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|'one of the most multicultural schools' - University OF Michigan Supplement
2 - This is good, but talk more about why you are interested in science. Of course you want to help...
Undergraduatexinggan - Nov 1, 2011 / sonya15 - Nov 1, 2011
|'Olympic Weightlifting' - Stanford Common App Extracurricular Elaborated
2 - At the coercion of my PE teacher, I started Olympic Weightlifting during my freshmen year. I found lifting...
Undergraduatedumdeedumdeedoo - Oct 30, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 1, 2011
|'wanted to be a mechanical engineer' - Stanford - Intellectual Vitality
Undergraduatesammy12 - Oct 30, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 1, 2011
|"Piggy-Back Rides" - GMU SUPPLEMENT
Undergraduateasburyceline - Nov 1, 2011 / — -
|Earthworms may not have a heart, but I do - Cornell Common App Supplement
2 - Whenever I hear facts, my brain automatically stores them, filling it with piles of information, whether they be merely...
Undergraduatedolligirl1300 - Oct 30, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 1, 2011
|"DC is the place to be"- Why GW? Essay
NEW - Attach an essay of no more than 500 words indicating what most influenced you to apply to The George...
Undergraduateglamport - Nov 1, 2011 / — -
|'The beauty as represented by society' - UNC-W National Concern
2 - This warped perception of what a beautiful person is , does not stop with the media, it is also...
Undergraduatemeganparadox - Oct 30, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 1, 2011
|'not just any car' - Stanford - Note To Roomate
2 - Just the way someone can take a simple and mundane 1994 Nissan 240 SX and transform it into a...
Undergraduatejoetime2012 - Oct 31, 2011 / glamport - Nov 1, 2011
|'International Relations' + 'culturally diverse environment' - BU
NEW - Why BU?- I want to attend Boston University because of its global student body and reputation for excellence. I...
Undergraduateglamport - Nov 1, 2011 / — -
|'The Beginner's Guide to the Universe' - University of Wisconsin - Madison
NEW - I am applying to Madison, and any corrections or criticisms for this draft would be appreciated! Prompt: ...
UndergraduateJ4M3SLX - Nov 1, 2011 / — -
|'to imagine a person' - GaTech 100 Character Prompt
NEW - Hello! This is Georgia Tech's 1000 character essay. I was wondering if anyone could give me suggestions on...
Undergraduatevictoriatylr - Nov 1, 2011 / — -
|UF Student Resume Q&A (family income / obligations / activities / community / honors)
2 - Explain WHY you were not chosen as a volunteer. Also, why is that you only want to volunteer at...
Undergraduateblynnleon - Oct 31, 2011 / rifatmursalin - Nov 1, 2011
|A book to read / Electrical Engineering / Ambition / Bangkok / Snack -MIT application
NEW - Since English isn't my first language, I'm so worry about grammatical error and many things else. Need suggestions :D...
Undergraduatewqm - Nov 1, 2011 / — -
|'GYLC changed everything - A Risk worth taking.
UndergraduateartiQlate - Oct 23, 2011 / artiQlate - Nov 1, 2011
|'On My Way Home' - CommonApp Personal
UndergraduateStephW1994 - Oct 30, 2011 / KaranGoel - Nov 1, 2011
|'This opportunity of leading my house' - meaningful event
5 - yeah you need to explain how your leadership skills will apply to UF. tell what you can do for...
Undergraduateharshlimbasia - Oct 31, 2011 / wayne - Nov 1, 2011
|'a counselor at Royal Family Kids' STANFORD - Common app essay and personal statement
3 - I think you may need to rewrite your first essay. As a reader, I can't be emotionally involved. The...
Undergraduateheidic12 - Oct 27, 2011 / Lily Rose - Nov 1, 2011
|'I am no stranger to failure' - LMU Supplement
3 - I would try to talk more about becoming fully yourself instead of point out your flaws and demoralizing yourself....
Undergraduatemyschrifsteller - Oct 26, 2011 / Infante12 - Nov 1, 2011
|Korean Culture - about extracurricular activity
Undergraduateyangyang - Oct 29, 2011 / Rashad - Nov 1, 2011
|'An airbase in Madrid' perspective of 3 cultures will you contribute to life at Rice
2 - That experience widened my broadened my perspective on faith as well as developed my perspective on culture. ......
UndergraduateCatalina - Oct 29, 2011 / EF_Susan - Nov 1, 2011
|'my favorite colors are red and blue' - Univ. of Penn. Supplement
2 - You're a pretty good writer, but you should try to elaborate more on how you will contribute to Penn....
UndergraduateStephW1994 - Oct 30, 2011 / iabas - Oct 31, 2011
|'raised in Shaheen Bag' - My World--- UVA Essay
3 - Thanks so much Kenneth! I would definitely read your essay tomorrow, when I have a chance, that is if...
Undergraduaterifatmursalin - Oct 31, 2011 / rifatmursalin - Oct 31, 2011
|'it made me eager to read and interpret literature' -Stanford (Intellectual Vitality)
7 - I'm struggling with the roommate essay, too, but here're just some of my thoughts: I'm not too sure...
UndergraduateTheallMaster - Oct 25, 2011 / iabas - Oct 31, 2011
|'Someone's difference is an Advantage' - MSU personal statement
2 - I have met many different people on those travels, different in race, ethnicity and culture. I have worked...
Undergraduatehanh1109 - Oct 31, 2011 / listix - Oct 31, 2011
|'my passion for engineering persisted' -UMD Application Essay
Undergraduatemreh2 - Oct 29, 2011 / mreh2 - Oct 31, 2011
|'the impact of religion on society' - Stanford Supplement: What Matters and Why?
2 - The essay is definitely well written and has a good story to promote the idea of restraint. The transition...
Undergraduateiabas - Oct 31, 2011 / TheallMaster - Oct 31, 2011
|'two days after the eighteen hour flight from China' - UF application
Undergraduateya369268780 - Oct 31, 2011 / ya369268780 - Oct 31, 2011
|'paint my world into a painting' - Essay for Boarding School admissions
2 - academics...not academic. Your essay paints a picture of the places you have been but now who you are...maybe a...
UndergraduateEmma828 - Oct 30, 2011 / pooroldmama - Oct 31, 2011
|'darkness is the mere absence of light' - University of Chicago Essay
3 - So, two basic things to start. One: What is your prompt? UChicago's 5th option is not "choose your...
Undergraduatearberlajqi - Oct 30, 2011 / Auralie - Oct 31, 2011
|'The urge to succeed' - What matters to me Stanford
10 - Thanks! I hope the same to you! Goodluck! And if there is anything else you need help with, I'll...
Undergraduatecstephanie41 - Oct 31, 2011 / cstephanie41 - Oct 31, 2011
|'to abide by the strict decorum' - UMich Community Essay- Caddy Program
2 - holy crap, super rough draft?? its good.. great vocab, tone and flow Yet a resonating tone exudes from...
UndergraduateLotus_21 - Oct 29, 2011 / hanh1109 - Oct 31, 2011
|'a school that I can benefit from' -What can you learn & contribute to Penn Community
3 - Thank you so much for that, it's really helpful. I've done three research projects for school and never thought...
UndergraduateRae0118 - Oct 30, 2011 / Rae0118 - Oct 31, 2011
|When Two Arts Collide- University of Florida Undergraduate Essay
UndergraduateJames1993 - Oct 27, 2011 / sexililkadie - Oct 31, 2011
|'I will surpass the hardships' - Rutgers
2 - Many experiences in my childhood have helped me learn about other people and the way that they talk but...
Undergraduateaanthonyz - Oct 31, 2011 / hanh1109 - Oct 31, 2011
|'Living a life in constant battle' - Rutgers community
UndergraduateAbbas8 - Oct 31, 2011 / hanh1109 - Oct 31, 2011
|'My trip to China to learn about the Chinese culture' Stanford Intellectual Vitality
3 - Thanks, this was my first draft. I'm still working on this essay, but I plan on posting my newest...
Undergraduatealexxlen - Oct 12, 2011 / alexxlen - Oct 31, 2011
|"Lost, yet complete"- UF Prompt and Essay
NEW - I just finished my UF app and i really need some suggestions because I dont know if its really...
Undergraduateprahasi17 - Oct 31, 2011 / — -
|"the jr. rec leader program" - your personal experience
3 - Hello. As RHK mentioned, try to give more support to your first sentence. And I would spell out...
Undergraduatesohab6 - Oct 31, 2011 / ljrtan - Oct 31, 2011
|'dedicated to pursue a career in medical field' - my personal statement -medicine
NEW - Please comment my essay, thx I am dedicated to pursue a career in medical field because I have...
Undergraduatewendywing - Oct 31, 2011 / — -
|'My dream' - why columbia
Undergraduatesarahadams - Oct 31, 2011 / argentum - Oct 31, 2011
|'learning music by just observing and listening' - CommonApp Short - Music and Me
4 - Furthermore, being part of the symphony of various orchestral sections is an exhilarating experience. Playing alongside Japanese counterparts in...
Undergraduatecukaracha - Oct 30, 2011 / PrimeTime309 - Oct 31, 2011
|"Working on a campaign and experiencing business" --Georgetown McDonough School Essay
2 - + *I like your introduction it really catches reader's attention. *The last sentence is great! - *seldom leak of...
Undergraduatefrankfink - Oct 29, 2011 / amanda guo - Oct 31, 2011
|'Playing video games' + 'The Comparative Media Studies' + 'Curiosity' - MIT
2 - 1) I understand that wording is limited but the first essay to me sounds fairly generic. I do not...
Undergraduatemanik1694 - Oct 31, 2011 / TheallMaster - Oct 31, 2011
|'Its all worth it' - significant risk, drama
3 - Thanks a lot Kevin, i always taught something was missing from the essay, i guess it was imagery, something...
Undergraduatejstark93 - Oct 26, 2011 / jstark93 - Oct 31, 2011
|"The teachings of my grandfather" Villanova supplement essay Early Action
Undergraduatecalvin - Oct 27, 2011 / sarahadams - Oct 31, 2011
|Cornell Univ. essay "Playing piano for patients"
4 - ur concepts and goal that ur trying to convey are good they just need to be more developed "bringing...
Undergraduatecherrybomb94 - Aug 15, 2011 / sohab6 - Oct 31, 2011
|'ants and loneliness' - UC personal statement 1
Undergraduatehixtine - Oct 24, 2011 / sohab6 - Oct 31, 2011
|'this small Gothic wonderland' - Duke supplement essay
Undergraduatejoyci116 - Oct 30, 2011 / joyci116 - Oct 31, 2011
|'Wordpress + Pedro Ruiz, Peru' - UVA supplement
2 - Question about your second essay, where exactly are you you elaborating where you're from? Because if it's from Mississippi,...
Undergraduatebigdog - Oct 29, 2011 / pumpkinpatch - Oct 30, 2011
|'tales of the Chinese Cultural Revolution - Georgetown U Essay about yourself
2 - I'm applying to Georgetown early too! Good luck!(: Today, I have established myself as a student appreciated by...
Undergraduatekellylui - Oct 30, 2011 / pumpkinpatch - Oct 30, 2011
|'a new journey with bare feet' - U of m supplement
3 - One of my favorite extracurricular activities is tutoring sciences and mathematics. After attending my college courses, I spend my...
Undergraduaterlatjsdud - Oct 29, 2011 / brunogdiaz - Oct 30, 2011
|UIUC essay #1 - the need to endeavor
2 - I think the first paragraph is a bit unnecessary, though well written. Good application of the quote. I wanted...
Undergraduatepepper - Oct 28, 2011 / madtomato - Oct 30, 2011
|'the MEC (Model European Council)' - Elaborate on an EC -COMMONAPP
2 - March of 2011, I had the amazing opportunity to take part in the MEC (Model European Council) which was...
Undergraduatesashnv - Oct 29, 2011 / pumpkinpatch - Oct 30, 2011
|Need advice on subject for extracurricular activity (a mentoring club)
Undergraduatedesm2012 - Oct 30, 2011 / desm2012 - Oct 30, 2011
|Short Answer: Department which appeals most to you- biological/biomedical engineering
3 - I think this is quite nice, but I think you may consider talking more about the topics that you...
Undergraduatesushilife - Oct 30, 2011 / kellylui - Oct 30, 2011
|"Ruin is a gift" / "see my family in the summer" - Princeton CommonApps
2 - Most people misinterpret impoverished countries as countries with no opportunities. My 2011 trip demonstrated you can be successful anywhere,...
UndergraduateAU0594 - Oct 30, 2011 / desm2012 - Oct 30, 2011
|Common App: My Trumpet Shirley
Undergraduatecrackhamster - Oct 25, 2011 / sonya15 - Oct 30, 2011
|"My Desire,Dream, and Dedication" Rutgers University Prompt
2 - I don't know if this is everything, but here are the grammar corrections I found on my first read-through....
Undergraduatechipsahui - Oct 30, 2011 / mamccabe - Oct 30, 2011
|'What inspires me to become a doctor' - my interest and experience
4 - UPDATE! I believe everyone should strive for excellence and follow their dreams. From a young age I have...
Undergraduateraufali687 - Oct 30, 2011 / raufali687 - Oct 30, 2011
|'the determination and curiosity to study the brain' - UW-Madison personal statement
2 - The sentence that begins "I definitely see myself..." is a bit too long. Also "I strongly intend..." is a...
Undergraduateincredibad - Oct 30, 2011 / Jennyflower81 - Oct 30, 2011
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