 2011
|'February 1998, San Francisco' - University of California prompt 1
NEW - Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how...
UndergraduateElitelee - Nov 22, 2011 / — -
|What i learned from my grandmothers death-UC prompt 2
Undergraduateemicha25 - Nov 20, 2011 / emicha25 - Nov 22, 2011
|UC APP: "Openness, my best quality"
2 - I really dislike the word "Openness"- maybe you can substitute it for better words like "Liberal," or even "Flexible."...
UndergraduateMucker31 - Nov 20, 2011 / KsideHb - Nov 21, 2011
|My Experience with Diabetes - UC Prompt 2
3 - Its a solid essay except i think you should elaborate more on what u have learned from this expierence...
Undergraduatesolid penguin - Nov 21, 2011 / bunnythind13 - Nov 21, 2011
|'we are blinded from the future' - UC Personal Statement
Undergraduatelakendoll - Nov 20, 2011 / lakendoll - Nov 21, 2011
|Common Application- Nicaragua Experience
5 - Awesome! overall really great! The intro was both catchy and interesting. In response to your question, i would just...
Undergraduatedumdeedumdeedoo - Oct 29, 2011 / dmatano360 - Nov 21, 2011
|'what oppresses people' + 'roommate, my clammy handshake' - Stanford
4 - thank you!...
Undergraduatejoho104 - Nov 20, 2011 / joho104 - Nov 21, 2011
|Swimming.. I wouldn't have dreamed - Common App short
2 - Take out the second comma: When I walked into the locker room before the first practice my freshman year...
Undergraduate12SMiller - Nov 19, 2011 / AU0594 - Nov 21, 2011
|Northwestern Essay (the Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences)
2 - Split the following sentences in to two sentences: Since I came to the United States six years ago, I've...
UndergraduateSelina78 - Nov 19, 2011 / AU0594 - Nov 21, 2011
|"Have a great first practice" - University of Washington Meaningful Experience
2 - Cautiously, I unfold my own clearance forms and hand them to a captain instead, crossing my fingers there are...
Undergraduatettger37lie - Nov 18, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 21, 2011
|Common app- working at the family store
Undergraduatelambo1013 - Nov 21, 2011 / solid penguin - Nov 21, 2011
|UC Essay: Architecture, immigration and God.
Undergraduatepolk540 - Nov 20, 2011 / polk540 - Nov 21, 2011
|"The Birth of an Afterthought" - common applicaiton
5 - Using a fantasy battle is a great approach to your essay! But i have one little suggestion: i find...
UndergraduateSammyFearless - Nov 21, 2011 / HappyBerry - Nov 21, 2011
|'thinking was all I could do' - UC - PERSONAL QUALITY, TALENT
4 - I certainly think that is a great little story for the UC admissions to get to know you. However,...
Undergraduateskyleyle - Nov 21, 2011 / HappyBerry - Nov 21, 2011
|'The piece that would not FIT' - FIT Fashion Merchandising Essay
2 - Nice Essay, and good writing, maybe you should take out some negative things you say about yourself like not...
Undergraduateladynik - Nov 21, 2011 / Cecile - Nov 21, 2011
|'parents that care about my education' Someone that has made an impact on your life
Undergraduateleosanchez16 - Nov 21, 2011 / Nnennej - Nov 21, 2011
|"Kak tvoy den prashol?" - U.C. Prompt II- The World you Come From
UndergraduateCecile - Nov 21, 2011 / — -
|'I volunteered at nursing homes' - personal essay for UW-Milwaukee
2 - This sound great so far! A few suggestions: the feeling of making someone's day easier can not be...
Undergraduatelowlow - Nov 19, 2011 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 21, 2011
|'size popcorn' - working at the theater (work experience)
2 - You have a good start to your essay. It does not need too much grammar changes. I noticed that...
Undergraduatecollegebound15 - Nov 19, 2011 / Jennyflower81 - Nov 21, 2011
|'run while chasing a dream' - University of Cincinnati
Undergraduatekk570xoxo - Nov 21, 2011 / deepa21 - Nov 21, 2011
|'Family, Years ago, in China' - UW Personal Essay
2 - First of all, I'm really sorry that you had to go through such treatment at the hands of family....
UndergraduateMikiMouse - Nov 21, 2011 / feelthesun012 - Nov 21, 2011
|'Artwork and my personal beliefs about current social issues' SAIC Written Statement
2 - In the present time,My artwork could best be said to represent my personal beliefs about current social issues.---I cut...
UndergraduateZRK - Nov 16, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 21, 2011
|'Volunteering at out-patient orthopedic setting' - review for PTCAS
2 - In the spring of 2010, I signed up for an athletic training course, called Musculoskeletal Rehabilitation. On the...
Undergraduatejlh1045 - Nov 15, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 21, 2011
|'Both my parents and I are immigrants' - uc prompt 1
2 - The idea of the essay is good. I think you can indicate which country you migrate from can better...
Undergraduatejuanr4252 - Nov 21, 2011 / Lesliema713 - Nov 21, 2011
|'I was able to accomplish great personal qualities' -UC essay to the personal quality
2 - I like how you described your personal quality and how you related it to your growth not only as...
Undergraduatejinisnumber1 - Nov 20, 2011 / juanr4252 - Nov 21, 2011
|'sketching and materials' - intended major + 'happy to go to school' UC prompt1/2
Undergraduatejenny1989 - Nov 21, 2011 / Klabberghasted - Nov 21, 2011
|'the expansion of my ability to help others' - Washington Personal Essay
UndergraduateMikiMouse - Nov 18, 2011 / hanna4292 - Nov 20, 2011
|'paint and draw' + 'the legacy of Martin Luther King' - UC final
2 - Your second essay is really great. It seems little bragging, so you may want to drop out few detail...
Undergraduatepokiworms - Nov 20, 2011 / polk540 - Nov 20, 2011
|"A World of Constant Change" University of Washington Personal Statement
2 - explain phase and what u mean. torrid son of Kern County, but having to completely restart and meet new...
UndergraduateCaptainasian167 - Nov 17, 2011 / Addow - Nov 20, 2011
|UC PROMPT # 2 - Story of a Couch Surfer
2 - You did a great job describing the "experience that is important to you." However, I think you should focus...
Undergraduatenightingowl - Nov 20, 2011 / jnbadj - Nov 20, 2011
|'moved every year of my life': My world , how it has shaped my dreams and aspirations
4 - REVISED PLEASE HELP :):):):):):):) As a little girl living through fairytale dreams, I viewed the world around me...
Undergraduateloveyou2 - Nov 13, 2011 / loveyou2 - Nov 20, 2011
|"Death of my Father" (University of Washington Prompt 1.B)
Undergraduatebunnythind13 - Nov 20, 2011 / madilla - Nov 20, 2011
|'never stopping and never having to settle' - What attracts me to Umich
3 - This is well written ... I think you should kinda focus more on what the school offers .. and...
UndergraduateStrappingyl - Nov 17, 2011 / madilla - Nov 20, 2011
|Ski experiance/story-UC Personal Statement;prompt for all apps
2 - I think you should stick with you yourself climbing out. Personally, I think it goes with the essay more....
Undergraduateaprilmao - Nov 20, 2011 / amatsui19 - Nov 20, 2011
|'run like a winner' - UC prompt #2 for UCLA
13 - Very good attention grabber to start out your essay! Like everyone else said, just work on the grammar errors...
Undergraduatekarencao - Nov 17, 2011 / amatsui19 - Nov 20, 2011
|'working extra hours at the store' - University of California
2 - I like the idea that you used for this essay. However, I would suggest executing this idea in your...
Undergraduateshirajgotaphd - Nov 20, 2011 / amatsui19 - Nov 20, 2011
|Starting of a personal essay with a rhetorical question?
3 - I agree with Captainasian 167... If possible, don't start out with a rhetorical question because your UC essays should...
UndergraduateAnonymousWriter - Nov 16, 2011 / amatsui19 - Nov 20, 2011
|The Answers I Will Never Find- Additional Essay/Info
5 - Aah I already submitted it!!! I wish I'd read all of your comments before I had though, I should...
Undergraduatefeelthesun012 - Nov 19, 2011 / feelthesun012 - Nov 20, 2011
|Armed with only "Hello's" and "Goodbye's" - UC Statement
3 - Ahh thank you for your thoughts. But i thought i did mention my dream as "my desire to obtain...
UndergraduateProtinus - Nov 19, 2011 / Protinus - Nov 20, 2011
|'when I received my second TOEFL score' - PERSONAL QUALITY,TALENT,EXPERIENCE
3 - This a very well-constructed essay. It flows very well. However, according to some UC personal statement tips, it is...
Undergraduateskyleyle - Nov 17, 2011 / Protinus - Nov 20, 2011
|'the chance to receive neither one punch now' Why do i want to go to Carnegie Mellon?
3 - This is a really good essay. It is specific to the school and pretty much screams that you really...
Undergraduatenaomiyeahnaomi - Nov 18, 2011 / Guest - Nov 20, 2011
|'accounting is the study of the past' - UC - intended major: Business
2 - first of all, your intended major is exactly the same as mine second, your essay is interesting, especially the...
Undergraduategebeterne - Nov 19, 2011 / skyleyle - Nov 20, 2011
|'Multiple sclerosis' - Experience that has been meaningful to me
2 - My brother was also diagnosed with MS about ten years ago, he was around fourty at the time, and...
Undergraduatedexner - Nov 18, 2011 / Rajiv - Nov 20, 2011
|'My move from Canada to the United States' - UW story from your life, describing it
NEW - My move from Canada to the United States is one of the most challenging events that I have experienced...
Undergraduatehanna4292 - Nov 20, 2011 / — -
|'there are no handouts in life' - Uc promt 1
2 - Add more anecdotes of how your family expresses those characteristics and how that affects you. It's too short and...
Undergraduaterkroener - Nov 19, 2011 / smpsmp123 - Nov 20, 2011
|'No difficulties living in an English speaking environment' - Cincinnati statement
4 - You need more commas as you have so many run-on sentences. You need a connection between the first and...
Undergraduateanhduc_1004 - Nov 13, 2011 / lavender_pham - Nov 20, 2011
|having my summer research presented in China-UC Prompt 2
2 - It was undoubtedly the most rewarding and beneficial experience I've had the opportunity of participating in.Through this opportunitywhereafter I...
Undergraduatebayshark - Nov 19, 2011 / icekiss90 - Nov 20, 2011
|'Education and knowledge of different cultures' - Rutgers Application
2 - Though New Jersey is a very diverse state, Rutgers offers a safe and comfortable way of interacting(interesting what?) with...
UndergraduateRich32494 - Nov 19, 2011 / icekiss90 - Nov 20, 2011
|'unnatural for good things to come to those who wait' - UT AdMISSION
5 - What does this have to do with you? Relate it back to your life, community or whatever. A personal...
UndergraduateTreysongz12 - Nov 13, 2011 / Kitty403 - Nov 19, 2011
|'the world of science leading me to the studies of Chemistry and Physics' - UC 1
2 - A white building appeared before my sight while I was sitting beside my mother in the car. I was...
UndergraduateTheKaylee66 - Nov 19, 2011 / Kitty403 - Nov 19, 2011
|'money was a very sensitive topic to my parents' -how my world has shaped your dreams
2 - You never described your dreams and aspirations. You focused on your family and what they have taught you. What...
Undergraduatealcy2793 - Nov 19, 2011 / Kitty403 - Nov 19, 2011
|keep walking with no sign of stop--my uw-Seattle long personal statement
2 - I think it's a good essay, overall. I like your conclusion paragraph and how you merged your interest in...
Undergraduatesniperjason - Nov 19, 2011 / gebeterne - Nov 19, 2011
|'I'm from Vietnam I have chosen America to be my destination' THE WORLD YOU COME FROM
Undergraduateskyleyle - Nov 17, 2011 / gebeterne - Nov 19, 2011
|UC Prompt 1 Constant Moving: a reflection on the importance of education
UndergraduateKimh - Nov 16, 2011 / Kimh - Nov 19, 2011
|'you don't want to be late for your first day' - UC PROMPT1
6 - This is very good! I like the fact that you illustrate your parents help. Basically tenses like being...
Undergraduateparker - Nov 17, 2011 / blueshore - Nov 19, 2011
|'I established new life-long connections and bonds' Significant Experience
Undergraduatesmpsmp123 - Nov 19, 2011 / blueshore - Nov 19, 2011
|John "The Beast" Cena influenced me - my college application
2 - "There have beenI know many people whothat have influenced me in my life , but none more so thanthere...
Undergraduatehsh1994 - Nov 19, 2011 / bayshark - Nov 19, 2011
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