|Undergraduate [25,517] - page 221 of 426|
|'fascination with how we heal' - Northwestern Supplement
Undergraduateskylerb - Oct 23, 2011 / yihrenliu - Oct 23, 2011
|'Teaching swimming lessons' - Common App Short Answer -- Extracurricular Activity
3 - Actually, for correct grammar, not only NEEDS to be followed by a "but also" Teaching swimming lessons with Special...
Undergraduatelovewater16 - Oct 22, 2011 / yihrenliu - Oct 23, 2011
|'interest in biology and chemistry' - UMCP early action admission
UndergraduateSLyn - Oct 22, 2011 / SLyn - Oct 23, 2011
|'yearbook staff' - University of Florida
2 - I would suggest giving some examples of the things that you learned though year book and how they would...
UndergraduateSkiesSoBlue07 - Oct 23, 2011 / jessjess8877 - Oct 23, 2011
|An architecture to be - UC ESSAY (help)
Undergraduatetherresashannen - Oct 23, 2011 / yihrenliu - Oct 23, 2011
|"More than I expected" - Princeton Summer Essay
3 - Sorry, I'm gonna be brutal, but can you make the intro more interesting and ramble a little less? I...
Undergraduatedaniel44992 - Oct 22, 2011 / yihrenliu - Oct 23, 2011
|'Our stay in America definitely' - Personal Statement - Diversity
2 - a minor revision: everything an* 8-year-old could ask for honestly, i don't believe you were too biased/whiny,...
UndergraduateMisletoe - Oct 23, 2011 / ManarN - Oct 23, 2011
|"Communications Application" class - time you found something you weren't looking for
4 - No problem, and thanks for your feedback. I made changes to my essay and I guess I'm going to...
UndergraduateNotAnAccount - Oct 19, 2011 / 93haider - Oct 23, 2011
|'I saw a girl in a wheelchair' - Important person in your life..
6 - Thank you! I decided not to change the word normal.. I don't see anything wrong with it also.:)...
Undergraduatebigbangg1215 - Oct 20, 2011 / bigbangg1215 - Oct 23, 2011
|Clarinet Performance - My Common App Extracurricular Essay
2 - This is great, you can really see your passion for the clarinet. I would change it to present tense...
Undergraduatekyapkyap - Oct 23, 2011 / lnddancer - Oct 23, 2011
|'a biology related major' - Commonapp- school of choice short answer
2 - I am applying to the Wiess School of Natural Sciences in order to pursue a biology related major. I...
Undergraduateletmego - Oct 22, 2011 / gganga - Oct 23, 2011
|'Ambition to speak a second language fluently' - for English study program
2 - That's a pretty solid essay, I like it! I don't see anything to improve on to be honest. Good...
Undergraduateakbarovsky - Oct 22, 2011 / rachanatank - Oct 23, 2011
|'I never look back' - Common App Short - Snowboarding
Undergraduatejaneismetoo - Oct 22, 2011 / chadbinghay - Oct 23, 2011
|"the tendency to the unequal distribution of wealth and power" -(University of Texas)
Undergraduategalanbryan - Oct 22, 2011 / chadbinghay - Oct 23, 2011
|'a national history prize' - about common application additional information
5 - If you think your personal essay doesn't fully explain you, you do can attach additional essay to the additional...
Undergraduatelisaliqiya - Oct 23, 2011 / leonardjo - Oct 23, 2011
|You got to be surgeon one day!-Common app, topic of your choice
2 - Your essay is interesting, but the sentence "My parents were happy. Many people were congratulating my parents too. But,...
Undergraduatecallmeapple - Oct 23, 2011 / therresashannen - Oct 23, 2011
|'mother told me that we were moving to Florida' event, experience or accomplishment
2 - The family part, on the other hand, was what had me preoccupied. and began counting down the months, mentally...
UndergraduateNJFLBoy1994 - Oct 21, 2011 / AU0594 - Oct 23, 2011
|Charity Fund and Orphanage Volunteering - Common Application Short Answer
Undergraduatemike2010 - Oct 22, 2011 / kyapkyap - Oct 23, 2011
|'My family - the fountain of all my happiness' - Upenn Supplement short
Undergraduatefineboy - Oct 21, 2011 / fineboy - Oct 23, 2011
|'Brazilian soil beneath my feet' -meaningful event that will help to contribute to UF
2 - Nice opening--captured my attention. But, this is also known as a "common topic"! So, to make yours stand out...
Undergraduatekottis15 - Oct 22, 2011 / MellyLove - Oct 22, 2011
|'Jasmine aromas' A Chinese Style PS about people who has influence on you
3 - You mentioned exactly what the counsellor said. WOW!!!!! I now know the biggest problem of my essay, though it's...
Undergraduateyaocaomei - Oct 21, 2011 / yaocaomei - Oct 22, 2011
|"old dead white men" - Why Columbia?
Undergraduatecapriciousprite - Oct 22, 2011 / xiaohong - Oct 22, 2011
|'My life synonymous to diversity' - my Rutgers essay
7 - mods, please delete this thread...I am submitting this essay and I do not want the college to think that...
Undergraduatesha123 - Oct 17, 2011 / sha123 - Oct 22, 2011
|"The people not the sport" - Common App Extracurricular Essay
Undergraduatedaniel44992 - Oct 22, 2011 / letmego - Oct 22, 2011
|Why Engineering? For multiple colleges (John Hopkins, Michigan, and Illinois)
4 - I believe that through this method of viewing the environment around me has led to many discoveries that might...
UndergraduateCloudbuster274 - Oct 21, 2011 / letmego - Oct 22, 2011
|"Perspective: the old Mark still existed" - ApplyTexas Topic A
Undergraduatebrik2100 - Oct 9, 2011 / tippu - Oct 22, 2011
|UVA: One Hundred Years of Solitude and The Five People You meet in heaven
2 - After reading the book, I sought a proof by approaching others: I could conquer loneliness and live a loving...
Undergraduateljxlrdjxdr - Oct 20, 2011 / EF_Susan - Oct 22, 2011
|'Hitting yellow balls' -Extracurricular Activity Short Answer
2 - It's really good, and it shows characteristics about yourself that might not otherwise be shown in the common, which...
Undergraduateletmego - Oct 21, 2011 / amajor12 - Oct 22, 2011
|'The Art of Bone' - common app
2 - In the second paragraph your examples feel very out of place and makes that section of your essay very...
Undergraduateessaygirl1 - Oct 22, 2011 / Cloudbuster274 - Oct 22, 2011
|MIT SHORT Answer: Department which Appeals Most to you (Biological Engineering)
3 - I agree with the person above. The last sentence is not personal, instead it feels like you are referring...
Undergraduateoncloud9 - Oct 22, 2011 / greenchange - Oct 22, 2011
|"Offered Shoes"- Common App Essay
UndergraduateZeugma - Oct 21, 2011 / capriciousprite - Oct 22, 2011
|"Why do you do trivia?" - Common App-Extra curricular short answer
7 - Thank you so much for your input everyone!! Here is a revision... it was 1000 characters with (not...
Undergraduatecapriciousprite - Oct 19, 2011 / capriciousprite - Oct 22, 2011
|'I brainstormed methods of cooling the system' - Significant Experience Common App
UndergraduatePurpleShark - Oct 21, 2011 / daniel44992 - Oct 22, 2011
|'Our world is failing the future' - International Issue of Personal Concern
4 - Every great dream arises from a single, profound thought. My thought took root at age eight when I first...
Undergraduatecoexistential - Oct 22, 2011 / coexistential - Oct 22, 2011
|'Rap is not a red light' - Common App Essay
2 - I feel like the essay is good overall though i would suggest two broad revisions: You may want...
Undergraduatekyapkyap - Oct 22, 2011 / ymivyswimmer - Oct 22, 2011
|'Going back to Thailand' Issue of Importance Essay for Biomedical Engineering at UT
3 - I changed as your suggested. Thank you so much for helping me with this essay. I know that my...
Undergraduatetippu - Oct 21, 2011 / tippu - Oct 22, 2011
|'not only in distance but also in relationship' - Stanford roommate letter
3 - Yeah, I agree with Capriciousprite here. The essay is a little bit too generic. You should be more specific....
Undergraduatenoal - Oct 20, 2011 / cloudwatcher - Oct 22, 2011
|UPenn Short Essay - Life is like a piano
Undergraduatewongyyd - Oct 21, 2011 / wongyyd - Oct 22, 2011
|Turkey Lady Essay Influential Person?
Undergraduatephands - Oct 16, 2011 / phands - Oct 22, 2011
|'American citizen with Chinese blood in my veins' - UMD Essay culture duality
3 - I really like your essay. But I think it will be better if you can probably replace "or something...
Undergraduatecapriciousprite - Oct 21, 2011 / amyk8525 - Oct 21, 2011
|"'Moving' Towards Success"-- Stanford Supplement on Academics
3 - Thanks for the input! The title's pretty unimportant as there is no place for one in the application itself,...
UndergraduateZeugma - Oct 21, 2011 / Zeugma - Oct 21, 2011
|'optimistic, musical geek who can cook' Stanford Roommate
UndergraduateZeugma - Oct 18, 2011 / capriciousprite - Oct 21, 2011
|'a job tutoring at Legacy Christian Middle School' - short answer
3 - I contemplated quitting; until one day, I showed up five minutes late. And I would rewrite the second...
Undergraduatekatebrown - Oct 20, 2011 / Zeugma - Oct 21, 2011
|Essay describing experiences that led to my decision to enter a health field
Undergraduatepremed123 - Oct 12, 2011 / premed123 - Oct 21, 2011
|'Opening Doors' - UT Austin A: Person Who Influences You
UndergraduateRRRakolnikov - Oct 20, 2011 / beccalevesque - Oct 21, 2011
|"I have a dream" - NYU elaborate on an academic area of interest
UndergraduateNYUgrl - Oct 21, 2011 / vgrommes - Oct 21, 2011
|'67% is worth the lessons' - Personal Statement for Williams
2 - My friend in personal statements, you should always focus on your strengths. You should mention the bright aspect of...
UndergraduateLosetpo - Oct 21, 2011 / Mideo29 - Oct 21, 2011
|'One father, one teacher' - a person who has influenced you in a significant way
2 - clear expressions, simple language, a very interesting and engaging piece. honestly couldn't find anything wrong with any paragraph. Well...
UndergraduatePaul Jo - Oct 20, 2011 / juzy - Oct 21, 2011
|'Initially disappointed with physics' - Common app for Upenn
7 - I actually had no problem understanding the theme of the essay, and I think your theme is very good....
Undergraduatefineboy - Oct 20, 2011 / Mohaimin - Oct 21, 2011
|'when my mother picked up the phone...' - NYU Dramatic Story
2 - Great story and language. English is also not my first language, so i can relate to how hard it...
Undergraduatekonfudunk - Oct 20, 2011 / AzharyN1 - Oct 21, 2011
|Sticks and stones - Common App
Undergraduatehslakaal - Oct 11, 2011 / hslakaal - Oct 21, 2011
|Why NYU AD - where to start?
3 - Some sentences sound a bit vague, try being more precise. For example, "Or I could meticulously paraphrase the numerous...
UndergraduateNYUgrl - Oct 21, 2011 / AzharyN1 - Oct 21, 2011
|Between living and dreaming there is a third thing. Guess it.-UChicago prompt.
Undergraduatehuyhoang131 - Oct 20, 2011 / Big Z - Oct 21, 2011
|Unusual circumstances in my life: Moral ambivalence in a running bus -CommonApp Essay
2 - The second half of the essay, that is, the reaction of the old lady, really surprised me, and your...
Undergraduateleonardjo - Oct 20, 2011 / fineboy - Oct 20, 2011
|"Auto-didact" My Commonapp Essay
Undergraduatebeabeababy - Oct 20, 2011 / Liebe - Oct 20, 2011
|'My job at Staples and its wonderful influence' - CommonApp short answer
2 - ^Grammatically suggests that you were your first job... Fix this? ^Questionable relevance to your work experience....
UndergraduateFiorentinaFan - Oct 20, 2011 / Liebe - Oct 20, 2011
|'science and mathematics': Rice Perspective Gained From A Unique Writing Experience
3 - Nice experience to share! However, I would suggest that you focus on the writting for PureMTGO.com part, and delete...
UndergraduateBlueBlaze - Oct 20, 2011 / ljxlrdjxdr - Oct 20, 2011
|'inspired with my own dealings with pain' - Cornell supplement (CALS)
Undergraduateginger3694 - Oct 20, 2011 / ginger3694 - Oct 20, 2011
|'the Redwall series + NAS' - UChicago, favorite books and music
3 - Nice catch, I was so worried about the substance that I didn't look at the start of my paragraphs....
UndergraduateBig Z - Oct 20, 2011 / Big Z - Oct 20, 2011
|Mr. Pulley - Which of your current or previous teachers do you admire most, and why?
Undergraduateflipwhit - Oct 20, 2011 / flipwhit - Oct 20, 2011
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